Insecure about my looks

[Matt Rogers]

Will try the zenmed. Sorry to bring it up again, but this is a resolving issue for me that is really hurting my game a lot. I am charming, intelligent and have a confident exterior, but I whenever I look at myself in the mirror and see my blotchy complexion, face that is too round, weak facial features, small eyes that are too close together and boyish face-I just think "who the hell would want to go out with that?" and "surely girls must laugh to themselves when they see a guy like that acting like a player?"

I am also insecure because the fact is that very few women have been attracted to me. I never get any girls at all in a club or anything. Girls like to be with me because I am funny and charming, but truth be told I haven't really had a serious relationship with a girl or slept with anyone, and all the girls i have asked out in the past have rejected me.

I had a date or two with a gorgeous girl, but i think she just saw me as a friend as she never showed any signs of interest in me.

Either mirrors lie incredibly and in reality I look OK, or I have some sort of warped distortion of my appearance-or i really am ugly. I always look good in photos, but put me in front of a mirror and i often feel close to tears.

Sorry if this sounds gay and chickish, but it really is a serious issue for me and i would appreciate some advice/words of comfort.

 

[Double]

i think you looked like sh1t in the past and because of that you are so insecure even if acne is gone and you have a good body.

facial structures doesnt matter that much -
it's more important that you have clear skin+a tan+white teeth(that is all looking healty) and a well built body. would you rather have a girl with nice face and yellow teeth and skin problems or a girl who looks healthy but hasnt perfect facial structures??

dont look in the mirror so often to check if your appearance is okay(im guilty of that, too). let past be past and realize that not nowadays not your looks are holding you back only your low self esteem(no, your not confident)

but regarding your looks - you can change everything with hairs - the structure, the color, the length - it only tooks time and money.

and again, use makeup for clubbing if u think your skin redness suxx that much. if u do it right people won't recgonzise and if someone sees it i thought fvck it i know i'm more masculine than you, you know nothing about bad acne, i have the confidence to use makeup, u can only dream of that confidence. but surprinsingly no one laughed at my makeup
zenmed won't help you overnight, i doubt i helps anything at all

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by Double
i think you looked like sh1t in the past and because of that you are so insecure even if acne is gone and you have a good body.

facial structures doesnt matter that much -
it's more important that you have clear skin+a tan+white teeth(that is all looking healty) and a well built body. would you rather have a girl with nice face and yellow teeth and skin problems or a girl who looks healthy but hasnt perfect facial structures??

dont look in the mirror so often to check if your appearance is okay(im guilty of that, too). let past be past and realize that not nowadays not your looks are holding you back only your low self esteem(no, your not confident)

but regarding your looks - you can change everything with hairs - the structure, the color, the length - it only tooks time and money.

and again, use makeup for clubbing if u think your skin redness suxx that much. if u do it right people won't recgonzise and if someone sees it i thought fvck it i know i'm more masculine than you, you know nothing about bad acne, i have the confidence to use makeup, u can only dream of that confidence. but surprinsingly no one laughed at my makeup
zenmed won't help you overnight, i doubt i helps anything at all

Nice face and skin problems?

 

[Double]

as you could easily get it from the context i meant a cute symmetric facial structure

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Matt,

Here is a partial post that I wrote for someone who dwelled on his physical "ugliness" and ruined his self and life for not valuing his inner worth over his physical form...

The thread is titled "How do you heal emotional wounds" by DJ Stocktrader.

-------

This is kind of long, but I hope it alleviates the pain of your past, if just a little and I hope it may be the solution to your future woes. Just my insight!

I understand why you are still thinking about it. It is because you see it as a time of loss opportunity to be happy, a time that you will not get back - and you have thoughts of "what if I would have done this or that", or "I should have had higher self-esteem and not been so down to let it affect my social life and relationships".

It is ok to reflect back and to still harbor some regrets. This is normal. I do it all the time. But what you must not do is let it affect your present state of mind and well-being. This is how you feel 'ok' about your past. You must learn from it and make a vow never to return to such a state of mind.

Your biggest enemy was your own thinking! And it is this thinking that must be changed to find a permanent solution. You put your self-esteem and total worth as a person and solely based it on one factor, your physical form and this happened to be the ‘thing’ that defined you and your worth to others.

The physical form is what you and others see with your eyes, but the more important form that makes you who you truly are is your inner self that has nothing to do with your physical body, and can only be seen with your mind. It is your ‘inner spiritual’ self that gives you your ‘true’ worth And this is what you should see, as a projection, when looking at yourself in the mental mirror. This is where you should judge your self worth! Your focus was on the wrong form!!

Think about it. You have people that have a beautiful physical form, face and/or body, but can you tell me what they did to receive such a gift? Absolutely nothing! It was given to them. Those who are proud of their body and looks, and get their self-esteem from their physical form are vain people, because they did nothing of merit to attain it. Yet these people adapt well socially because they derive their confidence from their physical form, which is valued by those in their same social circle.

Now let’s look at those who were not blessed with such beauty in their bodily form (you). How do you think you are to adapt socially if you put your self worth solely on your physical form. You know the answer to this. You will fail miserably, and such was the case.

Now let’s look at those who are physically in a wretched condition (your prior state), but now don’t tie your self worth to your physical form, but rather tie it to your inner form. For simplicity’s sake, we’ll define this ‘inner form’ as the things that you do control, such as your attitude, and how you treat others, your motivation to do well in all that you do, etc…

How would you view yourself now? How would others see you, if your self-worth was derived from within and not from without? If instead of seeing your face and body in a physical mirror, you now see yourself as the person that you really are in your mental mirror, how will this have changed your self-esteem? How about if you would have socialized with those who valued your 'inner' form more so than your outer form. You would have been socially accepted! This would have been a much better crowd to associate yourself with.

If you would have valued your inner worth more highly and have rated it over your physical bodily form, you would have had a much more confidence and a totally different perspective and outlook on your social life, and your interactions with others would have been at a different and a higher plane. Your self-esteem would have been held intact because it wasn’t based on a factor that you couldn’t control (physical genetics), but rather on something you could control – your actions (i.e. how you treat and respect yourself and others)!!!

----------------

OR, \\make an appointment with "Extreme Makeovers" TV show!

 

[tom121]

i have the same too, my damn acne, hopefully it goes away when I turn 19 (in january) I think I look handsome without the acne and those bumps

if a girl don't like me based on my look, she can kiss my ass, or I should kiss her ass

 

[Brak86]

wow matt im exactly like you....built, have a problem with reddish scars from past acne on my face, i have a serious look a lot, and im just now workin on my confidence like you are. Im goin to a dermatologist jan 4 and if you want i can pm you and see what she says. Im gonna ask her to suggest something other than creams cause ive tried scar creams and they dotn work for me. Laser might be the solution

 

[Abbott]

Don't worry about it.

Not too long ago I started up a thread that was similar to this. It was about body types but a good part of the reason why I originally posted it was that I was insecure about my looks too.

Many of the people who responded helped set me straight, so I'll tell you what I learned from that.

It's less about looks, and more about game/attitude/personality/etc.

Also, I'm no pornstar, but even I've had women check me out before.

So like me, work on improving your game, attitude, and personality. Look at all the advice you get, decide what's good and implement it, decide what's bad and discard it.

About the acne thing...try using anti-acne things that you can get at the drugstore (it worked for me). If that doesn't work, go to a dermatologist if it's so bad. If anyone knows it should be them.

Ben

 

[JT47319]

Why are you "asking them out" in a club environment?

Yes, you want to set up a meet and bridge, but you also should be escalating kino and physical closeness. Guess what? When you KISS a girl, IT INCREASES ATTRACTION.

Initially, she may think you're cute, but not particularly dateable or her type, but if you get her hot and thinking of you in a sexual manner, she BACKWARD RATIONALIZES the experience and rewrites her emotional history to now think, "yeah, he's cute and *NOW* I want to go out with him."

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Matt Rogers
Recently I have developed a lot more confidence, improved my social and conversational skills and started to get more positive results from women, but I am still very insecure about my looks, especially when I am hitting on good looking women. I had a few dates with a really gorgeous Finnish girl and the whole time i was desperately insecure and certain she was leading me on because she was just so out of my league lookswise (in my opinion) I tend to judge girls on their looks and assume they do the same.

I am not bad looking, but as a result of severe acne in the past my face still has a lot of red marks and a reddish look to it, which shows up especially under any form of bright light. I also have a bad habit of looking far too serious, which i am struggling to get out of. I have already been on roaccutane for ages, and while it has cleared the acne, the red marks i just have to wait for them to disappear and it could take up to a year.

I am 200lbs, 6 foot and built, but facially i am not that good looking at all. For example in a club where it is all about physical attraction, i never get hit on by girls and girls almost always reject my advances even the plainer ones.

I know looks are important as for me to attract a girl requires a lot of charm and often luck, whereas my good looking friends have girls come onto them and make it easy for them.

I have done everything i can to improve my looks, so just wanted to ask the DJ's who aren't the hottest guys around how they cope with feeling insecure about their looks, and how not being that handsome affects their game?

To sell yourself, you have to believe in the product.

If you've done everything you can to improve your appearance, then you shouldn't be ashamed of it when you have other selling points. You're tall, ripped, and you know how to handle a woman sexually and socially. You're constantly looking for ways to improve yourself AND I'm sure you've got stuff going for you. Don't sell yourself short...the grille may look a little jacked up, but the frame's straight and you've got some power under the hood.

I'm sure uglier guys than you have gotten laid. If you have the REST of your game intact then I'm sure there are women out there DYING for a piece of you.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Thanks PRL-that post helped a lot. I suppose the problem is that I love beauty: pretty clothes, pretty paintings, pretty women-and i don't like not being beautiful myself. I need to focus more on my inner spiritual self and my game-rather than obsessing over the cosmetic stuff that I cannot really change.

A DJ PM'd me and made an interesting point about spotlight syndrome (I think that was the expression)-also mentioned by Jariel and others on this thread- whereby we are more attuned to physical imperfections in ourselves than others and hence judge our looks more harshly than others. Perhaps I am guilty of this.

The thing that is odd is why do I look awful in mirrors but good in photos? Do mirrors distort size and proportion or something and show up irregularities due to the effect of light hitting the mirror? Are photos a better representation?

Also as a man I probably focus on looks far more than girls who focus more on stuff like personality, confidence, height, muscularity. While I am not the prettiest of men, I am tall, built, intelligent and funny-so if I work on my self-esteem a bit-I am sure some girl will find me attractive.

 

[saki]

Matt,
I totally know what it feels like in the club thing. I have went up and started grinding with some HB 10s before and they will give me this look like "your not good enough for me" but then I just still hold a smile on my face and move on. But then at another club, there were these 2 hot latinas and they were dancing together, well I went and split them up and they both started grinding on me from both sides, I was like hell fvcking ya! and it felt real good, but my point is, that in the first scenario, I wasnt having a real good nite and my confidence was suffering a bit but in the other situation, I was drunk and VERY CONFIDENT and I didnt care I just showed them I was the shiit. Im not even good at dancing. I would say it has alot more to do with the mental attitude and confidence than it does with the looks. And I have to say, im not no Brad Pitt, I think I am decent looking but have alot of hang ups about myself as well. What Ive learned about not being one of those pretty boys is that you have to work a little harder to get women to take notice, i,e. confidence, c+f, ect.. Pretty boys usually have women approach them which ultimately alters "the game" and they do have an advantage, might I say an initial advantage, after alot of women get to know SOME of those type ( i said some, not all), they find that they are very vain and stuck up and there is not alot of personality to be desired. Think of it this way when we go fishing:
-Hot men have better bait therefore, attract more fish.
-Average men dont have the best bait and attract less fish, but more often can keep the fish on the line when reeling them in.
this is not to say, hot men cant do keep women, but most know they can get better, so they move to quickly to invest anything into the relationship.

 

[saki]

cx

 

[Matt Rogers]

Good points saki.

Any ideas anyone on this question.
The thing that is odd is why do I look awful in mirrors but good in photos? Do mirrors distort size and proportion or something and show up irregularities due to the effect of light hitting the mirror? Are photos a better representation?

If I was to post a picture of myself on this site, you would say what the hell are you worrying about, you are a 7 at least and look fine. On hot or not I got an average of 8.5 But when I look in the mirror I am like-god you are not attractive.

 

[Double]

PRL's post obviously hadnt any influence on you, i know it was a sweet read, but you still care SO MUCH.

your answer is easily answered - photos can be better or worser than the mirror image it depends.

in your case it's probably that your uglylooking mind didn't catch up with your now goodlooking appearance, many people who change their appearance drastically have that and it will be gone with time

I had times when i hardly recognized myself on a picture - i was like wtf is that me?? friend: -what??sure it's you
me:*thinking* omg could that really be me? man this guy looks good