Brazilian_Blues_Boy
Master Don Juan
1 - Introduction
Reaching the climax of the series, today I'm going to cover the one I consider THE most cruel inner struggle.
It has been studied by psychologists, and its own existence explains a lot of the social rules and standards in which we live in.
2 - Its Nature
We humans, after we're provided with the necessary resources for our surviving, being those safety, food, water, higyene and a place to live.
These are rather instinctual needs, for survival, and have been very well supplied in our current society.
So, we, adolescents, don't have to worry about getting a place to live, a job, food, water and where to have a shower.
Some of us, already do. And they will know better than me that this occupies their minds more than any other concerns, so they may not suffer so much from the needs for approval.
So, with all the above resources provided, we worry about other people's approval.
Because we're social beings, and if we don't insure our good relation with the others, our survival may be at risk.
In nature, REAL nature, there aren't lonely wolves. No individual can survive alone. Even lions are always found in groups.
So, when our subconscious senses that our social nets are start to break, it gives us a hard time.
3 - What will they think about me?
The necessity of validation leads humans to become shy. It holds us back from doing whatever we want to try to "preserve" our status in the social environments we live in.
So, when we're insecure, we stop ourselves from doing things we think in order to leave this complex net alone. It's too risky to do something unpredictable, socially unacceptable.
Nothing like staying in the comfort zone of our outgoing-ness
Who hasn't been there?
You felt like saying or doing something silly, then hesitated and stopped.
And how many times, some close to you, maybe even a friend, did the very same thing you thought of, and everybody laughed like crazy?
Didn't you feel like beating yourself up inside?
Or, thought in a "snob", jealous way: "so stupid..."
And, deep inside of you, you wished you had the balls to do it...
4 - The Fast Solution
Alcohol.
5 - Complications
Well, while good old Johnie Walker can help you become more loose, outgoing and relaxed, it cannot help you in another aspect of the necessity of approval.
This envolves more complex things, like achievements, works, projects and relationships.
Some people, need everyone else's approval for the things they do. It's like, the start to do something, even a small school project, and they don't know if they should type it in Arial or in Comic Sans.
So they go and call someone else to ask for their opinion.
Man, you're a f*cking man, can't just choose a god damn font?
Some people can't. And the bigger the problem is, the worse it gets.
They need to call thousands of people to listen to their opinions, and then try to please them all, and if, only IF there's some space left, they do what they consider the best.
Same goes for women.
7 - Lay- Deez
Some people go for women, not think about them, but about everyone else.
They want to catch a hotie to be "respected" by the other dudes, or to make some girl he tried but couldn't get jealous as hell.
So, sometimes he goes for a girl who shows no respect for him, or no buying signals because she's hot, and she'd give him social proof.
He cannot win respect and admiration from his friends and from his social group, so he tries to make up for it with ladies.
And sometimes, he goes for one chick, as a way of "revenge" to another girl, who rejected him.
Now, I want the first one who has never done any of these ever in their lives to stand out and receive the prize !!
A nice kick in the balls to stop from lying!
8 - Yourself
Honestly, if you want to spare yourself some head and much heart ache, you have to take yourself seriously.
When going for a girl, are you taking yourself seriously?
Aren't you trading a warm 7,5 for an ice cold 8?
Seriously, if you thinking in a relationship, shouldn't you take her mind more seriously than her body?
If you know how to separate love from lust, which I hope you do right now, don't you think that you shouldn't give a damn about those hotties, and treat the sweet girls with more attention?
Don't use girls for respect, respect must be earned. Using hot girls for respect is an empty crutch for you.
Once she dumps you or cheats you, you'll have less respect than before.
Build you character and respect will follow.
9 - Yourself again
Now, about being the clown of the group, and doing all the things that cross your mind, here's my input:
- Be bold, dare, innovate, try, experiment, don't give a damn about what others th.... BULLSH!T SENSOR !! BULLSH!T SENSOR
Seriously, saying this, for a shy or not so secure person, is like saying "just be yourself".
You just aren't!
You aren't bold, daring,innovating, and not giving a damn about what the others think.
And you know what, that's all right! This behavior of yours, isn't wrong.
It just doesn't fit you anymore.
If it really was wrong, it would bring you harm, and probably social complications, yet it hasn't! It has kept you socially accepted so far...
You just wanna try something new...
10 - Slow an' Easy
Go slowly... at your own rhythm... joke one day, say something silly other day, then make it more and more frequent...
Of course you're going to fail... I've failed a lot, every funny guy have failed a lot...
How many times didn't you tell a bad joke or remark , and noone thought it was funny?
Very embarassing right, but, what the f*ck, you wouldn't know it if you hadn't tried.
Trying, at your own rhythm, you'll know yourself.
You'll what you can do, when you can do and with whom you can do.
This knowledge gives you assurance, and assurance gives you confidence to go bolder.
Slowly, easily, and successfully.
Put your mark on everything... you'll see if you persist... whenver I feel low, or loosing my "funniness", I take some time, get some inspiration and then get back in the field.
Eventually you'll succeed big time. And when you do, you'll have better knowledge of what works for you.
11 - So...
So... when looking for women, for relationships, take yourself seriously... you are the one who's about to commit with her, you're the one who'll enjoy... so you better fit yourself correctly...
Even when going for the hotties, don't do it for the others, do it for yourself... I know, it's hard to stop yourself from showing your little "trophy" to all of the guys... but keep it in store... it will accumulate inside you, and you'll have a lot of feelings of confidence, success and accomplishment stored inside you.
When you face the critics they won't phase you as they would if you went and showed everybody your brand new Hot Babe.
When trying to be C&F, stick to your own pace. Don't try to rush it, or else you might trip and fall, and man, that hurts!
And finally, whenever doing things, think about you first, about what satisfies you, what pleases you, and keep it as a priority.
It's good to care about the others but YOU are on top of the list.
12 - The Reward
The reward?
Self-respect. Self-assurance. Confidence.
And even more important than that, a knowledge of yourself, and your limits, who'll give you something greater than confidence.
It will give you hope!
Honest and good hope, that in the long run, you're going to succeed. And your knowledge confirms all that.
13 - The Lonely Wolf
No, you don't need to take it too seriously and become like Wolwerine.
Just do what you want, believe in yourself, and face the consequences.
You're in charge of your own fate now... If you're going to become happy and successful, or sad and failed is only because of You, so, stop wondering and start living!
By knowing yourself and trusting yourself, you no longer care about the social acceptance. You try new things... and even if you fail, you can still get back to the old, socially acceptable "you".
As the great Freddie Mercury would say, in his song Innuendo:
" You can be anything you want to be
Just turn yourself into what you wanna be "
14 - That's it
That's it! Simple, light !
And, to finish, Persist!
Persistance, with flexibity, is everything you need...
And then, in the long run, you can be bold,dare,experiment,try,innovate and succeed.
15 - The End
Well, with this one, I ended the series. While there's one more post, it doesn't cover anything especifically.
I hope to hear a lot from you, doubts, criticisms, party invitations and anything else
BBB
Reaching the climax of the series, today I'm going to cover the one I consider THE most cruel inner struggle.
It has been studied by psychologists, and its own existence explains a lot of the social rules and standards in which we live in.
2 - Its Nature
We humans, after we're provided with the necessary resources for our surviving, being those safety, food, water, higyene and a place to live.
These are rather instinctual needs, for survival, and have been very well supplied in our current society.
So, we, adolescents, don't have to worry about getting a place to live, a job, food, water and where to have a shower.
Some of us, already do. And they will know better than me that this occupies their minds more than any other concerns, so they may not suffer so much from the needs for approval.
So, with all the above resources provided, we worry about other people's approval.
Because we're social beings, and if we don't insure our good relation with the others, our survival may be at risk.
In nature, REAL nature, there aren't lonely wolves. No individual can survive alone. Even lions are always found in groups.
So, when our subconscious senses that our social nets are start to break, it gives us a hard time.
3 - What will they think about me?
The necessity of validation leads humans to become shy. It holds us back from doing whatever we want to try to "preserve" our status in the social environments we live in.
So, when we're insecure, we stop ourselves from doing things we think in order to leave this complex net alone. It's too risky to do something unpredictable, socially unacceptable.
Nothing like staying in the comfort zone of our outgoing-ness
Who hasn't been there?
You felt like saying or doing something silly, then hesitated and stopped.
And how many times, some close to you, maybe even a friend, did the very same thing you thought of, and everybody laughed like crazy?
Didn't you feel like beating yourself up inside?
Or, thought in a "snob", jealous way: "so stupid..."
And, deep inside of you, you wished you had the balls to do it...
4 - The Fast Solution
Alcohol.
5 - Complications
Well, while good old Johnie Walker can help you become more loose, outgoing and relaxed, it cannot help you in another aspect of the necessity of approval.
This envolves more complex things, like achievements, works, projects and relationships.
Some people, need everyone else's approval for the things they do. It's like, the start to do something, even a small school project, and they don't know if they should type it in Arial or in Comic Sans.
So they go and call someone else to ask for their opinion.
Man, you're a f*cking man, can't just choose a god damn font?
Some people can't. And the bigger the problem is, the worse it gets.
They need to call thousands of people to listen to their opinions, and then try to please them all, and if, only IF there's some space left, they do what they consider the best.
Same goes for women.
7 - Lay- Deez
Some people go for women, not think about them, but about everyone else.
They want to catch a hotie to be "respected" by the other dudes, or to make some girl he tried but couldn't get jealous as hell.
So, sometimes he goes for a girl who shows no respect for him, or no buying signals because she's hot, and she'd give him social proof.
He cannot win respect and admiration from his friends and from his social group, so he tries to make up for it with ladies.
And sometimes, he goes for one chick, as a way of "revenge" to another girl, who rejected him.
Now, I want the first one who has never done any of these ever in their lives to stand out and receive the prize !!
A nice kick in the balls to stop from lying!
8 - Yourself
Honestly, if you want to spare yourself some head and much heart ache, you have to take yourself seriously.
When going for a girl, are you taking yourself seriously?
Aren't you trading a warm 7,5 for an ice cold 8?
Seriously, if you thinking in a relationship, shouldn't you take her mind more seriously than her body?
If you know how to separate love from lust, which I hope you do right now, don't you think that you shouldn't give a damn about those hotties, and treat the sweet girls with more attention?
Don't use girls for respect, respect must be earned. Using hot girls for respect is an empty crutch for you.
Once she dumps you or cheats you, you'll have less respect than before.
Build you character and respect will follow.
9 - Yourself again
Now, about being the clown of the group, and doing all the things that cross your mind, here's my input:
- Be bold, dare, innovate, try, experiment, don't give a damn about what others th.... BULLSH!T SENSOR !! BULLSH!T SENSOR
Seriously, saying this, for a shy or not so secure person, is like saying "just be yourself".
You just aren't!
You aren't bold, daring,innovating, and not giving a damn about what the others think.
And you know what, that's all right! This behavior of yours, isn't wrong.
It just doesn't fit you anymore.
If it really was wrong, it would bring you harm, and probably social complications, yet it hasn't! It has kept you socially accepted so far...
You just wanna try something new...
10 - Slow an' Easy
Go slowly... at your own rhythm... joke one day, say something silly other day, then make it more and more frequent...
Of course you're going to fail... I've failed a lot, every funny guy have failed a lot...
How many times didn't you tell a bad joke or remark , and noone thought it was funny?
Very embarassing right, but, what the f*ck, you wouldn't know it if you hadn't tried.
Trying, at your own rhythm, you'll know yourself.
You'll what you can do, when you can do and with whom you can do.
This knowledge gives you assurance, and assurance gives you confidence to go bolder.
Slowly, easily, and successfully.
Put your mark on everything... you'll see if you persist... whenver I feel low, or loosing my "funniness", I take some time, get some inspiration and then get back in the field.
Eventually you'll succeed big time. And when you do, you'll have better knowledge of what works for you.
11 - So...
So... when looking for women, for relationships, take yourself seriously... you are the one who's about to commit with her, you're the one who'll enjoy... so you better fit yourself correctly...
Even when going for the hotties, don't do it for the others, do it for yourself... I know, it's hard to stop yourself from showing your little "trophy" to all of the guys... but keep it in store... it will accumulate inside you, and you'll have a lot of feelings of confidence, success and accomplishment stored inside you.
When you face the critics they won't phase you as they would if you went and showed everybody your brand new Hot Babe.
When trying to be C&F, stick to your own pace. Don't try to rush it, or else you might trip and fall, and man, that hurts!
And finally, whenever doing things, think about you first, about what satisfies you, what pleases you, and keep it as a priority.
It's good to care about the others but YOU are on top of the list.
12 - The Reward
The reward?
Self-respect. Self-assurance. Confidence.
And even more important than that, a knowledge of yourself, and your limits, who'll give you something greater than confidence.
It will give you hope!
Honest and good hope, that in the long run, you're going to succeed. And your knowledge confirms all that.
13 - The Lonely Wolf
No, you don't need to take it too seriously and become like Wolwerine.
Just do what you want, believe in yourself, and face the consequences.
You're in charge of your own fate now... If you're going to become happy and successful, or sad and failed is only because of You, so, stop wondering and start living!
By knowing yourself and trusting yourself, you no longer care about the social acceptance. You try new things... and even if you fail, you can still get back to the old, socially acceptable "you".
As the great Freddie Mercury would say, in his song Innuendo:
" You can be anything you want to be
Just turn yourself into what you wanna be "
14 - That's it
That's it! Simple, light !
And, to finish, Persist!
Persistance, with flexibity, is everything you need...
And then, in the long run, you can be bold,dare,experiment,try,innovate and succeed.
15 - The End
Well, with this one, I ended the series. While there's one more post, it doesn't cover anything especifically.
I hope to hear a lot from you, doubts, criticisms, party invitations and anything else
BBB
