Interview with a natural PUA -- reframing your focus

[40quid]

I realized the other day that I was spending way too much time trying to determine when to do what in which situation. And I was pretty much getting nowhere. Phone numbers like crazy, but no dates.

Then, I took David DeAngelo's advice -- I found a couple of guys who were just great with women, got to know them a bit, and then just started asking them questions about how they go about getting so much female attention.

There is this one guy in my class. He's not model good-looking, but he has so much confidence and a laid-back attitude that the women adore him. Everywhere he goes, there's some hot girl waiting to talk to him.

I asked him about some of the theory that I've learned here and on some other sources, like the theories on confidence, attraction, physical attractiveness, and other things. He stopped me in mid-sentence and he said this --

"You're thinking waaay too much about this. Your theory is correct, but when you interact with a girl and you're running these thoughts through your head, you're not focused on the goal, but the process. Girls can pick up on this because you're not just letting go and being natural."

He continued:

"Only the smoothest people can run patterns without looking fake. I'm not there yet -- and I don't want to be. I'd like to think that the women like me because I am doing one thing: enjoying the conversation and interacting with them. You'd be amazed how pvssy just falls into your lap if you just engage the girl in conversation."

"Forget phone numbers. They are just another barrier for you to work through. If she's not interested now, you are pretty much wasting your time. Move on."

This next comment cemented it for me:

"I ALMOST never get rejected because I only approach women who send off signals of interest. The way I look for interest is that I use eye contact. When a girl is staring at you with a certain look (and he showed me), you know you've got her. After that, I just mess with her by teasing her, always pushing the envelope, and getting her excited, and then . . . walking away, making her want more."

The look that he showed me was classic, because I instantly recognized it as the look that I have gotten in the past when I just knew things were going to work out. It's that look where the girl is pretty much watching your mouth with a wide eyes and a slight smile. She is basically hanging on your every word, just dying to hear what is coming next.

Finally, he had one more thing to offer:

"You're out to have a good time. If you make your goal to be -- 'I'm going to pick up a girl tonight,' you're approaching it all wrong. You're going to have an agenda when you talk to women, and girls can smell that a million miles away. If you are just out to have fun and a girl likes you, she's going to want to come along."

And you know what? My game has improved drastically in the last week. I just go out, have a good time and not overanalyze the situation. Now, I can't claim that I got laid like a porn star this week, but I sure as hell had a lot more fun. And the girls that I talked to seem genuinely excited to see me when I see them again.

Comments? Suggestions? Snide remarks?

 

[sharpshooter]

go a little deeper on that look again

so the girl sorta tilts her head down a bit and looks down but with wide eyes?

 

[thecraftylefty]

I agree completely with the guy you "interviewed." He's right on the mark. It's not too often you meet a natural that knows how to explain what he does and why he does it, so I suggest hanging out with this guy and learning more from him if you can. The more you're around it the better off you'll be.

thecraftylefty

 

[tactic]

a natural ey? this is amazing stuff

 

[40quid]

Originally posted by sharpshooter
go a little deeper on that look again

so the girl sorta tilts her head down a bit and looks down but with wide eyes?

I knew that description was not quite right. Not "deer-in-headlights", but you know . . . when you see something that you like, your pupils have a tendency to dilate. That's what he meant.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Originally posted by 40quid
I knew that description was not quite right. Not "deer-in-headlights", but you know . . . when you see something that you like, your pupils have a tendency to dilate. That's what he meant.

Its easy to pickup on girls wanting you or even getting most girls to want you if you are INN A CONVO! The hard part is picking up on from a distance before interacting who would fvck you that night

And he is absolutely right on all aspects.... Im so glad he told you about the "enage in a conversation" bit and told you almost to screw patterning and techniques because he is SOOO RIGHT! Because if you engage in a conversation on your terms like you feel her and the convo it just FLOWS and you can twist it and turn it just as you feel it should go and you will conntect with the girl.

And he is right about the signals too. I dont experience rejection myself either because I know what to look for mostly.

 

[40quid]

Originally posted by Kineti[C]harm
Its easy to pickup on girls wanting you or even getting most girls to want you if you are INN A CONVO! The hard part is picking up on from a distance before interacting who would fvck you that night

Oh, I totally understand. He even said that his methods don't operate well with girls that he knows he's probably never going to see again.

But, hey, this was very interesting to me. You have to know how to crawl before you learn how to walk.

 

[tactic]

Can you ask him what life was like in high school? And how he changed from there to college and so on. Thanks, if you can or unless it was one of those once in a lifetime interviews. Heh.

 

[playasupreme]

Good post I totally agree with this approach. I like to know the rules but refer to them when something significant comes up but rather than scripting my every move before hand. Plus, some things you just have to learn on your own or they have no meaning. Noone ever learned anything by making no mistakes.

 

[40quid]

Any more comments?

I'm looking for some more critiques and comments concerning the initial post. I don't know if the information is: (1) just really freaking obvious; (2) above people's heads; or (3) just not that interesting to other people on this board -- because I've noticed that some of the other "quick fix, what do I do?" threads seem to get all the attention and responses.

Or it could be because until you really get into this material, you don't realize that the big picture is the thing that is important. For example, it's an unrealistic, adolescent pipe-dream to believe that you can have ANY woman just by using the techniques on this site. If a particular girl is not interested, there is virtually NOTHING you can do to change that.

I just think of it like this: basically, of all the different types of girls out there (e.g., short, tall, blonde, brunette, caucasian, black, latina, asian), there is going to be at least ONE who digs you. Your goal is to find the ones that do. Don't waste time on the ones that don't.

That's the big picture. So many people on this board are so hung up on exact signs of interest and telephone procedures that they are losing sight of why we are here in the first place -- to have good relationships (whatever you define a relationship as) with girls that we like and who like us back. If a girl is giving you static, just MOVE on. If she's being flaky, just MOVE on. If she's not calling you back, or making it easy for your to spend time together, MOVE on.

Girls who like you will make it abundantly clear -- you just (1) have to know what to look for and (2) have enough confidence in yourself to take action when the signs are in your face.

 

[playasupreme]

You're right, alot of guys would be better off not following all the goofy rules and overanalizing every minute detail. They'd be better of as beginners just sticking to one rule at first: BE DESIRELESS.

 

[Pulsar]

Originally posted by playasupreme
You're right, alot of guys would be better off not following all the goofy rules and overanalizing every minute detail. They'd be better of as beginners just sticking to one rule at first: BE DESIRELESS.

Being Desireless pretty much sums up DJism and SS for me.

It's a big concept that is emphasised in buddhism as well. It is said that the more desire for something that you have, the more you will suffer. The paradoxical thing about wanting (really grasping) something is that the less you want it, the easier it is to obtain it.

That's why guys who have a 'don't give a ****' mentality probably have an easier job implementing these strategies. (coz they don't care what happens, one way or another).

You know the whole thing about DJism to me--after reading the DJBible is that it's written from a POV of managing desire. The whole, don't keep calling a chick every 5minutes etc and being all over her face and doing AFC things is about managing your desire IMO.

 

[Ice Cold]

Wow, such an insight

APPROACH THE GIRLS WHO ALREADY ARE INTRESTED? Never thought of that. And you talk to them?

What about the girls who aren't intrested? What about getting them intrested in the first place? That's the whole fukking point of the game, to make the intrested in you bofore you actually talk to them.


Jeez

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Dont give a fvck + DESIERING = much better than desireless...

 

[40quid]

Originally posted by Ice Cold
Wow, such an insight

APPROACH THE GIRLS WHO ALREADY ARE INTRESTED? Never thought of that. And you talk to them?

What about the girls who aren't intrested? What about getting them intrested in the first place? That's the whole fukking point of the game, to make the intrested in you bofore you actually talk to them.


Jeez

Hmm . . . one-a-half-years, over 1100 posts and you so missed the point. Or at least that's what it seems like from here.

So, this is your chance to prove me wrong. Show me some of your magic techniques. We're all waiting with baited breath. And don't just generally reference the DJ Bible. Show me specific parts that helped you the most.

After all, we're all here to help each other out.

 

[Paranoid]

Quite nice!

I think people who come over to this site are initially relieved to find out that they do have a chance of improving upon their game and then get overwhelmed by the posts in the DJB and tips section.Many fail to realise that these are just GUIDELINES not DEFINITIVES.

One has to read , digest and FILTER.This has pretty much worked for me.But what you filter depends on what you think is most important to your game.

 

[Ice Cold]

Originally posted by 40quid
So, this is your chance to prove me wrong. Show me some of your magic techniques. We're all waiting with baited breath. And don't just generally reference the DJ Bible. Show me specific parts that helped you the most.

I am not gonna waste my time on "proving you wrong"

I fail to see this as a good tip:
1) Be yourself
2) Talk to girls that make "fukk me right now" eyes to you

Get it?

There's more to the game than your tip

 

[So pimp its scary]

For those of you dissing this tip... for shame.

Honestly, the most important part in ANY skill is the MASTERING and internalizing the basics. Now, granted alot of people have reached that point, and are in the process of internalizing a greater aspect of 'game' these are few of us.

Think about this, any of you who take martial arts; when you reach a black belt, it is not to say that you have mastered the martial art, but rather that you have mastered the BASICS of that martial art, and are ready to start the 'real' training.

I could rant on...

 

[40quid]

Originally posted by So pimp its scary

Honestly, the most important part in ANY skill is the MASTERING and internalizing the basics. Now, granted alot of people have reached that point, and are in the process of internalizing a greater aspect of 'game' these are few of us.

Couldn't have said it better myself. I'm not saying that the conversation with the natural was all there was about game. I'm saying that once you have the mindset and the theory down, it's easy to get so involved in the process that you lose sight of what you are really doing -- having a good time. These posts that we see on this board are "more like guidelines" (to quote "Pirates of the Caribbean).

If you are so involved in the process of PU, like when to do what at which time, you're going to miss out on a lot -- like actually interacting wtih the girl in front of you as a person -- and not looking at her like a computer.

I think that this concept, combined with constant improving of yourself (e.g., expanding your mind, getting used to interacting with people, getting in shape) will open yourself up to possibilities that you've never imagined.

Don't fall into the adolescent trap of thinking that you can seduce ANY woman if only you can find the right technique. One of the long-time posters told me that a couple months ago when I was just utterly frustrated. There are some girls that you just can't get right now, or require so much effort that would be better put to use to other women. As you improve yourself, you will find that your pool of women who are attracted to you will slowly get bigger.

From my experience, here's the gradual development of a DJ. It's kind of a recursive process, where you might proceed from step 1 to step 2, and then realize you have to do more step 1, and then checking out step 3, and then so on.

(1) Internalizing the inner game -- making yourself believe that you are worthy of having good relationships with women. This comes with reading and the practice of the reading in the field.

(2) Getting so frustrated that the tips and techniques that you hear about don't work.

(3) Finding that you can easily get numbers, but no dates.

(4) Realizing that you still have to continue to improve your own life through learning more things.

(5) Stepping back and having a good time.

(6) and beyond -- I haven't gotten there yet, but I'll be sure to let you know when I do!

Like I said earlier, you have to learn how to crawl before you can run! Good luck all.

 

[Pulsar]

Originally posted by 40quid
I think that this concept, combined with constant improving of yourself (e.g., expanding your mind, getting used to interacting with people, getting in shape) will open yourself up to possibilities that you've never imagined.

That's what I'm working on at the moment and I think it'll make a big difference for me