Interesting take on attraction by Dr. Grey

[Starman]

When it comes to relationships, the answer is yes! Making a decision to date someone in the beginning is largely based on attraction. A person's physical size can act as a turn-on or turn-off depending on your personal feelings. Our research shows that when you are in tune with your own personal preferences, your dating habits will be more successful.

How is chemistry created?
Chemistry is created when we feel one the four levels of attraction: Physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. Physical chemistry happens when you meet someone you're attracted to and your brain starts reacting. This tiny bundle of nerves sets off a chain of events… Your heart beat increases, you feel a tingling sensation, and your skin turns flush. What you are feeling is pure sexual attraction, and one of the four elements of chemistry.

Where does our template for "chemistry" come from?
When we date, we are in theory looking for our life partner. Depending on your gender, your internal dating instincts lean towards finding a mate who can either bear or support children. Even if you believe that you don't want them.

Studies clearly show that people are still the most attracted to age-old signs of good health: Clear eyes, strong teeth, symmetrical faces, smooth skin, average to taller height, rounded hips, broad shoulders and bright smiles. No where in this list is excessive weight. Clearly, without even knowing it, we are biased against people who are overweight. Our natural attraction is to health — not heaviness.

How does weight affect dating habits?
In dating arena, feelings about weight are personal and often judgmental. Dating couples have to develop a certain level of physical attraction for the interest to remain. This attraction will ebb and flow through out the relationship, but ultimately it has to be there for a couple to survive.

Though we all want unconditional love, we have to accept that most people are selective about who they are attracted to. This feeling of selection is not something that we necessarily have control over. A person can look at a beautiful painting or an evening sunset and feel an emotional reaction to its beauty.

The same reaction happens between people. If a person is not attracted to the beauty of a larger person, but feels it towards a more slender one, this is the person they will search for. Without intention or malicious forethought, they are unable to recreate that same feeling with someone they believe to be less beautiful.

Success begins with confidence
Ideally you're looking to find someone who accepts you the way you are; that's the person you truly want to be with. Keep in mind that we live in a world where 97.1 million Americans are considered overweight. If you are happy with yourself, don't feel forced to change because some people believe that "thin is in."

 

[Quick]

This is interesting, but isn't there more to it? The section on weight isnt most important here. Guys can get away with a much larger weight range than girls can.

 

[Starman]

Sorry Quake,

That was from Match.com..it was just a short article addressing weight issues..but I didnt realize there were different levels of attraction..physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.

Which kind of should answer the age old dillemma.."Do looks matter?"

here is a site that talks about the 9 different types of love...jeez..look at Infatuation..I think this explains my past 3 oneitus's

Infatuation

Think about the other person all the time
not long lasting
physical attraction
see only the person's good qualities
intrigued by some fascinating quality of the person
your world revolves around the person
you don't know the person very well
excited when you see the person
being love-struck
heart rate increases
sweaty palms
think you're in love
talk about the person all the time
want to be with the person all the time
a crush
based on first impressions
irrational

http://www.visionsoflove.com/relationshipsLove/the9TypesofLove.htm

 

[FlyGuy]

I still can't figure out how much my hairloss will affect my success. The only way to know is to go out and try I guess, but I find it strange that nobody can give a straight answer on this (especially the ladies...)

 

[Starman]

dude you have options with hairloss..Im getting a little widows peak myself and it sucks..but there are alot of hairstyles I can use to cover it..

Ive read that ladies love the Vin Diesel bald look...either that or have you tryed rogaine or hair transplant?

 

[FlyGuy]

Tried Rogaine, costs too much, too difficult to use on a daily basis, and didn't seem to have any effect. I've lost enough hair that I have more than just a "widow's peak" so any attempt to hide it ends up looking worse. I've also tried herbal remedies, exercise, etc. but nothing has helped. I would like to try Propecia even though the odds aren't that great that it would help, the only thing is that its too expensive for me right now. I think I'm just doomed to be bald - my dad is completely bald and so is my brother.

Now if I was in my 30s I wouldn't care so much but I'm 25 so it definitely has an impact on my game - IMO the younger ladies (20-25) that I am after care more about this sort of thing than older chicks. Anyway, I've sort of resigned myself to the fact that I can't do anything about it so I shave it. And yes I'm working out but obviously it takes a while to build up muscle so for now I just look like a bald skinny white dude.

Oh, and there is no way in HELL that I will resort to hair transplants. The cost is outrageous and the results are not that great. Most people I talk to who've had it done say they regret it because it doesn't look that great and it leaves scars so they can't shave their heads anymore.

 

[Starman]

isnt baldness due to you mothers father?(your grandfather?)

My grandfather was completely bald..Im 30 and still have a head of hair..

how do the ladies respond to your bald look? Try to dress..look like vin diesel..I hear so many ladies saying he is sexy

 

[FlyGuy]

No you can get the bald gene from either the mother or the father. Going bald has really ruined my confidence with the ladies, even when I don't let it show they make comments on it. Every girl who has seen me over the years say they liked me better with hair, one girl even said "Well at least you have a nice smile". So basically the reaction has been bad.

I'm not exactly Vin Diesel material - I wear glasses, I'm skinny, I drive a Honda Accord, no tattoos, short (5'9")... so its hard for me to pull it off and be believable, especially around the people that know me. I'm hoping that getting ripped will help out. I guess I'll have to wait and see. So what do you think? Am I doomed to settle for a fat chick?

 

[Starman]

ahhah no..you seem like you are letting a 1-10 womens view of you (out of a possible 3.5 billion) to jilt your self confidence. Don't let it.

If it REALLY bothers you get a transplant..you can finance it at most places.

My theory is this..if it bothers you..and you have the motivation to change it, then you should do so..I have a few friends who did it..

 

[FlyGuy]

I dunno man, I've spent a LOT of money and time trying to fix this already and none of it has paid off (which makes it even MORE difficult to accept and be comfortable with, on top of the comments from women). I'm extremely apprehensive about transplant surgery because of the numorous bad reports I've heard/seen. You said you had a couple of friends that did it, how did theirs turn out?

 

[Starman]

Wheree did you hear of bad results from hair transplants? Its really not that difficult of a procedure.

My friends hair looks great .. looks natural..and they are happy (except for the cost)

You've got plenty of time in your old age to be bald..I would either try and accept the way you look (without beating yourself up that its unattractive) or opt for the surgery..thats just me tho

 

[drZaius09]

It's so sad that we must use a woman's judgement of our appearance to dictate how we feel about ourselves. And yes, I am guilty of it too. But I continue to challenge myself as I will challenge you now: is a woman's company really that important? Is it so integral to our lives to find a mate that we should search and struggle for a way to improve our appearance just to get one fleeting chance at scoring with only a select group of women (the available ones)? Is that search and struggle still worth the ultimate goal, even if we make ourselves miserable and unhappy in the process?

 

[mahon83050]

Yea go get a hair transplant if it bothers you that much. I have somewhat goofy looking ears that stick out. You know what, I can have them pinned back if I want too! There is a remedy for everything these days.

 

[FlyGuy]

I've heard from co-workers, aquaintences, and people on the net that most of the time you can't harvest enough hairs to really make it look natural, also many doctors don't put in the effort to make it a quality transplant IOW it looks like "plugs" of hair in your head and doesn't look natural. I've heard countless horror stories and met several men who told me if they could go back they wouldn't do it again. The idea behind a hair transplant is simple but it is a delicate procedure that requires skill and patience. The general verdict is that if you don't get a good doctor you will not be happy with the results. Anyway, I definitely can't afford it or finance it (crappy credit rating) so like I said before I guess I'm stuck.

I wish I could change the way I think about it but I'm one of those reality fixated people and I can't convince myself that chicks like bald dudes. Look in any Cosmo magazine, you won't find ONE singel bald guy. What does that say about the importance of looks? Anyway... I'm really not trying to ***** about this but it gets frustrating. I'd much rather be fat, at least that way I could go to a gym and fix it.

 

[FlyGuy]

"There is a remedy for everything these days."

Not for bald guys unfortunately. You guys really haven't researched hair transplanting I can tell.

 

[FlyGuy]

"is a woman's company really that important?"

Yeah, it is. I can't help it, I was genetically and socially programmed to want a woman's company/sex/etc.

"Is it so integral to our lives to find a mate that we should search and struggle for a way to improve our appearance just to get one fleeting chance at scoring with only a select group of women (the available ones)?"

Apparently it is, otherwise we wouldn't be on this site trying to change our lives around.

"Is that search and struggle still worth the ultimate goal, even if we make ourselves miserable and unhappy in the process?"

If I have to go through hell to find heaven, I think it'd be worth it. The only problem is that I don't know what the outcome will be...

 

[mahon83050]

Originally posted by FlyGuy
"There is a remedy for everything these days."

Not for bald guys unfortunately. You guys really haven't researched hair transplanting I can tell.

What about Hair club for men or all these other medical things they are coming out with. Bosley is supposed to be a good place for Hair Transplants. I am sure it is not cheap, probably around 10-20K. I think you are in a tough situation, but I really do not thik you are screwed.

 

[Starman]

Unfortunately, We are social animals..and we have a need for companionship and mates.

I have no idea how priests and nuns do it..no wonder they are all perverts.

Sure, you can Kill your desperation..but for a short time ..not for an extended amounts of time.

Flyguy,

Do you think a bunch of hot chicks sit around and write cosmo?

Its mostly written by dudes .. so whatever kind of guy you see in cosmo..its a ploy by the fashion industry to make guys and girls keep buying the latest fashions..makeup etc..fashion magazines are a HUGE joke if you understand the underlying motive behind it.

The women are airbrushed, silicone, tons of make up, and so are the male models..Fashion Magazines ARE UNREALISTIC.

you may say you are reality based .. but not all women go for GQ looking guys..are there even enough GQ guys to satisfy all the women of the world?

I would at least take a step .. go to hairclub for men and try to get a free consultation and a price quote..no committmentts..just investigate the possibility and get an expert opinion on what they can do for you

 

[mahon83050]

BTW, I think that the whole "you get the bald gene from your mothers father is bs. My Mothers father was bald at age 25 and 5'5" to make things worse. I am 26, and have a full head of THICK hair.

 

[FlyGuy]

Dude, there haven't been any advances in treating hair loss for a long time. Bosley is probably the most famous hair transplant clinic out there and if I was going to try it I would go with them. It costs about $15,000 per procedure (sometimes requires multiple procedures) which is still too much for me (sure, let me pull 15 grand outta my pocket...) Besides, like I said I've talked to and seen some pretty bad results from hair transplant surgery so I'm VERY apprehensive about shelling out thousands of dollars for such a gamble.

I know man, I thought that in today's modern age there should be some way to beat hairloss but there aren't any good treatments out there. The ONLY two FDA approved drugs that have scientific proof to show that they help with hairloss are Propecia and Rogaine (hairclub for men uses both products). Both of those products only help with hairloss on the top of the head, most of my hairloss is in the front. Plus both of those treatments cost a LOT of money - about $80 a month which to me is expensive considering if you ever stop using those drugs you will lose any hair you regrew with it. That's more than $800 a year just for a few extra hairs on my head, which hardly seems worth it.

The only hope I have is that supposedly they are working on a hair cloning procedure which might be ready within the next 5 years. But right now they are still working on it so I don't want to get my hopes up. Besides, I'll be 30 years old by then...

Here's an article on the hair cloning thing:
www.hairlosshelp.com/hair_cloning/cloning_aderans_research.cfm