intense 4 month relationship turns to LJBF... what to do?

[dcastillus]

Damn mintxx, you're going through the same thing I am going thru, 4 intense months with a girl you think is the one and bam all that crap about not having enough time for you and what not. As much as I don't want to believe it but everything the experts have posted is true. Unfortunately it's easier said than done to the things they advise but I remember what someone else posted I believe it was guru1000, and it may or may not apply to your situation:

"I don't see much benefit to keeping contact with an ex. You cannot be legitimate FRIENDS. All you are doing is rubbing salt into each other's wounds. With only covert communication BATTLES, I choose to close the door and move foward"

But then again it's easier said than done, I know it sucks but I am glad to hear I am not the only guy this has happened to, good luck with everything

 

[mintxx]

after a bit of thinking, i told her i wouldn't be meeting her and stopped returning her calls. i have the feeling that she's done this kind of thing before to guys and it hasn't blown up in her face; she dropped hints several times that there were 'things' i could do to get her back and that i shouldn't 'assume' that she wanted it to be over, but that **** doesn't fly with me; someone who thinks that other people are toys that act out roles in her drama has no place in my life as a friend or otherwise. i've forgotten what it's like to be truly single, so i think i'll roll with that for the foreseeable future. i loathe the part of me that would take her back if she begged, i need to get some real integrity. thanks for the wisdom, if i start a thread here anytime soon, someone kick my ass.
mintxx out

 

[joekerr31]

someone who thinks that other people are toys that act out roles in her drama has no place in my life as a friend or otherwise.

and a mature man emerges from the ashes

 

[joekerr31]

"I don't see much benefit to keeping contact with an ex. You cannot be legitimate FRIENDS. All you are doing is rubbing salt into each other's wounds. With only covert communication BATTLES, I choose to close the door and move foward"

But then again it's easier said than done, I know it sucks but I am glad to hear I am not the only guy this has happened to, good luck with everything

in all relationships lies at the core hope.

hope for a better future. hope for finding a mate and ever lasting love. etc.

just like when you take a new job. within it lies hope for a better future. for a work place you enjoy. for a fulfillment of your professional ambitions. for financial stability. etc.

any relationship starts with attraction and then hope. inside we all have fantasies of how the future will unfold.

but as a relationship dies, so to does hope, and hence suffering emerges.

when one goes back to being single, often times one sees this state as a state without hope. since after all there is nothing present upon which hope may spring.

but this is the worst way of looking at it. when you are single this is when there is actually the most hope. because this is when you are open to a new relationship.

additionally, whats even better, is if you can learn to embrace hope as it relates to your own experience. for you to embrace it independent of women. you should hold out hope that the future has amazing things in store for you regardless of women (although women may be a part of what it has in store also).

 

[dcastillus]

this is very true

in all relationships lies at the core hope.

additionally, whats even better, is if you can learn to embrace hope as it relates to your own experience. for you to embrace it independent of women. you should hold out hope that the future has amazing things in store for you regardless of women (although women may be a part of what it has in store also).

you hit it right on the spot joekerr31, it's time to build myself and see hope in my future with or without women, and from the looks of things mintxx is also ready to do what he has to do to handle his situation.

Thanks mintxx, if you hadn't brought up your situation I wouldn't have been able to get advice indirectly from all the great advice you were given, thanks joekerr31, I've seen some of your other posts, you always have good advice

peace out

 

[jophil28]

i have the feeling that she's done this kind of thing before to guys and it hasn't blown up in her face; she dropped hints several times that there were 'things' i could do to get her back and that i shouldn't 'assume' that she wanted it to be over, but that **** doesn't fly with me; someone who thinks that other people are toys that act out roles in her drama has no place in my life as a friend or otherwise.

There is enough info in this excerpt for me to suggest to you that you should research Axis 2 Cluster B Personality Disorders in the DSM IV. You may find her right there.

 

[KontrollerX]

Jophil is on the right track with what he said.

Cluster B's view people as objects to be used no different than a refrigerator or toaster and also 2 dimensional cartoon characters whose feelings aren't worth anything in comparison to theirs.