Is dating different for very handsome men?

[LiquidOscillation]

Sup dudes
TL;DR at bottom

(or dudettes?) I don't want to assume gender I appreciate any constructive advice and criticism, hope y'all like to read ​

I'm a long time lurker, I joined back in 2017 but I've been lurking since before 2017. This whole time I've been trying to become a better person. I want to be a someone, I want to be respected(not liked) and loved.. and I want to return the favor, to those who earn it. I want to be a better man, a better friend, a better lover(someday) a better husband(someday) and a better father(someday). I've made a commitment to constant and never ending improvement in my life, in every aspect. I can always do more, I will do more. I will give my purpose everything I have, until I have no more to give then I will dig deeper.

I've always been afraid to ask this question, because the dating advice I try for the average person doesn't seem to work for me.. and people (especially women, but men also) treat me VERY differently than the average person. I guess I'm blessed with an attractive meat suit (my face/body) I know it because people tell me(I receive compliments regularly from both men and women). I personally think I look OK, I think I have a decent facial structure, nothing crazy.. I don't think I'm ugly. I started working out when I turned 21, I am 25 now, I have built a solid frame of muscle, and I'm strong! I recommend to any guys out there, get into fitness. Doesn't have to be weights, just be fit!

As for my reputation and personality.. I've been told by both men and women that I seem "Military", I appear "Serious, stoic... and funny too" I come across as "Introverted but not shy" I've heard I'm "Very calm" and that I "Listen to people, and always have something interesting to say or add"

Examples of my interactions with women:
Some women will hold very strong eye contact once or twice, usually without any facial expression, like 3-6 second gazes. Maybe she needs glasses or she was simply lost in thought

Some women will make eye contact once and never look again, but conveniently "place" herself next to me, near my personal space. Maybe she's just using that chair, or she's just waiting for someone.

Some women will avoid me, or avoid eye contact completely, if we do speak they are quiet or look down or away, they might seem uncomfortable or awkward, sometimes I get real quiet and the woman will linger awkwardly in silence near me..

Sometimes I'll touch a woman and she will be "shocked" she might slightly jump as if someone scared her. Sometimes I'll touch a woman (forearm or hand) and she'll retract immediately, like when getting a paper cut

Sometimes I'll accidentally touch a woman and she will retract immediately and apologize for touching me. Am I really that gross? Do I smell?

Most women won't touch me, or stop themselves from touching me. For example, I told a joke and she went to slap my chest (I've seen her do it to other guys) but she hesitated.. before putting her hand down.


Those are my common experiences with women, when I was a kid women came onto me and touched me etc... Now as a man (I'm MUCH more confident and successful) Women send me all these mixed signals, they treat me differently than other guys. Women try to use me to make their husbands and boyfriends jealous, women try to use me to "up their status" (Example: Had a girl ask me out, she took me to a couple places she regularly visited, she just wanted my arm around her to show her friends that she can catch a hot guy and sex... I didn't sleep with her because I don't have sex unless in a committed relationship, so of course she ends up ghosting me)

When I was a kid up until about 20 it was extremely easy for me to meet women, they came to me... but I just didn't give a ****. I've never struggled with women noticing me... I was a virgin until I was 18 but only because I had no interest in women.. In my mind they were a waste of time, boring in fact. I was a huge gaming nerd (World of Warcraft etc, I also loved martial arts and had artistic endeavors, I drew a lot. I've always been very passionate about my hobbies)

Well I am now a 25 year old man, and let's just say my direction in life has changed, and I'd like to meet a beautiful sweet and confident woman... I want to start a family someday... I want to give a woman my love emotionally, but I also want to make her feel good with her body. I want a GENUINE RELATIONSHIP

But how do I meet women that have my same mindset? When a woman recoils when I touch her, yet she lingers? Is she disgusted by me or does she want me to escalate? How do I know when to stop? When she says no? How do I know when to pursue? Women that are seemingly interested in me dissipate into the wind at the first sign of me showing any sort of interest or honesty about what I'm looking for.. which is indeed a relationship... I don't want random sex, I want a lover. I want a wife.

Women that I've never even seen look my way or show me any sort of indicator of interest have literally come out of nowhere, and asked me out or I took them on dates and such... But they asked ME out, because before that they never showed me one ounce of interest

I'm so confused.. I guess I just need encouragement today, I need to know that I'm not broken... that if I just become the man I know I want to be and the man I know I was always suppose to be I will make the right decisions for my life, and meet the right people...

TL;DR
Scar face once said, all I have is my balls and my word.. and I ain't givin them up for Nobody.

 

[17 shots]

​

Examples of my interactions with women:
Some women will hold very strong eye contact once or twice, usually without any facial expression, like 3-6 second gazes. Maybe she needs glasses or she was simply lost in thought

I get this a lot too. These are the no brainers, you need to act on the women you catch doing this. These are layups... you're doing good by holding that eye contact with them when you notice it, it builds the attraction even more. Now you just need to make a move

 

[LiquidOscillation]

I get this a lot too. These are the no brainers, you need to act on the women you catch doing this. These are layups... you're doing good by holding that eye contact with them when you notice it, it builds the attraction even more. Now you just need to make a move

More often then not the women that have the confidence to do this with me are either under age (Teenage girls Eye-**** me like I'm a piece of meat) or married and spoken for women. I've approached these women only to find out, albeit very subtly that they are in relationships. Single women seem to ignore me, I say hi to women I know whom are single and they might look at the ground and mumble something and walk away very quickly.

But that's beside the point.. Maybe I should go to church and meet a nice conservative woman... It's hard to talk about this stuff when no one can relate to how people treat me. I either sound extremely conceited, or I'm just making **** up. I sure as hell ain't complaining, I just wish I had some knowledge about my situation, especially when I'm not a sex fiend, I'm not looking to "spin plates" I could give less of a **** about ****ing multiple women. Women are a dime a dozen, genuine women are rare

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Sup dudes
TL;DR at bottom

(or dudettes?) I don't want to assume gender I appreciate any constructive advice and criticism, hope y'all like to read ​

I'm a long time lurker, I joined back in 2017 but I've been lurking since before 2017. This whole time I've been trying to become a better person. I want to be a someone, I want to be respected(not liked) and loved.. and I want to return the favor, to those who earn it. I want to be a better man, a better friend, a better lover(someday) a better husband(someday) and a better father(someday). I've made a commitment to constant and never ending improvement in my life, in every aspect. I can always do more, I will do more. I will give my purpose everything I have, until I have no more to give then I will dig deeper.

I've always been afraid to ask this question, because the dating advice I try for the average person doesn't seem to work for me.. and people (especially women, but men also) treat me VERY differently than the average person. I guess I'm blessed with an attractive meat suit (my face/body) I know it because people tell me(I receive compliments regularly from both men and women). I personally think I look OK, I think I have a decent facial structure, nothing crazy.. I don't think I'm ugly. I started working out when I turned 21, I am 25 now, I have built a solid frame of muscle, and I'm strong! I recommend to any guys out there, get into fitness. Doesn't have to be weights, just be fit!

As for my reputation and personality.. I've been told by both men and women that I seem "Military", I appear "Serious, stoic... and funny too" I come across as "Introverted but not shy" I've heard I'm "Very calm" and that I "Listen to people, and always have something interesting to say or add"

Examples of my interactions with women:
Some women will hold very strong eye contact once or twice, usually without any facial expression, like 3-6 second gazes. Maybe she needs glasses or she was simply lost in thought

Some women will make eye contact once and never look again, but conveniently "place" herself next to me, near my personal space. Maybe she's just using that chair, or she's just waiting for someone.

Some women will avoid me, or avoid eye contact completely, if we do speak they are quiet or look down or away, they might seem uncomfortable or awkward, sometimes I get real quiet and the woman will linger awkwardly in silence near me..

Sometimes I'll touch a woman and she will be "shocked" she might slightly jump as if someone scared her. Sometimes I'll touch a woman (forearm or hand) and she'll retract immediately, like when getting a paper cut

Sometimes I'll accidentally touch a woman and she will retract immediately and apologize for touching me. Am I really that gross? Do I smell?

Most women won't touch me, or stop themselves from touching me. For example, I told a joke and she went to slap my chest (I've seen her do it to other guys) but she hesitated.. before putting her hand down.


Those are my common experiences with women, when I was a kid women came onto me and touched me etc... Now as a man (I'm MUCH more confident and successful) Women send me all these mixed signals, they treat me differently than other guys. Women try to use me to make their husbands and boyfriends jealous, women try to use me to "up their status" (Example: Had a girl ask me out, she took me to a couple places she regularly visited, she just wanted my arm around her to show her friends that she can catch a hot guy and sex... I didn't sleep with her because I don't have sex unless in a committed relationship, so of course she ends up ghosting me)

When I was a kid up until about 20 it was extremely easy for me to meet women, they came to me... but I just didn't give a ****. I've never struggled with women noticing me... I was a virgin until I was 18 but only because I had no interest in women.. In my mind they were a waste of time, boring in fact. I was a huge gaming nerd (World of Warcraft etc, I also loved martial arts and had artistic endeavors, I drew a lot. I've always been very passionate about my hobbies)

Well I am now a 25 year old man, and let's just say my direction in life has changed, and I'd like to meet a beautiful sweet and confident woman... I want to start a family someday... I want to give a woman my love emotionally, but I also want to make her feel good with her body. I want a GENUINE RELATIONSHIP

But how do I meet women that have my same mindset? When a woman recoils when I touch her, yet she lingers? Is she disgusted by me or does she want me to escalate? How do I know when to stop? When she says no? How do I know when to pursue? Women that are seemingly interested in me dissipate into the wind at the first sign of me showing any sort of interest or honesty about what I'm looking for.. which is indeed a relationship... I don't want random sex, I want a lover. I want a wife.

Women that I've never even seen look my way or show me any sort of indicator of interest have literally come out of nowhere, and asked me out or I took them on dates and such... But they asked ME out, because before that they never showed me one ounce of interest

I'm so confused.. I guess I just need encouragement today, I need to know that I'm not broken... that if I just become the man I know I want to be and the man I know I was always suppose to be I will make the right decisions for my life, and meet the right people...

TL;DR
Scar face once said, all I have is my balls and my word.. and I ain't givin them up for Nobody.

Is dating any different for incels?

Op, do you have any brain damage or just plain retarded?

 

[LiquidOscillation]

Is dating any different for incels?

Op, do you have any brain damage or just plain retarded?

If you read what I put, I don't have an issue approaching or meeting women. I have an issue finding women interested in genuine relationships.

The old saying goes, no one would ever do or say something that isn't a direct reflection of themselves. Have a good one, brother.

 

[LiquidOscillation]

Yes it is different, particularly for attractive men looking for a genuine LTR.

There is this misnomer that attractive guys have it easy and don't need "game", but this is mostly true only when it comes to sexual encounters with women who are not looking for long term commitments.

But when it comes to women looking for a genuine relationship, they actually put their guards up higher for attractive men than they would for the average looking guy. They are less likely to behave more forthcoming and aggressively (or in a nature that is too obvious). This is because women are well aware of the typical male fantasy to spread his seed far and wide, and that a very attractive guy can very easily find willing women available for him to fulfil this desire. So he is presumed to be much more likely to cheat, play the field, "pump and dump", as they say, and just be less trustworthy in general.

Average looking guys will sometimes deal with these same issues, particularly if they are a league or two above the women they are with, but in a general sense, they are not dealing with it to the same degree as a very attractive man does. You can even say an attractive guy requires more "game" than an average guy does because of these higher walls women put up for him.

Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it. I knew I wasn't going crazy... I'm not even complaining about my situation, I'm glad to be who I am. Thank you again, I guess I really just wanted confirmation for my own sanity. I've tried to politely or subtley would be the better word, bring this up with people I know.. and I just get this blank face.. like what?

To be honest I'm not quite sure what I should do about this, because when I approach women I get the reactions you allude to in your response. Men don't understand me, a guy that doesn't want to bang a bunch of random women? Yeah.. That's me, a loner who wants an actual relationship. I can get sex, I just sit at a bar by myself and a woman will indirectly approach me, but she wont be wife material

 

[17 shots]

More often then not the women that have the confidence to do this with me are either under age (Teenage girls Eye-**** me like I'm a piece of meat) or married and spoken for women. I've approached these women only to find out, albeit very subtly that they are in relationships. Single women seem to ignore me, I say hi to women I know whom are single and they might look at the ground and mumble something and walk away very quickly.

But that's beside the point.. Maybe I should go to church and meet a nice conservative woman... It's hard to talk about this stuff when no one can relate to how people treat me. I either sound extremely conceited, or I'm just making **** up. I sure as hell ain't complaining, I just wish I had some knowledge about my situation, especially when I'm not a sex fiend, I'm not looking to "spin plates" I could give less of a **** about ****ing multiple women. Women are a dime a dozen, genuine women are rare

Yea thats true, a lot of times they are married or taken, and I've noticed the young girls thing too lol... but it won't always be taken women so still go for it when you see it

And to LJC's points, yea being in a real commited relationship will be harder for you, because most women will think you're a player, so they will have their guard up like you're one. So the fact that you DON'T want to spin plates, will kind of work against you at times, because most women will think you look too good to be a one woman kind of man

Nothing you say will put their mind at ease about that, they'll think anything you say to negate that is just "game"

It can suck at times, but it is what it is, you get used to it

 

[LiquidOscillation]

The 6's and 7's would be easy. If anything, they would go out of their way to number close you if you were handsome. They feel deep down inside that you have too much abundance to be making strenuous efforts with women in their league.

The 8+ will be a little bit different. They will give you signs of interest and expect you to pursue. Sometimes I don't get along with hot women because I feel offended. Like she thinks I am a robot where all she has to do is flip her hair into my face and I would pursue (Because cosmo magazine said so). It seems like something a middle school girl would do but I've had grown adult women do this to me. Like the world exists to serve her and all she has to do is use 1% effort. It actually rubs me the wrong way - but it's also because I have the entitlement of a handsome guy. My entitlement rejects her entitlement.

The only times when I've really pursued hot women and did all the work was when I was struggling or didn't have it easy. But once I started getting number closed by 6's and 7's without doing anything, I found it impossible to pursue hot women and do all the work. And they find it impossible to do anything more than flip their hair into my face.

But every now and then I run into a beautiful woman with an actual personality and vocabulary. It's rare though. Once you've experienced abundance, you will realize that 90% of women are completely useless and add nothing to your life. Even getting laid with them will feel like a sacrifice of your manhood,

I can relate. Beautiful women are just like any other women, and sometimes even more insecure than the average woman. They rely much too heavily on their looks, and get used to guys putting them on a pedestal. Beautiful but genuinely sweet and smart women... lawd of mercy

 

[17 shots]

Also OP I'll say this too, I find that most of the time it's better to just live up to the player character that women have you seen as in their mind, and let them think that over time they've won you over

I know it might seem backwards, but when they see you as this handsome guy who talks to a lot of women, and then you come off like you're only focused on them, and you want something serious, it turns them off, because you're not living up to their expectations of you

So even though you don't want to spin plates, don't waste your breath trying to convince them of that, or getting them to think you're a nice guy, just play the hand you were dealt

 

[LiquidOscillation]

Yea thats true, a lot of times they are married or taken, and I've noticed the young girls thing too lol... but it won't always be taken women so still go for it when you see it

And to LJC's points, yea being in a real commited relationship will be harder for you, because most women will think you're a player, so they will have their guard up like you're one. So the fact that you DON'T want to spin plates, will kind of work against you at times, because most women will think you look too good to be a one woman kind of man

Nothing you say will put their mind at ease about that, they'll think anything you say to negate that is just "game"

It can suck at times, but it is what it is, you get used to it

At least being able to finally talk about this, I feel like I've been holding it all in for so long. I don't like being seen as arrogant or full of ****. If I have to be single for a long time then so be it, but I'll keep an eye out for an opportunity to meet genuine women

 

[LiquidOscillation]

Also OP I'll say this too, I find that most of the time it's better to just live up to the player character that women have you seen as in their mind, and let them think that over time they've won you over

I know it might seem backwards, but when they see you as this handsome guy who talks to a lot of women, and then you come off like you're only focused on them, and you want something serious, it turns them off, because you're not living up to their expectations of you

So even though you don't want to spin plates, don't waste your breath trying to convince them of that, or getting them to think you're a nice guy, just play the hand you were dealt

Wow I feel like you've been there when these women find out I'm not the "player ideal" they've got ingrained in their minds... I suppose I can see from the woman's perspective she will be quite bored to find out I'm not the man she imagined me to be. Such a shame, to have false expectations thrust upon me.

Oh you're a real laid back, honest and hardworking guy? You could **** a bunch of women but you choose not to? You're intelligent, you like to read and talk philosophy, you enjoy learning and helping people? How boring, you're handsome but painfully average...

But the funny thing is, I seem THEM as painfully average, to pass on me. Her loss, when she's hit the wall and wished she didn't settle on a sub-par dude with no ambition or self esteem that she controls and eventually is bored... Ah well, her loss. He can throw money at her, the Benjamins can eat her soul at she watches the cute boy at the gyms front desk, and she wonders where 20 years of her life went and how no men drool over her like they use to....

 

[LiquidOscillation]

I've never had a girl say I'm boring, but it sure feels like it sometimes when women indirectly reject you because they thought you were a certain way and realized you aren't.

I was thinking more of what you said 17 shots, just rolling with what they assume about me.. and you are absolutely right. I give off the illusion of mystery, only to show my cards way too soon, because I'm very direct with my intentions and attacking my goals.

For me I feel confident, for her she probably thinks I'm needy or can't get a woman (again she is re-imagining since her original assumption was wrong, so I am re framed to a loser probably) but since I don't give a **** what most women think (aside from some very smart and genuine women) I keep going through with my plan. Thus I get ghosted or she is turned off by my apparent "need" for a relationship

Which of course isn't a "need" but a "want"... so I should really just take a step back and let her do all the work of imagining who I am... the problem is when she expects me to sleep with her before we are in a relationship and I don't.. she will ghost me. I will not compromise my position, she must want a relationship with me before I will **** her. I will not compromise

I never ask for a relationship with a woman, she will ask me. But I will not **** her unless she commits to me

 

[MatureDJ]

 

[MatureDJ]

 

[LiquidOscillation]

I'm only 2 minutes in but yeah man, women are just as shallow as men. Looks do matter, I don't care what anyone says. Anyone who says otherwise is delusional, it's just that women are much more subtle than men about sexual desire. I've ****ed it up pretty hard and still had women that slept with me when I was 18... Looks matter, take care of yourself!!!!!

 

[LiquidOscillation]

As I watch more of the video he mentions babies. I've heard that babies will look at physically attractive people, now attraction can be subjective because of culture and such. But there are always interesting characteristics that will stick out on attractive people, and babies will gaze at these "interesting" facial features, which are attractive. I am more of the "pretty boy" type of attractive, I have large lips and high cheekbones, I have a more "feminine" features that men typically don't have

So I guess if you've been stared at by babies you are probably attractive

 

[LiquidOscillation]

That's a real good video man... I just finished it

I like toward the end how he mentions guys with friends that are women. why hasn't she expressed sexual interest in you? This is a tough one to swallow for guys.. Good looking guys don't have girls that only want to be friends, at least I know I don't.

I don't have "girls that are friends", and if I do know girls and they are my "friends" they are in relationships, we never hangout, their husbands or boyfriends wouldn't allow it nor would they like it. I only know them through business or social networking (like business parties, or social parties)

Girls won't be my "friend" if they are attractive to me or I friendzone them, and girls dont enjoy being friendzoned. Often the women that I have friendzoned will stop talking to me, and remove me from facebook or other social media since I didn't return interest. If we havent interacted with each other she may "orbit" around me until I bite. If it's clear I'm not interested in her she has the choice to either be friendzoned or stop talking to me. If there's still a possibility I might bite, she will orbit me but she won't be my friend

 

[skinnyguy]

Your success with women was more or less determined at conception.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I get this a lot too. These are the no brainers, you need to act on the women you catch doing this. These are layups... you're doing good by holding that eye contact with them when you notice it, it builds the attraction even more. Now you just need to make a move

Happens to me alot too, like a bird dog she stares at me no smile like she's analyzing my worth because she sees "not like other" men (dominant appearing, but truth be told I'm a flounderer, a man who could easily get his as5 beat by a barely trained fighter).

 

[LiquidOscillation]

Your success with women was more or less determined at conception.

I think this applies to both men and women, but there is a great equalizer. Beautiful women and handsome men will struggle to find legitimate relationships. To me the heavenly blessed beauties are just like every other woman, for every heavenly babe there is another behind her and another behind her. I actually don't think of women on a scale (1-10) I've never understood guys that do that... I am either attracted to a woman, or I'm not. If I have to even THINK about it then I know I am not attracted and nothing will change that