In my 5 years on DJ this has been the hardest two days

[captain55]

I've dated a lot of women and learned a ton on this site, these past few days have been by far the hardest. My gf of two years and I were having some issues, I broke up with her a few times and even moved out at one point, hoping she would change but she never did change her ways. I punished her by withdrawing love, dates, and affection...it never worked. She would **** up and then do something sweet to reel me back in.

This saturday I Talked her into getting us to work things out and we left on both terms... the next morning I had a change of heart and decided to completely ghost her. She was left confused because it was really out of nowhere and she was prepared to try for me. I just came to the conclusion that she is a narcissist (with some possible BPD) and that I should of left a while ago.

She is so delusional she said when I ghosted her "I probably saw her as a challenge and lost that challenge because I wasn't strong enough for her mentally". Obviously I shouldn't give a **** what this dellusional broad things but that really pissed me off. This girl is really somehow rationalizing in her head that Im not advanced enough for her when all of her own FRIENDS would clearly tell her where she was ****ing up in the relationship with me.

In my heart I didn't want to leave her, but logic won over this time. Yesterday I asked her to drop my clothes off and as she was handing it to me she started crying and tearing up. We went to talk in the car for a bit and I gave her a hug goodbye and she proceeded to kiss me and try to make out. I kissed her back but kept it short to not give her the wrong idea.

I think sometimes we are a bit too hard on cluster B women. Ive been involved with several but I know this woman despite the train wreck she was loved me and was loyal to me. She just was impossible to have a healthy relationship with. I look forward to the day when I am healed from this. It sucks cluster B's have to be so much more passionate than regular women despite the chaos they cause.

 

[DonDraper7]

I completely understand why you feel this way man. But the move you made was for your own mental health. Don't contact her again, and give yourself some time to heal before going after other women.

 

[SgtSplacker]

You are not ghosting anything.

 

[A 3% Percent Man]

I've dated a lot of women and learned a ton on this site, these past few days have been by far the hardest. My gf of two years and I were having some issues, I broke up with her a few times and even moved out at one point, hoping she would change but she never did change her ways. I punished her by withdrawing love, dates, and affection...it never worked. She would **** up and then do something sweet to reel me back in.

This saturday I Talked her into getting us to work things out and we left on both terms... the next morning I had a change of heart and decided to completely ghost her. She was left confused because it was really out of nowhere and she was prepared to try for me. I just came to the conclusion that she is a narcissist (with some possible BPD) and that I should of left a while ago.

She is so delusional she said when I ghosted her "I probably saw her as a challenge and lost that challenge because I wasn't strong enough for her mentally". Obviously I shouldn't give a **** what this dellusional broad things but that really pissed me off. This girl is really somehow rationalizing in her head that Im not advanced enough for her when all of her own FRIENDS would clearly tell her where she was ****ing up in the relationship with me.

In my heart I didn't want to leave her, but logic won over this time. Yesterday I asked her to drop my clothes off and as she was handing it to me she started crying and tearing up. We went to talk in the car for a bit and I gave her a hug goodbye and she proceeded to kiss me and try to make out. I kissed her back but kept it short to not give her the wrong idea.

I think sometimes we are a bit too hard on cluster B women. Ive been involved with several but I know this woman despite the train wreck she was loved me and was loyal to me. She just was impossible to have a healthy relationship with. I look forward to the day when I am healed from this. It sucks cluster B's have to be so much more passionate than regular women despite the chaos they cause.

Keep Your Head Up Cap 55

This breakup sucks but it must be done. To give you and her space to find someone else to share happiness with

#1 As you stated (I broke up with her a few times) What good can come out of this relationship if you go back to it , after the honeymoon is over back the old routines again

#2 Change comes from within, the only person that change her is her. And as you stated (but she never did change her ways)

#3 Love is meant to fun (I punished her by withdrawing love, dates, and affection ) That not fun but Pain

#4 You should use this as a growth to know the type of women you what in your life and those to keep out (cluster B's)

 

[captain55]

You are not ghosting anything.

how so? I had no intention on unblocking her until I realized I left my $3,000 watches at her house and I even asked if she could drop it in a mailbox for me so I didn't have to see her but she insisted on meeting up. Of course I am not over it, I think it would take a sociopath to get over a two year relationship so quickly. But I don't have any intention of contacting her ever again.I am confused why I am feeling this way though, when just a week ago before I ended it I was foaming at the mouth about what it would be like to be single again

 

[captain55]

Keep Your Head Up Cap 55

This breakup sucks but it must be done. To give you and her space to find someone else to share happiness with

#1 As you stated (I broke up with her a few times) What good can come out of this relationship if you go back to it , after the honeymoon is over back the old routines again

#2 Change comes from within, the only person that change her is her. And as you stated (but she never did change her ways)

#3 Love is meant to fun (I punished her by withdrawing love, dates, and affection ) That not fun but Pain

#4 You should use this as a growth to know the type of women you what in your life and those to keep out (cluster B's)

Well the thing is I don't ever see her being happy with anyone but a pushover. The relationship was toxic, but I really do feel Iike the only way we would work out if I would let her walk all over me and I just couldn't allow it to happen. Nothing was effortless, I would try to get her home at a decent time when she would be out with friends and she would call me a controlling *******. She would leave me alone at parties to go in the bathroom and talk with her girlfriends for an hour while I'm sitting around looking like an idiot and everyone is asking where my gf went. Clueless airhead. Chick is 25, if she was 19 I might put up with it.

She would get loud and obnoxious and sometimes violent when she would drink. I would get annoyed with it and tell her to knock it off....of course I was the controlling ******* that wouldn't let her be herself lol

 

[Billtx49]

Stay on course with the NC. Cluster B’s are not normal women, and your recovery time will likely be longer than normal because of it.

 

[captain55]

Stay on course with the NC. Cluster B’s are not normal women, and your recovery time will likely be longer than normal because of it.

Isn't this only true with a bpd? While she showed signs of being borderline at times I would say she was more of a narcissist than anything.

 

[Billtx49]

Isn't this only true with a bpd? While she showed signs of being borderline at times I would say she was more of a narcissist than anything.

It’s true for most disordered women because of their comorbid traits, issues, and disorders. You have already noticed two. If she has one that’s noticeable, there’s likely more below the surface.

 

[sosousage]

How old are you OP. i cant find myself any BPD chick. or maybe they all BPD i cant diferentiate

 

[Von]

Time to live for yourself, be a Captain, your captain

 

[captain55]

How old are you OP. i cant find myself any BPD chick. or maybe they all BPD i cant diferentiate

24

 

[SgtSplacker]

how so? I had no intention on unblocking her until I realized I left my $3,000 watches at her house and I even asked if she could drop it in a mailbox for me so I didn't have to see her but she insisted on meeting up. Of course I am not over it, I think it would take a sociopath to get over a two year relationship so quickly. But I don't have any intention of contacting her ever again.I am confused why I am feeling this way though, when just a week ago before I ended it I was foaming at the mouth about what it would be like to be single again

Your just so worried what she thinks when that needs to be the last thing on your mind.

 

[A 3% Percent Man]

Well the thing is I don't ever see her being happy with anyone but a pushover. The relationship was toxic, but I really do feel Iike the only way we would work out if I would let her walk all over me and I just couldn't allow it to happen. Nothing was effortless, I would try to get her home at a decent time when she would be out with friends and she would call me a controlling *******. She would leave me alone at parties to go in the bathroom and talk with her girlfriends for an hour while I'm sitting around looking like an idiot and everyone is asking where my gf went. Clueless airhead. Chick is 25, if she was 19 I might put up with it.

She would get loud and obnoxious and sometimes violent when she would drink. I would get annoyed with it and tell her to knock it off....of course I was the controlling ******* that wouldn't let her be herself lol

Well that the next sucker aka Beta Male problem haha, you sir dodged a bullet

#That relationship with her will never work. Women don't respect pushovers or door mats and woman can't love a man she does not respect him. (My Ex talked to me like crap when she dumped me - The love was gone)

#She has no respect for you (She would leave me alone at parties to go in the bathroom and talk with her girlfriends for an hour while I'm sitting around looking like an idiot and everyone is asking where my gf went)

#You have to look at all her good and bad qualities to make a list of must have for your ideal woman and use that as your guide to filter out the crazies.

 

[resilient]

I didn't say this one, yet I like what one person said about life experiences (in your case, dating),

"It's going to get harder before it gets easier but it will get better, you have to make it through the hard stuff first." - Anonymous.​

Since you have a history of dating women that exhibit traits of your most ex, take a step back and ask why this so. Often females mirror the inner turmoil that we're fighting within ourselves. Figure out what that is and develop the observational/instinct to recognize these traits up front with the next few plates. As @BeExcellent often points out, water finds it's own level.

Transcend the ballast point in you.

The wisdom ascertained from introspection will guide you to screen out low hanging fruit for better plate prospects.

Developing strong self-respect is a win/win in all things in life beyond dating.

 

[TheProspect]

I’ll go against the grain.

Everyone here is saying something along the lines, “yeah, she sucks.”

I’d flip it around. Your standards suck. You chose her. You saw the signs of toxic relationship while you were in it and you still chose to be with her. You were on this forum for a couple of years before you met her. I believe you compromised your standards, ignored red flags, and for yourself in this position.

She might as well be trash but blaming women is not going to help you deal with them better, because when sh!t goes sideways with the next one you’ll find reasons why it’s her fault (regardless if it’s true or not).

I’ve been in your shoes before and stuck around too long in a relationship I shouldn’t have been in. Focus on yourself and what’s within your circle of influence and not the irrational behaviour of a woman, you’re self-esteem and the quality of women in your life will improve as a result.

Women aren’t “BPD” and “cluster B” because they are irrational and hurt your feelings. Most behaviour that is based on extreme emotions is irrational, everyone has emotions. Diagnosing the partner of your failed relationship with a label doesn’t justify nor negate the fact that you let your standards slip somewhere along the way. Which is the premise I’m making here; improve yourself, raise your standards. When you compromise them is when you get in fvcked up positions like this (I’m speaking from experience).

 

[captain55]

Well that the next sucker aka Beta Male problem haha, you sir dodged a bullet

#That relationship with her will never work. Women don't respect pushovers or door mats and woman can't love a man she does not respect him. (My Ex talked to me like crap when she dumped me - The love was gone)

#She has no respect for you (She would leave me alone at parties to go in the bathroom and talk with her girlfriends for an hour while I'm sitting around looking like an idiot and everyone is asking where my gf went)

#You have to look at all her good and bad qualities to make a list of must have for your ideal woman and use that as your guide to filter out the crazies.

Im going to use the list as a guide for sure bro...... most women lose respect for a man over time based on his actions. This wasn't the case. She was a bitter person when I met her and she NEVER respected anybody. She even told me a few days before we broke up how much respect she had for me,(lol) and how I was the only guy she ever stayed truly loyal to. I guess she was loyal to me because she knew I had options and knew all her friends wanted to **** me....

 

[captain55]

I’ll go against the grain.

Everyone here is saying something along the lines, “yeah, she sucks.”

I’d flip it around. Your standards suck. You chose her. You saw the signs of toxic relationship while you were in it and you still chose to be with her. You were on this forum for a couple of years before you met her. I believe you compromised your standards, ignored red flags, and for yourself in this position.

She might as well be trash but blaming women is not going to help you deal with them better, because when sh!t goes sideways with the next one you’ll find reasons why it’s her fault (regardless if it’s true or not).

I’ve been in your shoes before and stuck around too long in a relationship I shouldn’t have been in. Focus on yourself and what’s within your circle of influence and not the irrational behaviour of a woman, you’re self-esteem and the quality of women in your life will improve as a result.

Women aren’t “BPD” and “cluster B” because they are irrational and hurt your feelings. Most behaviour that is based on extreme emotions is irrational, everyone has emotions. Diagnosing the partner of your failed relationship with a label doesn’t justify nor negate the fact that you let your standards slip somewhere along the way. Which is the premise I’m making here; improve yourself, raise your standards. When you compromise them is when you get in fvcked up positions like this (I’m speaking from experience).

I hear what your saying brother totally. And I own up to it, I should of never gotten involved with her. But at the time, she was one of the hottest women I had ever gone out with that was actually local and in my area and had the same hobbies so I compromised. She was also in the music industry with a lot of money behind her (but failed) so I guess I was hoping she would make it.

I'm not blaming the relationship not working out on the fact that she is a cluster B. I saw signs of her being a cluster b woman long before I left and told her I think she had bpd (suicide attempts, extreme anger, violence, unable to keep a relationship with friends and family, gas lighting, etc) I've been around a lot of women and this was not your typical "crazy chick". Women are all crazy but this girl was something else. She gave me a black eye and tried to punch my best friend in the face. I saw her have fall outs with at least 10 different close people in her life in the two years I knew her from bosses to family members. She's just a train wreck, boy was the sex amazing though...

 

[Billtx49]

She gave me a black eye and tried to punch my best friend in the face.

She's just a train wreck, boy was the sex amazing though...

Yes, the sex is always great with them.
When they get physically agressive with you though, that’s a huge wake up call…
It’s called abuse and not what you expected to get from a woman that was so sexually into you in her beginning stage.
Been there, got that.

 

[resilient]

When they get physically aggressive with you though...It’s called abuse.

Emotional abuse is the other side of the coin. Equally destructive and can massively damage self-esteem over the long-haul. Women can't hurt us typically with their bodies so they attack us psychologically.