Insecure about my looks

[Matt Rogers]

Recently I have developed a lot more confidence, improved my social and conversational skills and started to get more positive results from women, but I am still very insecure about my looks, especially when I am hitting on good looking women. I had a few dates with a really gorgeous Finnish girl and the whole time i was desperately insecure and certain she was leading me on because she was just so out of my league lookswise (in my opinion) I tend to judge girls on their looks and assume they do the same.

I am not bad looking, but as a result of severe acne in the past my face still has a lot of red marks and a reddish look to it, which shows up especially under any form of bright light. I also have a bad habit of looking far too serious, which i am struggling to get out of. I have already been on roaccutane for ages, and while it has cleared the acne, the red marks i just have to wait for them to disappear and it could take up to a year.

I am 200lbs, 6 foot and built, but facially i am not that good looking at all. For example in a club where it is all about physical attraction, i never get hit on by girls and girls almost always reject my advances even the plainer ones.

I know looks are important as for me to attract a girl requires a lot of charm and often luck, whereas my good looking friends have girls come onto them and make it easy for them.

I have done everything i can to improve my looks, so just wanted to ask the DJ's who aren't the hottest guys around how they cope with feeling insecure about their looks, and how not being that handsome affects their game?

 

[frivolousz21]

6 foot build and 200 lbs?

I think you could get to 180..do u have a big body frame? broud shoulders? big legs?

what is ur body fat?

past that..unless you are butt ass ugly you have chance with women...if u are insecure about your looks now talking in here. you probably exude insecurity other times wether you think you do or not..

what you need to do:

1. set a weight go you want to reach and go for it.

2. dress nice, hygine...take care of yourself. check you hair style..if you are going bald..shave your hair low..and rogaine it.

3. take a look at the man under the skin in the mirror. and accept, love, and embrace who you are!

good luck!

 

[Matt Rogers]

thanks frivolous. I am lean at around 10% bodyfat and bigboned. I get a lot of compliments from women about my body.

I dress nicely, but have never really found a haircut which suits me really well. I have thick, dirty blonde hair, and ears which stick out a little so i cannot really wear it short. My hair is slightly wavy so usually i wear it as a side parting.

 

[Don_Marko]

Check out the pics of RSD guys

http://www.thundercatseductionlair.com/2004/05/and_now_introdu.html

These guys are getting laid left right and center

 

[Dukester]

it really shouldnt matter too much what you look like.
you say you have confidence. do you?'
honestly ask your self, if you are really confident. from they way you describe yourself, and such, it sounds like you dont.
you are using the acne thing as an excuse.

to really have confidence, you need to believe in yourself, and not let stupid petty things like acne or a bad haircut get in the way.

check out my confidence threads!

 

[Duke]

Man, looks has been an issue for me and the majority of the male population. In particular I feel a sort of bond with you cuz I also have facial redness, but it's more due to mild skin conditions than acne.

Anyways, I'm not sure if this will work for you or not, but you can try it. Anti-oxidents are cardiovascular constrictors, so they limit the blood that can rush to your face. Eat cherries, blueberries, and other antioxidents. Avoid caffiene, sugar, nutra-sweet (especially), and heavy carbs.

But honestly dude, you can sit here and make excuses about your lack of success with women or you can change what you can and accept what you can't and just soldier on and get pvssy. If you make it an issue, then chicks will pick up on a weird vibe. They MIRROR YOU. So be cool and don't worry about it and they wont. More than likely you're making a bigger deal out of it than it is and its fvcking up your game.

There was this dude on ASF who was like "I have an acne scar, I'm hideous, I'm quasimodo" and he linked us to a picture of him and nobody would have noticed it if he hadn't have called attention toit.

So honestly man, unless you're a midget, an amputee, a paraplegic, or a burn victim or something along those lines, YOU CAN get pvssy-- and not just ANY pvssy, the pvssy YOU WANT.

So trust me dude, you're fine. Some of the best players in this game are only average looking (TD comes to mind), but socially and style-wise, they are much more attractive than they were before.

 

[frivolousz21]

this really comes down to confidence.

as I have said before I will stick to this idea for life.

if you have your INNER GAME and you are CONFIDENT.

you can take 2 to 3 on the looks scale and beef it up.

except for height.


you are 6 foot tall 200 lbs..you say 10 percent body fat.

I am 5 foot 7 inches...more like 5 6 1/2!!! haha SHUUUU mother ****ers or i will beat you all..jp.

seriously man. you are already tall and you have a good body....and you have a full head of hair? WTF at worse you are a 5..so that means with confidence you are a 7-8....and those guys get ***** left right up down...*****es start coming out of the ****ing ground for confident guys.



I am telling you this one time! ITS ALL ABOUT CONFIDENCE. i have the hot women at my gym..walk by touch my arm and say hi or start talking to me..because they can see how much fun I have in everything I am doing..I cant stress CONFIDENCE ANYMORE!!!!

 

[Matt Rogers]

Thanks guys, you are cheering me up a lot.
Yeah, there is no way i can do pretty boy nivea visage, but i am sure i could carry off masculine looks.

It is also possible i notice the redness a lot more than others. It is only really very noticeable in bright light at a very short distance. Perhaps mirrors are extra harsh?

Yeah, when i learn to accept my looks it will do a lot more to my confidence, as while i know i am charming and relaxed around women and not scared of talking to them and teasing them, my insecurity about my looks probably does show. Will work on it.

 

[Jariel]

Have you ever tried using a tanning bed? Most of the time, redness looks bad because it's contrasted against pale skin, but a tan really helps balance it out. Tanning will also improve your complexion considerably.

They must be used in moderation, of course, but it might be worth a test, even if it's just to take the edge off your paleness.

As for your hair - if it's thick, ask to get it layered. It will make it more manageable, fashionable, but will retain the body so it doesn't make your ears look big.

And for the record, 99% of people looks ghastly under bright light.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Really Jariel. I thought i was the only one who looked terrible under bright light, as it shows all my red blotchiness from my acne and the few lines, wrinkles and slight bloodshot nature of my eyes. What is a fair representation of how other people see you most of the time?

As for the haircut, what do i say to the girl who cuts my hair? Do I just say can i have it layered? Any particular style?

Might work on a tan but skin a bit photosensitive still after my course of Roaccutane. Will definitely go away at Easter and keep a tan over the summer. Would fake tan stuff do any good?

 

[bonethugmug]

Man Matt your post is freakin insane because I have the EXACT same situation as you. I have had bad acne for awhile and it's going away but I still got that redness to it. I am 6'0 200 at 10-11% bodyfat, and I am also insecure about my looks. Like I'll go out someplace with a hot girl and be thinking "Damn, I must look out of place next to her." BUT, you gotta realize man, the only person who really noticed the acne, the only person that REALLLLY notices the flaws in you, is yourself. If you think that you are good looking and confident and you REALLY believe it, then you could care less what anybody else thinks of you.

Lately I've just been walking around pretty confident, just randomly talking to people, and if they(as in women) won't talk to me or be open to my advances because of my LOOKS, then they aren't worth my time anyway. The girls that I want will be open to meeting a new person, whether they look like Brad Pitt or not. Yet it's kinda hypocritical because we judge women that way ourselves. But dude, you know what's up, so just get up and do it. When your laying girls left and right, believe me, your acne will be the LAST thing on your mind.

 

[Double]

if the red spots hurt your confidence so hard, than use makeup for clubbing

 

[Alpine]

I've been investigating this (facial redness) as it's a prob for me too. I haven't got acne but have a very red face, like sunburn, but around the eyes are white!

I think it's called Roscea and is connected to the blushing function.

Unfortunately the main treatment seems avaoidence of everyday things, certain foods, the elements and especially heavy exercise!

I've seen some work done by a Doctor in Swansea who is researching a laser treatment that takes the redness away.

Also do a search on a product called Zedmed, I will probably try this, but I'm going to see the GP and see if he'll let me go see a Dermatologist.

Did you get any replies on this at HGRT

 

[jakethasnake]

Originally posted by Double
if the red spots hurt your confidence so hard, than use makeup for clubbing

How European of you. Unfortunately, we're a lot more hung up on gender role-issues here in America.

 

[Alpine]

When was a teenager I remember once using skin tinted clearasil cream on a zit.

Was dancing away at the disco for ages until I caught my reflection. I was horrified to see the strobes UV made the cover up flourecent

 

[LikerOfWomen]

It seems to me that women place a lot more importance on how well a guy dresses and takes care of himself than on how he naturally looks. It seems that the importance of "looks" for girls is more about accessories and less about genetics, while the opposite is true for guys... so just do your best to dress to impress, etc.

 

[eecumstains]

chicks don;t care that much about looks

money, clothes, and confidence can overcome looks

move on dude

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by Matt Rogers
Really Jariel. I thought i was the only one who looked terrible under bright light, as it shows all my red blotchiness from my acne and the few lines, wrinkles and slight bloodshot nature of my eyes. What is a fair representation of how other people see you most of the time?

As for the haircut, what do i say to the girl who cuts my hair? Do I just say can i have it layered? Any particular style?

Might work on a tan but skin a bit photosensitive still after my course of Roaccutane. Will definitely go away at Easter and keep a tan over the summer. Would fake tan stuff do any good?

Unless you have perfect, unaged skin (like a teenage girl) bright light is very unflattering, but avoid sitting under bright lights when you go out and it's not such a problem.

As for a fair representation of yourself, I literally don't think it's possible. But like a lot of guys here have pointed out, everyone is their own worst critic and what we see is heavily influenced by the way we perceive ourselves. If you are hung up on your complexion, you will always see this as a major feature of the way you look, whereas other people will not.

I think you can ask to get your hair layered at most hairdressers as it's very popular these days and you can push it around or spike it into any style you want.

I have no clue how sunbeds affect Roaccutane, but it would be worth trying some fake tan. It won't improve your complexion, but it will reduce the contrast of this redness. It's probably best to read some reviews on the net before buying fake tan as some turn bright orange.

Another good way to reduce/cover blotchiness and give your skin a heathy colour is to rub tomato evenly over your face. Let it dry and then rinse your face. I've found it to be quite effective.

 

[AMF]

Men are judged on status as harshly as women are judged on looks.

Although its women who usually care more about fashion and grooming, really it should be guys.

For us, nice cLothes actually serve two purposes: looking more attractive AND conveying status.

So dress well, look $$$ = status. Will trick any chick. Trust me.

 

[Wyldfire]

Something for skin redness...(searched for info online for you).

http://zenmed.com/products/productdetails.html?id=202