insecure about never having a serious gf

[crackhead]

I'm 27, never had a serious girlfriend, and am pretty insecure about it

Today I was talking to a guy who I've never seen with a girl once in the year or so I've known him. But he mentioned casually in passing that he had 3+ gf's in the past. My first subconscious reaction was uneasiness, jealousy, and inadequacy: insecurity. I realize this is unhealthy, and I know I know, think positive, forget the past... it's just not that easy (well, atleast I haven't conquered it yet)

sexual deprivation for 10+ years is a motherf*cker on the psyche

I know that being insecure about this is no doubt detrimental to solving this problem, and I know I'm being too hard on myself, but it still bums me out.

Anyone ever been in my shoes who is now in a healthy relationship have any advice?

 

[Beckwith]

Yeah, I know that feeling

Crackhead, I know what your going throw. I'm 21 and just recently got what I'd call my first "real" girlfriend in the spring. Up to that point I felt bad about being in college and not having dated anyone seriously. Even worse, I hadn't even French kissed a girl, much less have sex. I just followed the Don Juan advice, forced myself to be social, and eventually connected with someone last spring.

Its now fall and I think our relationship is on the rocks because she wants to go back to just casual dating me. This hurts me more than anything I've felt in awhile, and I tell you it makes me question the worth of relationships, as everyone does when they hit hard times. Yet I can tell you that my first real relationship has been very rewarding; I lost my virginity to this girl, spent alot of great and meaningful times with her, and will always look back on her fondly. The funny thing is, she thought I was a ladies man when we began dating. So I guess that should show you that most people have to go through alot relationships and dating to get the knowledge you and I have just by reading this website. Stay positive, follow the DJ rules, and force yourself to be active. Best of luck

 

[Click Here]

damn, lower your standards then. start ****ing 5's boost ur confidence u gotta start somewhere... sorry for piss poor advice but maybe u need to just go out and start trying like a mother ****er.

 

[Kodiac]

I'm 27, never had a serious girlfriend, and am pretty insecure about it

Who cares ?? YOU! Nobody else does...nobody else knows, that HB you approach down the street sure doesn't! Stop living in the past, live in the present!

Do the bootcamp...

Read some motivational material in the bible just before heading out. APPROACH APPROACH APPROACH!

If you don't put any effort in, your not going to get anywhere. How many HB's have you approached today ? yesterday ? this week, this month ?

 

[learningtopimp]

Just socialize and branch out beyond your immediate circle and I am sure you will be fine my man. As you do that, you will gain confidence, and as you apply the principles on this site, I am sure if you realize this is a number's game and you have to keep going despite rejection, you will click with someone not too soon from now. I still can't completely appreciate this but realizing it and working on it is the key.

 

[OddTech]

I understand. I have a 4-year drought since my last "steady g/f." I haven't had a serious relationship since. In fact, I haven't even french kissed any girl within those 4 years.

There is no need to force yourself into a serious relationship unless you really want it. Don't do things just because "other people are doing it." Ask yourself if you really want it because you desire it, or just because it will look like you're following the trend. I can say that sometimes a serious relationship is overrated, considering how much infidelity and cheating are going around nowadays. You're better off looking for a sex-buddy, instead.

Someone said that your success in a relationship has no bearing on your success in life. Link is here.

Don't worry, keep looking and keep trying. Your bound to succeed as long as you don't give up. Good luck bro.

 

[NewMan]

I know...

Crackhead....

I know what your going through - I was 28 when I had my first serious GF.

28.... I had some flings with girls - but was to damn picky - as you probably are. To shy, to timid.

My first serious relationship was with a 9+ - I kid you not - and I almost F'd that up, by being shy and timid. Lucky for me she persued me......

Thats was 4 yrs ago.

I'm now single, dating and F'ing 4 girls (1 regular).

All I can say is this...

Take the oportunities that present themsleves - and I'm sure there are plenty. Read the bible - and don't put women out of your reach.

F'ck anything that moves....... learn about women.

It will happen - and when it does don't fall for the first chick your serious with - big mistake.

 

[mahon83050]

Crackhead,

I feel for you man because I am in the same boat, except I am 26. I have been laid before, hooked up and been on dates, but the closeset I ever had to a serious g/f was like 3 weeks. THe last time I was dating a girl I really liked (had those vibes)... was 7 years ago. Just like you, I am very insecure about it and it is probably the cause of alot of my problems. It especially gets to me when I see loser or ugly guys with different girls. Like me , I am sure you are normal looking as well. I am not disfigured, 400lbs, or mentally retarted. In college I had no balls and now that I have the balls...it i harder to meet people. BTW, alot people are in "fake" relationships because they do not want to be alone. Hang in there....we will be rewarded.

 

[Lone_raider]

I'll be 21 shortly and have never really had a serious girlfriend either, think the longest relationship I've ever had is around 3 weeks maybe a month lol. They all ended for various reasons, some I ended, others were ended when I was a stupid AFC in the past.

But not ever having a serious relationship doesn't bother me. As others have said, your the only one who knows that, as far as any HB knows you could have had 50 girlfriends, or 5 LTR's or whatever. They have no clue what you've done, and if it helps, pretend you have had lot's of relationships and are well experienced. Hell sometimes I make up relationships that never existed in order to prove a point, or show an example to a girl, and they never know lol. I mean I take elements from past girls I've dated, and I add knowledge I've got from here and boom it seems like I've been around the town a few times.

This is only what you make it, if it bothers you it will show, if it doesn't it won't.

 

[mahon83050]

But not ever having a serious relationship doesn't bother me. As others have said, your the only one who knows that, as far as any HB knows you could have had 50 girlfriends, or 5 LTR's or whatever


Well, your friends whom you have known for quite some time know that and they could tell other people. Unfortuantely it has caused me to have an inferiority complex when around my friends and dealing with women.

 

[crackhead]

thanks for the responses, some good stuff in here

especially newman's post, that was the type of response I was looking for... somebody who's been exactly where I am, but is now getting plenty of ass and fully situated, word up

it's a late bloomer type thing I guess



I'M GONNA GET ME A F*CKING 9 ONE OF THESE DAYS GOD DAMNIT!!!!

 

[A1SteakSauce]

just to boost you up, met a guy on the bus today, told me his GF dumped him for another *woman* (he was on the bus going back home). said he's been married before, but at least that ended when she dumped him for another man. so, you can say no chick every dumped you, period.

the other thing is, when I was 17 I'd never had a gf, major insecurity there, but then I had this fling, and it was so easy, I was so smooth, b/c I wasn't trying. And that chick totally fell for me, she couldn't tell at all. I think the key is start with a girl who is not a 9, is not much more experienced, and is a few years younger so she naturally looks up to older man. And purse in setting where you are comfortable, where you know you are the stud, wherever that is (for me was gym and swimming)

A1

 

[Halo]

Well, it's not all as bad as you think. My sister knows a guy who didn't get laid until he was 32. I'm 25 and I wouldn't classify any of the girls I have messed around with in the past as "serious", even though I might have thought so when I was 18. In fact I'm in a position now where I have a few girls wanting more and more attention and time from me, and I am beginning to think the whole LTR I used to crave might be too sudden an undertaking right now. Be careful what you wish for, I guess.

If you're just wanting out of a rut, hell try the online dating sites. I've done it, even though I am by all accounts pretty decent looking and not a geek. I've met some quite hot girls that way, believe it or not! Got laid with a few of them too . If nothing else, casual dating will eliminate the aura of desparation that repels women, and it will make you more confident about your ability to get women.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

I was a late bloomer myself - made out with about 4 girls before I got to college, and then took 2 years to lose the V. I didn't have even a hint of a GF until 4 years after I started college!

Don't worry about it, it all works out fine. If you really need something to tell girls, say some BS about 3 or 4 weeks being the longest, and you had a few of those. That's enough info to keep interest. You could say you've enjoyed the freedom of being single (and if you're really into her and she's dying for LTR, say that you're considering the possibility of LTR if the right girl came along).

 

[Lone_raider]

Halo, I'm in the same boat now! I've got 2 girls wanting to see me and do things with me more and more, and with one of them it's on the brink of going to that LTR phase. Something I always thought I've wanted, but now I'm having BIG second thoughts. I've transferred to a new college since last semester and with my DJ skills ever improving I'm looking to be free when the semester starts so I can experience whatever comes my way in a new atmosphere

I mean I'm only 20, I've got the rest of my life to be in an LTR, I used to think that's what I wanted, now I'm not so sure. This site has kind of given me the attitude of I can always get something better, not sure whether that's a curse or the best thing that's ever happened lol. Maybe those 2 and 3 week relationships, flings, whatever, I've had in the past were good things, better then nothing yet I'm still free. There's a new way to look at that!