Insecurity in an LTR

[bigmil]

I've been seeing my girl Steph for about 8 months now. I'm afraid that she might be flaking on me a bit now. She came over on Monday and we had great passionate sex and just hung out. She e-mailed me a few times this week saying she was hoping I'm doing well. Due to our work schedules we haven't been able to get together since Monday. Tommorrow I have guard duty and she has to work until 7 or so. Here's why I think she might be flaking:

1. She hasn't called me.
2. On the phone she is kinda curt and doesn't express feelings like, " I miss you ."
3. I asked her if she wanted to get together tommorrow night after we get off work and she says, " I don't know- what are you doing?"
4. She doesn't seem excited to get together.

She says she does want to get together but she seems so lackadaisical in her responses. She almost seems detached. I'm not sure if this is some sort of game or if it indicates a genuine loss of interest on her part and I need to take some action.
Her personality is one of detachment anyway. She admittesly is not expressive when it comes to emotions.
I'm feeling an insecurity that undoubtely is due to my AFC nature. Since I started feeling more secure with her I've found less need for the anti-AFC tactics. Are these anti-AFC tactics neccessary in an LTR? I seem to always have this problem about 7-9 months into a relationship. Do I have to keep doing all this stuff you guys suggest -- spinning plates, etc.? Even after being with her for 8 months?

 

[STR8UP]

Trust your gut dude, trust your gut.

As far as maintaining a relationship...you don't have to keep spinning plates but you DO have to keep your balls intact.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Look into your own life.

Since you've been dating her, ask yourself these questions:

*Am I spending too much time with her?
*Am I still spending time with my guy friends?
*Am I still spending time with my girl friends?
*Am I still working out?
*Am I still being adventurous?
*Am I still being ambitious with my career/schooling?
*Am I still dressing nice?
*Am I still keeping proper hygiene?

I think you're starting to see a pattern. 9 times out of 10, most guys get into a relationship and get LAZY! They work out..keep in shape..dress sharp..follow their goals/careers..AND then finally land that great gal. Then, most guys get lazy and stop doing the things that attracted the girl to him in the first place. All the sudden, after a few months, the guy is fat, slobbish, unmotivated, and hangs all his security onto one thing...his girlfriend. When in reality, your security should be with-in yourself.

My advice to you friend is to relax and detach YOURSELF a bit from this relationship. The 8th-9th month of your relationship is a great time to assess yourself. Assess your goals, your ideas, your dreams, your body. Start analyzing yourself and ask yourself honestly if you have become a bit lazy too.

And if you have, that's probably good reason why your gf is losing interest. Go back and be the guy she fell for in the first place.

 

[Mercury21]

First, remember that in all relationships at one point or another you will begin to feel weird about it. This usually happens right around the 6 month to 1 year period...where you are at.

That is normal. Now with that said, ask yourself those all important questions:

How much of a stepping mat have I become?

How relaxed have I become towards my appearance?

When was the last time we did something fun/exciting?

When was the last time I told her I couldn't see her because I had plans?

......And the list goes on.

This basically goes back to having a life outside of your GF. It is really easy to get caught up in a new relationship that you toss everything else, including your buddies right out the window. We have all been there.

If you feel her relaxing her grip on the relationship rope, then relax your grip a little to. Go out, have some fun. Or stay home...whatever. Just don't do it with her. Show her that you don't need her. 8 months is way too early for the " I want to spend eternity with you" talk anyway...especially if you feel her attitude is as relaxed as you say.

Take a stand and be a man. Let her know that you are in control. Otherwise she will play with your emotions as much as she wants. Soon you will learn not to let her actions affect your mood. That will be a golden turning point my friend.

Good luck!

 

[Ratisson]

u say that u keep having problems 7-9 months into ur relationship which means that u must continuallly be doing something wrong with all the girls u were with. Maybe ur comming on too heavy, but whatever it is u need to stop doing it and start becoming a challenge. Stop going back to ur AFC ways. Another thing, why do u care if she doesnt say she misses u on the phone. As long as she shows u she loves u and treats u right when u are with her why would u care.

 

[squirrels]

I'm feeling an insecurity that undoubtely is due to my AFC nature. Since I started feeling more secure with her I've found less need for the anti-AFC tactics. Are these anti-AFC tactics neccessary in an LTR?

Yes. They are necessary in EVERYTHING you do, for the REST of your life.

They're NOT FVCKING TACTICS!! It's not some video game you play and then go back to your mundane life when you're done. There is no "win" in this...the game is not over until you're 6 feet under.

Stop relying on "anti-AFC tactics"...try becoming something more MANLY than an AFC in the FIRST place.

You talk about it like it's a given, like "Being a real man is just an act, I'm an AFC by nature and nothing can change that." NOTHING could be further from the truth. Start being a man by default.

If you are with a woman for any extended period of time, she will eventually see through ANY "tactics" that you employ. It's ingrained into them...that's what all the "sh*t tests" are...they throw circumstances at you you don't expect to see how you react to them, and since you haven't had time to think, you react in the way that is closest to your TRUE nature.

If you're a chump, you act like a chump. If you're a REAL man, you act like a REAL man.

Long story short...in an LTR, your tricks aren't worth d!ck. All the fastseduction.com tricks, all the patterning, ****y-funny lines, etc, all of SoSuave CANNOT save you. They WILL find out who you really are. You're either a real man, or you aren't.

Stop trying to win women. Become a MAN and let women try to win you.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Yes. They are necessary in EVERYTHING you do, for the REST of your life.

They're NOT FVCKING TACTICS!! It's not some video game you play and then go back to your mundane life when you're done. There is no "win" in this...the game is not over until you're 6 feet under.

Stop relying on "anti-AFC tactics"...try becoming something more MANLY than an AFC in the FIRST place.

You talk about it like it's a given, like "Being a real man is just an act, I'm an AFC by nature and nothing can change that." NOTHING could be further from the truth. Start being a man by default.

If you are with a woman for any extended period of time, she will eventually see through ANY "tactics" that you employ. It's ingrained into them...that's what all the "sh*t tests" are...they throw circumstances at you you don't expect to see how you react to them, and since you haven't had time to think, you react in the way that is closest to your TRUE nature.

If you're a chump, you act like a chump. If you're a REAL man, you act like a REAL man.

Long story short...in an LTR, your tricks aren't worth d!ck. All the fastseduction.com tricks, all the patterning, ****y-funny lines, etc, all of SoSuave CANNOT save you. They WILL find out who you really are. You're either a real man, or you aren't.

Stop trying to win women. Become a MAN and let women try to win you.

Thank you for saying this so I wouldn't have to.

 

[WildCard]

Everything above is good - listen...

Here's the deal with LTRs - if you choose to do one; it is a CONSTANT PROVING GROUND. Your frequency of testing will be dependent on the level of pass/fail on the last test - it's constantly attenuating; so here's the solution for the current situation that should set you in the right direction - BUT ONLY MOMENTARILY as you will have to respond to these in real-time with your LTR..

DONT CALL HER...

DONT ANSWER CALLS - BE BUSY

STOP ASKING HER ANYTHING - YOU DO ****, IF SHE WANTS TO "TAG ALONG" COOL OTHERWISE - COOL;

GIVE HER THE GIFT OF MISSING YOU BY PLANNING TO DOING COOL THINGS WHEN YOU KNOW SHE CANT COME;

MIRROR HER ATTITUDES;

Loss of interest is generally and simpy a loss of attraction - not in the bad sense, but more like a laziness on the guys side because he thinks he's GOT HER when in reality this is the beginning of boring her; so do some push-pull - some erratic behavior in her presence...that'll do the trick...

You have to continually pump attraction...that will never end - even ask the married guys...they'll tell you - if you become PREDICTABLE that equals BORING - BORING equals LOSS OF ATTRACTION...you see the cycle...

Anyhow this is a REALLY EASY FIX - if you want - otherwise you could just run out and get yourself a lover (whcih I recommend anyway - for the "rainy days") and then she'll pick-up on YOUR DETACHMENT, don't ask me how...they just do...and guess what - she'll be having this discussion with her girlfriend in a month....ahhaahahahahhaaha

Good Luck!

~ WildCard ~

Veritas Lux Mea

 

[bigmil]

killer advice! I have become lazy. I feel like "I've got her" so I have kept my house messy when I know she's coming over, haven't bothered to do anything exciting with her lately, have definelty not paid as much attention to hygeine, etc.
The idea that I had to constantly pump attraction was something I was thinking but honestly wasn't aware of the neccessity in an LTR.
I see now why I'm in this situation.
Well hopefully it'll be an easy fix. When she was really into me was when I really implemented the DJ skills at the beggining. I understand also how it's not tactics really but more a way of living mentally and physically.