Is (Girl/Group) Gossip About You A Bad Thing?

[jamesfromhouston]

Hey everybody.

This question has been asked on SS in 2005, with barely any replies and discussion; so I thought we could tackle it again; might make a great contribution for the forums.

Is gossip about you being a player/ladies man a bad thing?

This is something I have been thinking about lately with my own experience.

Some context:

In the recent year, I've had a lot of success with women. I've had a lot of lays with girls I've met. I don't promise them the world or anything. It has always been casual. But I've at many times been seen out with other women by past women I've dated/laid as well as my groups of my friends. We would be seen partying/making out/kissing at clubs and bars. I live carefree and unapologetic so I just do what I want. Now, the word has been going around that I am a player/f*ckboy. I've been told there has been a lot of rumours and gossip about me recently and some have even warned other girls about me. It hasn't really affected me in my pursuits but just a new development for me.

Some personal thoughts:

I find there is an irony in all of this. If you are successful with casually dating women and spinning plates, I feel it is inevitable rumour will spread. It seems the only way to keep it on the down low is to be unsuccessful and blue pilled. Yet, I feel we should never live for the expectations of others.

At the same time, I feel being red pilled is challenging because most of my friends/social groups are blue pilled and easily judgmental of the lifestyle I lead. I am sure others face this issue too.

What do you all think about gossip?

How have you handled gossip in your own RP journey?


-James

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Women say they hate it but they secretly love it.

They say "I'll never date someone like that, he's such a player", then one night their friends won't be able to get in contact with her and she will be getting pounded senseless by that guy she said she'd never get with.

What they say publicly and what they do privately are often two different things

 

[andreihaha]

Step 1: Don't give a fvck.
Step 2: There is no step 2

Just be confident and nothing someone thinks will affect you.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

It's like they say;
The best publicity is bad publicity. Even the bad ads sells the product.

 

[andreihaha]

It's like they say;
The best publicity is bad publicity. Even the bad ads sells the product.

"No publicity is bad publicity."

The more different it is, the better.

 

[9-3enthusiast]

Is gossip about you being a player/ladies man a bad thing?

As with everything, the answer is - It depends on the girl, and what's been said.

Overall though, it's generally better to be the topic of conversation than not.
There'll be positives and negatives - The key is to genuinely not give A-F about it either way.

Personally, I've had women avoid/reject me because of what they've heard - and also had women take an interest because of what they've heard.
One even set me up with her aunt, a few weeks after I'd been with her (The aunt being only 7 yrs older than the neice - 38 and 45.... to my 55 at the time)

As andrei above says - The only bad publicity is no publicity.

 

[Barrister]

Any press is good press.

I’ve had women in the past tell me to my face that they’ve heard I’m a player or ask me if I am a player. It is almost universally always a sign that they are open to getting laid by me. So in vacuum, definitely a good thing. Women want the man other women want. Shows he is on top of the food chain - “alpha.”

 

[Barrister]

What if bangs unattractive women?

That’s a different story in some cases but it is a good point. Most women aren’t even going to converse (at least not flirt) with the guy they know bangs very below average women. A reputation for being a player and a reputation for a being a guy who will fuvk anything are two different things. The former is secretly attractive to women; the latter is repulsive because women don’t want to be associated in any way with that group of lesser women.

 

[SW15]

Is gossip about you being a player/ladies man a bad thing?

Some context:

In the recent year, I've had a lot of success with women. I've had a lot of lays with girls I've met. I don't promise them the world or anything. It has always been casual. But I've at many times been seen out with other women by past women I've dated/laid as well as my groups of my friends. We would be seen partying/making out/kissing at clubs and bars. I live carefree and unapologetic so I just do what I want. Now, the word has been going around that I am a player/f*ckboy. I've been told there has been a lot of rumours and gossip about me recently and some have even warned other girls about me. It hasn't really affected me in my pursuits but just a new development for me.

Some personal thoughts:

I find there is an irony in all of this. If you are successful with casually dating women and spinning plates, I feel it is inevitable rumour will spread. It seems the only way to keep it on the down low is to be unsuccessful and blue pilled. Yet, I feel we should never live for the expectations of others.

At the same time, I feel being red pilled is challenging because most of my friends/social groups are blue pilled and easily judgmental of the lifestyle I lead. I am sure others face this issue too.

This is an irrelevant situation for a lot of men. If you live in a major metropolitan area, aren't meeting women through your social circle, and aren't a regular at some night venue, this will never happen to you. More of the emphasis is on the first 2 conditions.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Seems like most of the bros here are of the

Bad publicity is good publicity route.

That's interesting. I'd imagine being man slut-shamed would actually deter women from considering you since most women have a built in biological drive for security and loyalty.

Also, I genuinely think if we are committed to the plate spinning life long enough, even in a bigger metropolitan area, inevitably the word will go around on the player rep. I really don't see how bad publicity (at least in female eyes) is avoidable if you're red pilled and plating.

And additional thing is I've recently experienced being gossiped on by men in my social groups that I considered friends. Funny thing is they are trying to bang as much as I am but because I'm somewhat successful they started to tell other girls gossips about me.

 

[andreihaha]

Seems like most of the bros here are of the

Bad publicity is good publicity route.

That's interesting. I'd imagine being man slut-shamed would actually deter women from considering you since most women have a built in biological drive for security and loyalty.

Also, I genuinely think if we are committed to the plate spinning life long enough, even in a bigger metropolitan area, inevitably the word will go around on the player rep. I really don't see how bad publicity (at least in female eyes) is avoidable if you're red pilled and plating.

And additional thing is I've recently experienced being gossiped on by men in my social groups that I considered friends. Funny thing is they are trying to bang as much as I am but because I'm somewhat successful they started to tell other girls gossips about me.

That's a good point you're making.
The way you're perceived mostly depends on how you behave. If you're known as a man who only fvcks around, girls will get bitter and talk sh1t about you. This will scare off women who want a LTR/marriage, but could attract other "serial datists".

On the other hand, if you are just seen with plenty of women, and you treat them with respect, maybe just trying to find someone that's worth your time, guess how women will perceive you. As a prize, a man who won't bang anything that moves, someone who deserves and expects the best. As a result, women will try to show you they're the best, qualifying themselves to you. Because you will be the man they were born/programmed to desire.

It's all up to you. You get what you deserve.

 

[andreihaha]

Seems like most of the bros here are of the

Bad publicity is good publicity route.

That's interesting. I'd imagine being man slut-shamed would actually deter women from considering you since most women have a built in biological drive for security and loyalty.

Also, I genuinely think if we are committed to the plate spinning life long enough, even in a bigger metropolitan area, inevitably the word will go around on the player rep. I really don't see how bad publicity (at least in female eyes) is avoidable if you're red pilled and plating.

And additional thing is I've recently experienced being gossiped on by men in my social groups that I considered friends. Funny thing is they are trying to bang as much as I am but because I'm somewhat successful they started to tell other girls gossips about me.

And when it comes to gossip, we men are the worst. And almost all men will envy you if you're successful with women.
Being discreet will only benefit you.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

That's a good point you're making.
The way you're perceived mostly depends on how you behave. If you're known as a man who only fvcks around, girls will get bitter and talk sh1t about you. This will scare off women who want a LTR/marriage, but could attract other "serial datists".

On the other hand, if you are just seen with plenty of women, and you treat them with respect, maybe just trying to find someone that's worth your time, guess how women will perceive you. As a prize, a man who won't bang anything that moves, someone who deserves and expects the best. As a result, women will try to show you they're the best, qualifying themselves to you. Because you will be the man they were born/programmed to desire.

It's all up to you. You get what you deserve.

I like how you put this.

However I can think it may be hard to realize.

For example, I've never treated women in a disrespectful way. But whether I am a 'respectful' man or not, is really in their eyes. Some women feel disrespected at the slightest slight. For example, some plates feel played when they are dropped when things naturally fizzle out. Other plates expect you to blue pill or you're a ****.

And overall, people will just interpret you in anyway they want.

I've been a good lover. Warm person. Giving value. But girls been getting bitter that I'm plating or that I no longer want to see them. And generally want to portray me as a villain.

Annoying really.

 

[Barrister]

Seems like most of the bros here are of the

Bad publicity is good publicity route.

That's interesting. I'd imagine being man slut-shamed would actually deter women from considering you since most women have a built in biological drive for security and loyalty.

Also, I genuinely think if we are committed to the plate spinning life long enough, even in a bigger metropolitan area, inevitably the word will go around on the player rep. I really don't see how bad publicity (at least in female eyes) is avoidable if you're red pilled and plating.

And additional thing is I've recently experienced being gossiped on by men in my social groups that I considered friends. Funny thing is they are trying to bang as much as I am but because I'm somewhat successful they started to tell other girls gossips about me.

In order to be truly red-pilled (and to really be happy in life for that matter as far as I am concerned), you need to truly have a IDGAF attitude. You don't - that much is obvious. It doesn't matter what these women think about you (or your friends for that matter). The bottom line is you have promised them nothing and when they have asked for exclusivity you have declined. If they sleep with you after that and then complain about you being a "player," that is on them. And believe it or not -- MOST women and men see through someone crying about being "played." We're adults here and even though women many times act like children they aren't. So everyone knows they have to own this.

Make no mistake that your success with women will resonate, many times in a slightly negative way, with your male friends. Especially the ones who lack your success with sleeping with women. I have one friend in particular who struggles with women and makes it a mission to insert himself in the most annoying ways possible in order to c0ckblock myself and another buddy of mine who are good with women. They will also not hesitate to throw you under the bus if they believe it may gain them some pvssy. Again, you can't care about this because it is going to happen. Either leave them behind as friends OR live with it knowing full well that it will happen and you don't care.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

If they don’t gossip; You’re invisible.

 

[andreihaha]

I like how you put this.

However I can think it may be hard to realize.

For example, I've never treated women in a disrespectful way. But whether I am a 'respectful' man or not, is really in their eyes. Some women feel disrespected at the slightest slight. For example, some plates feel played when they are dropped when things naturally fizzle out. Other plates expect you to blue pill or you're a ****.

And overall, people will just interpret you in anyway they want.

I've been a good lover. Warm person. Giving value. But girls been getting bitter that I'm plating or that I no longer want to see them. And generally want to portray me as a villain.

Annoying really.

Well, that's understandable. No one wants to be someone's 2nd choice. And especially not...you know...their 5th choice or something.
Buying 10 shirts and wearing each of them once isn't the same as looking at 10 shirts and deciding on only one to buy and wear.

 

[Barrister]

First off, I think we should define “player,” I never could figure it out.

(1) Does it mean successful with women and multi-dating, which includes having sex with various women simultaneously until you meet a woman you’re inspired to become exclusive with? You guys call it spinning plates but to me it’s simply casually dating which is fine, especially in early stages as you’re getting to know each other (aka abundance). No need to tell your "plates" any of this (unless she asks and if she does be truthful).

Or (2) does it mean spinning various plates and/or engaging in ONS, lying and deceiving women into thinking you want a RL when you really don’t, you just tell them that so they’ll sleep with you, which is somewhat sociopathic. To me, THAT is a player but people will have their own way of defining.

Anyway, I have had four long term boyfriends since the age of 18 and three of them were number 1 including my current boyfriend and I KNEW that prior to dating them. It never bothered me, to the contrary, it intrigued me! We eventually became exclusive not without a bit of push/pull and other various forms of gamesmanship from both of us.

I have met other men whereby it became known fairly quickly they were number 2. The sociopathic “player,” guys without a conscience who would say and do anything to get a woman into bed (whether the truth or not) and then ghost her afterwards aka “pump and dump.”

Being the perceptive girl that I am, I have a keen eye for those types, I stay away from them and as such have never been pumped and dumped. I was ghosted once after a few months, but the guy came back round and “explained,” and wanted to date me again but I had moved on.

@James, I don’t know you at all but from what I’ve read, you strike me as number 1. This is good thing imo and most women who are honest with themselves are intrigued by it. Again, I certainly was!

Just one woman’s opinion but I am fairly certain @BeExcellent’s now-fiancé was a player also, not sure if number 1 or 2, but either way she apparently wasn’t bothered by it as she and her former "player" boyfriend, are now engaged.

Perhaps she will chime in with her own thoughts, personally I always learn something valuable from her postings if even if/when her opinions have differed from mine.

The problem is that most women automatically just classify any guy that has success with women but doesn't commit into category #2 regardless of what the truth is if they end up sleeping with him and he doesn't commit. In your case with your boyfriend, given what you have told us, I imagine had he simply not given you commitment you would have concluded that he deceived you into sleeping with him.

The problem is this is usually a completely subjective belief by women when, in fact, the objective facts usually point to the man not ever using deception but rather avoiding the topic of commitment (which is what many DJs preach to do). Avoiding discussing commitment is not deception. If a woman forces the issue and asks about commitment, most DJs know that this is a watershed moment in her plate status where he either must transition her to an LTR OR tell her he is not interested in an LTR and she slowly fades out of existence altogether. It is a small percentage of men who will outright lie and agree to an LTR and keep seeing all of their other plates.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Seems like most of the bros here are of the

Bad publicity is good publicity route.

That's interesting. I'd imagine being man slut-shamed would actually deter women from considering you since most women have a built in biological drive for security and loyalty.

Also, I genuinely think if we are committed to the plate spinning life long enough, even in a bigger metropolitan area, inevitably the word will go around on the player rep. I really don't see how bad publicity (at least in female eyes) is avoidable if you're red pilled and plating.

And additional thing is I've recently experienced being gossiped on by men in my social groups that I considered friends. Funny thing is they are trying to bang as much as I am but because I'm somewhat successful they started to tell other girls gossips about me.

No, that's not how it works. Women are ultra competitive with each other, so if she is hearing about "so and so" with a guy she is going to want to prove that she is as good as her and get him too.

When women go out most guys think they are dressing up for them. Wrong...they are dressing up to be better than the other women.

Plus women like guys who know how to lead them to the bedroom and clearly a guy who is a player is one of those type of guys.

 

[anonymous12345]

Great, important topic.

I was in the same situation as you, the difference being that you’re a successful player. I was at a post-high school music school in Sweden, which is the worst kind of these places: quirky psychological artists that all adhere to the feminism/alternative/trans/etc/etc. There’s men walking around in skirts/hand bags/etc, many girls in short hair/crew cut, etc. Girls say masculinity is bad. So, “traditional” men, and in particular a red-pilled man such as me — observe the contrast — is then the absolute devil and horror. The threat.

After a while there was gossip and I got black-listed. I admit, as a freshly nofap’ed/red-pilled I could have had a better game, but the criticism was things like “you said to a girl she is pretty” and “You knocked on the door to her exercise room and asked her if she wanted to get sushi, you’re not smooth”. These are basically exact quotes. I fully understand that all SS members are perplexed by this.

As a result I got isolated, no one talked to me, and so forth. This is one reason I left the school, it was in many ways too draining and pointless. I developed a rather strong social anxiety by this weight, and I got an online therapist to tackle this. You write annoying, but monitor yourself here so you don’t take too much beating.

One lady friend brought this up with me (“People don’t speak well of you”). I listened to her feedback and essentially asked questions, leading to her saying she didn’t know what she is talking about. What does this mean? If you’re a “bold” man, it will lead to you being a catalyst for reflection and gossip. Maybe there’s nothing else going on. The friend went into an entangling monolog about age differences among her parents (me being 37, they 20-25). One can have an empathic view on the social system here. Only human.

In one sense feminism hasn’t lead to a balancing coin. Instead the coin has flipped and we see man shaming. Watch the movie Malena (2000). She experienced what we do now. What should she have done differently? I don’t know, thoughts welcome. Maybe a widely acknowledged phenomenon in two/three decades or so, movies about it, etc.

At the same thing, this is the danger of social circles. I’m very content with not being part in any currently. I have close male friends, but beyond that I hit the clubs/bars and have a high volume. I don’t have to deal with being a tool for people’s own reflections and incapability of handling their own lives or boredom in them. I think social circles is for having a girlfriend, that kind of thing.

There are enormous contrasts in our societies, especially in Scandinavia. Red-pill vs. the officially backed policies. Watch out.

We have societies that treat women as rational beings, but this kind of behaviour shows aspects that we on SS are well aware of. Women will gossip about you if you make an impression or is worthy, so it’s essentially gigantic sh1t tests. One can shrug it off, but it can indeed get grim beyond some girls eye rolling. It’s manly to not conform, be individualistic and take risk, so I agree with the advice to remain red-pilled, though unsure about the practical specifics of how.

Social systems are though moldable, so this gives hope. For instance, I got good connection/rapport with the girls I’ve flirted with, so the critique and scolding I in one sense cannot confirm. I got that good rapport (“You’re leaving the school? That makes me sad” etc) because of demonstrated good value over time. The true equilibriums will form over time.

Would be useful with suggestions how to deal with this. I honestly think there’s little to do: either fold, conform and turn invisible, or stand tall in the storm.

 

[Barrister]

No that is incorrect @Barrister because we didn't discuss being exclusive (committing) for at least a couple of months, and during that time, I had no idea what he was up to with other women; I assumed he was dating around and perhaps even having sex with others (I didn't actually know), but it didn't concern me. 100% truth, I believe I have previously posted that and why it never concerned me. As for me, I chose to remain monogamous during that time, but again we didn't agree to exclusivity for at least a couple of months.

Not sure I completely buy that what he was doing in that time with other women "didn't concern you." That isn't how women operate pre-relationship at all. Unless you are telling me you settled for him/weren't that into him. Even the most dialed back of women who are HI are reaching out a lot, wanting to spend time together, and even a sniff of competition sends them into overdrive to get your attention and onto your calendar as much as possible. You make your time before the relationship sound like you could have taken it or left it. That certainly isn't my experience with high interest women and I would say is abnormal - unless again you simply settled.

What you describe sounds like two people who were fvck buddies and just decided to get involved in an LTR after some time had passed. I would venture this is a very small percentage of LTRs that form this way. Most women are pushing, perhaps discreetly but still pushing, a man towards a relationship from the get-go if she perceives him as having very high SMV. I can safely say this is true because I have experienced it many times. Hence my original comment that when women make this push and don't get to where they want to be, they normally cry deception by the man.