Interesting situation with girl

[becker]

Ok, there's a girl I've been seeing for a few weeks or so now, although it seems like more since we've been seeing each other almost everyday.

Anyways, we've done everything but actual sex, which she apparently isn't too into because she doesn't get off by it. The oral thing is ok as is the hands, and she totally gets off on it, which is fine with me.

She is hesitant to get into a relationship, but she wants to back things up and slow down and just casually date and not get into a serious boyfriend-girlfriend relationship yet.

Question is, have any of you experienced this? My experience is that girls tend to want more exclusivity (at least from the guy) after they've gotten sexual with them, but this girl hasn't asked me for that. I'm tempted to just go see other women, but at the same time, that may ruin things with this girl if she gets this impression that I'm some player, and this girl is a keeper. What would you guys do?

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Her interest level in you is probably a little on the low side. With little information, I can't say much. It's not often that a girl says something like this and actually means it. This is a lose-lose-win situation. If she doesn't mean it, she is not really attracted to you and you lose. If she DOES mean it, she may have a lot of baggage/issues that you'll have to deal with later down the road when she's "ready". So you lose again. However, she may just really need a bit of a break ot collect herself and she'll end up making a great girlfriend. This is the win situation, but is most rare. Keep this in mind.

I suggest to give her a couple of weeks and see what happens. If she's still playing this card, just date other women. If she finds out and doesn't like it, too bad for her. The world doesn't revolve around her and you shouldn't put your life on hold for her. She has to understand this. If anything this will bring her interest level up (if it is there at all) as she sees that if she wants to keep you she'll have to act fast.

 

[becker]

Thanks for the feedback, TillTheEndOfTime, she told me that she wasn't sure how she felt about me, but she definitely likes me enough to kiss me and be sexually intimate with me, so there's no LJBF there. Furthermore, I never call her and she ALWAYS calls me, everyday.

I'm trying not to hang out with her too often, otherwise it can get a little bit too much, even though it's always cool when I'm with her. I definitely believe you can have too much of a good thing, but it will be ok as long as you both realize that that's the way it is, and don't let that little detail get in the way of your feelings towards each other. That's easier said than done I guess.

Anyways, I'd say her interest level is definitely better than average, but she isn't infatuated, which takes more time than a few weeks I guess. We'll give it more time and that will tell.

 

[NewMan]

You've got to go and DJ other girls.

She's obviously not completely open/interested in you.

She also doesn't like sex....??? but she can get off by hand on oral...

Sounds a little weird to me.

Perhaps the thought that your moving on will spur her into stepping up to the plate.

But currently your wasting your time.

 

[TizZle]

It seems like she may be testing you or putting you into the " Friend that boosts my ego" category instead of the much wanted " Guy that bangs her senseless" category.. I would not answer my phone everytime she calls either, if that is what you are doing. As for her calling you everytime, I think you should initiate some of the phone calls at least to set up times to meet. Maybe she is pulling the "hard to get" test now because it seems to me like she is getting bored with the current situation. Keep us posted on this one.

 

[sfalexi]

Well, if you're anything like me, you probably found a 'born again virgin' or something along those lines. Which I think is total crap, but I tend to attract them like moths to my sexually frustrated flame.

She didn't ask for exclusivity. Do you think she's being exclusive to you? Doesn't sound like it.

My best guess is that right now you're a 'possibility'. She knows you're there, she's keeping you as a 'backup' while she dates around or at least looks around. Go do the same.

Alexi

 

[DeathDealer]

Unless she's super religious or from a non-Westernized country where sexuality is repressed - girls who do not give it up after about a month (by then they should know whether they really want you or not right?) are really not into you.

YOU MAY RATIONALIZE that she has said (most likely) or is perceived that she wants to be in a relationship first before any sex happens. But read that line over... "SHE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE SHE WANTS TO HAVE A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH" - which means she doesn't think of you as serious relationship material.

I've been in a relationship like this once and then twice before I learned the hard way.

Be a man first, what do you want? Do you want a relationship, then this girl is just fuxoring around with you. If you just want a bang, same deal.

 

[sfalexi]

Yup. Deathdealer's got it. I learned the hard way after a LONG time of sexual frustration. Don't be like me. Learn from my mistake. Keep looking for someone else.

 

[becker]

Hey guys,

At this point, she is clearly interested in me, that part is not in question. The reason for no sex is that she's paranoid of getting pregnant, and that is legit, because we've come so close to it, but she actually told me she wants to slow down because she doesn't want this to end up like her past relationships where she's gotten bored.

If given the chance, I'm positive she'd totally be up for sex, but in the meantime, all the other stuff is ok with me. She is very much relationship material, and she is definitely not dating other guys at all right now. It's essentially exclusive on her end, and she doesn't expect me to be exclusive with her, but I'm guessing that if I went out with other girls, she wouldn't be exactly supportive of it either. She's just cautious, and that's probably the best way to explain it.

 

[NewMan]

Smells to me.

It's excuse after excuse with this girl.

Want's to take it slow because of past relationships, scared of getting pregenant (that's what contraceptives are for) etc. etc.

Let me say this - if a woman is into you - her past relationships do not matter.

Red flags galore.

 

[DeathDealer]

Originally posted by becker
Hey guys,

At this point, she is clearly interested in me, that part is not in question. The reason for no sex is that she's paranoid of getting pregnant, and that is legit, because we've come so close to it, but she actually told me she wants to slow down because she doesn't want this to end up like her past relationships where she's gotten bored.

If given the chance, I'm positive she'd totally be up for sex, but in the meantime, all the other stuff is ok with me. She is very much relationship material, and she is definitely not dating other guys at all right now. It's essentially exclusive on her end, and she doesn't expect me to be exclusive with her, but I'm guessing that if I went out with other girls, she wouldn't be exactly supportive of it either. She's just cautious, and that's probably the best way to explain it.

MY GOD, you have 1500 posts under your belt and you still don't GET IT.

Normal Women want BABIES. If they don't want it, that's fine. But a girl who gives you an excuse like "Oh I'm afraid I'll be pregnant" is ******** for "I wouldn't be caught dead having a baby with you, but I wanna carry that bouncer's lovechild"

STOP RATIONALIZING. If you are also thinking "Oh maybe she likes to take it slow" nah I don't think so, girls love having a manly c-ock banging up their p-ussy. Even if you're shy about sticking your thing up there (if you're a virgin) a girl that really loves you will DEMAND that you stick it in her.

Dump her, reassess how you approached this relationship and what you can do to improve on the next so you can get faster sexual action. You gotta realize that f-ucking is essential in any relationship and fingering/oral equates you to a lesbo b1tch.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

After that new information you've given, it is clear this isn't going anywhere. See, girls say nice bullsh1t like this to guys (I "WANT" to have sex with you, but am afraid to get pregnant, I "like" you, but need some time off) just to "spare" your feelings.

Girls especially do not like having a guy who dislikes them. They feed off of positive attention from guys in general. So it is rare that a girl will break it off coldly with you. She'll sugar-coat it with crap like what she's saying to you now. Why do you think girls just love to say "let's just be friends" or that they want to keep your friendship after they break up with you. They know you still like them, since they broke it off first with you. Therefore they keep you on the side to feed like the emotional vultures that some of them are.

..............and you're eating this sugar-coated bullsh1t with a spoon.

 

[becker]

Hold up, before you guys throw me through the wringer.

Listen, this girl asked me straight up one day when we were hanging out whether I wanted to be "friends with benefits". Essentially, she wanted non-committed sex. I told her I thought we could be more. It was after that that she started to think about the whole situation and whether she wanted more. If she didn't want more, she could have just bailed then and left me alone. I told her that if she were to walk off, I'd just move on to other women and we didn't have to date anymore.

I think you guys are getting the wrong perception of this girl. This girl is very sheltered. She has had maybe a few sexual partners in her life only, and she is only dating me and no other guys. She's in her 20's. We're not talking about some girl I met at a bar or something who I'd have a ONS with. She has a cousin who got pregnant before she was married and is the family joke because of it, so she is paranoid that that could happen with her. On top of that, she orgasms with the finger and not with sex, which is why she enjoys it more. Most gals don't get off on sex, so you guys have to realize that you'll have to do something more or else you're a dud in bed.

 

[becker]

Ok, guys, I just stopped seeing this girl as far as dating goes. She wasn't looking for a relationship. However, she is considering being friends with benefits, which I've realized is the best scenario for both of us at the moment because when I think about it, that was really the best part of being with her. Everything else was not very compatible, so I'm going to probably do that instead. Guess it's win-win.