In to deep to think straight....

[NewMan]

Of my own free will I've opened up something this last weekend...

So I'm hanging at my pad Saturday. Get a call from my Ex's best friend - they'd obviously been drinking and asked me what I was doing. She hands the phone over to the ex who tells me to come to the beach and party with them. She says they have a hotel room and I can crash there.

After thinking this through - I had nothing better to do. I decided to go.

Now - I'm not going to defend this decision - perhaps it was not a wise move on my part - but it seemed like a real fun deal at the time.

So anyway - I got there and we had a blast. Had dinner - then went to a local bar.

We played darts - drunk - partied and I had a blast with 2 of the hottest girls there.

I find myself alone with my ex - and she lays it on me. She says:

Ex- "What would you say if I told you I was moving to XXXXX?" (to be with a guy she's meet there)
Me - "I'd say congratulations - and go for it if your happy"
Ex - "Do you really mean that?"
Me - "Yes. I will not lie - I'd hate to see you leave, but you have to do what makes you happy"
Ex - "It's just so hard - you've turned into the man I've always wanted. Your spontaneous, fun, you do all these things that you would have never done when we were together."
Me - "Life's way to short not to live ti you know?"
She hugs me...
Ex - "I've had boyfriends before, but I've never loved anyone like I love you"
Me - "I know..."
Her - "We just have a really strong connection"

At this point her friend comes back - we break off the hug - the night continues...

sometime later we are playing darts - her friend goes off to buy cigs or drinks - not sure which - and I can tell my ex wants me to kiss her - after we shoot she moves in close putting her face close to mine - she's flipping her hair etc... She's bending down to pick up darts that may have fallen on the floor and is rubbing her a## in my crotch...

I don't kiss her the first few times... So the third time she's putting it out there a little more - and I grab her and kiss her...

we kiss for a little while until her friend comes back with a "What's going on here".....

Last game of darts of the night - I tell her...

"If I win you stay - if you win you go"... She agrees...

I win. And she's throwing darts away on purpose - missing shot's etc.. it ridiculous...

We walk home all 3 of us arm in arm...

Get back to the hotel room I jump in the pullout bed - but they insist I'd be cold and I should join them in their bed...

I do (of course) - there's a little play fighting and sillyness that goes on...

I wake up at around 8am - the friend has left the bed to sleep in the pull out bed. I turn over my ex is there with a hangover... So I give her a massage - head and shoulders and back while we lay there...

At 8:30 I leave.

I do my Sunday thing - attend a class etc.

1PM I get a message from her on my cell - telling me that she had such a fun time - and she wants to make sure I got home OK - and thanks for the rub this morning...

I call her back around 4pm and we talk. She ask's me about my girlfriend - I reaply that she not my girlfriend and that I'm just dating her.

ex - "When I asked you you said she was your GF - then I asked you if you were happy and you said yes"
Me - "I'm dating her - we are not exclusive - you know that - I'm dating 3 women right now. and I am happy - my life is going well - I'm having fun..."
Ex - "No thats not what I got - I asked you if she was your Gf and if you were happy - you said yes"

We spoke also last night...

I had to get all of this off of my chest - sorry it was a long post.

Perhaps I'm just reading to much into all of this - but I really don't know what to make of it...

 

[WestCoaster]

Textbook DJing!

Interesting post. The ex- wants you because you have developed into a full-fledged DJ. You knocked her out of her zone with your awesome DJing skills. Your sense of confidence but not desparateness was attractive to her.

That said, don't analyze the situation (that's AFCish), be proud of yourself, let the chips fall where they may. And be proud of the tremendous display of DJism you put on. It was a clinic!

You had her begging for more. Let's face it: Her new boyfriend is probably not a DJ and she can't believe the DJ you've become. I hope this site helped, because I'm guessing it did.

I say textbook DJing ... thanks for the story!

 

[Survivor]

Hello monkey....meet branch..(lol)

She's moving to another town and now realizes that you will become less available..(read: Challenge) Her advances toward you should not be surprising.

She instinctively wants to keep you interested just in case her other boyfriend doesn't cut the mustard. (i.e. holding two branches just in case one of them breaks...)

You're dating other girls so you should be ok. Go take a cold shower or something and you'll be just fine.

 

[NewMan]

Didn't think of that...

Thanks guys.

I can't say that I've not been knocked back a couple of steps here. But after I read your post you are right.

The funny thing is, she asked me why have I not called her lately.

And my roommate's GF told me that the reason she's become interest is exactly because I've not called her.

It was interesting - about 2 weeks ago she turned up at my local bar - and saw my new girl with me. She told me she was going to come over and hang all over me. I told her 'Whatever"...

But my new girl beat her to the punch - went over to say "Hi"... A very ballsey move on my new girl.

Not only that - my new girl told me that I'd "Upgraded" to a younger model... Which while true I wouldn't say my new girl is as good looking....

Anyways - it was funny. Sunday, the convo went something like this...

Ex - "Did "New Girl" say anything about me when I was at the bar a coupel weeks ago"
Me - "Not really - well yeah she made a comment but it was nothing" (putting the hook out there)
Ex - "Well what did she say"
Me - "Nothing really - you don't want to know" (the bate is on the hook waiting for the fish)
Ex - "Tell me"
Me - "Well she just said that I should feel really good since I've upgraded to a younger model" (Strike)

Silence followed and the convo changed...

Last night my ex told me...

ex - "It really bothered me what "New girl" said about me"
Me - "What? about upgrading to a younger model?"
ex - "Yes.. do you thin I'm old?"
Me - "Well - she is 25...."
ex - "yeah it just bothered me"
Me - "I understand"...


I can say that this board has helped greatly - to what I was - and I can still remember the post's and the anguish I went through after leaving the ex.


I'm going to need a cold shower for sure...

 

[WestCoaster]

God, this is classic!

Hey, the new girl is big time ... no matter what she looks like! Great wit, humor and CONFIDENCE. Keep the new gal!

I'll bet the ex- was losing sleep like crazy over that comment. This stuff is great. I love how you delivered it to her, too, you held back.

You may be inadvertant DJing, but it still is textbook. I love it!

 

[Slickster]

What can I say that Westcoaster and Survivor hasn't. Great advice guys.

That said, don't analyze the situation (that's AFCish), be proud of yourself, let the chips fall where they may....

I really like this comment by Wescoaster.

She instinctively wants to keep you interested just in case her other boyfriend doesn't cut the mustard. (i.e. holding two branches just in case one of them breaks...)

Good observation Survivor.

Newman, you've come a long way since your first posts. Great work man. I'll agree the new chick sounds great. Looks wear off quick. A cool personality will keep you interested for a long time.

Once again don't get too caught up thinking about it all. Just keep on keeping on (DJing) and let the chips fall as they may. Love it.

 

[Dirtheart]

First of all let me congratulate you for managing to re-ignite your ex-s spark for you. Whatever happens now you can feel pleased you got one up on her and that she remembers you this way instead of the AFC she lost interest in.

Take this experience as proof of your new-found DJ mindset.

 

[WestCoaster]

Once again with feeling ...

... stick with the new gal. A good sense of humor and quick wit go a long ways.

It certainly goes a lot further than an insecure ex who doesn't know what the heck she's doing or where her mind is at.

Great stuff ... again, new gal, new gal, new gal. She sounds good.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by NewMan
Ex- "What would you say if I told you I was moving to XXXXX?" (to be with a guy she's meet there)
Me - "I'd say congratulations - and go for it if your happy"
Ex - "I've had boyfriends before, but I've never loved anyone like I love you"... She's bending down to pick up darts that may have fallen on the floor and is rubbing her a## in my crotch...

I don't kiss her the first few times... So the third time she's putting it out there a little more - and I grab her and kiss her...

we kiss for a little while until her friend comes back with a "What's going on here".....

Last game of darts of the night - I tell her...

"If I win you stay - if you win you go"... She agrees...

I win. And she's throwing darts away on purpose - missing shot's etc.. it ridiculous...

I wake up at around 8am - the friend has left the bed to sleep in the pull out bed. I turn over my ex is there with a hangover... So I give her a massage - head and shoulders and back while we lay there...

Perhaps I'm just reading to much into all of this - but I really don't know what to make of it...

Dude, this chick is doing all this while at the same time prefacing everything with the statement that she is moving out of town with her current beau!!!!

Put yourself in the place of her current pimp she is skipping out of town with, and how would you view this chick? Doesn't seem too worthy to me!! You said the right things but I wouldn't give all the credit to you - she is a typical schemer of the 21st century - I would say "Good riddance!!!"

Not to put a negative spin on your conquest but just stating what is real!

 

[NewMan]

I hear you PRL...

She's going for sure..... I don't understand why she invited me to the beach - partied with me, had me stay in her hotel - worry over whether I told her I had a GF or not, and whether I was happy etc...

Why all of this if she is happy and intends to move away?

Which she does - she told me last night she had a job faxed to her that looked awesome. She going to rent out the house that she bought - and sell all of her stuff.

all good if she's happy.

But I still don't get it. Why does she care so much - and why now is she doing this sh#t?

She maybe unsure if this is for her, but she sure is not acting like it - or talking like it.

Well whatever it is - let the chips fall where they may -to quote you posters.

 

[WestCoaster]

I'll answer all your questions

You ask why in several posts:

Here's why she's moving, being stupid/weird:

Because she's a woman.

Because she likes to create drama in her life.

Because new BF is a dork, AFC, or "bad boy" and she's trying to win him over.

Don't expect a woman to display a ton of logic, especially an American woman. (Here I go again!)

Again, don't analyze, let the chips fall ... besides, the quick-witted woman who had the awesome "upgrade" line is a better catch anyway. I know that and I don't even know her.

 

[Walldorf]

I agree with your view on not analyzing the situation too much Westcoaster, but apart from that I guess this is a "normal" situation. Usually after women (and by that also men) have done a big decision (e.g. moving to another part of the country) there is what is called in psychology a "regret effect", which means that the alternative you have not chosen all of a sudden seems much better than it would if you look on it rationally. I guess it is all about this.
I guess she feels that it is now definitly over with you Newman and therefore she just does a few things she would not do normally (regret). My take on the situation is that she will hardly contact you once she has somewhat come to terms with her new surrounding... (which actually goes in line with the theory, since it is said that after the regret people will start to focus on the good things of the now chosen alternative and thereby giving it cognitively value...)...

my 2 cents...

 

[NewMan]

Walldorf....

That's very interesting...

A few things I woul dsay to that though...

the first is that she's told me that I am the man she always wanted. That I've changed. That I am a catch - partly she said that is sucks because she feels that she's the reason, that by being with her and leaving her I in effect learnt a lot and changed.

Somewhat true - but more than that it's because of this DJ board - I've a confidence - a zest for life I never had before. I'm doing things I want to do, that I want to experience - where before I would do things because I thought it's what someone else wanted me to do (say my ex).

As a result - my life is busy.

There was something my best friend told me the other day - before all of this happened - and he very astute about people.

He told me, the she fell in love with the old me. Which was the guy that partied - that did things on my terms - he told me that I got her in the first place because I never gave her the attention the other guys were giving her.

He told me that I was now back in that zone - whereas when I was in the relationship - I changed. I was a guy who was just going through the motions - doing things that my ex wanted to do - and not making my life happen.

He said she fell in love with that guy - and that I'd now become that guy again, that's why she turned up at the bar when I was there with my new girl.

I think he's right.


As for the new girl, she's great on many levels. She's been married before though and has a son - 2yrs old - which is really not something I'm looking for. That whole situation is just something I don't think I want long term.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

man, it's good to read a sucessful thread.

newman, it sounds like you've put everything back in one bag. you've got options, your keeping yourself busy and no chickie is rattling your cage. cool.

you've got the chickies noticing you. keep up the good work and don't spend too much thinking about the ex. you have moved on and honed your skills and she hasn't.

jealousy and envy i call it

 

[Player_Supreme]

Newman, you just can't let it go can you. The problem is that she is the one who left! So your ego can't find a balance because of it.

She can't stand that your out having fun and not miserable cause she is gone.

The two of you are locked into a stupid assed dance going no where!

This **** needs to end once and for all. She is gone. Get over it for good and just having a few babes to date isn't it. You really need to put it to bed.

You should not of went to that beach shyt. You had 3 other girls you could of called. This showed me that your still not over it.

And your dumb to boot if you do not see it. This girl can call and you will drop your drawers and run to her with them around your ankles. HELL NAWWW PLAYBOY!!

This woman still has too much power over you. Just because she was one of the prettiest that you've ever dated doesn't mean you can't get better! I noticed you did a comparison which is wrong when you 3 were at that bar.

Done is done and enough is enough. You've got your skills now. This woman dumped you. You have new women in your life. You don't need to put yourself through this kind of torture anymore.

I mean going to see her and her girlfriend said SYMP all over it. I've been reading about your stuff between you and this "HO" (and I will tell you why she is one in a moment) for quite sometime.


Ok This woman/hor/ has a man. But she is still making you jump to her fawking tune and sniff her dirty well fawked ass. You laid in bed like a punk with 2 women and didn't get laid!!! AGAIN*****HELL NAWWW!!!!

I'm sorry but you shouldn't of been there. She has a man that she is leaving town for.

This dance she is making you do isn't about any supposed love for you. I've told you that before. It's about her.

And you play right into it being about her. You get up and do the dance like a puppy dog at her feet when she can get to you. I do realize that you do not call her anymore...and this is probably nutting her up. But it's still about HER! Now your displaying what she wanted in the first place but SHE isn't the main picture in your life and it irratates HER! You dig. It's all about HER not YOU.

If it was she wouldn't of left in the first place. And do not for one second believe anything that comes outta her mouth. She has been fawking around and did until she met the new dude.

Here is a lesson I learned from a woman. Take what they say and multiply it.

ex: no I have only been with 1 man since I left you....more than likely it's been 3 or 4 or more.

 

[NewMan]

Wow hit me with it Player...

Couple of things...

I would not have gone there if one of my chickies had not had to work and fly off to Alberqerque. Chickie # 2 had gone camping with her GF's - and I didn't want to go that day - and Chickie #3 who I work with - well I'm trying to tone it down with her and establish a Fvck only deal....

So basically I only went becuase I had nothing else going on. I could have stayed home and read the DJ bible but what the fvck.

Done is done and enough is enough. You've got your skills now. This woman dumped you. You have new women in your life. You don't need to put yourself through this kind of torture anymore.

Agree.

And you play right into it being about her. You get up and do the dance like a puppy dog at her feet when she can get to you. I do realize that you do not call her anymore...and this is probably nutting her up. But it's still about HER! Now your displaying what she wanted in the first place but SHE isn't the main picture in your life and it irratates HER! You dig. It's all about HER not YOU.

Your right - I didn't think about this. But it is about her and what she can do. It's selfish. It is bugging her that I don't call and pester her - I know it. And I like it like that.

If it was she wouldn't of left in the first place. And do not for one second believe anything that comes outta her mouth. She has been fawking around and did until she met the new dude.

I've not doubt she's banged a couple of guys. I'm not numb to that - and really I couldn't care. It's actually bothering her though that I've been "Active" with the girls... I know this because of the comments she's made - Like "I hear your a player now" and "Your the one thats out there partying - banging all kinds of girls"....

It's really irrelevant who's fvcking who - I just know that I'm getting plenty of a## and that's all I care about.



It's all good insight.

I've not doubt I've come a long way. In fact I know I have - I feel it - especially when I interact with her. And I think she knows it as well.

I can see where it comes accross as me being a pvssy going to see her... I probably would have made the same comment - but I believe it was a fine move on my part. I even told her I wasn't going to go - I called back an hour later and said I'm on my way... And mentioned the fact that my date had cancelled on me... To which she said that she must only be a last resort..... I told her not to think of it like that...

Anyway - good posts and insights. It's making me think - and I sure know that I'm just going to carry on doing the same sh#t I've been doing.


Off to the beach tonight to hit up the Air Stewardess....

 

[Slickster]

Player Supreme

Good post man. Once again great advice and insight.

Newman

A little more to add here. I'm sure you are well aware of what I'm about to say but maybe not on a concious level. I first heard it on a Tom Leykis show.

Its weird but have you ever noticed how the people who "end" the relationship, usually tend to idolize their ex's? Maybe idolize is the wrong word but its more like they forget about the bad things and only remember the good stuff. Even if the relationship had many problems, time passes and people just seem to forget all the bad stuff and choose to only remember the good memories. I know I've done it in the past too. Its weird.

She may have zero desire to get back together with you but in her mind she will remember you as the perfect guy that got away.
Silly? Yes but women love drama and it seems your ex is writing her own romantic tragedy.

Good luck with the Stewardess.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Newman: if all of your women are busy it's a great time to work on expanding your team. I would of went out hunting instead of going down to hang out with my ex...just to tease myself...ah no!

Your doing good with 3 on your team but there is always room for back ups to be added or one night stands to be explored.

The way I look at it you wasted a perfect opportunity to find new pvssy for old pvssy.

New pvssy will suck you all night just to impress you and cook you dinner. Old pvssy just wants to make itself feel good to see how much they can tease you with the possiblity that you might get some.

New pvssy will pay for the drinks and food just to impress you....old pvssy will not.

New pvssy will try hard to show you how good they can be...old pvssy will not!

I'm back up to 6 again. I have 2 steadies and 1 part time...and 3 back doors for when the others are gone or I'm tired of looking at them.

And I also have one in the fire as I've posted about under the email thread in this section. All I gotta do is drive 1 hour and 15 minutes when I want to collect it!

 

[NewMan]

Yeah I see your points.

New puss is obviously better action than old.

We are ever learning.