internet dating 101 = zero results. Why? (PICS)

[ogre]

why does it work for everybody but me?

full story:
http://www.freewebs.com/ogrespage/
http://www.freewebs.com/ogrespage/

 

[cinephile]

A sugestion

After glancing thru your responses, to me it seems like you are trying way too hard. They seemed very forced and slightly creepy. Also the girls on Craig's list have a tendency to think way too much of themselves. I mean did you read what some them wrote. They seemed in general to be a very pretentious and self involved group.

Also, responding to ads is a bit weak. Essential you are giving her all the power. Unless you are an incredible writer or have a great photo, I don't find very effective. You get more success from putting a lot of work into your own ad and working the responses you get. The reason being is that these are women who already find you interesting in some way.

The thing about the DJ bible and all the advice given on this board is that while useful, is very general. To make it work is not so much about following specific rules but creating your own version of those rules. Will Smith, Marlon Brando, George Clooney, and Willie Nelson ( yes the country singer) are all super DJ's. But they are all radically diferent. I think you need to find out how you are DJ rather than try to follow some one elses plan.

Good luck on your search.

 

[ShortTimer]

Also the girls on Craig's list have a tendency to think way too much of themselves

Yeah that's the impression I got from reading the girls profile. "I'm mature but I need to be worshiped." Dumb beotches.

I don't think you did anything wrong besides picking the wrong girls to go after.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I don't think Orge's going after the right king of women for him. I hate to say it but it looks like he's going after looks only. A guy needs to know what personality of woman works well with his personality and the qualify the women he comes across.

Using lines and methods of other DJs that don't match your personality can screw you up too. There's a thing called 'incongruence' that's a b1tch and is a very frustrating place to be. You need to understand

1. Who you are
2. What kind of person you should have, not want to have
3. Personalized skills to use to interact with these women.

Personally, I would suggest taking the personality profile on TRUE.COM which will get you on tract for learning these things.

 

[ogre]

1. Who you are

A really strange dude. A social outcast. In spite if relatively high intelligence, or maybe because of it, totally clueless when it comes to simple things like human interaction. natural tendency to lose friends and alienate people.

2. What kind of person you should have, not want to have

What I want is a slender, good-looking woman with at least some intelligence. I have no problem meeting them, but finding that "hook", that "switch", that makes her feels attraction always remains elusive.

What I should have is a woman who is dysfunctional, unattractive, fat, depressed, and has has low self-esteem. Possibly institutionalized. These are the types that are naturally attracted to me. That and queers.

3. Personalized skills to use to interact with these women.

that IS why I'm here.....unless you are saying I should just go for the aformentioned?

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by ogre
What I want is a slender, good-looking woman with at least some intelligence. I have no problem meeting them, but finding that "hook", that "switch", that makes her feels attraction always remains elusive.

What I should have is a woman who is dysfunctional, unattractive, fat, depressed, and has has low self-esteem. Possibly institutionalized. These are the types that are naturally attracted to me. That and queers.

Hey! We have something in common!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

And therein lies your incongruency. Your perception of yourself is one particular way and you project that image. You want someone who would more than likely want to be with someone who projects himself differently. Again, incongruency. Before you can perform step three, you need to become congruent.

 

[cinephile]

I concur with Francisco.If you percieve yourself (rightly or wrongly) as a social outcast, then you are. What kind of girl wants to hang out with that. Rethink yourself. Maybe you are not an outcast but an innovator, a revolutionary thinker that others just can't keep up with. While it may be a bit goofy, it is better than stigmatizing yourself as a social outcast.

Now that you have your new perception, design a the world around yourself. What are your concerns?, What are your interests?, Why do you think this way. Finally, find the best, most effective way to present this image. That may mean dressing diferent, talking diferent, feeling diferent.

All of this sounds simple, but it is'nt. This is hard work. It also requires understanding our limitations as well. I respect Player_Supreme's knowledge a great deal mainly because he admits this. The reason why his Ad works so well is partially because he has target a specific group of women ( over 33 who are into the interacial thing). Secondly, he put a lot of work into writing it. It sounds sincere and is unique. Most importantly, it fits him. When his target group reads it, then see his picture, then talk to him, the pieces fit.

Yes it is a bit like acting, but with one diference. You are creating a charater based yourself, not through some writers imagination.

 

[Slickster]

This is a good thread.

By the way Ogre I was the one who advised you to read Player Supreme's Internet Dating 101 thread. Sorry it didn't help you but I think you are too quick to place blame on DJ techniques, etc. as the reason for your struggles.

From reading your interactions with these women the thing that jumps out at me the most is desperation. Now I'm not really sure how one can hide that especially when looking for dates on the internet . I think you did a good job incorporating PS's touchy feely bit into your ads but coupled with the desperation thing, it IS kinda creepy.

Fransciso d'Anconia is correct that there is incongruence in you. When PS puts an ad like that on the net he also has the experience, confidence, game, etc. to back it all up whereas you may not be at that level yet. Maybe that Internet Dating 101 thread was not the best advice for you. I'm sorry but that is the problem with giving and taking advice over the internet to strangers. Its difficult to know what stuff will apply to each unique situation.

Like anything worth pursuing you are going to have to start from the ground up. You say you have problems with social interaction. Well that is where you are going to have to start working. Even if you do manage to get some dates online when you meet these women face to face you will most likely have problems because of it. Get me?

Have you done a BootCamp? I know you're a mature older guy and that might seem beneath you but it really does do wonders for your social abilities. You can use your own judgement and tailor it to your liking.

I haven't really followed your posts in the past but after reading this one and hearing you describe yourself as somewhat of a social misfit things become more clear. If that is how YOU view yourself then don't point the finger at any techniques, or your DJ friends (who all wish to help you) when you are having troubles.

Everyone here has had to face their own individual problems and obstacles. If you lack general social skills you can't expect to have success with women whether it be in real life or online. I've always felt that most people who do the internet thing are just dodging the pressure of doing it in person anyway. Maybe its time for you to re-assess where you are at and where you need to be going.

That being said your attitude is definitely good. You seem to have a real drive to succeed and you come across as intelligent and mature. Something tells me you have a zany sense of humour hiding in there too. Your picture made me do a double take as I have a good friend with a very similar look. He does it with a little more flair though. He lets his hair grow out a little more crazy and also sports a beard. He kind of reminds me of one of Lenny Kravitz's many looks. That look coupled with an outgoing attitude and a big smile has scored him some FINE women over the years I've known him.

Start with changing your screen name. Ogre isn't really a positive way to view yourself.

Stop dwelling on the problems and the negatives and focus on the positive future you KNOW you can attain.

We're ALL social outcasts/misfits from time to time.

Learn to squash that shyt when it arises and your true self will emerge.

 

[Luveno]

For an older guy you sure need to grow up a bit.

 

[Jon E]

Originally posted by ogre
my reply:

How lost we have become if we know not good from evil! Knowing good from
evil, truth from lies, joy from sorrow, these are the things that make us
Divine. Without it we are but beasts. Knowing means we have a choice, and
having a choice means we have have the responsibility to make the right one.
This is what Eve learned when she tasted the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge.

I know this yet I know nothing. This world seems so strange and alien to
me. Yet here I am, learning to live in it. Like a baby first opening his
eyes, everything and everyone is a new and wonderous experience.

I know the why. Show me the how.

Oh my God dude, that's really really creepy, no wonder you aren't getting any replies.

Ive found the best reply to an online personals ad was:

Im on yahoo: <my screen name here>

-Later

 

[ogre]

ya see, this is what I don't get. after all the advice, the money I have spent on books, what it all boils down to is this:

Find yourself
Be yourself
And just Be

This is like some sort of jedi mind trick. Remember Yoda? "there is no try. only do, or do not" OK? I'm not getting it.

I have all the ingredients to be a total chick magnet. I'm intelligent, I have a zany sense of humor, I have my own business with a way cool website. I'm an outcast, a rebel, a visionary, and a revolutionary. That's why I think the chicks are attracted to me, at first. But then as soon as I start to interact with them, that ugly pathetic desperate loser creep part of me comes out. I try to hide it but I can't. I try all the DJ tips and techniques but it always comes out wrong. If I could just get to that ONE GF then I all of the sudden all the desperation would just vanish and everything would just happen. it would just "click" and before long I'd have to find ways to keep my GF from finding out about all the babes I'm scoring on the side. So yeah I'm desperate to find a way to stop being desperate.

 

[Jon E]

Originally posted by ogre
But then as soon as I start to interact with them, that ugly pathetic desperate loser creep part of me comes out. I try to hide it but I can't.

Ogre,

Its not that it comes out, it's that its always there. You keep trying to prove yourself to these women and your insecurity, lack of confidance, self esteem and self respect shows through.

When you "find yourself", and truly become comfortable with who you really are, you wont have that problem any more.

 

[ogre]

ok then you're saying I have to be comfortable with being a loser who can't get a girl in order to get a girl.


btw guys I'm not trying to annoy you, I really am grateful for your help and feedback, but I'm just a LI'L frustrated. This is the sort of shyt that is supposed to get worked out when you are 16, and here I am a middle-aged man. Please bear with.


here's a thought: maybe I should try a different tack: maybe I should try insulting these women. Y'know, they are really full of themselves and they need to be cut down. Since I'm not going to get the girls anyway, why not spread the joy a little? what have I got to lose?

 

[penkitten]

i think you are taking this all too personally and you just need to stop going to those sites.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Jon E
...When you "find yourself", and truly become comfortable with who you really are, you wont have that problem any more.

That's what I'm talking about...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by ogre
ok then you're saying I have to be comfortable with being a loser who can't get a girl in order to get a girl.

If that's the best you can be, then yes. It's up to you and only you to not only choose to be different but also to do what it takes to make the change.

I'll be frank Ogre (others may recognize the 'Frank' reference), the way you portray yourself in the forum definitely demonstrates why women seem to be rebuffed by you. When it comes down to it, it's very draining and frustrating for some us as it must be for you.

My suggestion stands about discovering yourself or maybe even redefining yourself. That could include changing your appearance, style of dress or physique. The things you must change to gain any ground include your self perception/self esteem and your confidence.

After gaining a foothold on those things, THEN focus on the skills of a DJ. By that time you will be in congruency and should start seeing some positive changes in your interaction with women. Without making the necessary changes in yourself, you may fall to the ranks of another well known member of this site that eventually gave up and his life actually seemed to spiral even more out of control.

I'm sure we all wish you the best of luck.

 

[ogre]

you may fall to the ranks of another well known member of this site that eventually gave up and his life actually seemed to spiral even more out of control

who was that? is that the "frank" you were talking about? are his posts still online? and while we're at it, is there anyone on this board who was in my sitch and was able to recover?


Congruence - That's something I just don't get. I have no idea what you mean. and all this sounds like a bunch of Jedi mind trickery. This is too hard. Women seem like aliens to me.

When I was 26 I met a nice pretty girl, we flirted for about a week and then I asked her out and she said yes and that was it. It was easy. no DJ skills, no inner game, no bull****, no drama. it just happened. We were together for a few months and we had lots of sex. never happened before and never happened since and no reason why.

For that short time, I was a normal guy. I had a job, a car, and a girlfriend. And that's all I've ever really wanted from life. Is that so terrible?

 

[Donald Kaufman]

Reminds me of a friend. I have known him for about 15 years. I have heard women call him hot, intelligent, available. He tried too hard and was uncomfortable in his skin. He would meet women, they would be interested, they would talk for a while, they would lose interest.

He ran into this brick wall for years. People would try to help him to no avail. He became very desperate. I found it difficult to be with him. It always went back to how it wasn't fair. When you're arguing about fair you think the world should change, not you.

I lost touch with him for a while and when I met him again I could tell something had changed. He never talked about if directly but it was clear he was trying out different personalities. Not Pscho, just trying different angles. Although he hadn't found anything definitive just having direction and purpose made a difference.

In the middle of this he met one of my female friends. He got oneitis and she never completely LJBFed him but almost. They butted heads every available minute for a couple years without actually dating.

The constant friction seemed to polish him into someone who was a lot happier. He became confident and sure of himself. He made a series of life decisions that opened up many exciting opportunities. He became a centered, happy, purposeful guy.

Finally, he decided it was time to move on. His oneitis was not interested. He ended the friendship with her and moved on. A week later his oneitis starts calling me begging for me to convince him to be her LTR. I have heard him called the perfect man.

The moral is fuzzy. The reason I think it is appropriate here is because it was the struggle that changed him. Wanting the world to be fair led him down a dark tunnel. Realizing he had to take responsibility made him what he had always wanted to be.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I had a thought, a lucid one at that! I think Ogre could benefit from a couple of Anthony Robbins audio books. Any one else agree?