Invested in an unrequited love. I want to let go but I don't know how

[marmel75]

Right, right. Silly me because caring for someone else just seem like a beta thing to do.

No. The beta thing is you being afraid to express your sexuality around her because you feared rejection and losing that "friendship", and instead thought about it all the time for 3 years and did nothing. That's the definition of beta---too timid to make a move, hoping something will just "fall into your lap", sticking around to be an orbiter thinking the more you are around the greater the chance of that happening, when in fact the exact opposite is true.

Just so you know---If you had an exact twin, that twin she has never met before---he has a better shot banging her after meeting in a bar than you do at this point after knowing her 3 years. See why this doesn't work the way you want it to?

The only way this ever works is if SHE has the feelings towards you, you have towards her---then she would come after you. Does this happen? Yeah, occasionally. Like maybe once every 200 times this situation comes up. Unless that happens, you have near zero chance with her.

You've watched too many Lifetime/Romantic Comedy movies---that doesn't work in real life.

 

[TheLost&Confuse]

Don't create imaginary relationships in your head. NEVER think too much about any women that you are NOT sleeping with. You think too much about a women and that gets stuck in long term memory... once their your brain kids itself into thinking there is a history with this otherwise completely disinterested chick.

My advice to you is to go out and date as many women as you can. Don't even worry about if you like them or not, just get out and get some practice. Whenever you find yourself thinking about this one chick... stick yourself with a needle.... I'm serious about this... you have to STOP thinking about her... if it takes negative reinforcement then so be it.

well, that's exactly what I have did over the years and now trying to bring myself to understand and see what it really is. When I told her, that I love her and if she felt the same then she wouldn't be making so much excuses not to see me.

She then said, "how could you say so, we hardly know one another and love is something that comes through prolong care and trust. I really like you but I don't think you can say love"
It really got me thinking, we known one another for 3 years and she did tell me some personal stuff throughout the years which I thought made me understand her better. Guess it didn't count.

Right now, I'm just trying to get rid/tear off whatever feelings or misplace sense of love I've felt over the years. One small bit at a time, until then I don't think I would wanna date anyone. I'll just be comparing them to her. As absurd as it sounds, thoughts of her getting ****ed by someone else gets to me and I feel like I've lost

 

[mrgoodstuff]

well, that's exactly what I have did over the years and now trying to bring myself to understand and see what it really is. When I told her, that I love her and if she felt the same then she wouldn't be making so much excuses not to see me.

She then said, "how could you say so, we hardly know one another and love is something that comes through prolong care and trust. I really like you but I don't think you can say love"
It really got me thinking, we known one another for 3 years and she did tell me some personal stuff throughout the years which I thought made me understand her better. Guess it didn't count.

Right now, I'm just trying to get rid/tear off whatever feelings or misplace sense of love I've felt over the years. One small bit at a time, until then I don't think I would wanna date anyone. I'll just be comparing them to her. As absurd as it sounds, thoughts of her getting ****ed by someone else gets to me and I feel like I've lost

You can't worry about her f'ing someone else. She didn't claim you. The fastest thing you can do if you want to get "off" of being hooked on her is to go start screwing someone else. Also it's likely to let you have more swag and act right around her, and this time if she offers you you better stop that nice guy bs and take some puzzy when it's offered.

 

[marmel75]

well, that's exactly what I have did over the years and now trying to bring myself to understand and see what it really is. When I told her, that I love her and if she felt the same then she wouldn't be making so much excuses not to see me.

She then said, "how could you say so, we hardly know one another and love is something that comes through prolong care and trust. I really like you but I don't think you can say love"
It really got me thinking, we known one another for 3 years and she did tell me some personal stuff throughout the years which I thought made me understand her better. Guess it didn't count.

Right now, I'm just trying to get rid/tear off whatever feelings or misplace sense of love I've felt over the years. One small bit at a time, until then I don't think I would wanna date anyone. I'll just be comparing them to her. As absurd as it sounds, thoughts of her getting ****ed by someone else gets to me and I feel like I've lost

Trust me, she has been fvcked by MANY guys since you have known her. None of which were you.

 

[Tictac]

Right, right. Silly me because caring for someone else just seem like a beta thing to do.

You care? How would she know? You were around her for three years and did nothing.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Trust me, she has been fvcked by MANY guys since you have known her. None of which were you.

Basically they are saying that her stuff that she is saying is a bunch of bs

 

[NSX-R]

well, that's exactly what I have did over the years and now trying to bring myself to understand and see what it really is. When I told her, that I love her and if she felt the same then she wouldn't be making so much excuses not to see me.

She then said, "how could you say so, we hardly know one another and love is something that comes through prolong care and trust. I really like you but I don't think you can say love"
It really got me thinking, we known one another for 3 years and she did tell me some personal stuff throughout the years which I thought made me understand her better. Guess it didn't count.

Right now, I'm just trying to get rid/tear off whatever feelings or misplace sense of love I've felt over the years. One small bit at a time, until then I don't think I would wanna date anyone. I'll just be comparing them to her. As absurd as it sounds, thoughts of her getting ****ed by someone else gets to me and I feel like I've lost

Welcome from the world of Disney.

 

[TheLost&Confuse]

Welcome from the world of Disney.

I don't understand, then what actually is love? How do you actually love someone and how does someone become part of your life that you could share it with? Are these things that you have no control over? You don't get to choose who you want, you only can accept whoever that comes your way?

To me, it seems so logical that one should start out as friends first to get to know one another better but in reality it doesn't work. I still ponder how did she kiss someone who she met just a few days and went on to seeing him for a year or so.

 

[Tictac]

To me, it seems so logical that one should start out as friends first to get to know one another better but in reality it doesn't work. I still ponder how did she kiss someone who she met just a few days and went on to seeing him for a year or so.

How'd that work out for you?

 

[RangerMIke]

well, that's exactly what I have did over the years and now trying to bring myself to understand and see what it really is. When I told her, that I love her and if she felt the same then she wouldn't be making so much excuses not to see me.
She then said, "how could you say so, we hardly know one another and love is something that comes through prolong care and trust. I really like you but I don't think you can say love"

I know you are not going to believe this, but what she said was COMPLETELY predictable. If you tell a women you love her, and she does not feel the same, she will 75% of the time say "How can you love me, you don't know me." 15% of the time she will just say "thanks", 10% she'll ether say nothing or change the subject. Truth is that while every woman is different they behave predictably similar.

It really got me thinking, we known one another for 3 years and she did tell me some personal stuff throughout the years which I thought made me understand her better. Guess it didn't count.

Nope... you were her male gay girlfriend. A woman that is REALLY into you will not have these kinds of conversations. All you should be doing as a man is trying to have sex with her and have fun. She has her girlfriends to share all this female emotional BS. If she wants a relationship, then let her work for this.

Right now, I'm just trying to get rid/tear off whatever feelings or misplace sense of love I've felt over the years. One small bit at a time, until then I don't think I would wanna date anyone. I'll just be comparing them to her. As absurd as it sounds, thoughts of her getting ****ed by someone else gets to me and I feel like I've lost

Big mistake bro.... you MUST get out and date other women. I know how you feel... but trust me, if you don't get back out there you might get stuck in this funk for MONTHS. You do not have a choice. Just look at how women get over a break up... they ring up some old BF or go to the club pick up a dude and fvck his brains out... women know how to break the funk. This is the ONLY way to get through this cr@p. Also you have to stop thinking about her.... you can start by not relying to this thread anymore. Read this, take advice and more on.

 

[NSX-R]

I don't understand, then what actually is love? How do you actually love someone and how does someone become part of your life that you could share it with? Are these things that you have no control over? You don't get to choose who you want, you only can accept whoever that comes your way?

To me, it seems so logical that one should start out as friends first to get to know one another better but in reality it doesn't work. I still ponder how did she kiss someone who she met just a few days and went on to seeing him for a year or so.

Love is what you feel about your parents and your close relatives. These people brought you into this world, they discard many things they want for themselves to secure a better life for you.They will never betray you no matter what kind person you are. This is love.

What you feel about that woman is just chemicals mixing each other for the purpose of mating. It's natural, without that motivation we wouldn't be here in the first place. And this is not love. She has done nothing for you.
Get rid of these stupid Disney philosophies. Read the dj bible.

 

[PowerAbuse]

She then said, "how could you say so, we hardly know one another and love is something that comes through prolong care and trust. I really like you but I don't think you can say love"

No sh!t, she's 100% right. You can't "love" her just because you fantasized about some imaginary relationship. Love comes from trust and intimate caring, and it has to be mutual, not one-sided.

Also, you totally blew your chance. When you first kissed her you should have continued to be physical. Don't ask questions or get emotional... Emotions come after sex, and let the girl express them first. First you fvck her senseless, and then she falls in love. You decide if you love her after however long you feel like. But basically, be a man.

 

[JohnChops]

Your the dude her and her friends laugh about when she shows them all the "things" you have done for her and gotten her with nothing in return.

You wanted to show how you felt after all that time...you dumbass. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE TO SHOW HER WHEN SHE THREW THE PVSSY IN YOUR FACE BY FVCKING HER SENSELESS. THAT'S HOW YOU SHOW WOMEN HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM!! NOT BUYING THEM SOME PANDORA CHARM LIKE SOME FAGGOT ASS BETA CHUMP.

All these young guys acting like this further solidifies the research showing that every generation has less testosterone than the generation before due to all the endocrine disruptors out there. Sad state of affairs...pretty soon we are going to have guys on here talking about how they cried themselves to sleep watching Lifetime Movies and eating ice cream after getting dumped...Unbelievable...

Hey look someone gets it! What happens when your test levels are high? You don't do this kind of ****. You attack that ***** like it ain't a thanggg.

Anyway, this is quite pathetic but I've even there, most of us have. I haven't been there this bad though.

 

[JohnChops]

Right, right. Silly me because caring for someone else just seem like a beta thing to do.

You're not caring for her, you're infatuated with her. Huge difference. Girls don't like it when you slobber over them like a piece of filet.


This thread is full of gold. I think everyone should read the tips given.

 

[TheLost&Confuse]

No sh!t, she's 100% right. You can't "love" her just because you fantasized about some imaginary relationship. Love comes from trust and intimate caring, and it has to be mutual, not one-sided.

Also, you totally blew your chance. When you first kissed her you should have continued to be physical. Don't ask questions or get emotional... Emotions come after sex, and let the girl express them first. First you fvck her senseless, and then she falls in love. You decide if you love her after however long you feel like. But basically, be a man.

We did get a lil physical while kissing.
And I'm still not quite sure what is it when people are telling me that I did "NOTHING", what exactly do you mean? I didn't make a move at the very start?

 

[Genos]

Ok, first off, some of the comments here in this thread are needlessly aggressive. Especially you @Tictac and @marmel75, what the hell are you trying to do, traumatize this guy? In some ways, you're going to cause more problems for him down the line, is this how you help people you know in real life? There has to be a better way to tell OP what he should've done differently - bashing his head in with DJ concepts and criticizing him for not knowing how to act is unproductive. It's as much his upbringing's fault as his own for an AFC mentality.

OP, listen. Take a day away from this website, away from women, clear your head as best you can. Then, come back and re-read the responses here. There's an immense amount of wisdom in them. Long story short, yes you needed to be physical with her (escalate to intimacy) much quicker. That's part of being a man, expressing your natural desires. The mistakes you made, as others have said, were basically with regards to this principle in particular.

Remember though, this is how you learn. You learn by failing. I've made similar mistakes, arguably missing out on even bigger opportunities with women I really cared about (and who cared about me). But, if I did not go through these experiences and feel that pain of missed opportunities, I would not be where I am now. Pick yourself up, distance yourself from this woman, and move on. Feel free to PM me if you're having trouble.

Get on your feet, OP. The world awaits.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Trust me, she has been fvcked by MANY guys since you have known her. None of which were you.

This statement alone is a reality sinker. But it is likely reality.

 

[marmel75]

Ok, first off, some of the comments here in this thread are needlessly aggressive. Especially you @Tictac and @marmel75, what the hell are you trying to do, traumatize this guy? In some ways, you're going to cause more problems for him down the line, is this how you help people you know in real life? There has to be a better way to tell OP what he should've done differently - bashing his head in with DJ concepts and criticizing him for not knowing how to act is unproductive. It's as much his upbringing's fault as his own for an AFC mentality.

OP, listen. Take a day away from this website, away from women, clear your head as best you can. Then, come back and re-read the responses here. There's an immense amount of wisdom in them. Long story short, yes you needed to be physical with her (escalate to intimacy) much quicker. That's part of being a man, expressing your natural desires. The mistakes you made, as others have said, were basically with regards to this principle in particular.

Remember though, this is how you learn. You learn by failing. I've made similar mistakes, arguably missing out on even bigger opportunities with women I really cared about (and who cared about me). But, if I did not go through these experiences and feel that pain of missed opportunities, I would not be where I am now. Pick yourself up, distance yourself from this woman, and move on. Feel free to PM me if you're having trouble.

Get on your feet, OP. The world awaits.

OP needs a kick in the @ss in my opinion not more pandering BS. And yes, testosterone makes you aggressive. OP should get some and he'd understand.