Interesting post about some successful 30-something men on Seattle's Craig's List

[MatureDJ]

This really sums up wht being a DJ is all about, and all also the problem with women these days, and men's ultimate revenge.

******************

I was at a friends house just a couple weeks ago. He is a long-time employee of a local, major firm. Well-established, secure, blah, blah, blah. A friend of his came over. Very much the same situation. Both guys are in their mid-thirties, never married, make PLENTY of money. They are buying their own homes, have AT LEAST two new vehicles, a sporty ride, and a truck to haul their toys, of which they have quite a bit--jet skis, boats, one has an ultralight, the other an airplane in a hanger at Paine Field. One has a nice cabin cruiser moored at Lake Union. Both guys are very intelligent, great personalities, fun to be with, interesting, great taste in food, music & clothes (both totally straight, by the way) and I would consider both of them to be quite good looking. Not GQ, but certainly 8's on any scale.

Now, I'm older than both, not as successful, but I am sitting there thinking these two must be the living example of what any woman would want, so why are they totally single? The subject turned to dating. These easy-going, affable, successful guys both INSTANTLY became spitting mad. They absolutely raged about the whole mess--the women who expect them to 'prove themselves' and 'earn' them (usually by none-too-hidden suggestions when passing jewelry windows at the Mall ("Ooo, that's pretty! I'd like one of those! " and crap like that. "Why don't you take me to Cabo for Valentines??"

The bottom line is that neither one of them date, and haven't for at least a couple years. Oh, they'll flirt, they'll have fun, and if they can bed someone, they will. They have both not only given up on any kind of relationship, but have come to embrace and enjoy their bachelorhood without reservations. They have totally given up, and are so much happier for it. Truly content with their lives, maybe for the first time in their lives. They have their toys, they enjoy their weekends on their boats, flying or pursuing any number of hobbies without anyone petulantly resenting their freedom. They have no games to play with anyone, and their friendships and activities are far more rewarding than trying to second guess some drama queen constantly vying for attention. This is exactly how they described it. They don't care, and they are so happy that I had to sit there and actually admire them. They don't fall for any of this, "Try and impress me..." crap. They have finally found that equilibrium in life that all guys wish they had, and they did it by learning to live without the games and bull**** that you so honestly described in your post.

Now, these guys are not pompous, arrogant jerks by any measure. I've known one over 15 years. Nice guys all around; always treated women well, but got treated like a living ATM machine by everyone they went out with, even the girls who started out nice and changed with time. "Impress me and I might like you!"

I don't blame them. In fact, I learned a lot that evening about what it really takes to be happy, and it has nothing to do with trying to 'impress' anyone, especially women. These are very much the kind of men women don't want to admit exist, because it takes the very wind out of their sails; someone that won't chase them; worry whether or not they are 'making points' with, or impressing them. Men who DON'T look up and stare when they come into the room because they DON'T CARE who enters the room. Their friends who have earned their trust & friendship the old-fashioned way are the only ones who really matter to them.

So, enjoy the game while you can. Before the wrinkles start about 35, or so, and your ass starts to sag and your voice deepens. On your online profile 'option' continue to put income amounts twice of what you make and age requirements several years under the age you delicately lie about. Years will pass and you will continue to gather in your little groups in your trendy little watering holes and wonder where all the 'real' men have gone with increasing desperation year after year until you are just some bitter, angry bar fly who has seen better years and nobody wants anymore. But, oh! You played the game so well in your day...you got what you deserved--every bit of it. Everybody wanted you. Some of them got you. But, in the end you will be alone. And somewhere you fear this more than anything. While the ones you 'could have had' are learning to be happy all by themselves, or with someone for whom life is not all about 'The Game.' You think you've reinvented yourself, but it's still the same old song and Billy Squier had you pegged possibly before you were even born...

"...You see ’em comin’ at you every night
Strung on pretension they fall for you at first sight
You know their business--you think it’s a bore
They make you restless--it’s nothin’ you ain’t seen before
Get around town, spend your time on the run
You never let down...say you do it for fun
Never miss a play, though you make quite a few
You give it all away when everybody wants you

You crave attention--you can never say no
Throw your affections anyway the wind blows
You always make it--you’re on top of the scene
You sell the copy like the cover of a magazine
Puttin’ on the eyes ’til there’s nobody else
You never realize what you do to yourself
The things that they see make the daily reviews
You never get free when everybody wants you

Everybody knows you
Everybody snows you
Everybody needs you...leads you...bleeds you

Nights of confusion and impossible dreams
Days at the mirror, patchin’ up around the seams
You got your glory--you paid for it all
You take your pension in loneliness and alcohol
Say goodbye to conventional ways
You can’t escape the hours--you lose track of the days
The more you understand, seems the more like you do
You never get away...everybody wants you..."

 

[ElChoclo]

They sound like they fit the profile of 2 closet gay guys. And I mean it in the most matter of fact, non vindictive kind of way.

I'm afraid I don't entirely get the point of this story. Maybe I'm just in a bad mood having read about some self satisfied fool who thinks dating single mothers is fun, but I don't think so. Couldn't these gay boys find some happiness which didn't involve the acquisition of material goods.

 

[Latinoman]

No offense to anyone...but I do NOT want to be like those guys.

When I first started reading the thread, I sensed they were narcisists.

Furthermore, a man that has problems dealing with relationships WITH WOMEN is NOT a "dj". DJs have control OVER everything.

And make no mistake...these dude have relationships. The relationship is with their material stuff. They are in love with their material stuff. That's VANITY and NARCISISM. Those are trends NOT of a "dj", and more of a closet homosexual.

Do I care if I die alone? I don't. But that's beside the point. I enjoy being in relationships. I have no problems dumping a woman or nexting her. But I would NEVER replace women for material stuff.
I rather be broke and have a woman...than have BILLIONS of $$$ and have no woman. I mean, what's the point of being a man if we cannot do what a MAN (a true MAN) is suppose to do? PROTECT and PROVIDE for his womEn.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I don't understand what 'rings' closet homesexual about these guys? They seems like guys that are tired of the BS that women play, haven't you guys ever felt this way, like fk it let me enjoy my life? What is wrong with enjoying your 'toys' and spending your weekends flying or on a boat??? They appear to be guys that are in total control of their lives. Sarging women is not a hobby.

 

[Vulpine]

Both guys are very intelligent, great personalities, fun to be with, interesting, great taste in food, music & clothes (both totally straight, by the way) and I would consider both of them to be quite good looking. Not GQ, but certainly 8's on any scale.

The bottom line is that neither one of them date, and haven't for at least a couple years. Oh, they'll flirt, they'll have fun, and if they can bed someone, they will. They have both not only given up on any kind of relationship, but have come to embrace and enjoy their bachelorhood without reservations. They have totally given up, and are so much happier for it. Truly content with their lives, maybe for the first time in their lives. They have their toys, they enjoy their weekends on their boats, flying or pursuing any number of hobbies without anyone petulantly resenting their freedom. They have no games to play with anyone, and their friendships and activities are far more rewarding than trying to second guess some drama queen constantly vying for attention. This is exactly how they described it. They don't care, and they are so happy that I had to sit there and actually admire them. They don't fall for any of this, "Try and impress me..." crap. They have finally found that equilibrium in life that all guys wish they had, and they did it by learning to live without the games and bull**** that you so honestly described in your post.

Now, these guys are not pompous, arrogant jerks by any measure. I've known one over 15 years. Nice guys all around; always treated women well, but got treated like a living ATM machine by everyone they went out with, even the girls who started out nice and changed with time. "Impress me and I might like you!"

I don't blame them. In fact, I learned a lot that evening about what it really takes to be happy, and it has nothing to do with trying to 'impress' anyone, especially women. These are very much the kind of men women don't want to admit exist, because it takes the very wind out of their sails; someone that won't chase them; worry whether or not they are 'making points' with, or impressing them. Men who DON'T look up and stare when they come into the room because they DON'T CARE who enters the room. Their friends who have earned their trust & friendship the old-fashioned way are the only ones who really matter to them.

I DO want to be like these guys. They are living the dream. They are unplugged.

 

[Macgyver]

There's something about those guys that women label, they're called "perpetual bachelors" which is similar to "undateable women" which defines as those people who are 1. attractive 2. have their financial life together (own place, own car, etc) 3. have interests/hobbies.

But.

For some reason, they can never commit to anyone or hold down a long term relationship. The reason that most people will say is it's because they got mental problems. Try not to judge people for what material goods they have, or their academic successes. A lot of people overvalue themselves constantly or think they're the hottest commodity around when I can own them easily with a bullet.

 

[Heretolearn]

each to their own.

good article and responses.

 

[WestCoaster]

Is a perpetual bachelor worse than a guy unhappily married and/or cheating on his wife, or having his wife cheat on him?

Is the perpetual bachelor evil and the unhappily married man and his wife good, even though they scream at each other and teach their children how to be mean to others, continuing another generational link of verbal and/or spousal abuse?

Something to think about.

Not all married people are blissfully happy ... many are, and that's great and that should be something to aspire to, but I have more respect for an eternal bachelor than a guy who is a bad father and husband.

 

[Latinoman]

Listen...EVERY man likes women. Unless he is a homosexual.

That's NATURAL. That's why viagra is so important in our society.

A man that prefers having a car or a truck or a boat instead of having a woman...and hides under the pretense that he rather be with his male friend in a fishing trip than being involved with a woman (or SEVERAL womEn) is a man that is trying to hide something from society: most likely homosexualism...best case narcism.

It is a clear indication that they cannot deal with women. They are given up, because they have allowed women to push them around and use them. And they don't have the key to deal with that issue.

A woman ask for a $600 St. Valentine present? I laugh. If she gives me an "ultimatum" (I ignore it and laugh). I view those things as test.

I am in my mid 30s. I make 6 figure salary. I have a home and vehicles. I am NOT rich...but live well. But do you think I'm going to put my vehicles, home, and hobbies ahead of what I prefer the most? (SEX and WOMEN). Heck no!

That's not my nature and should not be men's nature.

Now...due to my career and kids I don't have time to be hunting every night and getting multiple women. And I refuse dealing with the drama. So, I try to get them one at the time. At least, for the time being.

You don't have to be married. A man with the right woman can go FAR. Now...I'm not saying he needs ONE woman for the rest of his life. If he is monogamous, he can have ONE woman during stages of his life. Maybe one for 10 years ("wife")...then another for 2 or 3 years...then another for 4 years...then another for when he is very old...etc.

Those two guys are under a fascade. I have met guys like that in my life. Some even used to work with me. NONE of the heterosexuals one is happy. No one wants women attracted to them due to their $$$.

 

[Vulpine]

I think you are overlooking something Latinoman. Read this again.

The bottom line is that neither one of them date, and haven't for at least a couple years. Oh, they'll flirt, they'll have fun, and if they can bed someone, they will. They have both not only given up on any kind of relationship, but have come to embrace and enjoy their bachelorhood without reservations.

You must realize that this article was written by a woman. This woman uses the term "given up" to describe her perception. Understand that this woman probably wants both of these guys for herself and is bitter. "Given up" probably more realistically means:

"foresaken the traditional date that is full burden and expectation, and now only hang out with, mess around with, or spend time with women, but not date"

These guys get women, but it's not their priority. They don't live for women, they live... then have women.

Sounds like a healthy lifestyle.

 

[Latinoman]

I think you are overlooking something Latinoman. Read this again.



You must realize that this article was written by a woman. This woman uses the term "given up" to describe her perception. Understand that this woman probably wants both of these guys for herself and is bitter. "Given up" probably more realistically means:

"foresaken the traditional date that is full burden and expectation, and now only hang out with, mess around with, or spend time with women, but not date"

These guys get women, but it's not their priority. They don't live for women, they live... then have women.

Sounds like a healthy lifestyle.

Hmmmm...I didn't know it was writen by a woman. I thought it was writen by another man (the prize of reading the threads at work).

I admit the "given up" was the part that threw me up. No man gives up on Puzzy.

Now...I must admit: I don't date either (e.g. I don't date a woman hoping she someday is going to like me). I go on dates only with the woman that is already in my life or have given me something.

What she is describing is probably two men that have SEVERAL women and are NOT attached to anyone. And THAT I respect and consider DJ. But like you stated, she is probably misrepresenting their accomplishments.

But "giving up" women in order to be with material stuff? That I don't agree. I give up on a woman to be with ANOTHER woman, etc.

Note: The man should always put HIMSELF and his happines ahead of ANYONE (with the possible exception of his small children).

 

[Vulpine]

Ok, so the article doesn't specify whether a man or woman wrote it. I only wanted to point out that it was a narration by someone. That someone is most likely very jealous, beit the toys, the volume of strings-free sex these guys have, whatever. These guys are DJ's. If it was written by a guy, you can see the conflict: "These guys are my idols. Society has taught me something and I'm miserable. These guys go AGAINST what society has taught me, and they are happy. What is it that they are doing right?"

The article writer is very likely to start working toward being a rAFC any moment.

He just met Trinity at the club and she put a bug in his ear.

 

[NewMan]

I believe this type of lifestyle is becomming more common place and guys open their eyes and realise that they do not have to follow the norms of society - expectations - etc.

I would consider myself in this category - although I am in a relationship right now - I do not perceive it as one that will last the time.

I have often wondered whether it is a problem that I have - the inability to commit to an LTR - or to one woman for life. This feeling was born from my last relationship - my ex feeling that her clock was ticking wanting to get married and have kids.... so being a pvzzy at the time I went to the long counciling sessions - where MY problems were discussed - why I was not able to settle down and commit.

What I figured out from these sessions was that I was not the one with the problem - living the life you want - not obsessed with societies expectations - and actually enjoying the time you've got on the great planet - is what we are here for.

Needless to say my ex moved on - less than a week after we had broke up, she was fvcking someone else. 3 months later she meet someone - and was married about a yr. after we broke up from a 5 yr. relationship.

If being married, and calling your ex - asking him if he'll meet you out of town is being happy - then I guess she's happy.

Personally - I've got my own house, toy's, vehicle's - and a group of awesome friends. I'm banging a young hottie that can't get enough pole - and I'm doing it all on my terms.

I will never pussify myself again - never give in for the pvssy. Times are changing and more and more men are realizing that selling your sole for 1 puzzy is not worth it.

 

[MatureDJ]

There's something about those guys that women label, they're called "perpetual bachelors" which is similar to "undateable women" which defines as those people who are 1. attractive 2. have their financial life together (own place, own car, etc) 3. have interests/hobbies.

I thought that an undateable woman was one that a man would not consider - i.e., a single mother, woman older than early 30's (unless the man is over 50), etc.

 

[Latinoman]

Well...here is my experience:

Was married for several years. Have two children. Wife is younger...very very beautiful...professional...intelligent...educated...and VERY LOYAL and RESPECTFUL. Many people even envied our marriage.

I just felt that I did't want to be bound in that marriage for the rest of my life...and quite honestly, for some reason I didn't feel I could go to the "next level" in my second life (which usually takes place after 35 years old) with her. Too much insecurity and negativity (I am a very secured and positive person - so I need somebody like that in my life). So I walked out. I didn't care how much it was going to cost me. I simply walked out. Of course, I did the right thing (child support, split things fairly, take care of my kids, stay civil, etc.). And of course, I thought about it for almost 3 years. I was in essence...fair to everyone involved.

Many people believe that I was going through a "mid life" crisis or some other crap that society tends to put in the mind of many independent men. Fact is; I don't follow societal "moral" rules. I have my own. And I know I did the right thing and I have zero regrets.


Because my kids still minors, I have to do things a little more smoothly. So, I'm now in this other relationship (I tried the FWB and she didn't yield, so I said "what the heck"), which allows me to spend time with my kids instead of me spending every weekend in search of the hunt. So, I'm taking a vacation from hunting. Now...my current relationship wants me in her future. Even when I was very clear since the begining that I don't want to remarry and I don't want more kids. To her credit, she doesn't want kids. I also believe she has made a mistake and doesn't understand that I have no problems nexting women. In a few months, my kids will be more than adapted. Once that is done (and some business travel abroad takes place this year)...I will be more than ready.

The important thing is understanding the conditions of our environment. I understand mine. I am the PLAYER of my boundary conditions. And any element in MY boundary has NOT control over me or my boundary. Those elements include my ex, my current girl, my kids, etc. None controls me. And knowing that is like having a freedom on itself. But also, as men we have certain responsibilities. And I am responsible to my children.

So, I live my life under this conditions. I don't mind when women try to play games with me...at the end...they lose. Because no woman ALIVE can outplay a GREAT player. None can.

This is why it is great to have such a Message Board like this one. Even men like us that have control over our lives need to learn from others experience (to avoid making the same ones).