Is it cheating if your wife cuts you off?

[ThisNThat]

There's a woman on my friends list, a dating/relationship coach actually. She posted recently that she's ashamed of the recent amount of married couples from their 30s all the way into their 70s where their wives have cut them off from sex altogether

She actually said if the husband winds up bangin' another chick only because YOU'VE stopped putting out, it doesn't count as cheating.

I know what she's getting it, but technically it's still cheating, but is it justified in this case? Of course, she could be waiting for that to happen, THEN...she'll rake his ass through the coals in divorce court getting full custody of the kids and him...homeless or a crappy apartment, right?

 

[Glassguy]

Some women have low sex drives. A lot of this is situational and depends on age, culture, etc.

I would say that any woman under the age of 40 that doesnt have health issues related to low sex drive is cheating if they cut the husband off. Some women get to the point of using sex as a reward for good behavior (passive aggressive).

Some women just dont feel the same about their husband as they used to and remain in a sexless marriage because of convenience, finances, children, etc. They may not necessarily be cheating, but they are definitely making themselves miserable.

Too many variables.

Any woman with a high sex drive that cuts the husband/LTR off sexually is definitely cheating.

 

[bigneil]

By marriage law, maybe. By Natural Law, no. In some states the spouse must have a certain amount of sex or it counts as spousal abuse, something I agree with. It should be once per ovulation at least.

 

[ThisNThat]

Some women have low sex drives. A lot of this is situational and depends on age, culture, etc.

I would say that any woman under the age of 40 that doesnt have health issues related to low sex drive is cheating if they cut the husband off. Some women get to the point of using sex as a reward for good behavior (passive aggressive).

Some women just dont feel the same about their husband as they used to and remain in a sexless marriage because of convenience, finances, children, etc. They may not necessarily be cheating, but they are definitely making themselves miserable.

Too many variables.

Any woman with a high sex drive that cuts the husband/LTR off sexually is definitely cheating.

She already clarified that there's nothing impacting these ladies healthwise, they are fully capable of having sex and there's nothing that should be keeping them from it.

 

[RangerMIke]

Why cheat. Just divorce them. Sure divorce is expensive, but you only live once, and do you want to spend your limited time alive shackled to some cold b!tch. Your mental health and over all happiness is a lot more important than money.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

By popular definition, yes it's cheating. Is it your fault/is it wrong? No, not really. Especially if your wife is using it as a tool to get what she wants out of you, like 'if you do this for me you might get lucky tonight honey'. I'd prolly blow up and tell her I'd want a divorce on the spot.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The Bible says that both husband and wife should give themselves fully to each other.

 

[lizardking82]

See, we put this on women a lot, but we don't count for the ****ups men do that the situation gets to no sex from your wife or partner. A lot of men are not being men at all and when you're not giving her masculine energy vibe, she's not gonna be attracted to you. Remember, you lead, she follows. If there's no leader, she will do whatever she pleases. I think men should focus on themselves whenever something goes wrong. She's not giving you sex? You chose her. She changed over time? Look inside yourself, what you did as a man that caused her to change. A normal woman changes for worse because her partner becomes too comfortable and thinks he's got the rabit in the bag now and it won't leave (including myself a while ago). Often, when they having a good relationship with a woman, a lot of men even stop pursuing things in their life, they start doing less and less of what they love doing and start giving more time to this relationship and woman.

 

[SteR]

I think guys do have some responsibility here. I mean imagine being the wife and your husband has turned into some fat, unattractive slob. Why would they want to sleep with him? It's the same scenario as a husband with a fat, ugly wife.

Both need to work to be their best IMO.

If she's trying to manipulate him through sex, then that's a whole other issue.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Some women have low sex drives. A lot of this is situational and depends on age, culture, etc.

I would say that any woman under the age of 40 that doesnt have health issues related to low sex drive is cheating if they cut the husband off. Some women get to the point of using sex as a reward for good behavior (passive aggressive).

Some women just dont feel the same about their husband as they used to and remain in a sexless marriage because of convenience, finances, children, etc. They may not necessarily be cheating, but they are definitely making themselves miserable.

Too many variables.

Any woman with a high sex drive that cuts the husband/LTR off sexually is definitely cheating.

Sex ends up being an issue when its used for control. This ends up being a problem in out culture because "I don't have to do it unless I WANT to" mindset ends up being about total control.

 

[Plums]

There's a woman on my friends list, a dating/relationship coach actually. She posted recently that she's ashamed of the recent amount of married couples from their 30s all the way into their 70s where their wives have cut them off from sex altogether

She actually said if the husband winds up bangin' another chick only because YOU'VE stopped putting out, it doesn't count as cheating.

I know what she's getting it, but technically it's still cheating, but is it justified in this case? Of course, she could be waiting for that to happen, THEN...she'll rake his ass through the coals in divorce court getting full custody of the kids and him...homeless or a crappy apartment, right?

There's a woman on my friends list, a dating/relationship coach actually. She posted recently that she's ashamed of the recent amount of married couples from their 30s all the way into their 70s where their wives have cut them off from sex altogether

She actually said if the husband winds up bangin' another chick only because YOU'VE stopped putting out, it doesn't count as cheating.

I know what she's getting it, but technically it's still cheating, but is it justified in this case? Of course, she could be waiting for that to happen, THEN...she'll rake his ass through the coals in divorce court getting full custody of the kids and him...homeless or a crappy apartment, right?

Its selfish to end a sexual relationship in marriage. And it needs talking about. Don't people talk to each other anymore? Most people have an idea of the sexual needs of their partner so to suddenly deny someone their right to sexual union is very serious.
There could be medical reasons why it has stopped. But it is not acceptable for someone to stop the enjoyment of their partner. So even if one party doesn't enjoy it anymore. They have no right to stop their partner.
So talk about it. Does the partner still love you. If not then finish it.
If they love you they will want to make you happy.
If they want to stay married to you but with no sex. explain you will find that intimacy with another person and that contains risks, as you may fall in love with the other person and go with them. Be up front about your intentions and then the person can make their choices.
Yes they can divorce you for adultery. But first you can divorce them for unreasonable behaviour.

 

[CMNILS87]

Its selfish to end a sexual relationship in marriage. And it needs talking about. Don't people talk to each other anymore? Most people have an idea of the sexual needs of their partner so to suddenly deny someone their right to sexual union is very serious.
There could be medical reasons why it has stopped. But it is not acceptable for someone to stop the enjoyment of their partner. So even if one party doesn't enjoy it anymore. They have no right to stop their partner.
So talk about it. Does the partner still love you. If not then finish it.
If they love you they will want to make you happy.
If they want to stay married to you but with no sex. explain you will find that intimacy with another person and that contains risks, as you may fall in love with the other person and go with them. Be up front about your intentions and then the person can make their choices.
Yes they can divorce you for adultery. But first you can divorce them for unreasonable behaviour.

Lesson #1: desire cannot be negotiated

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Lesson #1: desire cannot be negotiated

True that. Sometimes the need for control supercedes the desire, and it definitely KILLS it when they realize they control your sex.

 

[Plums]

Lesson #1: desire cannot be negotiated

Who said anything about desire? I don't always fancy my porridge in the morning but I know I need to have it.
Marriage is a sexual and financial contract in law and desire doesn't come into it when you have signed that contract.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Who said anything about desire? I don't always fancy my porridge in the morning but I know I need to have it.
Marriage is a sexual and financial contract in law and desire doesn't come into it when you have signed that contract.

Yeah but the females have to have the "feels" to want it most if the time. And a controller won't even care. She gets off on denying it.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Yeah but the females have to have the "feels" to want it most if the time. And a controller won't even care. She gets off on denying it.

+1 Yeah her denying it and having that control is more rewarding to her than a healthy relationship.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

+1 Yeah her denying it and having that control is more rewarding to her than a healthy relationship.

As long as you stay you "pay" her in "power". You can alleviate some of it by cheating. But shell figure as long as you pay bills and help out she's still " winning ". Shell figure its less stress for her.

 

[Reykhel]

Don't get married.

It's cheating yourself to stay in such a situation.

Never cheat yourself.

If your steak is not cooked the way you ordered it, send it back to the kitchen.

 

[CMNILS87]

Who said anything about desire? I don't always fancy my porridge in the morning but I know I need to have it.
Marriage is a sexual and financial contract in law and desire doesn't come into it when you have signed that contract.

You still don't get it.
1. You can't rationalize sex and desire. You can't have a conversation about it and make it better.
2. A guy can't sit down and say, "we don't have enough sex, we need to have more". How well does that go over? If a man brings that up, the female possesses all power in that situation and all the man can do is walk away. (I bet you're gonna say, well if the marriage is worth it, you'd make it work). A good relationship shouldn't have all this excess communication and problems.
3. If you're having that talk anyways it's leading to maintenance sex and a dead bedroom.
4. Does it say anywhere in your marriage contract that you're both privy to sex x amount of times a month? Marriage is a financial contract through and through. Men are never guaranteed sex even if we talk about it, or try and escalate to it.

 

[Plums]

I think that if you love someone then you should endeavour in a marriage (long term relationship) to develop and maintain a good physical relationship.
It is easy when you start a sexual relationship. You seldom have to work too hard at it because it is new and exciting. But what should happen is that the sexual side should get better not worse.
Yes it means pleasing your partner when maybe you don't feel like it. Because that is love.
Its like cooking. you spend time making sure that the ingredients go well together and you practice a dish to improve it. Love and dedication go into it.

Its a bit 'fairy tale' to think that your sex life will not need love and dedication as well.
You can't take a good sex life for granted and I think that because people do take it for granted they let it slip away from them.

Talking is important because it lets you know how someone is feeling. If your partner goes of sex because it has started to hurt them or they feel ill, wouldn't you rather know? Maybe they are getting over tired through working too hard, wouldn't you want to offer support.

Generally women like to talk about their feelings which are often complicated and static, because generally men have a more direct way of looking at things which can help move things along.

Men may not feel comfortable with talking about emotions and feelings, I think because men's feelings fluctuate. They know this and so try not to commit to admitting an emotion or feeling because they know it will probably change.

But even so, it is important to remember that a relationship between a man and a woman bring different ways of thinking and to be supportive of this.

In a relationship with a man, a woman needs to know when he needs to be left alone.

A man needs to know when a woman needs to talk and listen to her.

Its simple.

Sex would be very boring without communication.