I've come to realize that my main issue isn't a lack of confidence of my sexual capabilities, seduction abilities, looks or lack of relationship experience. I am insecure of my personality. This is the main problem that prevents any type of attractive vibe. I believe there is much truth in a posters quote of "be comfortable with yourself if you want women to be comfortable around you". I am not comfortable being myself around anyone. I feel like I have a fringe personality that borders on non-violent psychopathy. That I naturally make everyone uncomfortable just by my demeanor and subtle behaviors. I know people gravitate towards me, so this isn't true. It doesn't stop the thoughts though.
Insecurity
- Thread starter DonJuanjr
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Okay.
AmsterdamAssassin
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Many people in the Autism Spectrum feel that way. Are you sure you're not (mildly) autistic?
And even if you're not, you might have some PTSD interfering with your social skills.
No, definitely not on or near the spectrum. It's not about social behavior, but thought/mindset. That's why I included the statement of people being drawn to me, to an extent. To emphasize it's not behavioral.
Stanley
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I relate to what you are saying. This sounds like self image and esteem issues.
Curious, do you try to appease others or mold your personality to cater to others in an attempt to be more likeable?
Regardless, from the get go assuming that everyone is thinking about you in a negative light or that you make them uncomfortable is your own view of yourself being projected onto others. They likely don't think those things, but deep down you think those things about yourself and it can manifest in your life in odd ways. I don't mean this in the hippie new age way and more so the psychological way. If you reframe your views of yourself and bring about your positive attributes and reaffirm them... then you quite literally will begin to put out a more positive vibe.
Challenge your thoughts and self limiting ideas about yourself. You already do this here:
You can stop those thoughts.
Might want to check out CBT or look into some exercises online to try, Dr. David Burns is good.
Also, people really don't care that much as you think they do.
Most people are in their heads all the same, suffering from their own thoughts and insecurities. To admit your insecurities and address them is something a person striving to be secure does, someone who suppresses them is genuinely insecure. Remember that being 'normal' is boring and having a personality and being true to yourself is the most attractive thing you can be. In other words own it. The good the bad and the ugly.
If you have not read: No More Mr' Nice Guy By Dr. Robert Glover, you should. It's a brief and fantastic read.
Curious, do you try to appease others or mold your personality to cater to others in an attempt to be more likeable?
Regardless, from the get go assuming that everyone is thinking about you in a negative light or that you make them uncomfortable is your own view of yourself being projected onto others. They likely don't think those things, but deep down you think those things about yourself and it can manifest in your life in odd ways. I don't mean this in the hippie new age way and more so the psychological way. If you reframe your views of yourself and bring about your positive attributes and reaffirm them... then you quite literally will begin to put out a more positive vibe.
Challenge your thoughts and self limiting ideas about yourself. You already do this here:
Take your own put downs and list them out. Sit down and combat them. You may think no one likes you or you may make them uncomfortable, but think back and write down the times you had positive exchanges with people, made someone's day brighter, attracted others to you. Find evidence to the contrary from your own lived experience.
You can stop those thoughts.
Might want to check out CBT or look into some exercises online to try, Dr. David Burns is good.
Also, people really don't care that much as you think they do.
Most people are in their heads all the same, suffering from their own thoughts and insecurities. To admit your insecurities and address them is something a person striving to be secure does, someone who suppresses them is genuinely insecure. Remember that being 'normal' is boring and having a personality and being true to yourself is the most attractive thing you can be. In other words own it. The good the bad and the ugly.
If you have not read: No More Mr' Nice Guy By Dr. Robert Glover, you should. It's a brief and fantastic read.
BillyPilgrim
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OP if people gravitate towards you, insecurity is not the issue. Is this thread the result of feeling down at Xmas?
It'll be over with by the time you read this.
It'll be over with by the time you read this.
Plinco
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Can you define in more detail what you mean by your personality?
Yes. Not with everyone, and not completely, but to varying degrees with different people.
Maybe, but I've been having these thoughts for a while.
Just what I may add to a conversation, or non-verbal communication/mannerisms.
No tests or diagnosis or anything. Just how I feel I come off.
Plinco
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It's a self-esteem issue.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you might have repressed fear or anxiety from childhood regarding you expressing yourself. Maybe you were made fun of in grade school or there was a family member who didn't agree with your expression. This is just a guess.
I would recommend writing down how you think and how you feel in situations where you might express yourself. Read what you wrote back to yourself. Your emotional reactions indicate what you are convinced of, and you should examine your convictions.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you might have repressed fear or anxiety from childhood regarding you expressing yourself. Maybe you were made fun of in grade school or there was a family member who didn't agree with your expression. This is just a guess.
I would recommend writing down how you think and how you feel in situations where you might express yourself. Read what you wrote back to yourself. Your emotional reactions indicate what you are convinced of, and you should examine your convictions.