Inner game - controlling negative thoughts

[Goldstar]

We all have heard how important positive thoughts are for a solid inner game. The self esteem, how happy you are, and even the external circumstances are determined in large part due to the thoughts in your mind. Many books like the Law of Attraction, As a man thinketh etc. talk about controling your thoughts to control your destiny. Even Pook says 'As you think, you shall become'

I agree with all the above and would like to start thinking more positively about things in general. My question is what to do with the negative thoughts that crop up. Should we ignore them? Fight them and replace them with positive thoughts right away? Would it not be suppressing the negative thoughts that may come back later?

It just seems that its a lot easier to think negative thoughts than positive thoughts. And to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts all day long takes a lot of effort and is mentally very exhausting! Would love to hear feedback from people who have successfully changed their mindset from thinking negatively to positively, and how they did it.

 

[alwayslead8821]

Have a list of positive thoughts or just have something to think of as soon as you start having negative thoughts. If you are in a really bad mood, some positive music works good to. Even if the the thoughts are not that negative it's good to just try and be more and more positive. The key is to always pay attetion to what you are thinking. You'll be surpised on how frequently you will be having negative thoughts. Yes at first it is very hard at first, but if you use the list you will slowly get better and better at not thinking negative.

I put a list on the side of my bed of happy and positive things so the first thing I do when I wake up is read through them. This helps me start the day in a positive way.. Try and listen to music that really makes you happy.

 

[alwayslead8821]

Also meditation really helps. Start out like 10 minutes a day and listen to some calm music (optional). Insence or a candle is also helpfull for meditation. Breath nice deep breaths and it helps you relax if you breath in through your nose and slowly out your mouth. Sit as comfortably as posible. You are not trying to control you thoughts you are trying to listen to all your thoughts and gain an understanding. I have just started doing this and it feels funny to do at first, but I can tell it is starting to add to my mental power to control my thoughts. Goodl uck man and always stay positive!

 

[Ambition Now]

Im starting to have daily relaxation "exercises".

For 30 minutes I just lay down, breath deeply and start to imagine my ideal self. At the begining it wont be very easy because negative thoughts will pop a lot on your mind, and it may make you anxious.

The key is to do it daily and you will pretty soon get the benefits of it.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

We all have heard how important positive thoughts are for a solid inner game. The self esteem, how happy you are, and even the external circumstances are determined in large part due to the thoughts in your mind. Many books like the Law of Attraction, As a man thinketh etc. talk about controling your thoughts to control your destiny. Even Pook says 'As you think, you shall become'

I agree with all the above and would like to start thinking more positively about things in general. My question is what to do with the negative thoughts that crop up. Should we ignore them? Fight them and replace them with positive thoughts right away? Would it not be suppressing the negative thoughts that may come back later?

It just seems that its a lot easier to think negative thoughts than positive thoughts. And to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts all day long takes a lot of effort and is mentally very exhausting! Would love to hear feedback from people who have successfully changed their mindset from thinking negatively to positively, and how they did it.

I don't often think negatively for more than a second or two and it's so rare it's rediculous. In fact, I can predict I'm going to soon feel the effects of a cold or flu because I'll suddenly get some negative feelings in a row. Then, I realize "oh, i'm just not feeling well" and it goes away. I've identified the cause/warning so it goes away.

You're getting mentally exhausted because you're trying to replace (cover) the negative thoughts with positive ones as they happen. This absolutely does not work. It just covers them up, as you mentioned, "suppressed".

Instead, reframe negative thoughts in your head. When you keep anything consistently for quite a while your subconcious says "ok, I'm going to file this as something that's normal and helpful (good feelings, reward) so I'll go on autopilot so this guy can think about other stuff". That's how it works. Keep reframing and it'll become habit. I can't help being positive anymore, it just happens just like being negative used to "just happen".

There was a small fire a while back at my friend's house while we were sleeping and I didn't panic...I started to stress and automatically I thought "it's good i'm positive and don't stress out", the feeling went away and I was able to deal with the situation in a calm manner. I'm making my brain work with me in a more useful manner.

Example: You walk up to a girl, start talking, and she blows you off. Instead of thinking "i did something wrong, i blew it, i'm going to miss out on this" and try to psychically guess which of the brazillion reasons that she blew you off that probably didn't have anything to do with you (she had a bad day, she's pissed off, she's in love with a guy, a thousand other things) you reframe it and turn the tables on your negative habits.

"she did something wrong, she blew off a guy who's working on his inner self and improving unlike most other men, she's missing out". {-- anything like that

See, the thought didn't get covered up with "she's just a biatch" or whatever. That always makes things worse! Instead, it just got reversed.

Also, this is about changing your mind by "faking it till you make it". When you keep reframing yourself as a person who's improving, outgoing, confident, positive, the best choice a girl could make etc... your subconcious will do it's best to comply after a while and you'll become what you keep reframing yourself as.

If you keep framing that you are a loser, your subconscious WILL help you accomplish that.

If you keep re-framing that you are a winner, your subconscious WILL help you accomplish that.

Reverse negative thoughts as close as you can get to a mirror of what the negative thoughts are so they are being STEERED instead of being covered up.

Also, always start your day with something positive as soon as you wake up. Even a single word like "confidence" written on a piece of paper on your bathroom mirror will get your mind framed correctly right from the start.

 

[Goldstar]

Thanks alwayslead and ambition_now for your helpful suggestions.

The key as you suggested to observe what you are thinking. And I am definitely surprised by how negatively we think all day long. Sometimes it scares me because it doesnt make any sense and I wonder where all that negative thoughts are coming up from. I mean as humans we should be doing what is in our welfare (think positive thoughts that make us feel good), yet these negative thoughts come to mind, destroy our inner game, create self limiting beliefs and cause us to feel bad. It makes no sense.

I have recently started positive affirmations and envisioning my ideal self. They make me feel good right afterwards, but the effect wears off.

 

[Goldstar]

Thank you thatmysteriousguy for the detailed explanation. I will try "steering" negative thoughts into more positive ones. I guess it is all about reframing as u explained. An event happens and then we immediately label it as positive or negative. The idea is to reframe and interpret it as positively as possible

 

[zekko]

Thanks alwayslead and ambition_now for your helpful suggestions.

Yeah, they had good advice. The affirmations you're trying aren't a bad idea either. I'm someone who used to think negatively, and all I can say is that you have to make it a habit to think positively. Just like it used to be a habit to think negatively, you have to make it a habit to be positive. Work on getting rid of those nonuseful thought processes and over time it will become ingrained and get easier.

 

[Goldstar]

Thank you zekko!

 

[Igetit!]

I have recently started positive affirmations and envisioning my ideal self. They make me feel good right afterwards, but the effect wears off.

I'll tell you something I did that helped me to get rid of some negative thinking....


I got a sheet of paper and drew a line in the middle of it to divide it into to different columns. Then on one side at the top I titled it "Old thoughts" and on the other side I titled it "New Thoughts".



Then what I did was write down an old thought in the Old thought's section that I believed was negative,not true,and only held me back.


Then right next to it in the "New Thoughts" section,I wrote down the new thought that I wanted to replace the old thought with.



I did that with a couple of negative thoughts:wrote them down,then right next to them in the "new thoughts" catergory wrote down the new thought I wanted to come in my mind instead.



Then once that's done,you read it OUTLOUD.


You go like,"My old thought was (whatever),but now my new thought is (what you replaced the old thought with).



Pick out a couple of thoughts you want to get rid of and do this with them,and make sure you in a quiet place when you do this.



Say the old thought out clearly and distinctly,and do the same thing with the new thought you're replcing it with.



Do that like 10 times with each thought for 4 or 5 days. What will happen is after a while,your mind will "self correct".



You'll be out in the world minding your own business,and then when one of those old thoughts pops until,the new thought you replaced it with will too because you will have anchored the new thought with it.



Then at that point,you'll catch yourself,and be like,"No,that was my old thought. I don't think that way anymore. My new thought is (whatever),then you'll act in line with the new thought.


Then after a while,whenever you fine yourself in a similiar situation again,the new thought will AUTOMATICALLY pop up instead of the old one.
You won't even have to go through the whole "new thought/old thought" convo in your head anymore,the new thought will just be there.



Give that a try.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

The key as you suggested to observe what you are thinking. And I am definitely surprised by how negatively we think all day long. Sometimes it scares me because it doesnt make any sense and I wonder where all that negative thoughts are coming up from.

Advertising and the rest of media. That's the overwhelming primary source of negativity about yourself and what you have.

The #1 aim of advertising is to make you feel dissatisfied. They do it quite well and it's been pounded into your head that you're lacking things all of your life. They need for you to feel negative in general.

You'll notice that whenever you travel somewhere (or even a household) where television is not present and on all the time the people are more content and not so negative about things. They don't have something whispering "if only you had X, you'd be more attractive/wanted/loved like these people you see" (and other tactics) all of the time. They'll still have negative thoughts, but it's not so deep and constant.

Happy, confident, and positive people aren't easily persuaded to spend their money on frivolous things that only temporarily make a person feel more confident about themselves.

OTOH, people who are unhappy, insecure, and negative are very easily parted with their money by whoever can manipulate them best into choosing their product/service.

Thank you thatmysteriousguy for the detailed explanation. I will try "steering" negative thoughts into more positive ones. I guess it is all about reframing as u explained. An event happens and then we immediately label it as positive or negative. The idea is to reframe and interpret it as positively as possible

Yes. PERCEPTION IS PROJECTION!

A week before Xmas I was walking through a parking lot and got hit by a pickup truck (2mph or so, I was pushed really). My immediate reaction for a split second was (loosely) "this farking sucks" and I could feel the adrenaline start to flow. But, when I looked up I could see that the old guy was about to have a friggin heart attack and my mind automatically reframed "it sucks to be him!" and the adrenaline surge stopped. My mind working that way actually STOPPED the adrenaline from pumping and making me get emotional and making bad moves like losing my composure. I wasn't even upset! I got lucky!

I wasn't hurt except I could feel some bruising. I told the guy to be careful, that I was completely fine, have a nice xmas and I walked into the grocery store with a smile on my face. I could never have done this if I hadn't worked so hard on reframing until it became an automatic habit in all situations.

Notice the cool side-effect. When you fully subconsciously reframe things the way you want, you can keep your emotions and body reactions under full control. This means you won't be nervous around girls, get into heated emotional arguments with people, get pissed off when it rains on your golf game, etc.....you EVOLVE and only the good feelings you want persist.

 

[lakeshore]

It just seems that its a lot easier to think negative thoughts than positive thoughts. And to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts all day long takes a lot of effort and is mentally very exhausting!

This is a very good point goldstar. I truly believe its like working out. If you're out of shape your first couple trys at weight lifting or running or some type of cardio can seem next to impossible and that you have a huge mountain to climb.

This is also true in the mental world. Ever see people that can finish a 500 page book in a day or two? Its because they read ALL THE TIME. It becomes effortless after much repetition. I tend to fall asleep after about page 7.

The point is if you make a conscious effort to achieve your mental goal of thinking positive and squashing the negative as soon as it arises, after a while, you will have crossed a threshold and you will be in a constant state of positivity.

There is no easy way of doing it, have the goal and make sure you practice it every day. Hope that helps.


Also, I like mysterious guys way of going about it. Re framing is a great way to go about negative thoughts.


Good topic BTW.

 

[alwayslead8821]

I agree with you guys I think of thinking positive as a skill that you must learn. With any skill it takes practice to get better. Once you are good at it and get in the habbit it will get much easier. You just have to keep practicing! I know what you mean when you say it wears off. It happens to me also. I look for other things to think about and switch it up a little. I cant just think the same stuff over and over cause it gets repetative. Your mental strength will get strounger and you won't need to switch it up as much though..

 

[Goldstar]

Advertising and the rest of media. That's the overwhelming primary source of negativity about yourself and what you have.

The #1 aim of advertising is to make you feel dissatisfied. They do it quite well and it's been pounded into your head that you're lacking things all of your life. They need for you to feel negative in general.


I agree. The media also constantly portrays and hammers the message of the "perfect" guy, the perfect girl, the perfect relationship etc. No wonder so many of us average guys feel less than perfect and confused and feel that we do not deserve to get the women we desire.

 

[Goldstar]

Thanks lakeshore and igetit. I will try what you have suggested

 

[YAboi]

Blah , blah , important blah

+1 rep quite astute

BLAH, BLAh, important blah.....

imaginary +1 rep for you my friend because the rep giving machine still won't let me re-rep you until i spread rep around .

 

[Bible_Belt]

It just seems that its a lot easier to think negative thoughts than positive thoughts.

Well then stop and listen for a second to those negative thoughts. Think of the choice you made to incur that mindset, and then compare it with the opposite choice. For example, yes it sucks to go to work, but being homeless sucks worse. If you are doing the best you can and you are still unhappy, then you are just b!tching. Otherwise, the answer is to do better.

This is a very simple deduction that I think is the reasoning behind the expression 'people get what they want out of life, whether they realize it or not.'