Hello guys,
(the first part is me rambling, if you want the "important stuff" go straight for the 10 things/recommendations).
It’s been quite a while but I always felt that I got so much feedback from this website that it would’ve been selfish of me not to reciprocate at some point in time. I mean, I always provided my point of view but never really had time to look back and learn from my experiences.
So, the reason why I haven’t been around this forum for a while is because I always saw it (the forum) as something to visit to gather ideas in order to experiment later on. I actually think that discussing something doesn’t make you better at it, only doing it will allow you to improve. Just my opinion of course.
Also, I would like to say that what follows is my own interpretation of my own experiences. What I’m trying to say is, I’m not pretending to having discovered some sort of undeniable truth. I know this is something we see often in PUA communities (gah, I don’t like this term), a guy suddenly writing something (for financial incentives more often than not) and putting things as if they were facts. I find this very unhealthy. It reminds me of a guru speaking to brainwashed followers and I don’t like it. Maybe I’m right about some things, maybe I’m wrong about others or maybe there’s no right or wrong but a succession of limited experiences which makes us believe that one action is right while the other is wrong.
I have mixed feelings about internet dating. This is coming from someone who’s been “active” on those websites from at least 5 years, probably more. I think it’s often a good way to get laid. By this I mean get laid temporarily. Maybe I haven’t been lucky, but of all the women I’ve met this way and the many I’ve slept with, very few were what I consider to be mentally “sound”. A lot of broken people online. I don’t know if they are more online than offline however. Might be a similar ratio from what I know. Anyways, I met a lot of people who were broken. By broken I mean who had been profoundly wounded by some event in life and hadn’t recovered from that said event. Also, 90% of women 28 or older will have kids, that’s almost unavoidable. So getting in a relationship with them means suddenly becoming a “dad”. This might appeal to some, to others, not so much.
Normally, you would often meet people who are part of the same “social circles” (this has been my experience anyway). I have met women with a lot of experiences with crime for one thing, something which is entirely new to me. You can find anything online, drug addicts, people who’ve done jail, anything. I’m not saying that it’ the majority of them or that there’s something wrong with this but it’s something to keep in mind to avoid bad surprises. I find someone who’s a been cunning will be able to pick up on those things and quickly figure them out.
So, if you intend to sleep with some woman a few times, than, that’s not too hard to pull off. Going for something more fulfilling and long term, is a whole other ballgame however. I can’t stress that enough.
Then again, I would imagine most people here are looking for women to sleep with so this shouldn’t be too problematic for them.
I keep track of all the women I’ve contacted in Excel. I keep the messages I’ve sent, whether they’ve replied or not and whether the exchange got further or just didn’t pan out.
So you know, this isn’t just some vague recollections of what happened, it’s pretty documented I would say.
1. Telling women they look good. A lot of people have said that they should “earn” this. I’m not saying they’re wrong. Statistically, however, I can’t deny that sending an initial message praising some aspect of woman appearance didn’t give any good results. Quite the opposite. I find that praising something unusual (without being creepy) often works quite well. Something more original than: you’re beautiful. She’ll be getting plenty of those and really, you want to stand out so being original about it can’t hurt.
2. Making exchanges short but not too short. Forget about long messages. I’ve tried writing longer messages where I really go ahead to talk about all sorts of things but a lot of women (most?) find that overbearing and off-putting. I couldn’t say a word count but nothing longer than a single paragraph I would say (approximately). Anything longer will be dismissed and might come across as desperation (which is never a good thing).
3. Talking on the phone. This is very important and something I’ve learned to my own expense more than once. I’ve always felt uncomfortable speaking on the phone to someone I don’t know beforehand. I find it uncomfortable and unnatural. Anyhow, this is something you have to get over. For as long as messages are just text, women will often treat you like a stranger and stop replying whenever they feel like it. Once you’ve talked on the phone, unless you really, really mess up you’re most likely to end up getting a date. It’s all good from there. So relying on many replies is not a good thing, it doesn’t lead to anything and when things stop escalating, this is when things don’t pan out.
4. Leaving the online website. Again, escalation. If you really feel that you need to exchange more messages, suggest facebook. Be careful about actually adding the person though, I would remain wary of that. I’ve had a girl told me that I wasn’t her type because she read some comment on my facebook. She might have been right but I got bummed out of a possible lay because of that. Also, you might not be too comfortable by having a stranger browsing through your personal stuff (I know I don’t).
5. Limiting the messages. Some women are on dating websites to be told they look great in order to get an ego boost. They have little intention of meeting anyone, they just want to be desired. Nothing wrong with that but if you want to meet her, you’ll be wasting your time and it can lead to some frustration. They’ll reply to you, sure, but unless you really impress, it won’t lead to anything. Some might already be in a relationship already.
This is why a couple of messages at most is the best way to go at this. If she refuses to talk to you on the phone, you’ve just saved a lot of time mindlessly exchanging messages which would have led to nothing anyway.
Flakes are on dating websites too and the phone call test is a good way to deal with them quickly and efficiently.
6. After the phone call, set up a date. The phone call is just to stop being a stranger and being someone she could meet. Don’t start talking on the phone for ages, escalation will likely stop and, again, it will fizzle and die.
7. If at all possible, once the date has been set, use sexual innuendos through text messages. I’ve had women ask me directly to their house for sex after being aroused by some messages. This really works as long as you’re still somewhat classy about how you go at it. I’ve also had women sending me pictures of themselves half-naked by doing this (but it doesn’t happen often).
8. Dealing with frustration. On the internet, we’re all free of social constraints, for better or worse. This means that people will behave in ways they would never dare to in real life. That’s the nature of the beast and it’s important to be aware of this when you start being serious about this. This means that even if your message is good, a lot of women won’t bother to reply. It’s frustrating when it happens ten times in a row but if they’re not interested, maybe it’s better off that way.
I’ve had times when I lashed out in anger about this and I’m not really proud of it. It does provide some relief at first but it also wastes time you could have invested elsewhere. Also, nothing says “**** you” like no replying to an insult or a negative message, being ignored really has much more of an impact more often than not.
9. As for the actual date activity, that’s a tough one. I’ve played sports but to this day I’m not sure it’s the best choice. It depends how you go at it I guess.
I find involving alcohol is never a bad thing provided you can drive back home after that. Women are surprisingly ok with going back to your place so go for it. Well, they were for me anyway. It’s a great feeling when you’re driving back knowing sex is waiting for you when you arrive, that’s for sure. Also, it’s a nice turnout for a lot of rejections and other disheartening experiences you’ll get over the net. So going for a drink is certainly a good one.
Choose the bar wisely! I read somewhere that people are strongly influenced by the place where they meet a person for the first time. Find a bar which will give out a good impression, not a cesspool or some ****hole.
To bring them back to your place, there are more topics about this somewhere else so you can look into that.
10. Keep it light. I repeat, keep it light.
I have a tendency to like to talk about “deep” things and it’s a super turn off for women. Not everyone is interested to talk about the psychology behind x, y or z even if it’s fascinating for you.
Humor goes a long way. So humor, light comment and you’ll be on your way in no time.
To sum things up, internet dating is worth it but you’ll need to invest quite a bit of time. Keep a copy of your replies. You can then copy/paste part of them and save time. Also, you can see what women react well to and keep those sentences.
There would be more to be said actually but I think 10 is a good number and my message is long enough as it is right now.
Keep in mind that this isn’t a bible so share in your opinions and disagreements, I welcome them with open arms.
