Is it a good idea to give up women for a while ?

[badboyjmm]

I just feel like nothing is working. Maybe it's just overthinking that's killing me or the fact that I didn't get laid for 7 months, but I approach girls (mostly in the bars and nightclubs) I have a blast dancing, talking, number closing. But it stops there, no date, no call back nothing. Sometimes I exchange couple text messages but it doesn't get me anywhere.

Also every time I'm thinking about giving up for a while, I motivated myself not to cause I think that I might end up with something more valuable then a phone number.

I'm not in the shape that I wanna be but I can't motivated myself to work out. I think I'm pretty average in terms of looks but I feel like something is off with me. I mean I've been single for 2 years and had sex twice (both time completely sucked). I got fed up with my situation the other day and I was talking to my dad about it, no solution on his part. He's only saying that I'm doing something wrong but since he's not out with me, he can't be specific.

Any thoughts ?

 

[Alle_Gory]

Nothing wrong with that. Everyone needs a some down time once in awhile, even from things they like to do. Take a month off and see if you feel more energized.

BTW, you better be wearing hearing protection in those bars unless you want to end up damaging your hearing. Hearing doesn't come back, your ears don't heal.

 

[ALPHAROMEO]

never give up

NEVER B NEVER NEvER GIVE UP

SARGING MUST BECOME A WAY OF LIFE

PERSEVERANCE IS THE KEY !!!

get outcome independent adopt the zen attitude trying is winning

you ll probably fail many times until you score and generally get successful

 

[TheJazz]

Take some time off chicks and work on yourself. Make you a better you so you can do even better later down the line.

 

[badboyjmm]

@Alle Gory: Yeah I agree, I will try to wear those protection, yeah I think a break will be good. I just don't know how to de-motivated myself not to go out

@alpharomeo: I've try for so long only to fail, I'm not completely giving up, im just taking a break

@TheJazz: You mean work on hobbies and on my self physically ?

 

[TheJazz]

What do you think about you needs work? Do you not get out enough? Are you scrawny? Are you afraid of heights? Insects, maybe? Seriously, take a moment and think about your shortcomings. Think about things that you could fix about your very broken self. It does take a certain sense of humility to find these things, but once you admit you're a failure in certain areas, you work on them so ferociously that you eventually (with a lot of time and hard work) become a shining star among the others in that particular part of your life (fitness, women, chess). That's what happened to many Don Juans here who came as AFCs.

 

[snowdog]

Yea, man. It's funny how things work. I was doing this for pretty much 3 years straight, without much success. The same day I "gave up" on it, where I was just like "**** it, I don't care anymore if I die without getting laid", I met an amazing girl who turned into my girlfriend for a couple of months.

I realized later that I had finally "let it go". I didn't care about he outcome anymore, and chicks like that about a guy.

 

[badboyjmm]

@ TheJazz:I think that the biggest problem I have is that I don't really like what I see in the mirror, so maybe when talking to girls, they can sense that I'm not confident enough. I also tend to think in the situation where you just have to go for it. I mean, I know that hesitation is basically mental masturbation but I still do it once in a while

@ snogdow: Yeah you are right man, the problem that I have is that I'm thinking: well if you are not social with girls, nothing's going to happen for you, but at the same time too, if I concentrate on other things it might just helps with with the ladies... so basically a catch 22

I'm pretty sure that I don't care about the outcomes but that the way I acted around girls is completely the opposite (ie: outcome dependent) . I probably push myself either too much or not enough, anyway a break is needed...

But how to you guys manage to stop yourself from going out ? That's the reason why I didn't take a break for so long...

 

[TheJazz]

Right, so here's a few things you can do.

i) Ask yourself WHY you don't like what you see in the mirror. You can't dislike something for no reason. Is it because you're too overweight? Or maybe you're too skinny. Whatever it is, there's something that's not right. Whatever it is, it can be fixed. Unless you have the elephant man syndrome (which you can still overcome).

ii) I used to also think in the situation where I should've just gone for it. I'm not going to lie to you, it is hard to just do it. But always remember, the reward is worth the risk. You MUST force yourself to go for it, NO MATTER WHAT. Keep trying until you don't chicken out. Consistency is key. Never stop trying. Eventually it'll become second nature and you're 10x better than you once were. Next time you catch yourself thinking when you should just be doing, say "SCREW YOU BIZNATCH, I'M GOING FOR IT!" to your mind, and GO FOR IT! It'll be worth it, I promise.

So there's two things about yourself you've recognized that could use some work. Once you improve on these two, you'll find even more shortcomings about yourself which you'll continue to improve on, making yourself just that little bit closer to perfect. This is what self improvement is all about. And the coolest thing is, it never stops. Since perfection realistically is unattainable, you just keep going higher and higher! It's amazing!

 

[Mr Wright]

SARGING MUST BECOME A WAY OF LIFE

No no no no no! Its the exact opposite, thats how you become a complete weirdo. Most guys get into this because they just want to have options, have sex and just to be like the guys the envied in high school. By going out "sarging" all day every day you've just gone to the other extreme and you still have nothing going on in your life except trying to force casual relationships with some random "HB9"...

Its about getting the right balance, go out and do what you enjoy but just be more sociable as you do it. Say hi to the receptionist and ask how her day is, look at how she reacts when you give her a beaming smile. Charm the hell out of her. Just dont turn it into some robotic thing where you must go out and approach 10 women, because you can meet one woman and she can be amazing. But you'll be too busy about thinking that you have to meet another 9 women, end the interaction prematurely and never see her again even though the potential is there.

Dont let it control you.

 

[Alle_Gory]

@Alle Gory: Yeah I agree, I will try to wear those protection, yeah I think a break will be good. I just don't know how to de-motivated myself not to go out

Clear silicone ear plugs so you don't look like a dork and they're fairly comfortable.

 

[snowdog]

@ TheJazz:I think that the biggest problem I have is that I don't really like what I see in the mirror, so maybe when talking to girls, they can sense that I'm not confident enough. I also tend to think in the situation where you just have to go for it. I mean, I know that hesitation is basically mental masturbation but I still do it once in a while

@ snogdow: Yeah you are right man, the problem that I have is that I'm thinking: well if you are not social with girls, nothing's going to happen for you, but at the same time too, if I concentrate on other things it might just helps with with the ladies... so basically a catch 22

I'm pretty sure that I don't care about the outcomes but that the way I acted around girls is completely the opposite (ie: outcome dependent) . I probably push myself either too much or not enough, anyway a break is needed...

But how to you guys manage to stop yourself from going out ? That's the reason why I didn't take a break for so long...

Well, you can still go out, without turning going after women into a chore. Just drink some beer with your friends, share stories, have fun, play some pool, watch a local band, laugh...

The first few times I got some action going during going out, was when I was having fun. I'll never forget the first time it happened. It was during a time when I was just going out to have fun, without having a "pick-up"-mission. It was one of my buddies birthday and we had a BBQ and after that we went out. Good times, laughing, having a good time, going crazy etc. When I saw a girl that I liked, I just walked up to her and I noticed she had a completely different response to me. Here, I was just a happy guy who walked up to talk to her, not some dude on the prowl for some pussay. Within 5 minutes, we were making out. This is the attitude that girls dig, and once you figure this out, you'll be asking yourself why you made it so difficult before.

I'd suggest to just change your attitude: Go out to have fun, to get drunk or whatever. Girls are secondary.

No no no no no! Its the exact opposite, thats how you become a complete weirdo. Most guys get into this because they just want to have options, have sex and just to be like the guys the envied in high school. By going out "sarging" all day every day you've just gone to the other extreme and you still have nothing going on in your life except trying to force casual relationships with some random "HB9"...

Its about getting the right balance, go out and do what you enjoy but just be more sociable as you do it. Say hi to the receptionist and ask how her day is, look at how she reacts when you give her a beaming smile. Charm the hell out of her. Just dont turn it into some robotic thing where you must go out and approach 10 women, because you can meet one woman and she can be amazing. But you'll be too busy about thinking that you have to meet another 9 women, end the interaction prematurely and never see her again even though the potential is there.

Dont let it control you.

Mr. Wright, you are completely right.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

I'm in the same boat as you man, I really don't get it. I haven't gotten laid in about 2 years but have made out with 7 different girls in the last 6 months. I'm not clingy, I dress well, I have been told by plenty of girls that I'm very attractive (even though I have some facial acne scarring), I play in a fairly popular local band and am seen with attractive girls frequently, I have life goals which I am working toward achieving every day, I am very well educated and can talk for hours about most subjects in liberal arts studies.. I just really do not get it. Sometimes I feel like I'm too attractive for my own good haha.

I am also seen somewhat as the leader of my social group, I'm always the one to plan things and get people excited to do them, and I'm incredibly outgoing and unpredictable. I'm very relaxed around women and have absolutely no anxiety for kino, eye contact, or even going for a kiss. I've only been denied once by a girl and I just smiled and said "Well it was worth a shot, but you're a great friend so let's keep it that way" completely unphased by the situation.

I think I'm going to just continue being me, and keep doing what I'm doing.. But not make women a priority on my list. I don't do any of the spineless nice-guy sh1t, but I definitely do waste too much time thinking about women when I could be improving my life and working harder toward goals.

 

[snowdog]

I've only been denied once by a girl

There's the thing, man. This means you aren't taking enough chances. This was a big sticking point for me, too. Walk up to more chicks and do more crazy sh*t that has a high risk of you getting rejected. Don't be too careful and be willing to get burned hard.

The guys that are good at this **** have been denied many many times. It's a numbers game, expecially in the beginning.

 

[badboyjmm]

@ TheJazz: I'm sightly overweight and I have a terrible posture. I'm in the process of hiring a personal trainer so I can have a nutrition plan and a workout plan. After that, I just gotta focus myself on keeping up with the program. I'll be healthier and I will finally be able to play sports without hurting myself almost every single time.

In terms of approach, I'm getting better but the main issue in my opinion is that I've gone out constantly to only have fun with my friends. But the facts that I would only get phone numbers and not even a date made me slowly care about the outcome and I end up trying to fix the ''issue''

@ Mr Wright: I totally agree with you. I've been proactive in being more social than ever, I get smiles and whatnot, especially during the day (with cute cashiers) but (especially during the day) I don't really have the time to close (when you buy only a few items and there's people waiting in line)

@ snowdog: Yeah I get the idea, cause that the mindset I have before stepping the clubs or party, but it quickly changes when I'm inside. I started looking for girls that I liked and there go me thinking of what do to in order have success. So you are right, that whole pick-up mentality has to stop, but for me to quit that attitude I just have stop going out for a while.

@ Alex DeLarge: Well maybe your closing game just need a little fix. Several friend had the same issues: They have girls making out with them but they couldn't secure the lay. Well they were a little to passive and they were excepting the girl to make a move since they made out already. So when I told them that, the issue was more: When the lay was going to happen ?

I'm thinking about women and improving because I feel that I want a connection with a girl. Not even a relationship based connection, but have the feeling that you are somehow appreciated by the other sex. So yeah, I do love making out and whatnot, but it doesn't mean anything to me if whenever it happens, there's no follow up (no date, no hangout, no f*close) Joining a fraternity helps me push myself as a leader (since I'm older then most of the brothers anyway) I will keep doing that I do, except for one thing, going out at night until I figure out myself. Until I'm comfortable in my own skin and the rest should fall in place


Thank you for all the response guys, I'm motivated to work on myself while I'm taking a break. This thread will be a motivation agent so I don't forget what I wanna become (more social, less outcome dependent, and somehow good with the ladies ) and where I wanna be (healthier, re-start playing soccer and basket-ball, improving my grades)

 

[TheJazz]

Atta boy! Good to see you're working on your flaws! You'll make a Don Juan out of yourself yet!

 

[EvilAgenda]

I don't really have the time to close (when you buy only a few items and there's people waiting in line)

Don't care about pissing off a few customers for your own agenda. They can wait, they won't die from it. Being self-centered is key here.

I started looking for girls that I liked and there go me thinking of what do to in order have success

You care about the outcome too much. STOP.

 

[Warrior74]

when you take a break. Don't come to SS. Leave it ALL behind.