Interested in my former Professor. We're the same age.

[CuriousPerson]

So I just finished college and a class with a professor my age-we are both 39. I had very little interaction or conversation with him but I enjoyed the class and was a little sad that it was over. A week after the class was done, he checked out my profile on Match.com. I waited a day, thinking he might be embarrassed that I saw him on an online dating site, or that he might think I would be or not wanting to initiate anything because he had been my teacher. I get the sense that he could be very shy and not much of a "ladies man" He's a tad nerdy but I like nerdy...lol He is totally someone that if I met in a bar or other setting, would totally be my type.

The next evening, I messaged him and asked if he knew of any policies that would prevent a teacher going out with a former student.

He responded right away and said "I thought that was you", that he didn't know of any rule but that in some cases, it was good to have some time in between to reduce or eliminate the appearance of impropriety. I messaged back that I understood, that I didn't want to cause anyone to get in trouble and that if in the future, he wanted to go out, here's my number.

And then, no response.

I'm guessing that's a no/blowoff, correct?

 

[Desdinova]

If you apply for a job, get an interview, and don't get a call back, are you going to sit around unemployed and wait to see if they EVER call back?

 

[grayclif]

So I just finished college and a class with a professor my age-we are both 39. I had very little interaction or conversation with him but I enjoyed the class and was a little sad that it was over. A week after the class was done, he checked out my profile on Match.com. I waited a day, thinking he might be embarrassed that I saw him on an online dating site, or that he might think I would be or not wanting to initiate anything because he had been my teacher. I get the sense that he could be very shy and not much of a "ladies man" He's a tad nerdy but I like nerdy...lol He is totally someone that if I met in a bar or other setting, would totally be my type.

The next evening, I messaged him and asked if he knew of any policies that would prevent a teacher going out with a former student.

He responded right away and said "I thought that was you", that he didn't know of any rule but that in some cases, it was good to have some time in between to reduce or eliminate the appearance of impropriety. I messaged back that I understood, that I didn't want to cause anyone to get in trouble and that if in the future, he wanted to go out, here's my number.

And then, no response.

I'm guessing that's a no/blowoff, correct?

How would you rate your level of attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 10?

 

[Desdinova]

How would you rate your level of attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 10?

Any 39 year old man with options is going to turn down a woman his age and look for someone younger and more attractive. When I turn 39, my GF will be 23.

I honestly think that the OP's best option is to look for a man in his 50s or 60s. Women try to grasp onto the idea that people should be dating within their own age bracket. Not only that, they try to enforce this belief onto other people. I've been criticized for having GFs that are over 10 years younger than me and have been bombarded by "reasons" why I shouldn't be dating women who are younger.

"What could you possibly have in common?"
"You're almost old enough to be her dad!"
"You're going to have different life goals!"

...and the list goes on.

The OP missed the boat on finding her "soulmate" back when she was age 18-23. She knows who she still loves, but that boat has sailed and gone to a different country. After age 23, pair bonding becomes more difficult as the years go by. She may eventually settle on someone who's "good enough" because she has no choice, or she may continue to be picky because she's a strong, independent woman who deserves better.

 

[LiveFreeX]

So he's 39 and teaching at a college.... If teaching here is anything like China, he's banging his students all day long.

I agree Desdinova that ship may have sailed BUT there are always the super clueless men out there, who really make up the majority of the population. As long as this guy has very little idea of how things work or is a 'nice guy' then she'd still have a very good chance. I know tons of people who date low quality women because they haven't got any game. Just so you know OP, this is a MEN's site, so the advice given is going to be hardcore, if you want some fluff, you're better off at the Loveshack.

 

[CuriousPerson]

So he's 39 and teaching at a college.... If teaching here is anything like China, he's banging his students all day long.

I agree Desdinova that ship may have sailed BUT there are always the super clueless men out there, who really make up the majority of the population. As long as this guy has very little idea of how things work or is a 'nice guy' then she'd still have a very good chance. I know tons of people who date low quality women because they haven't got any game. Just so you know OP, this is a MEN's site, so the advice given is going to be hardcore, if you want some fluff, you're better off at the Loveshack.

As someone who graduated college, I can read. So yes, I am fully aware that this is a "MEN'S" site. Exactly what I was looking for. I don't want fluff or someone to tell me what I want to hear.

I do think he's in the category of clueless or nice. I don't think he is banging students all the live long day but maybe there is the idea that he would prefer to wait and see if he could find someone younger. I'm also guessing he's wondering about how the implications of such a relationship could impact or threaten his job. There is probably some truth into what some of the posters are saying. I think that he and are both equally attractive. Average or above average. (I'm a woman, the answer to this question for me depends on the day... )

 

[grayclif]

@CuriousPerson. On the looks scale you might be the same but your disadvantage is age. A late 30''s guy should be dating someone in their 20''s. As Des suggested above you missed the boat.

In any event most people think they are better looking than they actually are. This is eapecilly so for women.

The next evening, I messaged him and asked if he knew of any policies that would prevent a teacher going out with a former student.

This was your opener? Nothing fun or interesting about it, very unfemanine and business like especially. You are assuming that because you are a woman a lame opener such as yours would gather his interest.

 

[CuriousPerson]

@CuriousPerson. On the looks scale you might be the same but your disadvantage is age. A late 30''s guy should be dating someone in their 20''s. As Des suggested above you missed the boat.

In any event most people think they are better looking than they actually are. This is eapecilly so for women.



This was your opener. Nothing fun or interesting about it, very unfemanine and business like especially. You are assuming that because you are a woman a lame opener such as yours would gather his interest.

Totally see what you're saying about the lame opener. I just was playing it safe and ultra cautious because I didn't want to say anything initially if it would cause an issue with his job. I mean, I like him but no one is worth losing a good job over.

But thanks for the feedback

 

[LiveFreeX]

I don't want fluff or someone to tell me what I want to hear.

I think that he and are both equally attractive.

Your competition:

You should post a pic and we'll see how you stack up. Just so you know, I ain't nothing to look at but my wife is a 10.

 

[Asmodeus]

This is starting to turn into a woman's dating advice forum... I will put up with it in small doses but if it s

You know I think he was slightly curious about you, maybe even a bit attracted at first... But I think that any slight spark there may have been would have died. If he is not calling you he is not interested in you... It could be for a myriad of reasons. It may be due to his honor and the sense of stigma of dating a student, or even a former student. It could be that he found another option during the past few days/weeks. He could have just lost interest in you for some other reason...

Do you know that movie... "He's just not that into you"... Well, when a guy goes ghost and does not make any effort to contact you then he's just not that into you.

Now, it will do you no harm to contact him and try to pursue... However, I assume that you would have very little luck or success. It does not mean you should not try, but I am just saying it looks like this option is more likely closed than it is open.

Edit:
"I think that he and are both equally attractive."
Um... It is not all about attractiveness and looks. He is a professor, likely has a PhD or some higher level degree, likely a good paying job in academia, high status male, ect. You do not seem to fully understand the concept of sexual market value... I will educate you, class is in session..

Men are interested in women primarily for attractiveness, and youth. Attractiveness and youth (which often go hand and hand) are evidence that the woman is good breeding material. The older a woman gets the less fertile she becomes, the more likely that there is birth defects. Attractiveness is a sign of health and good genes. It is biology, men may not fully recognize it but these are the primary factors which drive our sexual interest. Sexual interest is one of, if not the major facet to attraction. There are of course other factors like personality and shared interests but the main spark for infatuation and attraction is still sexual interest at least in men. Women are different... Women are interested in attractiveness but it is frequently secondary to the mans ability to provide and their status. A male with good ability to provide and high status increases the success of the offspring surviving in nature, as there would be more access to resoures for the offspring. Men tend to reach more stability and gain access to more status and resources in their 30's which tends to be their sexual peak. Women on the other hand peak in their early 20s which is when they are most youthful and attractive.
Thus, his man may be as attractive as you, however he likely has a much higher sexual market value than you (which is partly why you are interested in him). Biology is the natural law, and despite our evolution of our cortex to involve more complex reasoning a great deal of our behavior is linked to our instinctual drives. In other words, biology is destiny.

 

[LiveFreeX]

. It may be due to his honor and the sense of stigma of dating a student, or even a former student.

Having spent 12 years as a teacher, I can tell you, this doesn't exist.

 

[MrWood]

Im 50 and find it difficult to date over 40.
anyway, if he is a AFC giving him your number and waiting wont work.
you will need to ask him out directly for a date, preferable a night drink/out date

not a dinner date
not a walk/hike daytime date
not a fvcking salsa dance class date

If he balks on this, move on...
"Hi, I want to take you out for a drink Friday night, how does 8pm at XYZ sound?"

hint: you buy

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear LiveXFree,
I was 23 years full time Lecturer in a University,at which I still guest Lecture...If this Guy...Yes Guy...was 69 and not 39 and talking about the open slather we had in the Seventies and Eighties,I would see him as credible,but I think he is a troll.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Asmodius,
I sit in awe reading your contribution,very impressive,great to have you on here!

 

[LiveFreeX]

What was the course? If its a gender studies class, you may have a shot.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear liveXFree,
The Course?....I lectured in a few,generally Engineering and Architectural...Students were fine but the Administration a pack of Pricks...I like your style Honey,fancy a nice Holiday down under?

 

[LiveFreeX]

I meant the op Scaramouche, I'm wondering what class she was in.

 

[sodbuster]

I'm 57, the girlfriend is 30. One of my best friends is 52 and his wife is 30 AND she signed the pre-nup from hell to get married. I'll let you do the math...... We finally got revenge on the women our age dating older boys in high school

 

[Desdinova]

I'm 57, the girlfriend is 30. One of my best friends is 52 and his wife is 30 AND she signed the pre-nup from hell to get married. I'll let you do the math...... We finally got revenge on the women our age dating older boys in high school

Me and the GF were chatting about a month ago, and she mentioned that if she were to get married, she would do a pre-nup. I was actually a bit surprised to hear that coming from a woman.

 

[sodbuster]

I think there are a FEW women with their head on straight, who realize marriage is too big a risk for a man to take without one....... but the word is FEW... Most still "think" we are wage slaves for the princess