Is a womanizer a disorder?

[Pandora]

I consider many of the more experienced DJs around here womanizers. Is womanizing a form of sex addiction ( is there such a thing) and is it therefore a mental disorder? Are us guys that love making love to multiple women damaged. Some people try to shame you for really liking and pursuing attractive women. Are we as players just pursuing the natural urge of men to be polygamous or is there something wrong with us?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I consider many of the more experienced DJs around here womanizers. Is womanizing a form of sex addiction ( is there such a thing) and is it therefore a mental disorder? Are us guys that love making love to multiple women damaged. Some people try to shame you for really liking and pursuing attractive women. Are we as players just pursuing the natural urge of men to be polygamous or is there something wrong with us?

Womanizer is one who is seemingly always "moving onto the next". Some folks are addicted to the "new" and some would consider that a "disorder", because it will always be something new and different to take your attention off what your dealing with.

 

[zekko]

I'm convinced that the most successful men I've known REFUSE to adhere to the Westernized paint-by-numbers system.

That type of saying sounds good, but I'm not sure it's true. Nearly all presidents are married and have families. Most high society CEO types do also. It's true some have a wandering eye, but most find at least presenting a traditional Westernized face to the world to be of some value.

And who ISN'T addicted to sex?? The more the better. It is one of life's top pleasures and should be indulged in as frequently as possible.

I wouldn't go so far as to say womanizing is a disorder. But a certain amount of self control is advisable. We can't all be standing up on our desks whacking off and throwing poop at each other.

 

[KingBeef]

Interesting...

IMO, these men not only pursue what they want with no shame but are not chained by social constraints/society's expectations. In other words, they do whatever they want and don't apologize for their indulgences..
Internal locust of control perhaps?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

All "disorders" are artificial, and an attempt by those in power to control the behaviors of others.

Something is ONLY a disorder of the person WITH the "disorder" wants to stop, but can't.

Otherwise it's just somebody looking at somebody else and saying, "I don't like your behavior."

Unless your behavior is based on fraud, deception, thievery, violence, etc., it's nobody's business.

The only other concern would be if you were in a relationship (business or romantic) and the relationship was predicated on you NOT doing a certain "behavior" then you've got some choosing to do.

OF COURSE, "your behavior" will impact how people perceive and deal with you (or choose not to).

Otherwise, all's fair in love and war.

 

[zekko]

Otherwise it's just somebody looking at somebody else and saying, "I don't like your behavior."

It's certainly nobody's business. That doesn't necessarily make it healthy behavior, however.
Just as men can get into destructive LTRs, some can get themselves into trouble by having no self control in their multiple sexual escapades - STDs, accidental impregnation, being falsely accused of impregnating, crazy women, crazy boyfriends/husbands, false rape charges, unnecessary drama, etc, etc, etc.

You should at least be able to say no to your primal urges. You may have an urge to overeat, but that doesn't make it healthy.

 

[guru1000]

It's in a man's nature to be polygamous, and a woman to be monogamous. Hence, why in a nine-month period a young woman can be impregnated only once while a man produces 85 million sperm per day and could impregnate many while his woman is pregnant! Women, thus, strive to keep the man monogamous to tend only to her child.

Exclusive marriages and LTRs are social constructs, not Nature's order.

A disorder can only exist to what is against man's nature, which is monogamy.

 

[zekko]

A disorder can only exist to what is against man's nature, which is monogamy.

A disorder might describe a behavior which could be normal, but in this particular person's case, excessive.

I don't believe womanizing is a disorder, but having no control over your appetites is unhealthy, whatever that appetite might be.

 

[Pandora]

It's in a man's nature to be polygamous, and a woman to be monogamous. Hence, why in a nine-month period a young woman can be impregnated only once while a man produces 85 million sperm per day and could impregnate many while his woman is pregnant! Women, thus, strive to keep the man monogamous to tend only to her child.

Exclusive marriages and LTRs are social constructs, not Nature's order.

A disorder can only exist to what is against man's nature, which is monogamy.

Guru i hear you bro. But it sure seems like a disorder when you see the havoc that following your nature brings. Our lifestyle routinely leaves our plates in tears when they realize that we can no be monogamous. We are playing with there girls emotions. It is traumatic to a woman when you get her to fall in love with you and then you leave her for another woman once you get bored. Its kinda not cool. But i also realize that i can not stop being a womanizer.

 

[Pandora]

It's certainly nobody's business. That doesn't necessarily make it healthy behavior, however.
Just as men can get into destructive LTRs, some can get themselves into trouble by having no self control in their multiple sexual escapades - STDs, accidental impregnation, being falsely accused of impregnating, crazy women, crazy boyfriends/husbands, false rape charges, unnecessary drama, etc, etc, etc.

You should at least be able to say no to your primal urges. You may have an urge to overeat, but that doesn't make it healthy.

Zekko this what i am saying. No one talks about the downside of this lifestyle. If you are a high quality guy then girls are going to get hooked on you. When they find out that they are just a plate it is emotionally devastating to that woman. Every plate is going to cry her self to sleep once they realize that they are one among many. This is in addition to the other negatives that you listed.

 

[Pandora]

Something is ONLY a disorder of the person WITH the "disorder" wants to stop, but can't.

.

But can we really stop? I dont think we can stop. Once you have tasted the pleasure of multiple attractive women YOU CAN NOT GO BACK. You can go stop temporarily but it will always lure you back in. Its like an athlete that can not retire until their body just cant play the sport anymore. No one that is good at something ever quits of their own accord.

 

[guru1000]

Guru i hear you bro. But it sure seems like a disorder when you see the havoc that following your nature brings. Our lifestyle routinely leaves our plates in tears when they realize that we can no be monogamous. We are playing with there girls emotions. It is traumatic to a woman when you get her to fall in love with you and then you leave her for another woman once you get bored. Its kinda not cool. But i also realize that i can not stop being a womanizer.

Social constructs incite havoc and create the societal "shoulds," and distinguish the "rights" from the "wrongs." The rules of play are indoctrinated by human and biblical construct; not nature's. Nature calls for men to be polygamous; hence our ability to procreate with multiple partners simultaneously.

I'm not arguing for either side; just pointing to the facts.

 

[Pandora]

Social constructs incite havoc and create the societal "shoulds," and distinguish the "rights" from the "wrongs." The rules of play are indoctrinated by human and biblical construct; not nature's. Nature calls for men to be polygamous; hence our ability to procreate with multiple partners simultaneously.

I'm not arguing for either side; just pointing to the facts.

i hear ya. I guess there is always going to be a loser/winner in the mating game. Either she wins and you become monogamous. Or you win and she allows you to be polygamous but remains faithful to you. I guess thats what you are saying huh.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Nature calls for men to be polygamous; hence our ability to procreate with multiple partners simultaneously.

Actually nature calls for a few men to monopolize the women (as DNA records indicate) while most men remain horny but never get laid.

THAT is the "natural order" of things.

 

[guru1000]

Actually nature calls for a few men to monopolize the women (as DNA records indicate) while most men remain horny but never get laid.

THAT is the "natural order" of things.

Hmm, sounds much like the 80/20 rule.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Hmm, sounds much like the 80/20 rule.

My opinion?

It was that way until agriculture was invented. The only societies that survived were the ones that had religion embedded (one man one woman) into the rules.

Now that shyt's falling apart, it's back to the 80/20 rule.

Unless you're in the top twenty percent (or higher) you'd better be a church goer if you want to get some...

 

[zekko]

i hear ya. I guess there is always going to be a loser/winner in the mating game. Either she wins and you become monogamous. Or you win and she allows you to be polygamous but remains faithful to you.

This is taking it too far, IMO. I am in a monogamous relationship, and I don't feel that I am "losing" anything. I think it is only fair that if she is faithful to me, that I be faithful to her. Men need to model the behavior they want their women to follow, IMO.

Many, many, men here say they want monogamous relationships with a woman, but they are unable to find them because of the slvtty, sh!tty state of females today. So they have to date multiple women in order to feel they are on an even level with disloyal women these days. The plate spinning is actually their second choice, not their first choice, so I don't think it's correct to say it is unnatural. I think it's pretty clear that men have the ability to be polygamous or to pair bond. As higher functioning creatures, we have choice. Neither is "unnatural".

Pandora, you want to keep your PUA lifestyle. Nothing wrong with that. But (certainly at my age) given the choice between plate spinning and a healthy LTR, I will take the LTR every time. So not everybody makes the same choices you do.

 

[Trunks]

All "disorders" are artificial, and an attempt by those in power to control the behaviors of others.

Something is ONLY a disorder of the person WITH the "disorder" wants to stop, but can't.

Otherwise it's just somebody looking at somebody else and saying, "I don't like your behavior."

Unless your behavior is based on fraud, deception, thievery, violence, etc., it's nobody's business.

The only other concern would be if you were in a relationship (business or romantic) and the relationship was predicated on you NOT doing a certain "behavior" then you've got some choosing to do.

OF COURSE, "your behavior" will impact how people perceive and deal with you (or choose not to).

Otherwise, all's fair in love and war.

Lol. I asked a psychiatrist why in spite of new treatments for mental conditions coming out regularly, that is not so when it comes to personality disorders. His response: "what can you do? some people are just a$$holes"

 

[Pandora]

Many, many, men here say they want monogamous relationships with a woman, but they are unable to find them because of the slvtty, sh!tty state of females today. So they have to date multiple women in order to feel they are on an even level with disloyal women these days. The plate spinning is actually their second choice, not their first choice,

I was just thinking about this after i wrote this post. No player was born a player. I was idealistic when i was younger. We all wanted our Wendy Cooper ( girl from Wonder Years). Most teenage boys wanted one dream girl they had a crush on. I know i did. We all got hurt badly, became jaded, and decided to spin plates as a defense mechanism. I am so far down the rabbit hole that i forgot what it was like to be innocent. So i think you are right. Men are not necessarily programed against monogamy.

 

[zekko]

We all wanted our Wendy Cooper ( girl from Wonder Years). Most teenage boys wanted one dream girl they had a crush on. I know i did. We all got hurt badly, became jaded, and decided to spin plates as a defense mechanism.

Becoming enamored with a particular woman is something that has been happening for at least as long as writing has been around. As you note, this is a very common experience among men, so I have never understood why guys here insist that pair bonding is such an unnatural thing. It seems pretty obvious to me that it is as natural as anything could be. PUAs will claim it only happens because of the media and social conditioning, but I see this as thinly veiled horsesh!t. Please note however, that I am not talking about lifetime monogamy here.

Like yourself, I began spinning plates as a defense mechanism. And I dated around (as we called it) for a good many years. But when I got older, and my value increased, I was able to more easily command the loyalty of attractive women, so I went back to what I wanted in the first place - a solid LTR. Some here will claim only a beta will settle for one woman, but I will again say I see this as horsesh!t. A man should go after what he wants, and different strokes for different folks, and all that.