Inner Game......What??

[Reykhel]

IMO everything starts with inner game. Everything. Outer game simply becomes a physical manifestation of your inner thoughts.

How in control of you of your inner world?

Look, someone comes on here and is advised to go to the gym.....what good will that do for him if he doesn't cultivate his mind along side his physical workout.

I think it was Jim Rohn who said that we need to really cultivate not only our physical abilities but also our intellect and out spiritual. How much do yo cultivate your mind on a daily basis in comparison to your body?

Anyway, this post is intended not to preach. This post is intended to elicit the wisdom from our good posters.........a workshop if you will....

So Men, how would you advise a young guy or a noobie in the following way....

How would you improve your inner game?

Is there a product that you would recommend for inner game?

Is there a book that you would recommend for inner game?

 

[Reykhel]

What inner game issues do you think the average man HERE has?

inner issues that the newbies turn up with?

 

[Konada]

I came onto this site when I was 17/18. Been a slow start for me as I had alot of internal issues to work out. It never felt right ever for me to "act confident" or simply put "fake it till you make it". I only started to really 'get' inner game last year October.

My experience probably wouldn't be beneficial to people are looking for a quick fvck, rather people who are looking for meaningful relationships. I would recommend 'Models' by Mark Manson because it is simply gold, and probably you would have to re read it a few times in stages of your progression in order for it to really 'click', its good to know, its better to experience it and revisit the concept to entrench it into your belief system.

My idea that it is so hard to cultivate inner game because it relies on a very concrete relationship with yourself at first. If you can't love yourself, how do you expect to be giving value to others (or love)?

What really helped me to sort out my inner **** was asking myself these questions:

1. Who am I seeking approval from?
Luckily for me, it was my dad. I felt like I wasn't treated as a man but as a boy, never his equal, always living in his shadow and somehow this belief that I was inferior to him permeated into my social interactions with other people, especially figures of higher authority (or so I believe).

2. What is the thing that I have the most problem with?
Expression of self was a big one. It was uncomfortable for me to talk to people, random strangers. I took steps which some people might balk or even fear. I took up public speaking, I learnt latin ballroom when I previously had no dance experience. I took up the challenge of being vulnerable, to explore my inner desires of things I want to do but fear judgement.

Internal belief and courage to confront your deepest problems is a big one, and you know what builds your inner game further? When you have results to prove it. People who meet me now would have never guessed that I was bullied in school way back from I was 9. They wouldn't have guessed that I was a socially awkward nerd who couldn't hold a decent conversation and they are surprised when I reveal this side of my past.

The road is never ending, I may have gotten this far but my expression is still hindered by conscious inner thoughts of 'being creepy' or 'weird'. It will always be there, but inner game is like a muscle. The more you practice it, the stronger it becomes to overcome the resistance.

3. What are the things I want to do for myself?
Take a good look at your everyday life. It doesn't have to be something big. It could be as simple as sleeping at a specific time. Basically, start small. Treat yourself right.

Skipping meals? Make it a point to feed yourself.

Feeling bored? Treat yourself to a good meal or a drink, who the fvck says you can't go have a date with yourself?

I have a list of 5 things I do everyday, it helps to build discipline with the main idea being treating myself right:
1. Meditate for 10 mins daily
2. Sleep 8 hours a day, not later than 12am
3. Talk to 3 new people daily
4. Set time aside for family
5. Taking my meals regularly

 

[Reykhel]

@Konada

Quality response. I second Models, it's really good, basically talks about developing yourself from
within and not giving a fvck.

I like the way you broke that ****e down.

I feel that a lot of problems stem from the person caring too much about other people's opinion's. Of course we then have negative beliefs that hold people back.

there's so much, but I would say the majority of problems are solved when inner game is fixed.

 

[Reykhel]

"most guys here"

I think you're a wanker.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

My heart says Nietzsche, but I know too well how difficult this motherfvcker is to understand if you don't have ALREADY the experiences he talks about...so I will still say Nietzsche, because he can still points people in the right direction.
So if Nietzsche is going too deep for someone... I'm going to say get into eastern philosophy: theravada buddhism or taoism should do the trick. Basically, the path to developing inner game goes through the recognition of the vacuity and meaningless of life, accepting it and making it a source of power, instead of something that drains your vitality. It is possible, it is liberating as fvck, but it is hard work.

And another quick recommendation "Gorilla Mindset" by Mike Cernovich. It is a collection of tricks that will get you into "state", the guy is smart, I never liked him before for some reason, but I tried to read the book and his advice is great.

 

[ohrein]

EDIT: I should also tell my story. I also agree with inner game being THE starting point. I had a pretty crazy experience where I hit rock bottom with depression/anxiety and alcoholism. Long story short, I'm lucky to be alive and not in jail. Now I'm the happiest I've been in my life.

Nietzsche is a terrible recommendation for most people.

Buddhism is amazing for inner game. Most people think Buddhism is a super spiritual, anti-materialistic religion. It's actually a philosophy of not giving a ****. Its core principle is that if you want something too much, you're causing yourself pain. Don't want, don't suffer. It cured my anxiety, depression and has given me tremendous mental strength. It's not for everyone though. But if you can get past the stereotype and actually try it, it's really great. Meditation has proven health benefits, too.

Inner game is all about control. So I don't think you need a particular method for it. Just find something that works. The most important part is not to just accept your initial thoughts. Every time you have a thought, you need to get into the habit of analyzing that thought from an objective point of view. "Man, I feel really ****ty tonight." -> "Why do I feel so ****ty tonight?" -> "Okay, so how much is this thing that's making me feel ****ty going to bother me in a month? Not at all? Why care about it now then?"

There is a lot of neuroscience behind this, which is essentially cognitive behavioral therapy. You can train your brain to default to certain neural pathways. It's like paths of grass being pressed down over time. People with depression default to depressed thoughts. CBT creates a new path and over time (years) the old path grows over and you default to better thought patterns.

Thinking about my mental growth over the last decade, it's really difficult to pin down how I got to where I am. Every time something "bad" happened to me, I'd just ask myself how much should I really give a **** about this? Most of the time, the answer is not at all. People tend to get annoyed or sad at the smallest of things. When I was a teenager I used to spend days being depressed if I upset someone. I can't understand that any more at all.

So it's not about denying your feelings, but more about accepting them and just asking yourself how much this really matters.

 

[raider87]

Buddhism is amazing for inner game.

Can you recommend some good books?

 

[ohrein]

Can you recommend some good books?

http://www.amazon.com.au/Buddhism-Plain-Simple-Steven-Hagen-ebook/dp/B005CVTTWM

I'm only 75% sure this is the book (I'm out of town at the moment). I read the pages I could and it seems like the same one. It's at the very worst the same concept. Buddhism in a practical and philosophical way for normal life, instead of the religious go join a monastery version. Although, I've strongly considered that before. Haha.

EDIT: I finished reading all the preview and I'm certain this is the book. It changed my life. Buy it, give it to your friends who are struggling, read it again. If you allow it to, it will change your life.

 

[JohnChops]

I agree that inner game is the foundation you need before having outer game. But inner game won't teach you how to talk to women and use your words effectively.I found that I focused so much on inner game and that was great because I felt better. However, I found that I spoke to less women. Then I relearned outer game and mixed it with inner game and found a good balance.

Don't go towards one extreme, find some middle ground.

 

[ohrein]

I agree that inner game is the foundation you need before having outer game. But inner game won't teach you how to talk to women and use your words effectively.I found that I focused so much on inner game and that was great because I felt better. However, I found that I spoke to less women. Then I relearned outer game and mixed it with inner game and found a good balance.

Don't go towards one extreme, find some middle ground.

I don't think you can go too extreme with inner game. I think the more the better. Constantly strive to be the best you. This requires intense mental strength that very few people can maintain. The most successful of people in the world are the extreme end of inner game. Probably to the extent that they disregard relationships completely. Not necessarily a bad thing.

 

[Stugots26]

I think that men growing up today have been convinced by our over-feminized society that they have little to no intrinsic self-worth. Eventually this leads to men believing that they have to do things and have things outside of themselves to attract women.

Men have to realize that women will be attracted to them - or not - regardless of anything they do or don't do. And there is nothing that men have to do except be themselves, follow their purposes and missions, and live their lives, as much as society and women try to convince them otherwise.

 

[JohnChops]

I don't think you can go too extreme with inner game. I think the more the better. Constantly strive to be the best you. This requires intense mental strength that very few people can maintain. The most successful of people in the world are the extreme end of inner game. Probably to the extent that they disregard relationships completely. Not necessarily a bad thing.

Hmm I always thought disreguardibg people was a bad thing but I like where you're coming from.

 

[Reykhel]

Can you recommend some good books?

The Heart Of Buddha's Teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh
http://www.amazon.com/The-Heart-Buddhas-Teaching-Transforming/dp/0767903692

This book in my opinion is a solid start to explaining Buddhism. Actually, I would recommend most of
this guy's books. Check him out on youtube.

In fact, if anyone here has had a tough childhood and finds they have conflicts because of that in adulthood, the guy has a fantastic book called "Reconciliation: healing the inner child". If anyone is angry at their parents I would recommend this book......frees up a huge amount of mental energy.

Also, I can't recommend enough "The Tibetan book of Living and Dying", although I would say this is best read when you are already practicing meditation. But that's just my opinion.
http://www.amazon.com/Tibetan-Book-...keywords=the+tibetan+book+of+living+and+dying

 

[Bible_Belt]

Martial arts are great for inner game.

 

[Reykhel]

Martial arts are great for inner game.

If I could like this 100 times I would.

I completely agree.

If someone came to me and said they only had time to commit to either lifting weights or a to martial art and they were unsure what to do, I would implore them to join a martial art
(not meant to criticize those that lift iron)

But if you were to join a martial art and commit yourself..........look ahead in ten years time....

How different would you be?

A martial art that teaches self discipline and respect. Respect for you and your fellow man.

the thing is, if you practice a martial art in a gym where your mixing with other men. In a gym were you have to work with other men.......ie pad work.............this alone

You know the weird thing with a lot of men who are not successful with women is this: they are uncomfortable with other men.

I said this before and I'll say it again. Sometimes your problems with women are because you're not comfortable with other men.. How? Because if you're comfortable with other men it means you are comfortable with your own MASCULINITY...............and if you're comfortable with your own masculinity.....

......well I think you can put that puzzle together.....

 

[Reykhel]

I agree that inner game is the foundation you need before having outer game. But inner game won't teach you how to talk to women and use your words effectively.I found that I focused so much on inner game and that was great because I felt better. However, I found that I spoke to less women. Then I relearned outer game and mixed it with inner game and found a good balance.

Don't go towards one extreme, find some middle ground.

Totally correct.

My intention was to start one inner game thread and then one outer game thread.

I agree with what you say to this extent: a lot of people will say work on yourself, earn money, work out and all that good ****e and as a consequence the women will come flocking.........Well I've known a lot of people who have achieved success, for example a friend of mine who owned his own house at 23, but found that he still didn't have the skill set to chat up women.......but yeah I'm now talking about external success and not the inner game confidence that I initially start talking about......

However, this is something I see a lot................kids that maybe were not good with women and then they learn a few tricks......for example they learn the mystery method and they go out into the field........and maybe they get good.......

.....but then maybe the start to neg.......and then one night they get a girl who negs back.........and they can't handle it......

.....or maybe they have a sexual strategy of girlfriend game and they are told "ok get goo with all women and you'll get good with the one you want" and they get good at getting women and the get a girl but because of inner game issues within a couple of weeks they have fvcked it up............

If you have inner issues, for example, ****e from your child hood and you want a LTR for example.......your inner game will always, and I mean always, fsck it up

 

[Reykhel]

One way to tell if you have an inner game issue.......

When somebody on Sosuave disagrees with you in a thread......and because of
that you'll never agree with that person in later threads......never....

YOU HAVE AN INNER GAME ISSUE

Can you overcome it?

 

[Maximus Rex]

This thread is Hall of Fame material and should be stickied there.

 

[ohrein]

Well I've known a lot of people who have achieved success, for example a friend of mine who owned his own house at 23, but found that he still didn't have the skill set to chat up women.......but yeah I'm now talking about external success and not the inner game confidence that I initially start talking about.....

I'd say you can be successful to that extent without inner game. Some people fall into good paying jobs straight from high school and have a financially stable life. I would not describe that as good inner game. In fact, some people do not desire for material wealth at all. It's only solid inner game if that was his goal from the start and he nailed it.

You are completely right though. Inner game has very little to do with certain skills required for attracting women. Although it's a perfect starting point. No anxieties or fears about rejection. Not really caring if you "fail" or "succeed". Your personality will exude a certain level of confidence that is very attractive. Particularly if you followed the advice on this forum and worked on all aspects of yourself physically, financially, socially and mentally. You probably don't need much game to attract women when you've reached that point.