"Independant" woman at 35+ years old <- same as being a spinster

[LoneRanger]

I just got dumped (if you can call it that) by someone on an internet dating site last night. No big deal because I saw it coming.

She calls herself an "independent woman" in her profile and is a 37 year grade school teacher in a small town. Never married. no kids.

She's was deleted, blocked from replying, blocked from seeing my profile and nexted moments after I replied to her email dumping me, BTW.

However, she got me to thinking about something about her and some of the others I've come across online.

These days they call themselves "Independent women" however back 100 years ago the same type were "spinsters".

The problem I had is I just ran into another spinster. A woman who is way too particular in what she wants and idealizes herself in such high regard that hardly no one can or wants to touch her.

Her and a few others I found on match fit that description.

What are your thoughts on this? Is "Independent" the same thing as spinster when a woman is 35+?

I'm what you call a "bachelor" and a "bachelor" has always been a "bachelor." LOL!!!!!!

 

[wjh]

headaches, that's all I think of when I hear "independent woman" - and their dating histories are testament to their inability to satisfy or keep a good Man. At 35, also, their marketability is significantly reduced... And for some odd reason that only seems to compound the problem, at least overtly.

 

[NewMan]

She's was deleted, blocked from replying, blocked from seeing my profile and nexted moments after I replied to her email dumping me, BTW.

out of interest, why is this important?

I only ask, because it seems like many posters have to include things like this in order for them to come over as more "Alpha" like.....

just by including it makes me wonder.

 

[ketostix]

My rule of thumb is any woman in her 30's who hasn't gotten into a very LTR by that point is an undesirable, maladjusted reject. I think this is how most people viewed a woman like this 30 to 40 or so years ago.

 

[Jitterbug]

Independent woman: an adult woman over 18 years of age who's not disabled.

Very impressive. Wow. I'm shocked.

It's like me saying I'm an independent man. We have gender equality, don't we?

 

[Jeffst1980]

You need to get off the internet. Girls on dating sites, of ANY age, can afford to have absurdly high standards. Why? Because it isn't real life. There's no face to face contact, there's no physical relationship; hence, no emotional investment on her part, which is the only thing that will make her overlook any deviation from her "ideal" online man.

 

[LoneRanger]

out of interest, why is this important?

I only ask, because it seems like many posters have to include things like this in order for them to come over as more "Alpha" like.....

just by including it makes me wonder.

I edited this into the post so the thread won't be over run with me having to defend myself from being accused of being a simp who is waiting by the inbox waiting for her to return.

As of yesterday, I am finished with any potential plate who brands herself as being independent. These idiots are at the same level as those who pride themselves as being a b*tch in my book.

 

[LoneRanger]

You need to get off the internet.

I hear that loud and clear. However, the dating opportunities in my area are very poor. I've posted about this before and it hasn't gotten better.

I am letting both of my net dating site subscriptions expire and will just fiddle around with my boat until I can think of something.

There are drunks at the local bars who I can get to suck my **** with no attachments. I'll see if they are still around.

 

[Knight's Cross]

A woman that states she's "Independent", usually infers serious inflexibility. Or one that will fight you to exert said "Independence". She has been sucked into the matrix. Feeling that her exerting her station for the h#ll of it will somehow make her seem endearing and strong to you.
It's (normally) a losing proposition with these types. In almost every case I've heard this tune before, it is accompanied with love tales of woe. Ones where the man F-d up and she was virtuous and pure. I won't fear the social buffers speaches....I've used match for slumpbusting, and any time I read "I'm very Independent" I automatically delete that one from my radar.

My experience has been that you will be shamed for Alpha qualities around this lot.

KC

 

[STR8UP]

Let me start out by saying that when I hear a woman say something about being "strong and independent" it sends up red flags.

I recently had a conversation about this with a close female friend, and although to this day I am still turned off when a woman brands herself as "independent", I did come to see her point as to part of the reason why she would actually NEED to be independent.

She is a divorced, single mother. She explained to me that she was thankful that she had been working at least part time while she was married and raising her kids, since when the sh!t hit the fan with her marriage she had something to fall back on to be able to support herself. And I can understand her reasoning.

The problem is not with the woman wants to be independent to ensure her survival, it is with the woman who is constantly looking to assert her "equality". So, it's more context than content, as with many things. You just have to be able to spot and get rid of the woman with the "competitor" mindset. The "survivalist" is a different creature.

 

[edger]

Um hellooooo...everybody read LoneRanger's post? His situation with the 37 yr old who cut him off, is another example of how a woman at 37 STILL has options...because if she didn't have options and was "settling", she wouldn't have the kind of profile that she has...she'd be careful not to chase anyone away.

 

[jophil28]

A woman that states she's "Independent", usually infers serious inflexibility. Or one that will fight you to exert said "Independence". She has been sucked into the matrix. Feeling that her exerting her station for the h#ll of it will somehow make her seem endearing and strong to you.
It's (normally) a losing proposition with these types. In almost every case I've heard this tune before, it is accompanied with love tales of woe. Ones where the man F-d up and she was virtuous and pure. I won't fear the social buffers speaches....I've used match for slumpbusting, and any time I read "I'm very Independent" I automatically delete that one from my radar.

My experience has been that you will be shamed for Alpha qualities around this lot.

KC

Exactly what KC said.

When I hear " I am a strong independent woman " , I hear a woman tell me in ADVANCE that she is argumentative, combative, oppositional, uncooperative and regards men as adversaries to be controlled and subdued by any means available to her. SHe feels "entitled" to have the upper hand because she has bought into the feminist propoganda which preached "woman power" for the past few decade.

DO you ever feel a shudder of revulsion when these words hit your ears ?
I do.
Next !

 

[jophil28]

The problem is not with the woman( who) wants to be independent to ensure her survival, it is with the woman who is constantly looking to assert her "equality". So, it's more context than content, as with many things. You just have to be able to spot and get rid of the woman with the "competitor" mindset. The "survivalist" is a different creature.

Well said.
You sound like your old self again.

 

[Jitterbug]

Just curious: have any of you DJs who have done Internet dating tried using the same BS words that women use in their profiles to describe yourself? Something like "I'm a strong, intelligent, independent, confident man who's not afraid to have an opinion yadda yadda"?

 

[LoneRanger]

Um hellooooo...everybody read LoneRanger's post? His situation with the 37 yr old who cut him off, is another example of how a woman at 37 STILL has options...because if she didn't have options and was "settling", she wouldn't have the kind of profile that she has...she'd be careful not to chase anyone away.

She said to me in one of her emails that I was going to be her last contact in internet dating.

Apparently she was getting nowhere.

She also said the guy who she was talking to before me was "chased away" by her honesty and was upfront saying that if I was looking for a "bed pal by the third date" I'd best look somewhere else.

I could see that she had lots of conditions I would probably have to meet but decided to see what would happen. She did nothing but lead me on for almost 3 weeks through emails then dumped me after our first phone conversation.

 

[decades]

I could see that she had lots of conditions I would probably have to meet but decided to see what would happen. She did nothing but lead me on for almost 3 weeks through emails then dumped me after our first phone conversation.

You needed to escalate and Meet this person quickly. You have to push prod and build attraction; then strike while the Iron is hot. Find out her interest level and drop her if it's not where it needs to be. You have to lead and "power through" an interaction with a woman on the Internet so that what happened to you doesn't HAPPEN to you.

Why did it take so long to get this thing in motion? She did not dump you. You just exchanged a few emails and talked for a few minutes. Don't focus on a singular opportunity. Play a numbers game. Stay in motion and move on at the first sign of things going south. I am sure that there were many hints in those first emails that her attraction wasn't there.

 

[LoneRanger]

You needed to escalate and Meet this person quickly. You have to push prod and build attraction; then strike while the Iron is hot. Find out her interest level and drop her if it's not where it needs to be. You have to lead and "power through" an interaction with a woman on the Internet so that what happened to you doesn't HAPPEN to you.

Why did it take so long to get this thing in motion? She did not dump you. You just exchanged a few emails and talked for a few minutes. Don't focus on a singular opportunity. Play a numbers game. Stay in motion and move on at the first sign of things going south. I am sure that there were many hints in those first emails that her attraction wasn't there.

There was a lot of attraction in her emails that's why I kept it going on for so long. We played phone tag for over a week. She was turned off by phone call and stated in her last email the conversation did not go along smoothly. I am not good at talking on the phone.

I am not the least bit interested in her at all because of what she said in the email and feeling led on.

She was also emailing with someone else for 5 days until I asked her if she was because I saw she was listed as being online for hours at a time but not replying to my messages.

My level of trust and interest is totally gone. Want nothing to do with that stooge at all.

 

[ketostix]

Let me start out by saying that when I hear a woman say something about being "strong and independent" it sends up red flags.

I recently had a conversation about this with a close female friend, and although to this day I am still turned off when a woman brands herself as "independent", I did come to see her point as to part of the reason why she would actually NEED to be independent.

She is a divorced, single mother. She explained to me that she was thankful that she had been working at least part time while she was married and raising her kids, since when the sh!t hit the fan with her marriage she had something to fall back on to be able to support herself. And I can understand her reasoning.

The problem is not with the woman wants to be independent to ensure her survival, it is with the woman who is constantly looking to assert her "equality". So, it's more context than content, as with many things. You just have to be able to spot and get rid of the woman with the "competitor" mindset. The "survivalist" is a different creature.

Very well said and true. And not only in this example was the independence for survival and not competitive in nature, this example fits my sterotype or should I say the person doesn't of the "older woman who never got married probably being a disfunctional reject". It's not that I prefer divorcees, I prefer younger girls. And it's not that I'm promoting getting married in your 20's or anything. It's that a woman who is desirable and not a "misfit" is going to be won over by some guy or another while in her 20's.

I sort of think of woman like the OP's example as being one step away form being full on dykes. i'd say a half a step but some of these women are more asexual than have homosexual tendencies. To me their both abnormal misfits.

 

[STR8UP]

She also said the guy who she was talking to before me was "chased away" by her honesty and was upfront saying that if I was looking for a "bed pal by the third date" I'd best look somewhere else.

You know, maybe 1 in 10 times a chick says this to you it's nothing more than ASD and you'll be down her panties in a flash, but IMO, it isn't worth the odds sticking around to find out.

I had two....no THREE of these types of women recently.

One awhile back saying sh!t like "I'n my country they do blah, blah to women who have sex outside of marriage."

She was married once and fessed up to having had sex with 5 guys in her life. It could have been 50, but despite the fact that she wanted me to jack my load across her nose, what's the point in sittign around waiting for conditional intimacy? The woman who makes that kind of statement has TOTAL control of the frame.

Another one I went out with a couple of times with recently always liked to comment on how guys prefer younger women cause they are "easy". Went for the kiss on the second date and got shot down. Hmmm....could I have seen THAT coming? If she makes such a proclamation that means that IF you're getting your peepee wet, you're gonna have to work for it, and there are still no guarantees.

The last one "wants a relationship" with me, and makes it very clear that she is no longer interested in "drunken hookups". This is a chick that I was fukking in my jacuzzi basically the first night I met her. She was drunk as hell and STILL offered to cook me breakfast the next morning. Now she wants to be my g/f but will only have sex inside an official relationship?

I probably just burned a bridge (which I do not like to do), but I'm too motherfukking old to be playing these kinds of games.

I learned my lesson. Any woman who puts conditions on intimacy is an automatic next. ASD is one thing, but the sh!t these women think they can get away with and STILL land a quality man is beyond me......

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Lone Ranger,
Well a few No,Nos....I never used to date Teachers,the staff Room Culture is so feminist they are really *****es and used to kicking their Shvt around....Women amongst Children and Children amongst women....Also Women of 35 always been single,they are really,really set in their ways and dry and shrivelled,unless they have had serial relationships....This makes dating at your age difficult,you are really between a rock and a hard place....either girls like this or single Mums...try something younger or someone from another culture...In general Internet dating is only for the experienced male who knows he must hook up very quickly,or lose the fish...Having said that it does improve your conversation skills,you get to know the questions they will ask on dates your slowly calculated and reasoned responses on the Net will be remembered and you will deliver them in real life,like an actor who has learned his lines...But yeah doing all the things you did made you feel a little better,so good one....A lady like that would have serious issues believe me...