Is Approaching Strangers for Romantic Purposes a Historical Irregularity?

[SW15]

Louise Perry is a late Millennial (born early 1990s) British writer with a reformed feminist background. By reformed feminist, it means that she has somewhat turned away from her origins as a classic feminist. She made a claim in the video above (I've linked it to roughly the right time) that approaching strangers for sexual/romantic purposes is a thing that was most relevant during the post-Sexual Revolution and pre-internet era. She called it mainly a Gen X thing. I think this point is interesting and worth a discussion.

If we put a rough timeline on her claim, it means that approaching strangers was most relevant from 1965-2005. I set 2005 as the end of that period as it took a while for dating websites to become de-stigmatized. Match.com launched in 1995 but it languished until the early to mid-2000s.

Since the mid to late 2000s, approaching strangers in any real life venue has been less commonly practiced. More of the starting of romantic/sexual interactions has moved from random in-person approaches to first dating websites, then dating swipe apps and social media websites and apps.

Prior to the Sexual Revolution of the 1960s, the more historical norm was mainly families arranging longer term marriages for their children earlier in life. By the mid 20th Century, social circles were becoming relevant in the formation of romantic couples, but social circle game has been fading since around the 1980s. The internet and smartphone applications only accelerated a trend away from social circle game. There can still be benefits in social circle game in the 2020s as I still believe it to be the easiest way to get one long term girlfriend with the least amount of grief and frustration.

Did approaching strangers only have a short moment of relevance like Louise Perry claims?

 

[sosuave213]

Louise Perry is a late Millennial (born early 1990s) British writer with a reformed feminist background. By reformed feminist, it means that she has somewhat turned away from her origins as a classic feminist. She made a claim in the video above (I've linked it to roughly the right time) that approaching strangers for sexual/romantic purposes is a thing that was most relevant during the post-Sexual Revolution and pre-internet era. She called it mainly a Gen X thing. I think this point is interesting and worth a discussion.

If we put a rough timeline on her claim, it means that approaching strangers was most relevant from 1965-2005. I set 2005 as the end of that period as it took a while for dating websites to become de-stigmatized. Match.com launched in 1995 but it languished until the early to mid-2000s.

Since the mid to late 2000s, approaching strangers in any real life venue has been less commonly practiced. More of the starting of romantic/sexual interactions has moved from random in-person approaches to first dating websites, then dating swipe apps and social media websites and apps.

Prior to the Sexual Revolution of the 1960s, the more historical norm was mainly families arranging longer term marriages for their children earlier in life. By the mid 20th Century, social circles were becoming relevant in the formation of romantic couples, but social circle game has been fading since around the 1980s. The internet and smartphone applications only accelerated a trend away from social circle game. There can still be benefits in social circle game in the 2020s as I still believe it to be the easiest way to get one long term girlfriend with the least amount of grief and frustration.

Did approaching strangers only have a short moment of relevance like Louise Perry claims?

There are many ways to get women. You can use social circles or cold reading...each to their own.

 

[SW15]

There are many ways to get women. You can use social circles or cold reading...each to their own.

Yes, there are. Fewer people seem to be using approaching strangers in real life or the social circle method for meeting women.

If we put a rough timeline on her claim, it means that approaching strangers was most relevant from 1965-2005. I set 2005 as the end of that period as it took a while for dating websites to become de-stigmatized. Match.com launched in 1995 but it languished until the early to mid-2000s.

If we use the timeline that approaching strangers (mainly in bars) was most relevant from 1965-2005, then the groups of people that would have used it the most would have been Baby Boomers and Generation X. The earliest of Millennials would have been on the tail end of this in 2005.

Neil Strauss published "The Game" in 2005 as well, right on the tail end of bar approaching being relevant. Neil Strauss is a Generation X member. Mystery and the other pickup artists that taught Strauss are Generation X'ers. Ross Jeffries is a Baby Boomer. Roosh, Chateau Heartiste, Rollo Tomassi, and Nick Krauser are all Generation X as well.

I don't think Millennials were ever well suited to doing real life approaching. While the oldest Millennials like myself came up in the late 1990s/early 2000s before tech-based dating methods took over, we didn't get a lot of experience in terms of in-person arranging of dates before the tech-based methods took over. Millennials were the generation that received participation trophies in the 1990s/early 2000s and were more instant gratification oriented. Approaching strangers in real life has never been an instantly gratifying experience. It is a massive effort with a lot of rejection, and those are things that Millennials have never liked.

 

[ManlyMan]

I remember growing up and having friends pick up girls at the mall in the 80's although only a small percentage of guys did it. I think at this period in time approaching strangers in public is still relevant although even in men in pickup forums are scared of being arrested or something. As they have heard about worst case scenarios online. so yeah even though there is a pickup forums teaching this stuff. Believe it or not I think it is less common than about 10 years ago because of some of the worst case scenarios read about online. What they don't know is that those scenarios are not common and meeting strangers in public can be very rewarding. I feel meeting people in real life is the most rewarding. I myself really just can't get motivated to do online dating. Talking about day game.

 

[sosuave213]

cold reading is not a way to meet women, it's a technique, like negging, etc.

The Most Epic Pick-Up Line

I thought Pick-Up Lines were a thing of the 2000s Era, but I've been using this on Hinge with epic success. I've been waking up to 10+ messages every morning. I convert about 1-2 numbers for every ten messages so far, but I'm learning to be more efficient in that metric and I will leave that...

www.sosuave.net

 

[SW15]

I remember growing up and having friends pick up girls at the mall in the 80's although only a small percentage of guys did it. I think at this period in time approaching strangers in public is still relevant although even in men in pickup forums are scared of being arrested or something. As they have heard about worst case scenarios online. so yeah even though there is a pickup forums teaching this stuff. Believe it or not I think it is less common than about 10 years ago because of some of the worst case scenarios read about online. What they don't know is that those scenarios are not common and meeting strangers in public can be very rewarding. I feel meeting people in real life is the most rewarding. I myself really just can't get motivated to do online dating. Talking about day game.

Non-bar approaching was not that common in the 1980s-2000s either. I think it's become even less common since 2010.

I've done a fair amount of non-bar approaching in my life. The worst that has happened has been a few harsh rejections. Most interactions go nowhere with soft rejections within 30-60 seconds. Some dates happen, but non-bar approaching has a low conversion rate.

 

[MatureDJ]

Louise Perry is a late Millennial (born early 1990s) British writer with a reformed feminist background. By reformed feminist, it means that she has somewhat turned away from her origins as a classic feminist. She made a claim in the video above (I've linked it to roughly the right time) that approaching strangers for sexual/romantic purposes is a thing that was most relevant during the post-Sexual Revolution and pre-internet era. She called it mainly a Gen X thing. I think this point is interesting and worth a discussion.

If we put a rough timeline on her claim, it means that approaching strangers was most relevant from 1965-2005. I set 2005 as the end of that period as it took a while for dating websites to become de-stigmatized. Match.com launched in 1995 but it languished until the early to mid-2000s.

Since the mid to late 2000s, approaching strangers in any real life venue has been less commonly practiced. More of the starting of romantic/sexual interactions has moved from random in-person approaches to first dating websites, then dating swipe apps and social media websites and apps.

Prior to the Sexual Revolution of the 1960s, the more historical norm was mainly families arranging longer term marriages for their children earlier in life. By the mid 20th Century, social circles were becoming relevant in the formation of romantic couples, but social circle game has been fading since around the 1980s. The internet and smartphone applications only accelerated a trend away from social circle game. There can still be benefits in social circle game in the 2020s as I still believe it to be the easiest way to get one long term girlfriend with the least amount of grief and frustration.

Did approaching strangers only have a short moment of relevance like Louise Perry claims?

Absolutely! In the old days, with rare exceptions, women were only courted by men they were properly introduced to, and who were approved by her father. One of the rare exceptions were "bride ships/wagons" where women were shipped into communities full of incel pioneers:

King's Daughters - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[MatureDJ]

Non-bar approaching was not that common in the 1980s-2000s either. I think it's become even less common since 2010.

I've done a fair amount of non-bar approaching in my life. The worst that has happened has been a few harsh rejections. Most interactions go nowhere with soft rejections within 30-60 seconds. Some dates happen, but non-bar approaching has a low conversion rate.

It's OVER for SoftRejectionCels.

 

[SW15]

It's OVER for SoftRejectionCels.

Did you ever read this thread?

Jesse Pinkman's approach/field reports thread.

So I thought that since I am going out and approaching so much, why not post a field report thread. Yeah, it is a little over 3 AM and I am posting this but whatever. Hate to post a new thread every time I go out and do approaches so I will just keep bumping this one (until mods make an official...

www.sosuave.net

It shows how much effort goes into randomly approaching strangers.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi SW15,
Can't speak for the States,but over here I go back to a time before ordinary Folk had telephones,Bars/Pubs were really only for Men and were places for Boozing,gambling and meeting mates...But those days everyone danced,women sat one side Guys the other,you payed your 50 cents at the door and within minutes you had a Girl in your arms,the vestiges of that died with Covid...sad!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Not sure but it rarely comes off natural...IMHO the people who are successful with it make it seem like a natural interaction with a purpose and then have it just segway into a pickup attempt.

Most people never make it seem like a natural interaction which just makes it weird and uncomfortable because it's a straight pickup attempt. Unless you are super hot and then they would likely be all about it.

Like a viper whose prey never sees the strike coming until it's too late, so should your interaction with women be...never let them know it's a pickup attempt until it's too late.

 

[TheGrindEqualsHappiness]

I think the take home message is the oldie goodie:

Humans didn't evolve to be good at cold approaching. That's why we get approach anxiety.
Just because you need to leave comfort zone doesn't mean that that you shouldn't practice it!

• Because most guys sh1t their pants even thinking of it, confident, natural-feeling cold approach is a DHV in itself.
• Even with apps and OLD you need to F chicks in real life. So you need social confidence and game anyway. Otherwise real you will be just huge disappointment to her, compared to virtual image you portray.
• Fast paced cold approaches with 3s rule and right mindset are absolutely most time efficient way of leveling up social confidence and the game, because you get lot's and lots of repetitions in shortest amount of time.

Pure cold approaches might not be the best way to optimize comfort vs number of lays. In apps you are cushioned from rejection. But in life itself you should scr3w the comfort anyway. Comfort kills your soul!

And one thing you need to understand is that adrenaline dump itself isn't good or bad. What makes it good or bad feeling is how your brain interprets it. There's endless list of things that cause this adrenaline dump and you better learn to enjoy it to get anywhere in life:
Public speaking - check
Job interview - check
Big sales case for tough customer - check
Getting into fistfight - check

Your internal dialogue can either be:

• "Mommy! I im pooping my pants! (freezing)'
• "Oh yeah! Here we go again! (big evil grin)

So i suggest learning to choose the latter one utilizing one of the most safe and easily available ways of getting this adrenaline dump through cold approaches. (Cold showers/ice paths are perhaps the easiest way for adrenaline dump but there's huge extra bonus of learning to enjoy adrenaline in social situations.)

 

[kzar_kzar]

best way is still socializing and cold approaches. My cold approaches are mostly warm approaches, without IOI and my mood i Dont approach.
Used to be good on tinder when in college now NO. No swipes at all , from insta yes.

 

[SW15]

Can't speak for the States,but over here I go back to a time before ordinary Folk had telephones,Bars/Pubs were really only for Men and were places for Boozing,gambling and meeting mates...But those days everyone danced,women sat one side Guys the other,you payed your 50 cents at the door and within minutes you had a Girl in your arms,the vestiges of that died with Covid...sad!

Thank you for the input. You are one of the oldest participants here so it's great to read first hand stories of things that happened in the 1960s and 1970s.

I entered the sexual marketplace in the late 1990s, so I've sort of pieced together what happened between 1965-1995 in the mating marketplace from a combination of TV shows, movies, reading, and accounts from Boomer family members.

Humans didn't evolve to be good at cold approaching.

I'd agree with this. There was minimal cold approaching in Western civilization prior to 1900.

Not sure but it rarely comes off natural...IMHO the people who are successful with it make it seem like a natural interaction with a purpose and then have it just segway into a pickup attempt.

Most people never make it seem like a natural interaction which just makes it weird and uncomfortable because it's a straight pickup attempt. Unless you are super hot and then they would likely be all about it.

Like a viper whose prey never sees the strike coming until it's too late, so should your interaction with women be...never let them know it's a pickup attempt until it's too late.

This is true. Having attempts come off as natural matters more in non-bar approaching than in bar approaching. In bar approaching, there is an expectation of pickup.

There have been times where women commented to my face on in a text message that they enjoyed meeting so naturally and unexpectedly. Every time when I got this feedback, it occurred from a planned daygame session.

 

[ManlyMan]

Not sure but it rarely comes off natural...IMHO the people who are successful with it make it seem like a natural interaction with a purpose and then have it just segway into a pickup attempt.

Most people never make it seem like a natural interaction which just makes it weird and uncomfortable because it's a straight pickup attempt. Unless you are super hot and then they would likely be all about it.

Like a viper whose prey never sees the strike coming until it's too late, so should your interaction with women be...never let them know it's a pickup attempt until it's too late.

Yes I feel natural pickups are the best. However there is something high value about not wanting to conform to societies view of what is appropriate and doing your own thing (which is going direct). given the correct inner game. I think the ones that do like it are polarized to genuinely like you more. However taking everything into account. Natural pickups are way better.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi SW15,
You seem interested in the Historical aspects of dating...I was born into the War Time generation...It was a period of very relaxed Svexual norms...In a boots and all War,morals are the first casualty,I remember Dads step brother telling us that during his time in the Army of Occupation in Hamburg,he would buy classy German Ladies for a packet of 20 cigarettes,that being the currency...A good yarn for you to read,about these times, is Steven Visinczeys' "In praise of older Women"authentic and very readable.