In Real Need of Advice Please

[aballer2323]

So there's this girl that I've been talking to a lot. I liked her a lot, and she knew it, and she sort of was confused/mixed about her feelings for me. Her friends warned me to give her time and let her feelings develop on their own. But I sort of got impatient and pretty much forced her to give me an answer, and she responded that she wasnt sure that she has feelings for me and didnt want to date me.

I think if I wouldve just played it cool and not been so set on getting into a relationship with her, and just held my frame, she wouldve came around. But since I sort of put her on a pedestal and eventually demanded an answer from her, it sort of pushed her away.

Obviously, I should just move on. But I am a guy with a lot going for me, and she can see that too. Do you guys think in a situation like this, if I just go on with my life, she might eventually try to initiate and give it another shot? Or is this situation completely unsalvage-able and I shoudlnt even have a glimmer of hope?

Thank you guys for your thoughts.

 

[beatjunkie]

yes i think she will if you move on.

 

[RedScorpion]

It's not necessarily a bad thing. You avoid wasting more time on someone who is unsure about their feelings - ie, they're not ready to date you. Just like she said.

If she did or does like you, once she gets the sense that you have moved on - then she may reach out and see why. It's important then to be anything but eager - late replies, reluctant, resistant - but still friendly. Have her work for you. Best way to show you've moved on - don't talk with her until she contacts you, be busy and enjoy life, and date someone else. Though by the time she does contact you (if she does), you've probably have truly moved on. And the same issues of her having 'mixed feelings' will most likely still be present (beware of her just getting her ego fix). You'll have to judge for yourself.

She may never reach out though - and that will in itself provide your answer if she likes you. So the best answer is to truly move on - improve yourself, date others. If she contacts you, maybe there's a chance. But it's best to make your action plan as if she won't. You win/win in either case that way.

 

[aballer2323]

Thanks guys. That makes sense. Also, we have the same friend group and I'll probably still see her around a lot. How should I act around her? I don't want to deliberately be more aloof or avoid her because that'll let her know that I'm butthurt and affected by the situation.

Any other thoughts? thanks.

 

[aballer2323]

bump? anybody else please? thanks.

 

[aballer2323]

Thanks for your thoughts. The thing is, I'll see her every week because we have the same friend group. So it's impossible to just completely disappear. Also, I don't want to deliberately not talk to her when I see her, so I still try to be friendly to her. So given that context, I think the best thing would be for me to just continuing being friendly when I see her, but not initiate any type of contact/text/calls/etc, and just work on my self and be happy. Maybe she comes chasing. If you does, I'll play it cool and cross that bridge as I get there. But right now, I operate under the assumption that it's over and just move on.

Does that sound like a reasonable approach/anything that I'm missing? Thanks.

 

[MOTU]

What Espi said. And, I feel that having verbal discussions around "do you like me" is almost always bad. Better to make a move: be smooth, kino, eye contact and if she doesn't resist, escalate until she either fvcks you or avoids you. If you pay attention to her body language, etc, you'll be able to tell if she is into you or not.

 

[3agle 3yes]

I agree with the replies to the OP and OP seems to have the right approach in moving on but you need to judge women in a much harsher way.

So there's this girl that I've been talking to a lot. I liked her a lot, and she knew it... I sort of got impatient and pretty much forced her to give me an answer, and she responded that she wasnt sure that she has feelings for me and didnt want to date me.

Why do you like her a lot? Is it because she's pretty?

And what is it that you want from her, do you want to f*ck her?

Personally, I don't think a man should ever appreciate a woman until he f*cks her. Until you f*ck her everything else insignificant, there have been many girls that have flattered to deceive me, but after I f*cked them I lost interest in them.

You seem attracted to this girl when in fact it seems that she has done very little to attract you...pretty faces should never be enough...having things in common should never be enough (having things in common with someone means you should be friends)...f*ck her first...relationships should be an after thought.

This mindset will make you more successful.

 

[aballer2323]

i guess what makes it hard for me to completely move on is that, for example, yesterday we hung out a big group, and I kept on catching her looking over/making eye contact with me.. I just feel like she does like me, but she just felt pressured by me to move forward and that led her to rationalize that she wasnt sure that she had feelings for me and stuff..

is there any way to recover from that situation?

 

[aballer2323]

also, theres another girl that ive been kinda talking to. if i bring her to the group hangouts, do you guys think it'll make the first girl jealous/raise my value in her eyes, or should i not do that?

 

[3agle 3yes]

...I kept on catching her looking over/making eye contact with me.. I just feel like she does like me...

Tease her about it, if you catch her doing it again ask her if she is staring at you because there is something on your face.

She seems like a shy girl, unsure about herself...you can play with this.

Tease, tease, tease...send her mixed signals, sometimes be friendly with her whilst other times simply ignore her and flirt with the other girl you speak a lot with...it'll drive her nuts, particularly if she genuinely does like you.