is a midlife crisis a wake-up call?

[insanity]

i have seen in the past few years. men i know who have hit their mid-thirties have hit this youthful spirt, i think is a midlife crisis.the music they listen to is a teen thing. they try and talk all cool like the younger crowd, they have started dressing in style. they got a new haircut and have started cheating on their wives. basically everything they wish they did when they were younger.

does it take a certain period in our lives before we start living. is it really a crisis? all these years i hear people talk about how they wish they could do this and that. when the midlife crisis hits. is that where it all begins.

i'm approaching my thirties next year and i'm happily married and i'm chasing after the rock n roll dream. am i at risk?

 

[Taylormade]

I'm over 50 and have seen many of my friends crash and burn, a few crashed and been better off afterwards. I think what it boils down to is did you allow yourself to have all those youthful experiences when you were younger? If you are going to go "rock and roll" as I think you may, get out now before you destroy your self and your wife.

The thirty somethings who go teenager are pathetic, and may pull their head out of their asses before the world comes crashing down on them. That's why apartment buildings are so full.

 

[Latinoman]

i have seen in the past few years. men i know who have hit their mid-thirties have hit this youthful spirt, i think is a midlife crisis.the music they listen to is a teen thing. they try and talk all cool like the younger crowd, they have started dressing in style. they got a new haircut and have started cheating on their wives. basically everything they wish they did when they were younger.

does it take a certain period in our lives before we start living. is it really a crisis? all these years i hear people talk about how they wish they could do this and that. when the midlife crisis hits. is that where it all begins.

i'm approaching my thirties next year and i'm happily married and i'm chasing after the rock n roll dream. am i at risk?

Something about being in your mid 30s and early 40s.

It is truly (when everything is combined) men's prime...IF they stay healthy and fit.

1- Experience
2- Career
3- Fitness/Health
4- Respect (notice the way a man in his 30s and early 40s is treated in a 5 Star Hotel or Restaurant vs. one that is in his 20s)
5- Money

A clear indication is this "Sexiest Man" alive stuff that some magazine publishes. Look at the top guys...they are between 35-45. With the #1 guy being 45.

Now..."mid life" crisis is a term invented by women. When a 35 year old man buys a Corvette or a BMW...he does it because he FINALLY can afford it.

When a 35 year old man sleeps with a 28 year old woman...he does it, because she is in her prime and he is now ready to settle down.

When the most succesful rapper (LL Cool J) happens to be 38 years old...and Jay Z, Eminem, Snoop Dog, and the likes happen to be in the mid 30s...then you can expect men in the same age group listening to that music as it is the music they live their younger years. Same with Rock and Roll and the likes.

Now...there some area of decorum too...for instance a 35 year old man going to Cancum during Spring break to hook up with 18 year old girls. Now, THAT is a little "creepy" (women terminology) and in a way "mid-life" crisis. Because there the man is actually reverting to his 20s.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The concept of a mid-life crisis is yet another leftover from Carl Jung and all of the other touchy-feely humanistic personality psychologists from the 60's & 70's who wanted to pander to the newly self-discovered feminists during the sexual revolution. There had to be a way to rationalize the idea that men had "fragile egos" and therefore had some deep rooted 'need' to be domineering over women (thus explaining and validating their own sufferage).

This is just one of many "psychological validations" for de-masculinizing society that was based on psychological theory of the time that reinforced feminist values and agendas. It's important to remember that these ideals that we take for granted now were based on popular psychological theory then that happened to agree and bolster a reinventing of gender that better suited a female dominant perspective. The catalyst for this was the invention of a realiable, female controlled form of birth control (which some would argue prompted the sexual revolution itself).

The Carl Jung idea of an Anima and Animus (the theory that human's possess both a masculine and feminine side in their personalities) is yet another hold over from this time. Thus women today, out of hand, can comfortably question a man's sexuality and tell him to drop all his macho bullsh!t and "get in touch with his feminine side." Again this is a standardization that's been so internalized in our culture that no one questions the validity of the principle or even wonders where it all came from.

The idea of a mid-life crisis has the same roots and begs the same scrutiny of the principle. We'd love to poke fun at the man (notice that it's a uniquely male phenomenon?) we perceive to be going through the crisis, but why? It makes us feel better about our own selves of course, but we cannot know what the root cause is without experiencing it personally. Stereotypically we think of a man buying a sports car, marrying a trophy wife, or some such other extreme, but does he do so out of some insecurity or is it that he's now financially able to do so? Is it really a crisis or just a feminized society's way of rationalizing his desire and earned ability to afford things for himself that he spent a good portion of his life working for? Also bear in mind that the whole notion of a mid-life crisis hinges upon a western, industrialized way of thinking.

 

[WestCoaster]

i'm approaching my thirties next year and i'm happily married and i'm chasing after the rock n roll dream. am i at risk?

If you're pursuing the "rock n' roll dream" why in the world are you married? I've found it humorous that guys like Mick Jagger ever get married. Why? He's now paying millions in child support and alimony.

Also, if you're hitting your 30's, isn't it time to quit pursuing a rock n' roll dream? Most record companies aren't lining up to sign guys in their 30's, more like 17, 18, and 20 max or the holdovers who are 30 and got signed in their teens.

 

[Latinoman]

The concept of a mid-life crisis is yet another leftover from Carl Jung and all of the other touchy-feely humanistic personality psychologists from the 60's & 70's who wanted to pander to the newly self-discovered feminists during the sexual revolution. There had to be a way to rationalize the idea that men had "fragile egos" and therefore had some deep rooted 'need' to be domineering over women (thus explaining and validating their own sufferage).

This is just one of many "psychological validations" for de-masculinizing society that was based on psychological theory of the time that reinforced feminist values and agendas. It's important to remember that these ideals that we take for granted now were based on popular psychological theory then that happened to agree and bolster a reinventing of gender that better suited a female dominant perspective. The catalyst for this was the invention of a realiable, female controlled form of birth control (which some would argue prompted the sexual revolution itself).

The Carl Jung idea of an Anima and Animus (the theory that human's possess both a masculine and feminine side in their personalities) is yet another hold over from this time. Thus women today, out of hand, can comfortably question a man's sexuality and tell him to drop all his macho bullsh!t and "get in touch with his feminine side." Again this is a standardization that's been so internalized in our culture that no one questions the validity of the principle or even wonders where it all came from.

The idea of a mid-life crisis has the same roots and begs the same scrutiny of the principle. We'd love to poke fun at the man (notice that it's a uniquely male phenomenon?) we perceive to be going through the crisis, but why? It makes us feel better about our own selves of course, but we cannot know what the root cause is without experiencing it personally. Stereotypically we think of a man buying a sports car, marrying a trophy wife, or some such other extreme, but does he do so out of some insecurity or is it that he's now financially able to do so? Is it really a crisis or just a feminized society's way of rationalizing his desire and earned ability to afford things for himself that he spent a good portion of his life working for? Also bear in mind that the whole notion of a mid-life crisis hinges upon a western, industrialized way of thinking.

Thanks for providing this information. Very informative and useful.

 

[d9930380]

I don't know about this male life crisis. I don't feel different or has my personality changed since I was 21, I'm now 30. The only thing I've begun to realise is my body can't take the punishment like it used to.

I don't want to change either. I see these guys with their LTRs and wives and actually fear being like them. Some women may age say I should grow up but these tend to be the ones who are boring and just want men to settle down. **** that!

The only difference I've noticed is other people are changing around me and while I can/do hang out with younger people, it does feel weird. Even shagging girls in Uni (below 22) makes me feel a bit like a perv. I feel like the last one left at the party who is responsible for switching out the lights. I think that's the best thing about being a Rock Star, you never need to grow up. Look at Mick, although sometimes I do worry that he's going to break a hip or something. The money, models and drugs aren't bad either.

 

[grinder]

Mid-Life-Crisis is a myth.

Mid-Life-Crisis is a catch-all phrase that is applied to men who make any significant life change after the period western society has determined there should be no change.

It is western society’s failure to recognize that human growth and development continue until death, that self-actualization is possible at any time.

Now, off my soapbox and a direct response to your query:

There is no reason to have to “wake-up” if you never fall asleep in the first place.

 

[Latinoman]

Mid-Life-Crisis is a myth.

Mid-Life-Crisis is a catch-all phrase that is applied to men who make any significant life change after the period western society has determined there should be no change.

It is western society’s failure to recognize that human growth and development continue until death, that self-actualization is possible at any time.

The interesting thing is that this is apply ONLY to men. As Rollo pointed out, it is not applied to women.

 

[ElChoclo]

Is it a wake up call? No. I think the shrinks would have a name for this. It more or less covers just about anything by its definition. Adjustment disorder.

I wouldn't say this covers the entire description of a midlife crisis, however it seems to me that society offers certain stereotypes for a man. The pre-marriage man, seen to be able to do pretty much what he wants. The married man, has to attend to prescribed duties. The retired married man, expected to quietly enjoy homelife and a wind down. The divorced not retired man. Oh no, that one does not have its stereotype fully worked out.

What is expected of such a man? To boldly play the ladies man. To cheerfully maintain his role as the economic earning machine, whilst operating in an environment of zero family structure. When paradigms fail, many men return to previous paradigms. A return to youth when clearer roles existed.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Now...there some area of decorum too...for instance a 35 year old man going to Cancum during Spring break to hook up with 18 year old girls. Now, THAT is a little "creepy" .

No kid, that is not creepy - it is every man's dream - 35 vs 18 is about right considering she has been horing for the past 6 years, that is if she is an American!!! Actually 18 is quite old for a woman nowadays considering that they had more sexual encounters than an eighty year old woman!!!

 

[Latinoman]

No kid, that is not creepy - it is every man's dream - 35 vs 18 is about right considering she has been horing for the past 6 years, that is if she is an American!!! Actually 18 is quite old for a woman nowadays considering that they had more sexual encounters than an eighty year old woman!!!

I'm not saying that sleeping with 18 year old girls is bad. In fact, I have NO problem with that.

What I'm saying is that being the ONLY 35 year old man in a place full of 18 year old kids is creepy.

My point is about where to sarge.

 

[azanon]

i have seen in the past few years. men i know who have hit their mid-thirties have hit this youthful spirt, i think is a midlife crisis.the music they listen to is a teen thing. they try and talk all cool like the younger crowd, they have started dressing in style. they got a new haircut and have started cheating on their wives. basically everything they wish they did when they were younger.

does it take a certain period in our lives before we start living. is it really a crisis? all these years i hear people talk about how they wish they could do this and that. when the midlife crisis hits. is that where it all begins.
i'm approaching my thirties next year and i'm happily married and i'm chasing after the rock n roll dream. am i at risk?

Check on everything except the "trying to talk cool like the younger crowd" (generalizing here, not saying i specifically apply to the things you mentioned). Age almost always brings more maturity and more "coolness" in the way you talk. Going back would be a step backwards.

Its not that we may be "starting to live", its that maybe as the early career years and college goes by, we can temporarily lose our way as we try to get grounded in the work force. Once we reach a place of some stability and gain confidence along the way, then we have time to refocus all of that confidence on things that have been put on the side; including women.

Calling the thirtys "middle-aged" is quite a stretch. Just taking the whole package, (looks, money, confidence), i have never been as potent a force as i am today. And I'd say i'm still climbing in that regard; not peaked or moving downhill. Granted, i take extra care of my body but still.

I think the worse risk is to have regret for things you don't ever do. I'm personally taking some risks, but they are all measured. When i discuss/debate "getting caught" doing something I shouldn't, it's generally in the hypothetical, because I haven't been caught yet. With the wisdom of your 30s, you can get away with a LOT.

Also, regarding getting caught, another contingency i try to always incorporate is to be such a great "catch" (money, power, looks, etc), if you will, that even if you get caught, i'd be painfully obvious that leaving me would be a bad move. Granted making the people in your life happy too on a day-to-day basis counts too. Just don't negliect anyone and they will see the light.

 

[miguel t]

what's wrong with 30 somethings wants to dress/act young? i don't hang out with teenagers, but my music/style hasn't been changed yet. i used to skate till when i was in my mid 20's, and i still wear skate shirts i bought 10 yrs ago. i still dress the same, not because i want to look younger (btw, i still look 25) that is just my style. now days people live until 80 - 90's. mid-life is when you hit your early to mid 40's.