Is It Better To Dump Or Get Dumped?

[soulforge]

so guys

you are in a LTR relationship, things are getting rocky... looks like breaking up is on the cards anytime soon

do you hang on & try salvage your relationship.. in that time she may dump your sorry arse!

or do you rip the chord & get rid of the toxic female in your life


what do you feel is easier to deal with as a man? dumping a girl that you still love?

or getting dumped by the girl that you still love?


from your experience as a dumper or dumpee, what was easiest for you to deal with

 

[goodganji44]

Are you still trippin on that chick that you dumped? This is like the third or fourth thread on the same/similar subject.


But to answer your question, it is ALWAYS better to do the dumping than to be dumped. In doing so, you have the advantage of checking out of the relationship first, which means you will be able to move on faster.

No matter how much of a front the woman puts on, no chick likes to be dumped and it's a huge blow to the female psyche. Women absolutely hate it. Trust and believe that.


And good job on dumping your chick. Keep reading around and ask questions and we will get you out of the recovery phase.

 

[soulforge]

Are you still trippin on that chick that you dumped? This is like the third or fourth thread on the same/similar subject.


But to answer your question, it is ALWAYS better to do the dumping than to be dumped. In doing so, you have the advantage of checking out of the relationship first, which means you will be able to move on faster.

No matter how much of a front the woman puts on, no chick likes to be dumped and it's a huge blow to the female psyche. Women absolutely hate it. Trust and believe that.


And good job on dumping your chick. Keep reading around and ask questions and we will get you out of the recovery phase.

hey man, thanx for you input

the reason why i am asking is, this is actually only the second time i have ever dumped a girl... once when i was about 18 lol. I just wanted to know about other peoples experiences.. also i think it will give me strength knowing others have been there & come out of the other side

 

[Masculinity]

This is just a bad question...that I've decided to dump you for it (hint, hint).

 

[soulforge]

This is just a bad question...that I've decided to dump you for it (hint, hint).

damn your so harsh fella! lol

 

[iamnobody]

The reason why you're asking this question is because you probably don't bang a hotter chick. Do that and you won't run circles in your head with this question.

 

[soulforge]

The reason why you're asking this question is because you probably don't bang a hotter chick. Do that and you won't run circles in your head with this question.

what if i can't find a hotter chick lol

 

[iamnobody]

what if i can't find a hotter chick lol

That's impossible. You're not looking hard enough. make a change in your habbits regarding venues you frequent, go to different pubs and hit every chick that makes your d1ck happy.

She's not the one because there is no such thing as the one. You attched this attribute on her, it's up to you to remove it. And how do you do that? See my previous advice.

 

[instantnoodles]

None. Either choice is really hard to make unless a circumstance rises where you must do this - examples include: cheating, cheating more than once, and possible extreme reasons like abuse .

Other reasons, most of the time, is very salvageable to me. I mean you got into the relationship, that took effort so why not ? People waste too much time and also waste using their sense. It's not even just cheating that makes you lose someone, you kinda worry "Oh what if he dies? What if he gets terribly sick!?" :nervous:



Anyways, I suggest you start spinning plates instead of finding "one hot chick". If you just find "one hot chick" and stick to it, you'll find yourself yearning for your Miss Toxic of your past, lol. Spin plates and you will see that you reach your recovery phase faster than you think and you will see how you don't regret your decision anymore. :yes:

 

[corrector]

If you dump someone you love, you'll feel a temporary relief from the stress or "drainage" a rocky relationship may have since you no longer have to deal with the drama or issues. However, within a month to two, it starts hitting you that she's really gone and once she's happily moved-on herself (i.e. gets another bf, starts dealing with other guys, gets another job, gets socially popular etc...) then she may not want you back. Do not presume you'll ever get back with her, or that she'll obsess about you if you dump her.

It has taken me about about over 8-9 months to get over someone I just dumped that long ago. But memories or secular music songs still haung my mind. However, the length of time is based on a journal system of dates where I tend to "re-live" relational experience or keep the memories alive longer than the average person. (We have been in no contact, except me intereacting with two of her guy friends (i.e. one was a pastor the other was the leader of that group) between April-June during a Home Church meeting. I never asked for any updates from her and any info about her was volunteered.)

It took me about 5 months before I was able to see other girls as potentially being as nice or attractive as the girl I dumped, and to feel emotionally disconnected from the memory of her. So, dumping is nasty business whether you do it, or the other person does it. I did it because I decided a divorced girl I was dating was married in the eyes of God and that I was really having an affair with her because the Bible says so.

I mean, if you dump her, she moves quickly into another relationship on the honeymoon phase and you see her happy with another guy while you don't have anyone yet how would you take that? With those variables it would feel like you got dumped even if you technically dumped her.

 

[soulforge]

If you dump someone you love, you'll feel a temporary relief from the stress or "drainage" a rocky relationship may have since you no longer have to deal with the drama or issues. However, within a month to two, it starts hitting you that she's really gone and once she's happily moved-on herself (i.e. gets another bf, starts dealing with other guys, gets another job, gets socially popular etc...) then she may not want you back. Do not presume you'll ever get back with her, or that she'll obsess about you if you dump her.

It has taken me about about over 8-9 months to get over someone I just dumped that long ago. But memories or secular music songs still haung my mind. However, the length of time is based on a journal system of dates where I tend to "re-live" relational experience or keep the memories alive longer than the average person.

It took me about 5 months before I was able to see other girls as potentially being as nice or attractive as the girl I dumped, and to feel emotionally disconnected from the memory of her. So, dumping is nasty business whether you do it, or the other person does it.

I mean, if you dump her, she moves quickly into another relationship on the honeymoon phase and you see her happy with another guy while you don't have anyone yet how would you take that? With those variables it would feel like you got dumped even if you technically dumped her.

that is how i feel about it... i dumped her because the relationship was getting toxic... also her behaviour was getting bad to worse.. rude & disrespectful

it was either dumping her or hanging around till she dumps or cheat on me

i believe one or the others was on the horizon


now that i have dumped her... i am thinking maybe some of the issues we had that lead to the break up, could maybe have been handled differently

or maybe i over reacted

so ****ing confused... plus the idea of her moving on is pi'ssing me off too


and to be honest she is the hottest woman i had... i think i was punching above my weight with this one... so i doubt i will be able to replace her with a hotter woman

i could more than likely get a much nicer woman than her... but not hotter

she is hot... but i would say she is not nice & probably not good for long term relationship... the future could be full of hurt with this one

so what is the point getting back with her, or worrying about what she is doing, if she is not able to offer me a healthy long term relationship & be a good partner to me?


yes this is hurting now... but imagine the pain if i was living with her or married to her, or had kids with her

the pain would be so much worse & i don't believe in heart she would make a good loving partner to me

 

[nismo-4]

An ounce of prevention beats a pound of cure.

Case closed.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Most of this kind of regret comes from "It could've been...", but in reality there is no "It could've been".

Also, most of the time we miss the girl that we wanted her to be... an imagined, idealized person based upon her basic traits but then built upon and idealized with our desires.

Finally, when we leave these relationships we undergo an addiction withdrawal. We have become addicted to love and acceptance, along with the power we feel having a woman. When all that diappears, even by our own choice, the mind and body rebel because of the cognitive dissonance that ensues. It takes a while for the mind to adjust to the new reality and to cease playing tricks, which usually manifest as regret.

Accept that there will be a rough period and that it will soon subside.

 

[corrector]

that is how i feel about it... i dumped her because the relationship was getting toxic... also her behaviour was getting bad to worse.. rude & disrespectful

it was either dumping her or hanging around till she dumps or cheat on me

i believe one or the others was on the horizon

So it's a pre-emptive type of dumping. Did you try "talking" to her about her offending behaviour prior to the break-up. Did she know how you felt about her behaviour? Did she say that she loved you too, or had plans of a future together with you?

now that i have dumped her... i am thinking maybe some of the issues we had that lead to the break up, could maybe have been handled differently

There is a saying that hindsight is always 20/20. Is this the first relationship you ever had -- or is this the first love you've had that you really loved the girl?

or maybe i over reacted

After you dumped her what did she do? Did she fight for the relationship? Did she call you afterward to see how you were doing?

Most of the problems guys have here, if you read storeis like expo, myself, etc... is the girl doesn't fight for the relationship or deal with the issues from her end that was causing friction or which caused you to dump her but instead happily moves on and it sort of feels like they have no accountibility for their actions as they are just plenty of desperate guys out there willing to take your place, especially if she's hot. Then you also wonder if she was talking to someone behind your back while you were in relationship and then she gets closer to him after you dump her.

so what is the point getting back with her, or worrying about what she is doing, if she is not able to offer me a healthy long term relationship & be a good partner to me?

Our emotions are not rational. You made a logical decision to dump her not an emotional one (i.e. falling out of love for her, falling in love with another woman, not satisfied with her looks and looking at other girls while dating her, etc...). Emotionally you will reminisce the good times with her and feel like a hole in your gut and want her, or that experience back, like a drug. Logically you've made the right choice.

yes this is hurting now... but imagine the pain if i was living with her or married to her, or had kids with her

the pain would be so much worse & i don't believe in heart she would make a good loving partner to me

If she loved you then she would have fought for the relationship rather than move on. She could always walk out on you if you are married with her and also lead to a financial wreck. Imagine spening all your money on a wedding, honeymoon, engagement ring, wedding ring, and live together with her. Now all she has to do is walk out of the deal, AFTER, you invested all that money and then you are screwed. Now you have to worry about divorce court and fees on top of it, etc... and she could still move-on to another guy while you are suffering to pick the pieces of your life back together.

So, yeah, you just made a control blast somewhere to avoid a nuclear blast somewhere else in your life. But obviously any blast is going to suck. But if you didn't do what you had to do, then you'd just be kicking the can down the road and then you may not handle it if she did walk out on you, took custody of your kids, or made your life a living hell.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I did it because I decided a divorced girl I was dating was married in the eyes of God and that I was really having an affair with her because the Bible says so.

WOW!








PIMP

 

[corrector]

WOW!

I realize I'm not on a Christian board and it's a worldy board and people are not going to understand what I am saying.

However, I will say that her ex-husband is a pastor of a church. She made an oath in her marriage to support this man in his minsitry. She walked out on him because she wanted extra credit at her University and didn't like the location. She knew upfront prior to marrying this man he would be at this location for life as God called him there.

Since she walked out, she put up a profile on Christian-cafe claiming she was divorced. Her divorce wasn't finalized but her ex-husband had a ring on still. He had never dated any other woman since she walked out and is praying for her to repent and return back to him. His ministry was almost devestated from what she did. She is aware of what her ex-husband has said, and that I read this correspondence about her and just gave me a lame excuse.

This girl has been on anti-depressants and seeing a secular psychologist and told me confidentially that she did really bad things to her ex-husband and that she should call him to apologize. She has been taking the anti-depressants because her conscience can not handle what she did.

She has always been somewhat emotionally closed-off with me while I was dating her, and ignored me when around her friends, even though she invited me out. Her behaviour was rather off-putting and eventually I did this research on her since this doesn't sit well with me.

When I confronted her about all of this she walked out on me during a coffee meeting, and I begged her to stay. She came back and talked with me. A couple of days later I dumped her as I couldn't handle that toxic past.

It is not my intention to hijack this thread with my life story, but there is more that meets the eye than just a few Bible verses about divorce and remarriage on why I dumped my ex-gf/fiancee.

 

[soulforge]

i have split up with this woman already on 3-4 occasions... it's always the same thing... disrespectful attitude, rudeness

never apologizing for any kind of wrong doing & pure drama

as for did she try to fight for the relationship? HELL NO!

she hardly ever does.. maybe on one or two occasions, but that is about it

she has a i couldn't care less attitude most of the time, which then makes me feel like, she is not bothered if we split up or stay together, because she could replace me at any time

and i think this is why she behaves the way she does, because she knows i could be replaced.. it's not a huge loss to her!


as for the long term future with her... if i am truley honest with myself, i very very much doubt this woman would stand by me in the long run!

i really don't feel a genuine love from her, when we are together..

if i was to marry her, or even move in with her... highest probability is, that she would bail out at some point... then i would be in a world of fuc'king pain


also having a child with her is out of the question too... it's way too risky

and not having a child with her is a problem too, because i do not have kids of my own


so maybe the short term pain is worth the price... than being a broken shell of a man years down the road

 

[corrector]

she has a i couldn't care less attitude most of the time, which then makes me feel like, she is not bothered if we split up or stay together, because she could replace me at any time

Yup. That sort of how I felt as well. I would be dating her just to be sure she wasn't spending that time with other guys rather than dating her because I want to be with her.

and i think this is why she behaves the way she does, because she knows i could be replaced.. it's not a huge loss to her!

Exactly. In my case, she has her friends, social life, and some guy friends she's attracted to. I would wait for her to email me after she went out with her friends and I had to call her since that email never came.

as for the long term future with her... if i am truley honest with myself, i very very much doubt this woman would stand by me in the long run!

That's why we break-up with them.

i really don't feel a genuine love from her, when we are together..

In my case I didn't feel a genuine love from her even though we made out or she said "I love you". It is as though all of the intimacy between us, and "I love you"s can just get wiped out the moment she decides the relationship is no longer conveniant or she meets another guy that sweeps her off her feet, or one of her crushes decides to take her on.

If there is any consolation, neither has her ex-husband. He said the same thing about her. Obviously she walked out on him so his story is like a continuation of my own ahd I continued and completes the saga.

The girl I was seeing had Turner's syndrome and can't have children. I think one of the biggest reasons people marry is to have children and their own family, or what is the point of marrying? .

 

[soulforge]

hey corrector your situation is similar to mine

why should we bother or care or yearn for people who don't really give a crap about us

she told me she loved me all the time & yet the slightest thing & i would turn into a monster in her eyes!


on the subject of kids...

ok i,m 37 years old with no children of my own

she is 46 with 4 children aged 8, 15, 17, 21

the chances of her having anymore kids is very very low

also it is a very high risk for me to even attempt having kids with her... due to the fact we have split up 3-4 times already

if she ended up pregnant, i would probably end up paying child support till the age of 55

while she is f#cking somebody else! she has her last ex partner by the balls already paying child support & she makes sure she squeezes every penny out of him

also if i don't have kids with her... what am i left with? just her & her kids...

for me to take on that type of responsibilty, i would need a very loyal & good woman by my side... and she is not that woman... i just want her to be that good woman

i keep telling myself, if i handle her in a different way (game her) get more alpha, then things could be ok... i,m f'cking kidding myself

what do i gain out of all this? she could just drop me like a bad habit at any point in my life & what would i take away from this relationship... nothing

yeh she hot & the sex is good... the sex could also stop, or she becomes even more controlling with it

plus she is hitting 50 in 4 years time, them looks are on there way out

 

[GetFit66]

Realize in your mind how everything she did was toxic, day by day work on this without stressing yourself out too much. When it becomes stressing swith actives do something you enjoy. I suggest watching breaking bad on Netflix do more fun things enjoy your day.

And this woman just seem like she uses and abuses people, I mean what kind of person treats you the way she did. And on top of that she brings up racism? Bat sh1te crazy bro. More alpha doesnt fix crazy, it just makes crazy become an obsessive stalker.

You have alpha inside of you act on it how you like.