Insecure and controlling guys

[phlong bong]

A few days ago my girl had to move and was looking for a place to finish her school. She asked if i was okay if she took an ad and shared a place with two other guys. I didn't like it so i told her i didnt like it. So then she took me as a second opinion to other places until she found one she liked.

Today in class we're talking about relationships, and not me , but a story like mine where a guy left a girl because she got a new roommate that was a guy was being ridiculed and almost everyone was agreeing how he was being insecure and controlling and no respect for her individuality. Alot of other stuff was said too about being with the opposite sex and how partners should be okay with the opposite sex being friends and going on dates, trips, clubs togther.

But alot of the stuff people said were normal are things i dont like and don't think are respectful. What would you do to deal with things that you dont like without becoming insecure or controlling. Just to be direct and let them know you dont like it? Unless i am insecure controlling and need to lighten up.

 

[HGKnights]

One situation is just being assertive about your own opinions. If you don't want her to move in, It's your right to let her know.

The second situation where the guy was being insecure. To break up with her simply because she got a male room mate is just plain stupid.

There's a thin line between assertive and insecure. Just try not to cross it!

 

[zekko]

Today in class we're talking about relationships, and not me , but a story like mine where a guy left a girl because she got a new roommate that was a guy was being ridiculed and almost everyone was agreeing how he was being insecure and controlling and no respect for her individuality. Alot of other stuff was said too about being with the opposite sex and how partners should be okay with the opposite sex being friends and going on dates, trips, clubs togther.

A few points here:

1) Women are addicted to male attention like it is crack. Feminism has basically told women that they should have everything they want without any accountability. Women and feminism have established that they want to be able to have male friends to go on trips and dates with, even if they are in an exclusive relationship.

In order to shame men into allowing this, they label all men who don't go along with this idea as jealous, possessive, and controlling. This has been very successful, and even most men have been brainwashed into thinking this way.

2) If you do not have an exclusive relationship with the girl, then she can do what she wants and you really don't have much to say about it.

3) I think you handled it right. You told her you didn't like it. It doesn't sound like she's going to listen to you however. If this crosses your boundaries, then I would unplug her from your life. If you're attached to the girl, this can be painful, but if she isn't what you think she is and isn't meeting your needs then she has to go.

4) Some guys say the way to handle it is to take other girls out yourself so she knows what it feels like. This may or may not convince her to see it your way.

5) You're a pretty young guy. If you are in an exclusive relationship with this girl, maybe you should consider dating around (what they call "spinning plates" here). You're not likely to want to get married for a long while yet so it might be beneficial to experience some different girls and just have some fun.

 

[Strelok]

Most of the time a woman or a group of women and their mangina allies call a man insecure it's because he is not taking sh1t from her or putting her in her place.

If you dont want your gf to share a flat with two guys you're not insecure, you're intelligent and if you tell her you're not sissy complainer you're a man who hold his ground.

She either fvck one of them given the right condition(honey we were drunk, honey it was just sex I love only you etc) or the fact spread with obvious conseguences to your reputation.
If the rumor that you're the cheated guy spreads you're done with girls, not girl wants a guy with the status of a joke, same with guys who wont take you seriously.

You're controlling if you call her 10 times a day or dont leave her alone more than a hour not if you wanna keep the odds that she svck someone else low.

 

[The_411]

Expressing your opinion is not insecure nor is it controlling. You were communicating that you were being affected by her decision. Insecure and controlling is trying to change her mind through threats, coercision, and/or manipulation.

The key is expressing your opinion and intimating that certain choices may have reprocussions but that you are in no way preventing her or denying her the right to do something.

The divide is really standing your ground versus being trampled on.

People can do what they want you have the right and you should stand up for that right to choose not to be associated with someone if you don't agree with their behavior.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

You can tell her that you don't want her to move in with two other guys. That's your opinion and you should never stray from what you truly believe. That itself is insecurity. Changing your thought to fit the mold of someone else is insecure. However, learning further truth which then influences new thought is not insecure.

On the other hand, if you truly feel that you cannot trust your girlfriend.. Why be exclusive with her in the first place?

Like I said, you can demonstrate your opinion that she should not move in with them.. But it is really no reason to break up with her. She's her own person and she can make her own decisions. I'm sure you've done a few things in your time that she disagreed on, but you did them anyways.

And another note.. A guy and a girl who are roomates will most likely not have sex or be intimate at all. That just creates huge problems and complications within the house which will wind up with someone leaving, and the other person having to pick up slack on the rent. I wouldn't even do this if I had a smoking hot roomate. Being homeless is totally not worth getting laid.

 

[jay_mo]

Not insecure/controlling: Telling the girl respectfully that you do not like her to live with two other guys. If she respects you and like you she will listen to you.

Insecure/controlling: Wining or crying about it. Yelling or fighting about it because she even got the idea. Forbidding her to do it. Threatening her to break up if she do it. Not say anything and punish her after she moved. Say it's okay even if it's not.

 

[Drdeee]

I hate it when a girl goes off to see a male friend, or worse tells me her brother or girl gave her a ride at 11pm. Insecure? No. Possessive? Yes. She has to please my inner beast and not piss it off. That thing got reduced ove millennia from going to guys house and shooting up the place to just meeting other women and moving on. You gotta give me a break here, I am a man after all.

 

[Strelok]

I hate it when a girl goes off to see a male friend, or worse tells me her brother or girl gave her a ride at 11pm. Insecure? No. Possessive? Yes. She has to please my inner beast and not piss it off. That thing got reduced ove millennia from going to guys house and shooting up the place to just meeting other women and moving on. You gotta give me a break here, I am a man after all.

Impossible to say it better.
Pity cant give you rep now.

 

[st_99]

Think of it this way. If you moved in with 2 girls what do you think the odds are that some alcohol induced sex would happen at some point? I'd say close to 90%. So no, you're not being a possesive freak, just realistic.

If you hang out with the opposite sex long enough in close quarters, even if you have NO interest in eachother, something WILL happen at some
point.

 

[Nutz]

She either fvck one of them given the right condition(honey we were drunk, honey it was just sex I love only you etc)

This happens a LOT more often then I think a lot of people realize. Men and women both will have sex with people they may not even like or be attracted to normally if they happen to be horny and nobody else is around. Add in booze and this is even more so.

Think of it this way. If you moved in with 2 girls what do you think the odds are that some alcohol induced sex would happen at some point? I'd say close to 90%. So no, you're not being a possesive freak, just realistic.

If you hang out with the opposite sex long enough in close quarters, even if you have NO interest in eachother, something WILL happen at some
point.

Bingo! It's just a matter of time and opportunity, which having the opposite sex around in close proximity offers.

 

[Scars]

Id break up with her for even fvcking considering that. Women these days..

 

[SamTheHobit]

Perhaps she is testing you? I don't know but yeah there is no way in hell I would let my girlfriend have to male roomates.I don't care if it's insecure. It's ridiculus imo.

 

[Furyguy]

I know I'm going the complete opposite of the popular opinion here, but my philosophy on this has always been pretty simple:


If you trust the girl, it doesn't matter who she chooses to spend her time with.

If you don't, you shouldn't be wasting your time on a "relationship" with her in the first place.


The arguments that it's not "respectful" or "appropriate" never made sense to me.



That said, "insecure and controlling" guys do seem to be pretty damn good at attracting and holding down some fine b*tches, for whatever reason.