inexperience g/f

[MacAvoy]

What are some things to watch out for in an inexperienced g/f. She is inexperienced in terms of commitment. She has slept with her share of guys when she was in university. She is 25 now.

When I hooked up w/ her, she had been celebate for 12-16 months. She was nice and tight, last time I had a girl that tight, it was an 19 year old who only had one previous partner.

What worries me is that she is totally into me, she has fallen for all my DJ ways. However I don't think she's really been in love before, she very inexperienced when it comes to that. She dated one other guy in HS who treated her like crap and she put up w/ it for a while. Since then in univ, she only had ONS.

What scares me is that eventually I'm going to have to move if I want this relationship to continue to the next level. Moving isn't an option for her as she is in a graduate program. Are there some things that I can do to test her commitment level. Some things make me nervous, for example she hasn't told her parent that she is seeing me. She still lives w/ them.

Ideas , Suggestions?

 

[Yotuki]

Allright... First time poster, long time lurker.

Your situation sounds exactly like my last relationship, which ended about 2 months ago. She is 24, had been in a few flings, STR's, etc. Never anything serious, so she was very inexperienced when it came to being in a LTR. Some things I learned myself about being with girls who are inexperienced with relationships:

1) They don't KNOW what they want, or what they are looking for long term. They may have a vague idea about what floats their boat, but you are part of the learning process for them. I think back myself on the first few yearlong relationships I had, and I definitely learned a lot about myself, and what I need in a woman/relationship. My views and needs changed with my knowledge, and I don't think women are any different. That's not to say that you won't get along, and that things don't have a chance long term, but you are definitely part of her learning process with regards to what goes on in a LTR.

2) It can be hard for them to transition from the "geting to know you" phase of a new relationship, to the "yeah I know everything about this person" phase. A lot of them just don't know that at a certain point most relationships get to a point where there's nothing left to learn about the other person, and at the end of the day you just have to be comfortable being around your significant other. Some people really thrive off the "getting to know you" phase of a relationship though, especially young women. Some always have to have a new person in their life, and are not comfortable with the "comfortable" phase of a relationship.

Now some people might say that you were just to boring or predictable for the girl, that you didn't let your DJ skills keep her on her toes, etc., etc. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be going out and having fun, taking trips, seeing places, being active. Relationships need those things to stay alive, because if you're at home every night eating potato chips and watching the Golden Girls, then yeah she's going to get bored and leave your ass. But even if you're an interesting guy, and have hobies and take your girl out, *SOME* girls still get bored because you're not the new guy.

3) Some girls who are inexperienced in LTR's just don't know how to treat a guy. They are used to going out on dates all the time, and having the guy pull all the stops to try and win their affection. But I think the street goes both ways here. At a certain point a guy likes to see a girl take some initiative into the relationship, and start reciprocating a bit. Even if it's little junk like making dinner once in a while, or doing the legwork to plan an evening out. At some point they have to stop sucking up everything the guy lays out to show her he's a good guy, and start showing that they themselves are going to be good girlfriends (or potential wife if that's what you're looking for). But hopefully she starts showing these things earlier than later, or you should probably plan on finding someone who will be a good girlfriend!

4) They don't really know what "love" is. They say the words, and they may think they feel it, but they are also inexperienced, so who knows if they are really feeling love. They could be feeling lust, or like, and not know the difference. Sometimes it takes a few STR/LTR's to really find out what "love" means to that individual person

As far as your case goes though, I have no tips for you on how to determine her commitment level. I do think it's somewhat odd though that you're thinking of moving for this woman, and she hasn't even told her parents, whom she lives with, that she's seeing you. I personally would place the "parents knowing about you" step before the "moving for a chick" step. I'd meet her parents first, as that's a big step for many people. If the parents end up not liking you, then moving your location may be a moot point. That, and her parents knowing about you, and liking you (unless she's looking to go out with the badboy that the parents hate), may show how commited she is.

OK those are just a few things I can think of. Go ahead and rip the newbie's post apart

 

[MacAvoy]

Re: Re: inexperience g/f

Originally posted by SonOfTheMostHigh
Red flag #1 - she won't tell her parents she's seeing you.
Red flag #2 - she's still young an inexperienced (hence she's goign to be fickle, she wont know what she wants she hasn't done enough self-discovery).

Ok, maybe I was a little vague in my explanation. I have no plans of moving any time soon.

RE: RF#1 - she said she will tell her parents, she just wants to wait a little while longer first. I would never move there w/out meeting her parents prior. I've had a bad history w/ parents and I've learned how much they can impact a relationship.

RE RF#2 - she is experience w/ dating but totally inexperience w/ relationships. She says she is ready and waited for the right time, she is one of these catholic goody two shoe types, but she isn't a huge catholic. She had a normal university life, going out on weekends, gettin nailed. Then she matured and got out of that scene and chose to be celebate until she felt she was ready to get involved w/ someone worthy.

I have had a few problems w/ my drivers licence, so moving out of the province would actually be a good thing for me. My employment has always been contract work so it wouldn't be that big of a deal to go move in that sense either.

I wouldn't quit a good job to go there. Anything I would do, would be in my best interests. I have been fairly succesful at avoiding the AFC trap.

 

[MacAvoy]

Originally posted by Yotuki
1) They don't KNOW what they want, or what they are looking for long term. They may have a vague idea about what floats their boat, but you are part of the learning process for them. ... That's not to say that you won't get along, and that things don't have a chance long term, but you are definitely part of her learning process with regards to what goes on in a LTR.

She seems to act like she knows what she wants. I have not seen any warning signs that she is flaky. I've dated an 18 yr old before, I know what girls are like when they don't know what she wants. This girl says she wants this and walks the walk.

Originally posted by Yotuki

3) Some girls who are inexperienced in LTR's just don't know how to treat a guy. They are used to going out on dates all the time, and having the guy pull all the stops to try and win their affection. ... At some point they have to stop sucking up everything the guy lays out to show her he's a good guy, and start showing that they themselves are going to be good girlfriends (or potential wife if that's what you're looking for). But hopefully she starts showing these things earlier than later, or you should probably plan on finding someone who will be a good girlfriend!

She has never been into the dating scene either, she's only had ONS. I'm not saying this is necessarily a good thing, however she didn't think anyone she has been w/ was worth dating.

Originally posted by Yotuki

4) They don't really know what "love" is. They say the words, and they may think they feel it, but they are also inexperienced, so who knows if they are really feeling love. They could be feeling lust, or like, and not know the difference. Sometimes it takes a few STR/LTR's to really find out what "love" means to that individual person

I agree that she doesn't know the different between love and lust. I guess what scares me is I know that women are much more capable of making a commitment and sticking to it, especially at 25. However, I have also seen many women walk out when the fire starts to heat up.

Maybe its me that has the issues. I guess what I'm worried about is she seems to be too perfect. Perfect in terms of committing to the relationship. She is totally into me, wants this badly. Right now she honestly believes that we could be married someday. Is that lack of experience?

I don't discount the excellent possibilty that she very well might be my wife someday in the future. However I realize that I will not know that until we spend more time together and live in the same city and interact with each other's social circle more.

Originally posted by Yotuki
As far as your case goes though, I have no tips for you on how to determine her commitment level. I do think it's somewhat odd though that you're thinking of moving for this woman, and she hasn't even told her parents, whom she lives with, that she's seeing you. I personally would place the "parents knowing about you" step before the "moving for a chick" step. I'd meet her parents first, as that's a big step for many people. If the parents end up not liking you, then moving your location may be a moot point. That, and her parents knowing about you, and liking you (unless she's looking to go out with the badboy that the parents hate), may show how commited she is.

I was thinking alot more down the road when I talked about moving. I realize we are nowhere near being ready for that just yet.

W/ regards to her parents, see my previous post. Agree w/ you.

 

[kandyass]

Inexperience and living together.

Hey guys, interesting thread. I realise everyone is different but I just thought I'd let you know that both the LTR's I lived with who were younger than me and who hadn't lived with their partner before bailed on me and burn't me bad.