Intellectual 8.0 lady

[amoka]

Aright here is the cituation, I went to a conference couple of days ago and met this lady who happens to be very intellectual. I confronted her and we talked for a good number of minutes and I managed to secure her number. The conference was couple of days but did not call her when at the conference. I decided to call her once I get back home. By the way, the conference was at a different state... it also happened that she is from the state I'm from but different city ( about an hour from each other). Apparently she does not have a boyfriend and is not looking for one at a moment but when the right one comes she'd take it. During and after the conversation, I was sure she found me admirable. I promised to keep her in touch and maybe get together sometimes for something. Well, the problem is when I got back, I called her. She did not pick up but I did not leave a message but she called back later on and said she was sleeping. I asked how she was doing and stuff like that and she responded the usual way: fine. And I proceed to ask when she plans to visit my city she said she is not sure.... We talked for less than two minutes that day. My problem is I would like to call her again but I just don't know what exactly to tell her. Should I ask her if she has decided yet when she'll be coming or should I just call and asked again and again how she if fairing....{ By the way, she is not that good looking but very intellectual}

 

[Captain AFC]

I'm not going to pretend to be one of the experts, but I'll try to weigh in based on what I've been learning and read. Here are my thoughts:

1.) This woman lives an hour away from you and hardly knows you. I know we're supposed to get out there and take chances... but for one woman you hardly know? I'm not sure if I would focus too much on it, or put too much effort.

2.) If you call her and have a two minute conversation, it really just sounds like you've made some sort of contact, but it's not something lasting or intense. As you said yourself "She's not that good looking." I used to also go for that "Looks shouldn't matter" thing... but looks are more than just looks. They are an expression, and a very visisble one, of a person's life style and personality. People try to say, "I'm ugly on the outside, but beautiful inside," as if the body and mind are not interconnected and inter-related. There's a different between an "ugly" outside (as in one that will always just be awkward due to apperance, not shape), and someone who's overall attractiveness is just... uninspiring.

3.) I know that looks aren't everything, and that being highly intellectual can be an attractive feature for a partner, but as many of the heavyweights around here have explained, ATTRACTION DOES MATTER. No, an LTR relationship need not involve you finding the bombshell of your dreams... but if to start out you're already not that into her physically AND she lives an hour away (hence creating logistics for getting to her)... it just doesn't sound like it's worth the effort.

My final thought. Lately, I've tried to talk to women, maintain the prolonged eye-contact, walk around with an air of sexuality and overall just demonstrating that I am not some stiff alien creature with a shyness complex. I talk to girls, and I have friendly conversations. Some girls I could probably nail a number on and ask them out to eat. Granted, my confidence level right now would only say for girls that I, as a person, am not too interested in. But I could do so nonetheless.

If I were in your shoes, I'd just chalk this encounter up as a good one in which you displayed confidence, got to know a woman, saw some traits that you appreciated (intellectual, friendliness, etc.), and successfully interacted with. What more do you need? Ask yourself if it's really worth the time and energy to go out of the way to pursue it much further than that. Or if you're necessarily ready to go for something like that.

 

[Wyldfire]

Okay, this is what you should do...

1) find a newspaper for her city and look in the community calendar of events section. Find something going on in her city on a weekend day that you would both enjoy. If she's intellectual she'll likely be into cultural things...galleries, museums, orchestra, plays...you get the picture...so look for those kinds of things.

2) Call her up and tell her that you were interested in this event in her city and think you'd like to go and ask her if she'd like to join you.

There you go...

 

[amoka]

Got the picture... I think it would be prudent to call her first and ask what her interests are? Thus if she like visiting museums, archestra and things like that. Another problem: she is a christians and want's someone who is a christian... I don't consider myself a christian, but I do respect her choice of religion and worships. Should I tell her up-front that I'm not a church goer? Or wait untill...

 

[Wyldfire]

I wouldn't worry about the church thing. It's not like you're asking her to marry you...you just want to get to know her better.

It doesn't really matter what her interests are. If she is interested in YOU she will accept. Just make sure you don't pick something that would be offensive to anyone religious.

 

[MightyMate]

Id never meet a girl that is intelecutal but not good looking. You kno why> Because shes not good looking!

 

[amoka]

MightyMate, thanks for the comment. It is not that she is not that bad looking... she just does not put on make-ups. At least when I first met her. I think she just like going natural....