Intro to my book, The Toolbox

[Dr. Reed]

Hey guys: A while back I was here brainstorming the forum for some ideas I was shopping around as part of my book. I now have 4 chapters written, and would like to vet some of it here with you guys.

Most guys here are only interested in dating, and my book has loving LTR's as the goal, so I understand that our objectives may be different. However, whether you are looking to get laid, or looking to get married, the principle is the same: You have to increase a woman's interest level (IL).

My book has a very heavy base in Evolutionary Psychology/Biology/Rational Choice modelling and biological basis for human behavior. I am a PhD. I was also ranked as a PUA (Pick Up Artist) who was on the verge of becoming a PUG (Pick Up Guru) over on the old MASF forum. That is where Mystery and Style (Neil Strauss) blogged and with all due modesty I am every bit as good as those guys. I have tons and tons of support for my program in the scientific community. That is why I have so many footnotes, but ALL of my stuff is backed by real science.

I had a college teaching job, and also committed to my wife to step away from the community. The picture on my AV is my wife, who is a very high earner and treats me like a King (either cooks for me or takes me to dinner every night...I have a phenomenal marriage). I have tried to keep the book accessible/readable for the regular guy, but the brains hardwiring is critical if we want to generate IL in a woman.

If the technical material becomes a big turn off, please let me know.

The science, the hardwiring of the female brain is a full 50% of what determines behavior (the other 50% is environment).

However, I also use many techniques from the seduction community. Interestingly, techniques from the PUA community are very much in sync with the brains' hardwiring.

My actual seduction material does not start until Chapter 3. I lay out all the severe problems men face in the prior chapters, which is necessary if we are to understand my program. I recommend that men (as they improve their skills) run a 3 woman dating rotation. For example you have a Tuesday night gal, a Thursday night gal, and a Sat. night gal. You do not lie (why and how to do so are fully covered).

So here we go, I will post one page at a time. Thank you in advance for your feedback. The name of the book is "The Toolbox, a Scientific Guide to Love and Living for The Modern Man."




Introduction to The Toolbox

Do you want to date beautiful high quality women? Do you want to find a woman you love who loves you back? Do you want to become physically, mentally, and emotionally strong? Would you like to overcome fear and anxiety?

Are you tired of flaky women, getting dates canceled? Are you frustrated by women who give you conflicting signals? Are most of your "relationships" a discouraging series of text messages and unanswered phone calls that end in disappointment?

I will teach you how to put an end to this frustrating process. Using my system (called The Toolbox) you will date high quality women who rarely cancel, who don't frustrate you. You will date women who really like you, who don't play games, who make it easy for you. You will become a high value man.

The Toolbox is built upon the science of the mind. It will teach you how to continuously increase a woman's desire for you, how to weed out women who waste your time and break your heart. This dating life does not happen overnight, it is the result of hard work and discipline on your part. It is a nine month program that trains your mind and your body. Women will be competing for your affections. You will have more phone numbers, more dates than you can imagine.

Love is an Evolutionary Adaptation

My program for powerful love and living is logically consistent and designed upon the fact that human beings have more than 100 thousand years of evolutionary hard-wiring. These evolutionary processes have sculpted not merely the body, but also the brain, the psychological mechanisms it houses, and the behavior it produces.1 Once you understand these evolutionary adaptations you have the key to unlocking the female mind.

The Toolbox will break everything down for you into simple basic instructions. For example, the Toolbox incorporates rational actor modeling and evolutionary psychology. These disciplines may sound arcane and convoluted, but they are not. We are all familiar with obtuse and perplexing academic theories that don’t make a lick of sense.

1 Buss, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2005, 2006, 2009, See also Frank, 1988

 

[Dr. Reed]

Page 2: Evolutionary psychology and rational actor modeling are the opposite: They make perfect sense.

For example, you go to the store to get some aspirin for your headache. You see two products with the exact same ingredients and the exact same quality. Which one do you buy? The one that costs less. That’s an example of rational actor modeling (RAM). You see a beautiful young women with lustrous hair, skin, and a perfect waist to hip ratio, you want to make babies with her. That’s evolutionary psychology (EP).

Men and Women Have Different Hard Wiring

Neurobiology tells us that male brains utilize about 6.5 times more Grey matter for activity while female brains utilize nearly ten times more white matter. What does this difference mean? Our brains are fundamentally different.

Grey matter areas of the brain are information to action centers. Grey matter contains lots of cell bodies and relatively few myelinated axons, while white matter contains relatively few cell bodies and lots of of myelinated axons.1 White matter affects learning distribution and coordinates communication between different brain regions. It is more process oriented.2 That is why females operate from what I call a “Process Oriented Paradigm.”

Grey matter creates more focus, more intensity, a tunnel vision when doing something like hunting. Once they are deeply engaged in a task, men may not demonstrate much sensitivity to other people or their surroundings.3 This tunnel vision is why men operate from what I call “The Problem-Solution Paradigm.”

White matter enables females to take on multiple tasks all at once without breaking a sweat. “Women are great multi-taskers, while men excel in highly task-focused projects.”4 My wife manages a large medical facility. She can handle a three person conference call, compose an email, and watch her favorite cooking show all at once. Women are more empathetic and better at making emotional connections.5

For more than 100 thousand years the Problem Solution Paradigm and The Process Oriented Paradigm enabled Homo Sapien to adapt, survive, and build civilizations. Men and women are different, but both Paradigms were necessary for survival.

FOOTNOTES: 1 Purves, Dale; George J. Augustine; David Fitzpatrick; William C. Hall; Anthony-Samuel LaMantia; James O. McNamara; Leonard E. White (2008). Neuroscience (4th ed.). Sinauer Associates. pp. 15–16. ISBN 978-0-87893-697-7.

2Douglas Fields, R. (2008). "White Matter Matters". Scientific American. 298 (3): 54–61. Bibcode:2008SciAm.298c..54D. doi:10.1038/scientificamerican0308-54.

3Jantz, 2014. Brain Differences Between Genders, Psychology Today Feb. 27

4Ibid.

5Crespi and Badcock, 2008 Battle of the sexes may set the brain.Nature. 2008 Aug 28;454(7208):1054-5. doi:10.1038/4541054a.

 

[Dr. Reed]

PAGE 3:

For example, Neanderthal brains were “Problem-solution” in design, but both sexes lacked the higher level process oriented thinking required to form large social groups1 that modern female humans bring to the table.

The evidence that there are inherent differences in how male and female brains work keeps growing.2 The human mind comes out of the womb heavily programed. Instincts, feelings, emotions...these are all the product of evolutionary adaptations. The human brain is designed for love and to build social relationships because doing so was necessary for survival.

For example, romantic love is an evolutionary adaptation necessary for pair bonding and raising offspring. Using Magnetic Resonance Imaging social scientists can actually SEE love in the brain. This breakthrough has challenged conventional wisdom. Thoughts and emotions were programmed into our psyches and continue to drive human behavior today.

My seduction program is designed to work on this programming.

Nature vs Nurture

Is human behavior predetermined biology, or is it learned? This debate is hundreds of years old. In the mid to last portion of the last century, the debate was driven by far left ideology, not science. Gender studies continue to insist that men and women have identical biology. This polemic has been completely refuted by the empirical evidence of the last 20 years, but relationship advice has not caught up.

In the scientific community there is a consensus that human behavior is half learned (nurture) and half born (nature).3 We are pre-programed with our instincts. Our instincts are there for a very good reason, and we should listen to them.

“In an uncertain world, those who survived always had their emotional radar—call it instinct, if you will—turned on.”4 Stone Age people, at the mercy of wild predators or impending natural disasters, came to trust their instincts above all else. Those who possessed keen instincts survived and reproduced.5

The Toolbox is designed to work with nature and nurture. Love and the principles of attraction are driven by our biological instincts. Love is based upon the science of the human brain and the art of seduction. Traditional relationship advice ignores these fundamental principles. That is the core reason why it is so ineffective. It does not understand love.

Footnotes: 1 E. Pearce, C. Stringer, R. I. M. Dunbar. New insights into differences in brain organization between Neanderthals and anatomically modern humans. Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 2013; 280 (1758): 20130168 DOI: 10.1098/rspb.2013.0168

2Goldman 2017 https://stanmed.stanford.edu/2017spring/how-mens-and-womens-brains-are-different.html

3Posthuma et. at., 2015

4Nicholson, 1998

5Ibid.

 

[Dr. Reed]

Page 4:

Scholarship in traditional psychology is heavily influenced by the political agenda and financial realities in Universities. 97% of all funding in traditional psychology goes to work that is far to the left1 on the liberal-conservative spectrum. Very few of these studies are interested in love, and the handful that are give terrible advice.2

The therapeutic model in private practice does not understand the role of love. Couples who are no longer in love don’t go to therapy. Only couples that are still in love are motivated to go to therapy. To illustrate, 100 couples are in danger of breaking up. In 80 of those 100, the problem is (a lack of) love. Those eighty do not seek counsel. Twenty are still in love (but in danger of falling out of love). Psychologists only see those 20 and thus conclude that the problem is not lack of love, it is something else (usually communication). Psychologists do not see a representative sample of the population and thus do not understand the core problem: A lack of love.

Love is Politically Incorrect

Most gender study experts and feminists3 claim that seduction is rape.4 Many feminists think that all heterosexual sex, even consensual sex between a married couple is not love, it is an act of violence against a woman.5

Gender study experts and feminists have exerted a tremendous influence upon mainstream Psychology. Seduction and romantic love are off limit topics. Challenging them is a fast track to the end of your career. This fact is one of many reasons why men cannot get good relationship advice from psychologists or gender experts.

In its’ purest form, seduction is romance seeking love. It is an evolutionary tool for bonding and survival. Men and women need each other. Without seduction the human race would have perished long ago. The male mind is genetically programed to know that the stakes are high when it comes to courtship. His instincts know that mate selection is important, that is why so many men struggle with anxiety.

This fact is especially hard on men who do not have exceptional social skills. High stakes/low ability is a recipe for loneliness and frustration. My goal is to help men develop their romantic capabilities. One of the first things I do is to address the source of your anxiety (your brain). I have exercises and techniques that build your self confidence and help you overcome your fears.

Many men experience a great deal of anxiety approaching and talking to women. Why? Because your brain, your programing, your instincts know that picking a mate is hugely important.

1 Redding, 2001
2 Page, 2015
3 Larsen 1993. See also Rubenfeld 2013, Dworkin, 1974, 1976
4 Seltzer, 2013. See also Parenti, 1978, 2005, 2006, Firestone, 2013, Ridgway, 2012
5 MacKinnon, 1982.

 

[Dr. Reed]

Page 5

Given the constant societal drumbeat of female superiority and male inferiority, can you blame men for being intimidated? For some, getting the phone number and getting a date is more frightening than stepping into the cage with a UFC champion. The Toolbox uses structured seduction techniques to help men get over these early hurdles.

Modern men must develop themselves mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. There are no tricks or easy solutions when it comes to personal development. I wish there were, but personal growth requires work. The good news is that the Toolbox will lay out exactly what you need to become strong, inside and outside.

Every day you will become a little bit stronger, a little bit more confident. We use the same approach when it comes to women. We saw that the male approach to doing things is something I call “The Problem-Solution Paradigm.” That is how men built civilizations, developed technology and mastery over the planet. Unfortunately, the Problem-Solution Paradigm is terrible when it comes to interacting with women and their “Process Oriented Paradigm.”

Women make the major decisions in terms of relationships. Guys, you may think you are in charge, but you are not. Women decide when you become “a couple.” Women also decide when the relationship is over. They file for divorce 70% of the time.

Men have only one power, the power of love. Sorry guys, but that’s the truth.

The primary goal of the Toolbox is the creation of long lasting love.

Traditional psychology views romantic love as a temporary state. One to three years tops is how long it will last. However, social neuroscientists used Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) brain scans to prove that the brain is still able to love after more than 20 years of marriage.1 Love does morph and change over time, but human beings are absolutely capable of long term love. Long term love has been called “companionate love,” and can last for decades.2

Unfortunately, our society is designed for romantic failure, and that is why we need guidelines to help us. Your instincts were developed for a world that no longer exists. They will result in you doing things that turn women off, and get you into all sorts of trouble. The key is to control your instincts and develop a new set of skills, new tools for living. In today’s world, you must protect your heart and keep yourself emotionally strong.

As a former college professor, champion athlete, and coach, I have been counseling men for more than 25 years. But don't be too impressed, I have also made a great deal of mistakes in my own life. My conclusions are based upon experience, decades of

1 Fishbane, Acevedo 2010

2. Fishbane, 2013

 

[skinnyguy]

This really complicates relationships. I can make it much simpler.

Stop caring so much about women and focus on making money and fitness. You're most attractive when you don't care about her.

 

[Dr. Reed]

This really complicates relationships. I can make it much simpler.

Stop caring so much about women and focus on making money and fitness. You're most attractive when you don't care about her.

You are absolutely correct, sir. Self improvement is at the core of success. I have a full chapter in my book devoted to body building, another full chapter to martuial art training, and another full chapter to developing your mind, emotions, and spirit. Having said that, there is nothing wrong with investing work into you game.

A Don Juan in training should be working on opening at least three women a day. I also like my guys to develop dating rotations seeing at least 2 different women a week, 3 if they can. You have to do the work. The key is, however, that the work is productive, moves you closer top your goals.

You care about women, just not too much about any one particular women.

 

[wifehunter]

This thread makes me feel old.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Interesting stuff, at lunch so just randomly scanned through. I'll jump in later to review.

Would be interested in reading your theories on pair bonding and at what point a woman's ability breaks down and she's incapable.

Or do you believe "pair bonding" is a myth like the unicorn.

Proud to say I was the one that filed for divorce. Although I should have made her do it!
Let them do all the work.

 

[Dr. Reed]

Interesting stuff, at lunch so just randomly scanned through. I'll jump in later to review.

Would be interested in reading your theories on pair bonding and at what point a woman's ability breaks down and she's incapable.

Or do you believe "pair bonding" is a myth like the mythical unicorn.

Pair Bonding is a well established fact/theory. Pair bonding is necessary from an Evolutionary standpoint. Women with small children are very much at risk. Romantic love lasts from one to 3 years, a time of tremendous vulnerability as children this age have absolutely no ability to take care of them selves.

Having said that, intense romantic love is problematic for the long term. You are so infatuated with the other person that you are not focused upon your own survival. That is why romantic love cannot last forever it would lead to extinction. In a properly managed relationship, romantic love should evolve to something called "companionate" love.

Companionate does not produce the constant euphoria of romantic love, instead it translates into other positives. There still are spikes of love, just less frequent.

All this can be viewed using MRI and other technologies, so this is not just an abstract theory.

In the modern world, people, especially women and the sense of entitlement our society bestows upon them think that romantic love should last forever. When it doesn't they become likely to divorce.

 

[Dr. Reed]

This thread makes me feel old.

At your age (43) I was managing a 3 women rotation of gals who were very high quality and want an LTR with me. I had a Tue/Thurs/Sat schedule, the sex was amazing. I finally committed to my wife.

My general advice to men is to stay single until they are 35 or older. Keep in mind, I only advocate marriage to a truly exceptional women. Using my system you will date and sex many, many women and they will all be competing for you.

If you understand how women are hardwired, programmed, they become amazingly loving, giving, and nurturing, it is in their DNA to be so.

In our society, the vast majority of women or not marriage material. However, you get a really good one (the result of my system) and marriage can be awesome.

 

[wifehunter]

At your age (43) I was managing a 3 women rotation of gals who were very high quality and want an LTR with me. I had a Tue/Thurs/Sat schedule, the sex was amazing. I finally committed to my wife.

Meh...not interested in sluts.

 

[Dr. Reed]

Meh...not interested in sluts.

What makes you think these women are sluts? These are women competing for you. They all want an LTR/Marriage. When women love you they have sex with you. These are all very high quality women. Surely you are not suggesting that my wife is a slut. I had Dr's, PhD's, MBA's, Nurses. Several were virgins when I started dating them.

My wife has been with only 3 men in her entire life.

I don't think you are grasping the concepts here. Is there anything of substance you would like to analyze?

 

[wifehunter]

What makes you think these women are sluts? These are women competing for you. They all want an LTR/Marriage. When women love you they have sex with you. These are all very high quality women. Surely you are not suggesting that my wife is a slut. I had Dr's, PhD's, MBA's, Nurses. Several were virgins when I started dating them.

My wife has been with only 3 men in her entire life.

I don't think you are grasping the concepts here. Is there anything of substance you would like to analyze?

Any woman who puts out before 'closing the deal', is a skank. How many other guys, took her for a 'test run'?

 

[ubercat]

That s a bit extreme. I don't trust women for LTRs who put out on the first date mainly because of what it says about their self image. But I've had 3 ltr ranging from 2.5 to 5 years with girls who put out on the second date and as far as I can tell were completely loyal in their time with me. Skill does come into it. If you are good at making woman feel comfortable that they know you for longer then they really do you're going to get a result earlier.

 

[Dr. Reed]

That s a bit extreme. I don't trust women for LTRs who put out on the first date mainly because of what it says about their self image. But I've had 3 ltr ranging from 2.5 to 5 years with girls who put out on the second date and as far as I can tell were completely loyal in their time with me. Skill does come into it. If you are good at making woman feel comfortable that they know you for longer then they really do you're going to get a result earlier.

Yes, it is all about the skill. There are also techniques like what I term "the venue change," that make a women think that she has put in more time towards the relationship than she has, in reality.

Probably the biggest advantage that my system has is that I am not pursuing sex. I want an LTR, and my primary focus is upon increasing her Interest level (IL) not sex. When sex is truly not the goal she is much more likely to give you sex. It is all about rigorous application of the rules/principles.

Once you reach into a woman's biology you will be shocked at what she will do for you. Very few men know what they are doing. This board was very different 15 years ago, when I was still designing/perfecting my system. There were far fewer arguments and more camaraderie. There was a lot more discussion of the principles from The DJ Bible.

I integrated some of the Bible into my system. It is a truly exceptional resource, you guys need to spend more time studying it.

 

[cola]

@Dr. Reed
Most of the new guys here don't understand the concept of spiking interest level.
I say that to say, why just have plain boring sex with her when you can have her doing your laundry, folding your clothes, running your errands AND instead of plain sex have a sex slave who will do what ever you say.
It's very possible by peaking her IL and keeping her there. I'm interested in your book and will read the intro later.

 

[Dr. Reed]

@Dr. Reed
Most of the new guys here don't understand the concept of spiking interest level.
I say that to say, why just have plain boring sex with her when you can have her doing your laundry, folding your clothes, running your errands AND instead of plain sex have a sex slave who will do what ever you say.
It's very possible by peaking her IL and keeping her there. I'm interested in your book and will read the intro later.

My wife works a lot of hours, she supervises a large medical facility. She is getting promoted soon.

She either cooks for me every night, or buys me dinner. High end Sushi, Italian. She will drop $100 on dinner with regularity. She has someone clean the house every week, and she pays for it. I really should do housework, but I don't.

I found her using my system (part of which is similar to Anti-Dumps machine). I keep her in love by doing the little things each day. Maintenance is not hard, you just have to listen to her "day" talk (usually while eating) not go into typical male "Problem-Solution" mode.

Control your emotions when a **** test comes up.....even the best women will test you on occasion. Again, discipline and understanding the evolutionary psychology of her hardwiring will see you through and rack up points.

 

[Dr. Reed]

page 6 Sorry guys, my growth chart did not survive the cut and paste....you should be able to figure things out without it.


While realizing that traditional psychology offers very little if you are looking for love, it is strong when it comes to communication. Just keep in mind that if a women does not love you, all the communication in the world will not change that fact. If a woman already loves you communication can get her to love you more, but the love MUST be there already.

The Toolbox is all about love and growth. You must never stop growing, even if you are 70 years old. Seduction techniques get you in the door, but the ability to remain teachable, the ability to grow as a person creates the type of man women love.

Your growth can be broken down into five areas.

The five key areas of growth

1: Relationship and seduction skills. 2: Physical fitness. 3: Emotional strength. 4: Spiritual fitness, and 5: Behavior control.

THE TOOLBOX FOR SUCCESSFUL LIVING

Five Key areas of growth

Relationship and Seduction skills

Physical fitness

Spiritual fitness

Emotional strength

Behavior control

Skills

Getting women to fall in love with you

Body-building

Meditation

Meditation

Life Tools

Skills

Keeping a woman in love with you

Martial arts

Higher power

Higher power

Meditation

Skills

Life Tools

Diet

Life Tools

Life Tools

Higher power




Other coaches often make promises that “to be successful you must do 3 things.” Or “learn one trick that will drive women wild.” My absolute favorite (sarcasm) advice is to not even bother trying to improve yourself.1 If you follow that advice you will never realize your potential, and will have nothing to offer in terms of a relationship.

1Page, 2015

 

[Dr. Reed]

100 thousand years of evolution prove that the survival of the species has always been contingent upon self improvement. Those that adjust and improve survive, those that do not improve die and are wiped from the planet.

Becoming successful in relationships requires constant improvement and adaptation. That is the bad news. The good news is that if you work my program you WILL attract women. You just have to be disciplined. As stated above I break everything down into small manageable tasks that will result in you growing as a man.

I promise you that if you do the work you WILL improve. After nine months you will be a completely new man. You will be strong, and women will be competing for your love and affection. Your development will be broken down into three growth phases. Each phase is approximately three months.

Chronology of Growth

First three months: Development of approach, opening, building rapport, creating interest and value. Elimination of anxiety. Learning to embrace rejection. Developing the mind to be fearless. Develop spiritual, emotional, and mental strength. Develop the body through bodybuilding and diet. Mastering structured seduction and techniques, Developing “natural “game” and rapport. By the end of the third month you will be getting at least one phone number a day, and two dates per week

Months four through six: Transition from from beginner to intermediate. Master conversation and seduction skills. Rely less upon structured seduction. Improve spirituality and natural game. Learn how to manage situations that used to baffle you. You should be getting two phone numbers a day and four dates per week, even though you only have time for three dates. Date multiple women without lying or cheating. Your body should start transforming.

Months seven through nine: You are now managing a two or three woman rotation (dating two or three women per week). These are attractive high quality women. Women are falling in love with you. Women are moving in and out of your rotation. Women are competing for you, and demanding long term relationships (LTR). Woman are starting bringing up the topic of marriage.

After nine months: Eventually, you will find a woman you want to be exclusive with and you will stop seeing all other women. I can coach you so that you can keep her in love with you. If she gives you what I call the “Golden Year” she is a candidate for a permanent relationship.