Instant Likeability?

[Abbott]

Does anyone have any ideas of being more instantly likeable?

Suppose you're in a situation where there's a LOT of new people that you've never seen before. Are there certain things you can do to make them feel more comfortable with you instead of scaring them off or freaking them out?

One reason I can think of is that I try to be funny, though often I'm not.

I know that if I can do better with this, I will have an easier time

A) making friends
and
B) meeting more women
and
C) maybe then it'd be easier for me to join a frat (I'm in university) and meet lots of people.

This is something that has been getting on my nerves a lot. I won't admit it publicly but I feel envy toward those guys who seem to be able to find/make new friends in little to no time.

I really want some help here because:

In high school I had no friends. At one college I went to I also didn't have any friends. I'm at this college now and the only friends I have now were people I met in high school, but never hung out with until after they graduated from high school.

And that:

I really don't want to believe that it's to do with my living situation. I live in a smallish one-bedroom apartment that's not exactly fancy (it's old and I'm definately moving after the lease), and I drive a '99 Ford Ranger, not exactly a 'hip' car.

 

[ufotofu9]

I don't know that I can give you specific advice, but I will say this: to have power over people, you must do things for them. What I mean is, power is not the ability to get people to do things for you. It is doing things for people, and aquiring a debt form them. Think the Godfather. His power is to do favors for people, an dthen cash in on his favor later. Don't be anyones *****, but have people thankful for you to be around.

 

[b's nuts]

.become more outgoing. This tip might not be for you, but start smoking bud. You will be suprised how many kids smoke bud, and you didn't even know! Fvck your apartment, fvck your car - those aren't going to get you friends, and any friends that they do bring are just using you for rides and a place to chill. When you smoke bud, everyone will just chill, and you will meet a lot of people. Hey, might not be for you, but thats how I met most the kids I know, is from smoking with them or buying from them. Plus, chicks get horny as hell when you get them baked

 

[-k2]

b'nuts knows what its about

more often then not it seems like the chill down to earth people that are easist to get along with are fellow bud smokers.

 

[Matt ala Casanova]

Why don't you try to be more outgoing. Maybe pick up a hobby like Hiking, Wall Climbing, etc. Women do this as well. Also you can find people who may have a common interest in things you like/do. That is the trick half the time to be liked, to have something in common with others. For me, I can talk to a girl and feed off what she is saying and make her think I am the greatest guy in the world....the power over people is what is within you. If you are boring overall...guess what others will think!

M.A.C.

 

[Chewy Bagel]

Smoke bud?

I remember my high school football coach talking about stoners. He said, "It's really easy to be a stoner - just get some weed, stand across the street and get high - all kinds of weirdos will be attracted to you. The difficult part of life is being responsible and working hard for what you want - if the things winners did were easy, then everyone would be a winner. Winners do the things that losers won't."

I liked this speech.

I'm not saying that I haven't smoked bud, but if that's the way you try to make friends, then you'll be going about it the wrong way.

Good Luck!

CB

 

[Slickster]

Smile

 

[sandinista]

hey.

This may sound odd, but maybe you should try living through a dice.

For example.
just try it once, in a place where you know no-one & probebly wont see them again, like a dancing lesson or somthing.

Then, with a dice, give different options to each number, & roll. Whatever no. comes up you HAVE to do what it says.

Say No. 1 will mean you are the most confident person in the world & will make conversation with everyone you meet & be super friendly to everyone.

Or no. 2 could be mean you talk to all the guys, but try to avoid women, & vice versa for no. 3, etc.

You'll feel more confident cause you don't know anyone, & FATE said you should be the person you're being. In this state you will be portraying 'false confidence', but when you see that you CAN be this person, you're on the 1st step to BECOMING this person permantly.

If you feel like backing out, just grab your balls & say "am i a man, or a pansy loser who gives up on everything".. hope this helps.

BTW. This idea came from the book THE DICE MAN by Luke Rhinehart, which i HIGHLY recommend, especially if this idea appeals to you.

 

[thecraftylefty]

I'm in a really great mood right now Abbott, so I'm going to help you out.

There's no magic pill you can take to make friends. You have to go out and be seen. I'm not going to mislead you into thinking there's an easy way to do anything. If you want to accomplish anything in this world an effort must be made to reach that goal.

The key to making any kind of new friends is not being afraid to go up to them and communicate. The best places to meet new people are at parties, the library, and people walking around campus. People at parties go to have a good time. They go to take a load off their shoulders from all their schoolwork and whatnot. So next time you're at a keg party and you fill up your cup just strike up a conversation with any of the guys (or girls, but for this purpose meeting new guys will give you the advantage here) in line or near the line. More than likely they won't be a$$holes about it and they'll be willing to just shoot the sh!t. Next, ask if you can just chill with whoever you talked to because you're new here and don't know that many people yet. There are many variations but you get the idea.

Now, I could tell you all the little things like having a radiant personality, but that won't help unless you already have a stable fundamental background of how and what to do (and consequently, the little things pale in comparison to the basics). It's like a basketball player; sure, the flashy and showstopping moves are great to SEE, but it's the guys like Bird and Magic who were fundamentally sound and did what they had to day in and day out on the court who were always WINNERS. The guy that tries to picks up chicks all the time by coming off too fake or running canned game that gets some good responses sometimes will never be as good as the guy that has a solid foundation and a well-rounded approach to the game. That's how the world operates. Learn it and apply it.

"If your rap is strong it can't go wrong."

thecraftylefty

 

[Psycho`Sexual]

instant likeability = do not be offensive and respect others freewill.

buying bud for people = them using you for it.


It like spending cash on chicks, buying them gifts and what not, just so they talk to you...

 

[seulaxplaya]

i hear ya

yeah I am sort of in the same situation as you except for the apartment and car thing. I had no friends in high school and I really dont have that many friends right now. I'm outgoing, funny, and very likable. I do know tons of people but I dont really have that little group of friends. I have come to the conclusion that some people are just not the friend group. I myself fall into this category. I think that one of the reasons why I have it like this is because people may be intimadated (however u spell it) by my personality. I joined a fraternity and I am rushing right now and thats how I am getting my group of friends

 

[playfulboy]

In high school I had no friends. At one college I went to I also didn't have any friends.

Ditto - but that changed around the time I turned 25 - I lost my shyness, got a life and became happy.

And then became happier, because now I suddenly had lots of fun friends.

When I recently moved Interstate to a city of 3 million people, it took 24 hours to bump into someone I knew. Now I meet people I know most times when I go out - this is after being "least likely to suceed" at High School.

Basically I became fun to be around. I'm always in a good mood when I'm out, I have fun stories to tell because I do things with my life and I treat EVERYONE I meet absolutely equally in terms of paying them attention. This includes any boyfriends, the fugly one, the geeky boy with glasses.

If there's a hot babe in the group I'll flirt by making a face at her or poking out my tongue cheekily and then go back to my conversation. It works wonders and she will inevitably time her trip to the bar with mine.

Why - because you're not really giving her any extra attention except a bit of brattiness, it's unique and you haven't raised her Beotch Shield with misplaced words that come across as desperate. It also shows you're fun to be with and not too serious.

I also read a lot about Human Sexuality, both Pop Culture and Psych books and one of the first friends I made Interstate was a Dominatrix. Believe me - word gets around the women that you know a lot about it and makes them VERY curious because all women want a knowledgeable lover.

There's no magic pill you can take to make friends. You have to go out and be seen.

Damned straight!

The first step is to STOP NEXTING those girls who said "Let's just be friends." You've used the energy/courage trying to chat them up, so why waste it? They are a wonderful source of Social Proof.

When I walk into a Pub/Club and cute girl waves happily and comes over to give me a hug and kiss, I've instally lowered the Beotch Shield of any neayby women.

She'll introduce you to her friends and next time you go out there's even more chance of running into people you know. It snowballs.

Even if you don't know anyone, it's easy. I went and saw a band the other night and they'd just toured the City I moved from. So in their break I asked how they found the City and what Venue's they played in. It gave me something to chat about without using something cheesy like "Wow, you play well," which doesn't leave anywhere to go but down.

By the end of the night I had 8 new friends.

Just be fun, confident and into having a good time and you'll find you'll soon have lots of friends.

 

[myfriendblu]

Abbott,
who cares what other people think about you anyways? Stop being so envious of everyone. Its really not all that hard to make friends. MAC is right - just be more outgoing, and everything else should fall into place.

I will say this - if you wanna go places/meet people and do things, it helps to
1. Have money. So get a job if you don't already have one
2. Be healthy - so start working out ya lazy punk! Na, seriously, girls will like you and boys will respect you if your strong,motivated and in shape.

 

[MattK]

Show a genuine interest in people.
Everyone likes to talk about themselves.

 

[Abbott]

Good advice.

Yeah...I suppose it would help if I got out more. But that's why I want friends, because it looks strange if you go out alone on the weekend (during the week it makes sense because no one's thinking about fun).

I tried the fraternity thing but I didn't get any bids so I couldn't rush even if I wanted to. I was going to try again in the spring but I'm probably not going to now because I don't feel good, due to my grades not being that great (I'm getting an F in one class and a D in another).

Ah well...I suppose that's no excuse to be lazy and laid-back, which quite honestly I tend to be most of the time (I should change that but people rarely change). I need to quit just going to class and going home like in high school (except it's my apartment, not my parents house) and start doing other stuff in addition (though I should probably work on those two classes before anything).

I know! Perhaps I'll suggest to a classmate that I seem "cool with" that we should hang out together, or party the following weekend or something. Usually there's a minute or two before and after class and sometimes during.

Ben

 

[SamePendo]

I dont know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody

Bill Cosby