Is it better to wait it out and possibly get dumped?

[mecca411]

See: "I f'd up....how do I win back her trust..." for a more detailed explanation of what happened.

Some advice please...

The girl that I've been seeing long-distance (2hrs) for the past 3.5 months has lost trust in me. I don't really see it as my fault. Here's what happened.

We were lying in bed last Friday night and my phone beeped with a text message at 5am. I was a bit surprised and wondered who it might be. When I read it.....it was from this girl from work who normally texts me, but just during normal hours and just says hi and innocent non-flirtacious conversation. However, this time the message said "Hi, I'm buzzed...just wanted to say hi....hope I didnt wake you...u know you should be in my bed...ha). And that was that. My girl asked to see the message and I have nothing to hide and I'm not interested in the other girl, so i went ahead and showed it to her. She didn't overreact, but she seemed suspicious and thought it was strange for the someone who I wasn't tight with to message me especially with that kind of message. I blew it off and explained that it was just some girl from work who was just drunk and that it was really meaningless. The rest of our weekend went fine and I thought that was that.

She called me later in the week to tell me that it was really bothering her and that she maybe didnt trust me. I did my best to reassure her that it really meant nothing and that I like her and have no desire of messing around, but I also said that I thought the issues were hers and that she should trust me a bit more. She had also said in the conversation that her mom added the possibility I might've messaged the girl back if I had been alone. She says that her mom has never been wrong about these things before. It came down to the fact that we live long-distance and I've met her family and friends, but I haven't had her down to my place yet to meet my family and my friends which would give her a better picture of who I am(this I could understand, but it would be solved with time because we had already made plans for her to come down and see me). Anyway, the conversation ended on a good note with us joking around the way we used to, but I know that she's always thinking and that this maybe something that will keep bothering her. I'm a bit paranoid that she may just call me up tomorrow and call it off. Not really sure what I should do or how I should handle this if it happens.


I really like this girl and I really want to keep dating her, but what should I do about this paranoid feeling I have? Should I just wait it out and see what she does/says? Maybe I'm just thinking too much. I know that she likes me alot, but the trust she had in me is in question. What do you think I should do?
Some advice please. Thanks.

M.

 

[mecca411]

another thing...

I thought about sending her some pics of my family and some of my friends in the meantime. I thought she might find this cute and I think it would go along way with this girl in reassuring her that I actually do care and want her to take the time to build the trust. It was mentioned though, that sending pics would just seem like I was trying to make up for the text message and would imply that I was feeling guilty or something. Would it?

I also want to know how I should handle myself incase she does want to call it off. We're long-distance (2hrs) so this would all take place over the phone. I really would want to convince her to give it another shot, but at the same time I don't want to sound desperate. How would you approach it?

M.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Why start a new thread? Are you panicking because of what I said in your last thread? If this girl dumps you it absolutely had nothing to do with your situation that you described. nor her not trusting you - it will be because she is seeing someone else and is using this "phone call/ text message as a pretext and excuse to make a clean break and blaming it on you / trust.

DON"T BUY IT!!!! And do not cry or ask her questions -or try to work it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Girls are lonely creatures and need a man next to them at all times and thus they'll cheat especially in long distance relationships!!!! Just don't be a fool and blame yourself!!

 

[Kaine]

Girls are lonely creatures and need a man next to them at all times and thus they'll cheat especially in long distance relationships!!!!

Is this an accurate generalisation?

From what observations can you conclude this?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by Kaine
Is this an accurate generalisation?

From what observations can you conclude this?

Try not giving a girl the attention that SHE wants - they get extremely upset and tend to retaliate by cheating and then say "You don't love me - you never gave me the attention I wanted" - they want to be the center of your world or find someone who will! make them the center - borderline selfishness.

 

[Kaine]

Yes I can appreciate that

But how do you balance that without over feminising yourself.

Isn't that the antithesis of challenge, even in a LTR would you not want to maintain that spark of attraction through challenge. By given her all the attention she demands this would mean she does not need to work for it anymore. i.e. becomes a commodity

Given her reality, I would be writing and calling her every day.

Perhaps your idea of attention and my ideas are different. How can one maintain a balance in this dichotomy?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

My comment "Try not given her attention" was not a recommendation - I was saying this as a statement to prove a point and that is, women will cheat on their man and then try to justify it and blame their ill behavior on the dude's lack of affection/attention!

 

[AFK Protector]

NO.

Dump her first. You'll feel much worse andl ook like a chump if she dumps YOU. My buddy got dumped by my oneitis and he was crying over it and didn't come to school for like 2 days. wtf is up with that. anyways, dump her first. Girls don't like sudden endings they can't control.

 

[xiola]

1. shes long distance
2. its only a couple month old relationship
3. just ride it out and dont worry about it


b

 

[Dillinger]

If she dumps you, then it's from something your not doing. It could be the long distance, or your not what she's looking for, or she found another man closer.

Or she may just be nervous that she might lose you.


If you were really handling your business you would not be worried.


You be the judge?

 

[christz]

long distance shyt don't work.. i was 6 maybe 7 hours away from my girl and yeah needless to say we were good as friends but as a g/f we were good for maybe say umm a week?!

then of course she realized it was just a fantasy to live in a dream where you can't even be with the dude you like so she dumped me for somebody that was sorta like me but lived 10 minutes down the road.

 

[FrankWank]

Always dump her. Never let some slut dump you. When you hear the words

"baby, i think we need to talk"

Your job is to end it right then and there and walk away and never look back It'll be her fault then and will be confused

 

[NewMan]

The problem is your way to into this chick.

She lives 3 hrs from you. you SHOULD be seeing other women.

Don't even mention this thing to her again.

Don't send her pictures.

Don't keep evaluating every little thing that happens.

Relaise that Long distance relationships more often than not do not work out.

Realise this - and deal for the eventual break up.

In the meantime - keep banging her.