Is he a DJ or does he think I am the DJ (long)

Yup

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I am a girl who has been reading these forums for a while. I found these boards because of this guy I know. Lets call him A. Our relationship is very complicated. When I first met A, he was a complete **** to me and everyone else and I told him off. I had made up my mind never to speak to him again but I had agreed to volunteer for an event before our fight and I couldn't get out of it. A and I had never hooked up or anything. I ended up meeting this other guy, B and we went out for two and a half years. B happens to be a friend of A They are good friends but not super tight. Anyway, since B and A were friends, I came to know A over time. It turned out he just had a lot of problems in his family and he had problems communicating with people. A and I became really close, and I fell in love with him, but I never acted on it.

A friend of mine at college told me that A's best friend said he loved me too but he didn't want me to know he felt this way given the situation with B. Anyway, B is a good guy, and I cared for him alot but not in the way I cared for A. Well, I eventually left for school and B broke up with me. B has dated other girls since the breakup but he would speak to me all the time. B never told me about these other girls but when I asked him directly he admitted it to me. He doesn't want to be committed to me now but says he wants us to be together again sometime in the future. B and I are completely platonic now.

A learnt of our breakup, and he started to come on really strong. He started really flirtiing with me all the time. He would call me almost everyday. Sometimes, I would have to hang up on him because he would call me at all hours of the morning and I had work the next day. When I left for school, he went on this message board which I showed him, and he posted that he was totally in love with me and that I was leaving for school. I know it was him because I had shown him the sight the day before and one time when I mentioned it to him he acted weird about it. He also called me one day and asked me if he should give up on me and I said no. Anyway, while I was at school he came to visit me three times. One time he came by and he and I started kinoing. We ended up massaging each other on the floor with romantic music in the background. I really wanted him but I stopped it because I felt guilty since I still talked to B all the time, and we all used to hang out together. When he left he asked me what I wanted. He was right to be pissed. A week later, he calls me up drunk and tells me that he loves me and thinks about me all the time. I told him I loved him too and felt the same way. I had an exam in the morning early the next day so after speaking to him for a few minutes I hung up. I tried calling him the next day and then the next but he avoided me. We did not speak for months. One day he contacted me out of the blue after months. I had sent him an anonymous card a week before saying how I felt. I guess he knew it was from me. I had to use the bathroom so I told him I'd call back. I called back two minutes later and no one answered.

A had dated three other girls while I was with B. He was also with one girl who was his first. He and this girl only dated for two months. However, years later, he would go on and on about his love for her to me. Anyway guys, I am away at school and A is now dating this other girl. He has been dating her for years and always says that she is not his girlfirend when I ask him. He is never enthusiastic about her. Anyway, I need help in resolving this situation.

I was visitng home from school and he acted like he didn't care. I was supposed to meet with him and he called me on the day I was leaving when I had already left. I missed his message on my cell. I have since called him back and no response. I want to tell A how I feel but he only gives me glimpses that he still cares. I have really distanced myself from B but I would still consider the three of us to be friends. So, my question is, is A just toying with my feelings or does he really want me? Also, was I right to act respectfully to B even if I loved A or do guys really want the girl to dump the friend and date them instead? Also, I need suggestions on how I can mend things with A? Also, can I really trust A when these other girls have been in the picture especially this girl who he has dated the whole time? However, I was with B for most of it so I can't really complain. Its like A feels I hurt him and now he is trying to DJ me. Also, B does not know about A and me so maybe this is why A is acting this way since it will be an awkward situation when B finds out. I know this site is to help guys but who would know better than guys how to fix guy problems. Thanks for any replies.
 

davelmn2003

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Believe it or not I read your entire post (it's a long one!)...

I think if I were A I would think you were playing hard-to-get or something. He professed his love for you on the phone, you did the same but then hung up. You guys were hitting it hot but then you let it cool down because of B (even though he is not with you now--unless you still want him sometime in the future)...etc etc. It is very easy to misconstrue people's actions when they are still not sure of the kind of relationship they have...

I don't know if you still want A or not, but being the straightfoward kind of person that I am I would arrange a meeting with him and get it all out so you know once and for all whether he is for real--or not.
 

Yup

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Thanks for your reply. I really want to be with A but I probably won't see him for at least four months so I can't sit him down. Would it be too much to call him out of the blue and tell him how I feel although we have not been in regular contact or should I just wait until we see in person? I really don't want to mess it up this time. Any other suggestions?
 

Oscar Wilde

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I think this is one of those situations where if he's really into you it doesn't matter what way you approach him, he'll be on for it. And vice versa, should he not be interested.

You have nothing to lose, try contact him. What's the deal with the 4 months?
 

dionysius_d

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Such complication and mind games..

Why don't you meet up with A and have a talk about where you both want to go from now.. and forget about the past.

Turning the water from hot to cold to hot will just confuse people badly.

I am suprised A behaved in the manner you explained. It means he must really like you, but has been confused beyond normal levels.

He would still be open to it I am sure.. though if it was me.. i wouldn't have the patience.
 

Yup

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I can't see him for four months because I am away at school and he lives very far from me. This is why I am thinking that I may have to call him.
 
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