Is attraction everything to women in the beginning?

[ilikecharlene]

hmm... society needs to cut the crap, yes looks do matter. But attraction is really holistic and a function of many things, not just looks alone.

So yes, attraction plays a large part, but a less good looking guy can build on other aspects, as plenty of less attractive guys get into relationships.

 

[sambwoy]

They never taught us in my school how important it is. When you are in a public place you can swiftly tell when a woman is interested. I wouldn't actually need to go out and meet women if I really was such a catch. I got hazed in my youth and its left me bitter. Who's there to trust any more? Who's there to turn to?

The not-getting-a-girl thing is pretty painful. Its not like any other rejection or disappointment in life- its not like not getting a job because anyone can get rejected from a job. Its a society problem. I have set my life expectations very low these days. I have tried getting a job but it doesn't help feeling so empty.

 

[Mike32ct]

None of this is taught. Heck I would have done a sport back in school and been more athletic. I honestly never saw the pattern. I would be scratching my head wondering why the girls went after a particular guy. It makes perfect sense now, but nobody told me.

All these "smokescreen" mess guys up. You hear that girls want:

1. The funny guy
2. The jerk guy
3. The confident guy
4. The good guy

90% of it is she wants the HOT guy. All the other stuff is optional and/or a bonus.

But good looking is different to women. If a chick has a decent body and a cute face, she's attractive to me as a guy.

I always had an ok body and a cute face, but girls didn't want me.

Their version of hot is more about masculinity which includes height, muscles, broad shoulders and ruggedness.

Yes some pretty boys do very well but they need some decent height and preferably a toned body for maximum effect.

 

[backbreaker]

I was pound for pound probably the most AFC guy here in high school lol but I played basketball and I have always been handsome and honestly I kept a GF if not more than one at times at different schools. I mean, I would lose them lol, but I had them.


But you don't have to be 6'4 with muscles out the ass. I was 5'8 and 135 pounds soak and wet in high school. I didn't have a clue about women but one thing I did know, is I knew i was cute. AS AFC as I eve was, I never thought I was ugly. that swagger combined with my looks attracted women. really cute women / good looking women. I just couldn't keep them for anything once I opened my mouth. Every job I worked at in high schooL I ended up dating/fvcknig someone at work usually within a week or so. Hell at one job I was fvcking m manager who was 20.

Simply, ,get in shape. I was a lot of things, but I was in high school always in shape, I had to be. Get in shape, put together a half decent wardrobe, etc.

 

[floydb25]

Mike: It's all business, like usual. If they told you that your chances aren't very good without having the looks - none of the dating guru's would have jobs. None of the advice would exist. They had to find a market, so they targeted those who aren't successful with women, and told them looks or money doesn't matter. Profit.

Everyone I know who was or is succesful with women was good-looking. Same goes for the girls. When I was overweight, had no dress sense, geeky glasses, etc - women didn't notice me at all. When I became a pretty boy (always was apparently, and never knew it) - they came flocking. Didn't even have to try. No longer was I cute, nice, friendly and non-dateable - I was hot, sexy, handsome, and "****able". Nothing changed other than the looks. I was still shy, nerdy, non-threatening, passive, nice, etc. But now, suddenly, it didn't matter. This was all ok, but not when I was unattractive.

 

[Mike32ct]

Absolutely. I'm working on the gym thing currently. I fully appreciate it's importance. I was just noting that it's not always obvious to guys.

I used to try to compensate for being a scrawny guy by dressing very fashionably. But what happens when women see a skinny, extremely well dressed dude? They assume he's gay. So while fashion is important, having the body to go with it is more important.

I used to think I could hide my small arms with a sharp long sleeved shirt. Nope. Women have like x-ray vision for a guy's physique.

When I was working out aggressively, a chick told me a first date that I had a nice chest. It was winter time here in the Northeast and I was wearing several layers of long sleeves.

I'm just reinforcing Jude Nismos point about how your body matters even with clothes ON.

 

[floydb25]

I've always found women put a much greater emphasis on the face, eyes, shoulders, and ass. Fortunately, I have all 4. But I'm skinny... Arms are small... Not very muscular, strong, built, or tall. I'm fit, at best.

Guys who weren't as good looking in the face who were still successful usually had those other features. They were strong and muscular. They still didn't have nearly as much success as those who were good-looking in the face.

Many of my friends had not-so-great bodies, as well. The most successful ones in our group always had the best looking faces. They didn't have to say ANYTHING, and neither did I. The pretty boys and hot guys always had all the women. Every single one of them was skinny.

I live in a military city, and the guys around here are huge. But, the girls they are with are always looking at the hot guys - even with them there. I had countless girls ditch the buff bad boy types to get with me. It's all about the face, and the eyes. They like the shiny, glossy eyes.

 

[MisterD]

Well yeah, both sexes want something to look at, no secret there. But attraction is not based on that alone. Sometimes we can't help who we're attracted to. That's when the knowledge we have comes into play. As long as she shows interest in you early, and you know how to handle women. You'll always have a puncher's chance. I'm in college, and sometimes there will be guys in my class who are really good looking but they never open girls. Maybe they have a girl already, maybe they think they don't need to approach because they're so good looking they think girls will come to them. Whatever it is, they go home empty handed. I just sit back like wow, if I was that good looking coupled with the knowledge I possess, I would own this school. Looks are not the be all end all, they may get you in the door but they won't keep you there. Especially if you don't know how to handle women

The most you can do is be happy with who you are physically. We can't all be 6'4 dudes with ripped bodies and perfect skin. You make due with what you got. All of us can be in better physical shape than we are. Just maximize your body, get the most that you can out of it. That will breed confidence and in turn make you appear more attractive

 

[floydb25]

Mister: Of course, certainly. Looks get you in the door, but in itself won't keep anyone around. Thats where having game is vitally important. But, you still need the looks to make it that far. The initial attraction must be there.

This is why being a challenge is so effective when someone is into you, but doesnt mean **** when they're not. If someone isnt attracted to you - nothing you do is going to change that. Having game just insures that you'll KEEP someone's interest - not get it.

 

[MisterD]

Mister: Of course, certainly. Looks get you in the door, but in itself won't keep anyone around. Thats where having game is vitally important. But, you still need the looks to make it that far. The initial attraction must be there.

This is why being a challenge is so effective when someone is into you, but doesnt mean **** when they're not. If someone isnt attracted to you - nothing you do is going to change that. Having game just insures that you'll KEEP someone's interest - not get it.

Absolutely. I think sometimes guys on here have problems with women because they're using seduction methods on girls who arent attracted to them. I have been guilty of that before, I won't lie. The most important part is really knowing who is attracted to you and who is just being friendly/politely trying to reject you. That comes with experience. If you master that very crucial part, you'll save yourself a lot of time and a lot of problems

 

[nismo-4]

How could ya'll forget that she likes the rich guy?!

 

[floydb25]

In my experience, girls get with guys with money for financial stability only. This is not a good way to get women - only to be used by them. They will get involved with them, but still screw around behind their backs. They're a safety net - much like the nice guys.

 

[sambwoy]

Not getting girls is not a life problem like other things, it is a society problem. Human attraction to the other party is a powerful force that in my mind is impenetrable.

The tall, dark and handsome mould gets firmly established in girls from a young age and they live the fantasy, contrary to reality.

Yes, you get one girl who all could agree is a stuck up *****, but the next girl you see, sure, has a nicer personality, but her standards in men are not going to be much different. This is just based on my experiences.

In most of my youth I was picked on by groups of girls, as a result of society, and just laughed at for existing, on the bus, in college- at the latter it was the order of the day because they are all into 'pretty boys' at that stage. Wearing a smile doesn't help.

I just retreated after that because I just couldn't handle it. Clubs, pubs and parties aren't all that great, because they are visual places and you are going to struggle if you are not the classic 'tall, dark and handsome'.

Also, I am really tired of getting the tough love number from other people, usually older people (and towards others of my generation/age group, not just me), complaining I have no self-esteem, or that we are pessimistic and negative- with all that has been discussed on here that doesn't surprise me.

 

[Dkal]

The way I see it, attraction is composed of a number of emotional switches. In the initial approach, you trigger some of the positive and some of the negative switches. What manifests is her initial reaction. How well you can understand the girl(what she's attracted to, etc.) is how you might be able to trigger more attraction switches and change her initial reaction towards you. There are more generic attraction switches you might trigger by being confident and/or showing genuine interest in the girl, however you might have to try a couple of different things with girls that aren't initially attracted to you. More specifically, in a cold approach you have less time and less of a reason to keep her around you, which makes the initial attraction a bigger, but not completely decisive factor in the outcome of the interaction.

 

[bigneil]

I agree Dkal. Getting to like a person is similar to liking a song. Some songs sound good at first but don't stay with you. Others are more complex so they are an acquired taste. Rare are the true hits that you like at once and always. The process of realizing you like the song/person is an emergent property.

 

[sambwoy]

That makes me ask, if a girl isn't immediately physically attracted to you, is there anything you can do, or is this just all predetermined?

If there was a solution, I would be less miserable. just tired of older people complaining I am so negative and pessimistic about life, feel so hollow feeling incapable achieving anything in life.

 

[ilikecharlene]

there is more to life than dating.

 

[LearningSlowly]

A lot of truth has been said in this thread.

My point to add would be on social proof. I feel better, present myself more attractive, and get more girls at parties rather than when I'm gaming on my own. During the day with friends, I can sometimes hit that same feeling.

A girl I know bragged about getting asked to a dance by "the hottest guy" in my grade. He's definitely not the hottest guy, but he flirts well, and everyone likes him, so his social proof makes him seem that way.