Insecurity about Looks??!?!?!?

[Lost]

ok, this has really been buggin me so i figured i'd make a post about it, pls no flames.

anyways, for a long time now, and especially lately, ive been feeling really insecure about how i look ( obviously my face not my clothes).
its not that im ugly, in fact im definately not. and through the past school year it seems like nearly every girl in my grade had been interested in my at some point, as well as all the hot girls from the other grades.. (this is just what i noticed.. and im pretty ****ing blind to this crap.. i always realise it after the fact.. like now im realising this one girl that REALLY REALLY wanted to **** my brains out.. and she was pretty..) in fact if i look back in time to other grades i probly had similar situations. for instance back in 7th grade when i went to a new school it seemed like all the cute girls liked me, but obviously they get pissd after waiting for so long and u dont do anything.

ok anyways, so does anyone know anything bout insecurity of looks? im just sick of bugging myself, i mean i totally overanalyze now. ill look at everyone and be like oh that person isnt good looking im them or some stupid ****.. or oh that person is good looking but doesnt look like me....wtf ther r tons of good looking ppl that look different.. or ill be like oh im just ok but not really good looking; yah and i guess thats what all the girls had been thinking too right (rolls eyes).

so if anyone can help me out here, it would be grealy appreciated...
my email is refrusloi@hotmail.com and my AIM SN is Refrusloi
Lost out.

 

[Eternal]

If girls are digging you, then what's the problem man?

 

[Hot Ice]

I don't know what's your problem, really.

But you are worrying about past too much and as you said, you are over-analyzing. Drop that **** off!


You got these girls interested in you because of your looks in the past.
How about now?
You still attract them I belive.

I get the feeling you are still not fully confident about your looks.
Hey, girls have been into you, so what's the problem?
You didn't have insecurity on this earlier so WHY NOW?


Every time I look myself at the mirror and smile, I get the good mood and confidence. I love being me and how I look. Like you, I've been complimented quite a lot too.
You just need to accept your looks.
That's the only way.
It's no use to analyze it.
If you take care of your looks and hygiene etc. you should not have nothing to worry about.

 

[Titus]

Don't you worry about overanalizing your looks, Lost. It's nothing more than an identity crisis. Sooner or later it will pass.
*sigh*
Just as soon as find yoursef something new to latch on, to keep your "looks" confidence high Try girls. They make miracles in the "when the looks self esteem is low" section *SIGH*

 

[oakraiderz2]

What the hell?? I thought that you that your face was pretty and shyt? Since EVERY girl wants you, go fukin do something about dont. Dont worry about something so inane such as your looks if you can still get girls.

 

[Lost]

Originally posted by crazykid
If girls are digging you, then what's the problem man?

i dont really approach, and its not like this is 24/7, im not like a popstar that girls scream and run up to, but i do get tons of girls interested in me at some point.

Originally posted by Hot Ice
I don't know what's your problem, really.

You still attract them I belive.

- School is over, and i generally dont get approached outside of school unless im in a certain area for whatever amt of time.. but im normally moving around.. so the most id get is signals i guess(i dont ever look for them, so i almost always miss them), altho i dont Go out a ton.

Originally posted by Hot Ice
I get the feeling you are still not fully confident about your looks.
Hey, girls have been into you, so what's the problem?
You didn't have insecurity on this earlier so WHY NOW?

- i dont know, maybe it had to do with i was thinking ok girls like me so i must be hot, and when ther arent girls wanting to jump my bones then i think im not hot anymore, but either way ive been overanalysing like crazy lately, ud laff ur ass off if u got inside my brain for a few minutes.

Originally posted by Hot Ice
Like you, I've been complimented quite a lot too. -

im shy so generally i dont get a ton of verbal comments, just physical.. if u know what i mean. and the comments are ALLWAYS from girls my age or teachers.. the guys in my grade always hate on me and say **** about me ( ther are a few that dont but ne ways...)
heres an example.. i had tried a new hairstyle and this girl said it lookd.. (i forgot the word she used.. so lets use the word "fly" for now).. later that same day this dude said my hair lookd like crap..

Originally posted by Hot Ice
You just need to accept your looks.

- probly.

Originally posted by Hot Ice
That's the only way.
It's no use to analyze it.
If you take care of your looks and hygiene etc. you should not have nothing to worry about.

 

[Ronny_Neumonic II]

Lost I totally hear you man. I get so many compliments and everything and it's even worse with all the girls I DJ that sms me all the time and stuff...that when it comes to a girl who doesn't dig me(doesn't happen often ) I'm like "wtf is wrong with me..ahhhh"


It's all lack of true confidence I'd say. As I've said b4 I have the dj'ing women thing down its the other parts of my life i'm working on now

 

[Vincent]

Your problem isn't your insecure about your looks, you have an insecurity when it comes to woman.

You don't know how to look for signs of attractions, and there are many, and we show them whether or not we know it.
When you talk to someone, and they are leaning forward towards you that is a good sign they are interested.

But when you learn how a girl acts around you (some things i've noticed is getting you attention when your not showing it, rubbing against you (ya its kinda obvious but still), going out of the way to be near you).

When you get over this confusion or insecurity, you may need to look at your personality, because girls care more for that then when you have good looks. If you are interesting and fun to be around, then girls show much more interest then if your boring but sexy.

Be a man, and do what you can, cause when it comes to chicks, we got the ****s.

--Vincent

 

[Hot Ice]

Originally posted by Lost
i dont really approach, and its not like this is 24/7, im not like a popstar that girls scream and run up to, but i do get tons of girls interested in me at some point.

Do you see many popstars here?
Actually, being a popstar would be Hell.
Imagine how hard it would be to find chicks who are really interested in YOU.


- School is over, and i generally dont get approached outside of school unless im in a certain area for whatever amt of time.. but im normally moving around.. so the most id get is signals i guess(i dont ever look for them, so i almost always miss them), altho i dont Go out a ton.

- i dont know, maybe it had to do with i was thinking ok girls like me so i must be hot, and when ther arent girls wanting to jump my bones then i think im not hot anymore, but either way ive been overanalysing like crazy lately, ud laff ur ass off if u got inside my brain for a few minutes.


Hey, this sounds really much like me back in my AFC times..
I've been there so maybe I can share few thoughts.

I got some confidence when some girl was clearly interested in me or she complimented me at some level, but the confidence wasn't permanent. There came 'seasons' that nobody seemed to be interested in me and I doubted that I was hot at all again.

I also waited to get approached too. I was collecting signs and waiting that this girl would approach. Well, I got approached quite a few times... (now you are propably thinking that you may continue.)

You said it yourself... you are not a popstar.
That means: you can't just sit there and see what happens!
Because nothing does happen. If you were reaaally popular this would be acceptable because girls would approach you every other second. But you are NOT!!!
Like most of us aren't.
Most of us guys have to deal with this.
Keep in mind that guys who get laid DON'T sit back and wait.

Key here is to be active.
AFC's are passive! And they don't get what they want.
They are just waiting.
Lately I was over a month off from sosuave I didn't "DJ" at all, didn't talk to girls much and I was really passive.
Guess what?
Girls noticed my passivity and my game dropped really much. Almost to zero level.
(Well this was a part of my process to become a Don Juan.
I was working with my mind... Got top confidence, good attitude and I could never ever be needy again.
Now I just have to work with that activity when there is no neediness involved, be funny, become a great conversationalist and get that magic. This is other story though)

im shy so generally i dont get a ton of verbal comments, just physical.. if u know what i mean. and the comments are ALLWAYS from girls my age or teachers.. the guys in my grade always hate on me and say **** about me ( ther are a few that dont but ne ways...)
heres an example.. i had tried a new hairstyle and this girl said it lookd.. (i forgot the word she used.. so lets use the word "fly" for now).. later that same day this dude said my hair lookd like crap..

Yeah I know what you mean.
You get compliments from chicks and teachers?
Great!

You know what? Guys rarely compliment each other.
Why? maybe it's gay or something..
You don't have to worry about that.

They hate you?
Guys are mature enough usually to be reasonable at the age of 17.
You got a bad reputation?
Then you should work on it.
Or maybe they see you as a threat when they have seen your new attitude?
Maybe. I don't know.
You can't please everyone.

That hairstyle example...
I see you are insecure. (newsflash)
What kind of hairstyle was it?
Did YOU think it was cool?
The girl seemed to dig it. Guy didn't. Or he was just being an a-hole. You shouldn't give a ****!
If you think it's cool and you get compliments and some random guy comes to say it's crap. Should you listen to him?
Hell NO!!
This was an example, yes.
But you shouldn't listen to negative crap like this.


You should really work that I don't give a sh*t -attitude.
(Just keep it real, because you can cheat on yourself if you think like "I haven't got a shower in a week but I don't care".)
This requires much work, but when you reach the level you KNOW you are good looking and cool you don't need compliments anymore. It's really worth it. Your confidence goes up to the skies!

Also, get over that shyness and grow some balls gradually in every chance you get. That's how to get over it. You don't feel to be able to approach yet? That's okay.
Start saying hi to your neighbours or chatting with clerks or things like that. Shyness is a thing you can get rid off wuite easily.

Well, let's see your thoughts then!

-Hot Ice

 

[Lost]

It wouldnt let me quote you so ill do it myself
Hotice Says: "Well, let's see your thoughts then! "

Here they are

Hotice says: "There came 'seasons' that nobody seemed to be interested in me and I doubted that I was hot at all again."

OMG, so true haha.like about a month ago, or something... i thought maybe i wasnt hot anymnore or my face had changed or something since like 5 months ago.(has to do with some campout thingy i posted bout in the most obvious come on post). anyways yah this seems to happen.. and sometimes girls that used to like me will come back again, n then go away again lol. or if its been one of those "seasons" but i get like 1 or 2.. (no actually 5..guess it depends...) girls that like me ill THINK it was just a coincidence.. and that they actually dont like me(when they do).. like ill take their smiling at me as.. just some random thing that happened by accident or something.. i dont know it seems to make sense when i make thos bs lies up at the time ;/.

Hotice Says:They hate you?
Guys are mature enough usually to be reasonable at the age of 17.
You got a bad reputation?
Then you should work on it.
Or maybe they see you as a threat when they have seen your new attitude?
Maybe. I don't know.
You can't please everyone.


When i said "hate" ... i meant like jealous. You know they talk **** cuz they jealous.
With the hairstyle example.. this guy tried to bring me down a lot, not just then.

Hotice Says: "They hate you?
Guys are mature enough usually to be reasonable at the age of 17.
You got a bad reputation?
Then you should work on it.
Or maybe they see you as a threat when they have seen your new attitude?
Maybe. I don't know.
You can't please everyone."


Not give a **** attitude? i tried to have this before and it just backfired.... partly because I TRIED TO HAVE THE ATTITUDE.. if u DONT give a ****.. thers a LACK of giving a ****.. not the act of not giving it, undderstand what im saying? this should be some kind of unconcious thing so i dont really know how to develop it.

Hotice Says: "Also, get over that shyness and grow some balls gradually in every chance you get. That's how to get over it. You don't feel to be able to approach yet? That's okay.
Start saying hi to your neighbours or chatting with clerks or things like that. Shyness is a thing you can get rid off wuite easily.

And approaching.. dude ive been on the site for 14 months, i approached ONCE, which i never even really counted for some reason.. i tried a billion times and just led myself to depression and thoughts of suicide...
Other thing that i thought was a good accomplishment was The Boot camp... i did the first 6 days of week 1...(during spring break) and the 7th day was myt first day back in school after the break.. and i totally ****ed up.. and went to my wussy self after that.
It was weird tho... i mean i had been trying to approach.. and during that same day at the beach i was making eye contact and not even knowing it.. i could look for as long as i wanted it didnt matter at all. and the next day i decided to start bc week 1 (this was probly the fourth time i had tried it.. the times before i had failed at it horribly). So it was kinda like when i wasnt even thinking about it i did it. And now i have been tld by some ppl on the site to not worry about approaching yet. That it will just happen and i wont even know it. It seemd kinda iffy to me but.. i hadnt been gettin too far trying to approach conciously.

 

[Hot Ice]

Man, your mind is totally f*cking things up!
Okay, maybe you have balls to try.
But still you sound that you give up too easily.
AND you are even trying too much.

It sounds you can't lay back and relax.

You tried Boot Camp week 1 and failed few times?
It's not that hard. No no no.
You can do it but you are worrying to mess it up.
It's not healthy you know.

You ignored my 'being active' thought. I continue...
I mean by this:
Just normal talking to girls,
Having FUN with your friends,
Try to catch the moment,
Remembering to smile,
Flirt,
Having fun while laying back.
Generally having a good time and put some effort flirting with girls and being funny. It cheers your and other peoples day.
There's a lot of other things involved too..


The struggle is totally in your head, nowhere else.
I want you to think what I said and write all your problems down. Then look at them. Take a moment to think about your whole situation and who you are.

I'm going now to the gym and I'll be couple of days off here.
Meanwhile I want you to think think think. Also go to that Boot Camp! -thread on DJ forum and try to stick with other guys.

When I come back I want to see that YOU have made some ideas about how to change and how have you been working on them.
If you can't do it for yourself then do it for me.

Cheers!
Hot Ice goes off.

 

[Lost]

Before i get into all of this, DO YOU have an AOL SN that i can msg you on?????

Originally posted by Hot Ice
But still you sound that you give up too easily.
AND you are even trying too much.

lol, you'd also laugh if you saw how i lookd at approaching and the way i over complicated everything trying to turn it into a science for the smallest things.. its like taking breathing apart and making it hard to understand...

Originally posted by Hot Ice

It sounds you can't lay back and relax.

huh?

Originally posted by Hot Ice
You tried Boot Camp week 1 and failed few times?
It's not that hard. No no no.

uhh, i know its not hard, but like earlier i said i make it too hard, like turning breathing into a science. Its like.. ive thought about it before and.. it doesnt make sense to NOT do something u want to do.. it just kinda puzzles me.. like if i want food ill go get it, so why would i stop and not appraoch.. even if i KNOW i wont get rejected...? Of course its not really hard, but i put a mental barrier.

Originally posted by Hot Ice
You can do it but you are worrying to mess it up.
It's not healthy you know.

i dont think im trying to make it the perfect approach ( nless its subconcious and i dont know it).. because ive thought abotu that before.. and ive been told numerous times ur first approach is supposed to suck.. well i guess it would be my second lol.. and yah my first one did suck.....

One little thing to mention.. i dnno if this has anything to do with it but, my parents have always been pretty strict, and didnt really allow my sisters to date in hs.. and my mom didnt want me to date at all until the last few months really...
I mean ill be afraid to watch shows on tv that have attractive girls for fear of my parents chastising me... bc i had been told when i was younger certain things like that were bad.. like watchin a music video or something lol. anyways back to what u were saying...

Originally posted by Hot Ice
You ignored my 'being active' thought. I continue...
I mean by this:
Just normal talking to girls,
Having FUN with your friends,
Try to catch the moment,
Remembering to smile,
Flirt,
Having fun while laying back.
Generally having a good time and put some effort flirting with girls and being funny. It cheers your and other peoples day.
There's a lot of other things involved too..

Lately i hadnt really been trying to think consiously about things, especially since i hadnt really been tryin to approach(as i have said before). The thing is when i stop and try to think about things.. then i just put that mental barrier that doesnt make sense... but if i dont think about those things then i probly wont do them anyway.. i mean i might do something like eye contact.. but other things take a lil more brain power ya know??
What the hell is flirting anyways? lol. ive been told u should just let the girl flirt.. nless u just mean talkin to them or c&f or something (which im probly not really ready for c&f;... altho i do have a REALLY GOOD NATURAL humour.. like jokes just come to me like that... i never think about them.. as if someone is sending the jokes to me through some program lol.)

Originally posted by Hot Ice
The struggle is totally in your head, nowhere else.
I want you to think what I said and write all your problems down. Then look at them. Take a moment to think about your whole situation and who you are.

all my problems?? hmm.. not exactly sure what u want me to say.. trouble with approaching, trouble with initiation, shy, overanalyze stuff, insecurity, doubts....?

Originally posted by Hot Ice
I'm going now to the gym and I'll be couple of days off here.
Meanwhile I want you to think think think. Also go to that Boot Camp! -thread on DJ forum and try to stick with other guys.

Thinking is the devil ;D. lol.. but i dnno ive probly said a lot of what i think.. and i just didnt want to be making the same mistake over and over again.. the purpose of a mistake is to learn from it, not to lead u to death(suicide)

Originally posted by Hot Ice
When I come back I want to see that YOU have made some ideas about how to change and how have you been working on them.
If you can't do it for yourself then do it for me.
Cheers!
Hot Ice goes off.

Hmm.... i dont like just making up my own stuff.. cuz then it always gets// very disorganized.. and not mastered.. u know ill just dibble dabble here and there.. and by the end its like i lost all the confidence from it bc i didnt master it or w/e... so i guess ill just try the boot camp again... nless u guys have any other suggestions that i can do that would be better for shyness??????

i just want the skill that i try to improve to last.. like if i take something apart into many pieces i feel like when i move on to other stuff ill lose the skill from before hand.

Anyone have any advice on my last few paragraphs????

 

[Superman X]

Dude, do you remember when we both found sosuave and we were going to be "DJ buddies" and do boot camp together?

I crashed my car, so we never did it. But I've come so far, and you're still making posts like "I got insecurity about my looks help me plz!?!?!?!" I've still got a long way to go, but man, you haven't started yet.

I have some advice for you. Go to the beach and approach 10 girls, then come back here. If you can't do that, you will never be a DJ.

 

[Superman X]

-GF

 

[~Dj*ROmeO~]

Originally posted by Superman X
I have some advice for you. Go to the beach and approach 10 girls, then come back here. If you can't do that, you will never be a DJ.

EXACTLY

 

[Titus]

*in a real Arnold Schawarzenneger tone*

Yea, Lost you never gonna be like us, man. You better not even try. We are the great DJ casta and you are never gona be one of us, so better go back to flogging the old bishop and stop wasting your time for something that you cannot become. Yea, ya hear? We gonna whoop your a*s if you even think about trying to be like us. Punk.

 

[Superman X]

Yea, Lost you never gonna be like us, man. You better not even try. We are the great DJ casta and you are never gona be one of us, so better go back to flogging the old bishop and stop wasting your time for something that you cannot become. Yea, ya hear? We gonna whoop your a*s if you even think about trying to be like us. Punk.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Originally posted by Titus
*in a real Arnold Schawarzenneger tone*

Yea, Lost you never gonna be like us, man. You better not even try. We are the great DJ casta and you are never gona be one of us, so better go back to flogging the old bishop and stop wasting your time for something that you cannot become. Yea, ya hear? We gonna whoop your a*s if you even think about trying to be like us. Punk.

Preach it brotha. Its about time a lot of people started ripping a new hole in this bytch ass.

Lost, all you do is sit here and bytch and complain about your problems. If theyre bothering you THAT much DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! I dont give a flying monkey shyt what p*ssy ass excuse you fukin have. Shup the fuk up and change yourself. I remember when i was first starting with you also. But it appears that you havent accomplished anything while im light years ahead of you. Im pretty sure everyone else is tired of your whining also.

You say how you look good and a lot of girls have liked you or do like you or whatever. DO SOMETHING!!! Damn, its not that fukin hard. Honestly i think that YOU are the ONLY ONE on this site that hasnt improved and NEVER will. Call me pessimistic or whatever the fuk you want but thats what i truly think. I think im done Oh wait no im not.

I also think that if someone was gonna kill you that you WOULDNT be able to do anything then. WHich theoretically means you will NEVER be able to do it!! You can say what the fuk you want about me but it doesnt matter cause YOURE the one struggling and getting frustrated. Everyone whos posted on this should know somewhat of what im feelin. I KNOW dip does eventhough he hasnt posted. Stop bytchin and do it, eventhough you never will, just remember that youre NEVER GONNA DO IT YOU P*SSY. If you dont do it after that then my point is proven.

 

[Eternal]

I can't believe I'm about to say this...I...agree...with...Titus...

 

[dip]

Seriously dawg...I don't understand what the problem is. You say that girls like you, you look good, so what the hell!? Unless you are GAY, you are extremly shy. U seriously have to take baby steps, cuz ya cant handle the big ones.

I remember like LAST SUMMER, i was learning more and more about DJing, and i said that the both of us should take baby steps. You claimed that "you've been here so long, that its time for you to finally take the big step". I warned you, but u didnt listen, and one year later, here we are.
You-have stayed the same, and waisted another year of DJing
me -i worked hard, and changed, it too long, but it was worth it in the end. I've got a girl and im literally talking to THREE others (all from diff schools!)

Hopefully you listen to me, and by next summer you will be a changed man, with AT LEAST one girl

good luck..