In LTR - concerns over girlfriend's guy friend

[btownbuck2012]

That's true too. I guess its a case by case basis. Reminds me of Supreme Court Justice Potter Steward on obscenity "I know it when I see it"
The fact that OP has to post here tells me that his gut knows what this is!

Yeah I agree. Anymore I'd rather cut em loose on a gut feeling than give them the benefit of the doubt. Especially when the evidence is there.

 

[Jifto]

Yeah I agree. Anymore I'd rather cut em lose on a gut feeling than give them the benefit of the doubt. Especially when the evidence is there.

Right there with you brohan. Bloomington? Nice to see a fellow hoosier on here.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Right there with you brohan. Bloomington? Nice to see a fellow hoosier on here.

Yeah boy! Send me a PM if you wanna talk hoops this season

 

[btownbuck2012]

As mentioned the issue is respect. Your girlfriend does not fear losing you therefore she does what she wants because she knows that you'll be there.

This typically happens when a girl gets too comfortable and loses interest. It typically suggests that you are too available and you've become too complacent, but it also usually means your girl isn't a viable long term partner but you tried in spite of knowing it deep down in your gut.

BOOM. Would like this multiple times if I could.

 

[mKata]

Yeah... I have to admit something feels off in my gut. Thank you all for your honest and blunt advice, I definitely needed it. Just now thinking of how to proceed.

 

[wifehunter]

 

[devilkingx2]

in my opinion there's nothing inherently wrong with a guy friend if their relationship is innocent.

if they're friends because they've known each other forever, they have hobbies in common and get along, that's fine.

if she's constantly searching for new men to add to her harem, hang out with men who cannot possibly have anything to talk to her about (hardcore video gamers, sports nuts and construction workers when she's a fashionista who follows the kardashians), and they're not even good friends, that is obviously shady af and needs to be dealt with.

if she pretends to be oblivious that many of her guy friends want to **** her (unless she's like 16 or super sheltered and naive), if she intentionally leads on guys who want to **** her instead of making it 110% clear that they're just friends and she has a man, etc. that's bad.

when it comes to hanging out with guy friends, this is the most important part of the post: if the activity is an activity you could expect to get laid during/after, she shouldn't be doing it with other guys.

can she go out to coffee at noon with a guy? have you ever gotten laid at 12pm after a cup of coffee on a first date? probably not unless it was tinder or a craigslist ad. can she netflix n chill with a guy? of course not, that's the prime situation to have sex while sober. can she go out for drinks at midnight? of course not, why would you want a drunk guy to walk your drunk girlfriend home? sex is destined to occur. can she head to the local park/playground to play handball with a guy? sure why not? that's a perfectly normal activity and it's done in public parks with people around so no sex has any real chance of happening.

it sounds like your girl is banging this guy though OP considering that she's having secret meetings with him and going out with him for drinks

 

[Trainwreck]

If my gf was doing that shvt I would immediately dumb her ass. I'm moving willing to guarantee your gf has done something with this guy to warrant cheating. The situation has red flags that blind my eyes. You aren't entitled to nor guranteed the truth from your cheating gf, so just trust your instincts.

 

[Trainwreck]

In addition, why would she need another guy friend when she has you? If she respected you then she wouldn't need attention from this guy.

 

[El Payaso]

Oh, God. Am I the only one who realizes that your girl has ONE HUNDRED options and focusing on any one is ridiculous? Imagine asking her about one guy and she secretly knows she is sleeping with two of his friends and you are wrong?

Translation:

OP is satisfied with just this girl and doesn't want to hit the gym, so instead he works out his fingers here and asks us whether he should stay comfy masturbating while she is out.

Instead, OP should try to set her up with more guy friends (as he goes out with hotter women).

Guys, you are only as good as your backup girl. If you don't have another girl, that is your problem.

Cuckold.

 

[bigneil]

Cuckold.

My last girl was married, making her husband by definition the cuckold and me the lover. After she left him I found out there was someone else, so I ended it on the spot, refusing to be a cuckold. Then I found a new girl within 4 days.

Anyhow, El Payaso I'm about to pass you forever in the top 5 SS Most Likes. Enjoy your last few hours with some claim to fame.

 

[zekko]

in my opinion there's nothing inherently wrong with a guy friend if their relationship is innocent.

if they're friends because they've known each other forever, they have hobbies in common and get along, that's fine.

That sounds reasonable, but it sets a bad precedent. As you say, there's nothing inherently wrong with it, but it gets her foot in the door for future misbehavior.

To me, if she's spending time one on one with some dude, I find that disrespectful. If you're talking about some guy she emails every six months, then I don't have a problem with it. But if it's so important to her that she has this guy she needs to spend time with, I'd prefer to leave her to it and go find someone else who behaves more in line with what I expect from a girlfriend.

 

[Red Legg]

Everyone knows that cheating is wrong, so why doesn't everyone know that a woman having male friends is wrong? BECAUSE TOO MANY FVCKING MEN ALLOW IT FOR FEAR OF LOSING WHAT LITTLE PVSSY THEY'RE GETTIN

Recently I called my main woman on this (she was talking to men on messenger) so I asked her to set up a Tinder account looking for threesomes,and she did,now she is worried that she is plate mode...

 

[dustmuffin]

Lots of good advice on this thread

 

[devilkingx2]

That sounds reasonable, but it sets a bad precedent. As you say, there's nothing inherently wrong with it, but it gets her foot in the door for future misbehavior.

To me, if she's spending time one on one with some dude, I find that disrespectful. If you're talking about some guy she emails every six months, then I don't have a problem with it. But if it's so important to her that she has this guy she needs to spend time with, I'd prefer to leave her to it and go find someone else who behaves more in line with what I expect from a girlfriend.

I'd mainly be concerned with if they do friendly activities and have friendly conversations. I've known girls who had a lot of guy friends for legit reasons (read: they spent a lot of time playing video games, reading comics, watching sports, they were STEM majors or in a STEM field, etc. ), likewise we've all known a million more girls who lead guys on for attention or as backups or as side guys or whatever

so at the end of the day it depends on if your girlfriend is in the public library studying math with the guy or having drinks on his couch and watching netflix while you're at work

 

[mKata]

Hey everyone. Just a small update. Thanks for all the feedback already. It's been a while but something about this is still bothering me, and I wanted to get another opinion.

I ended up snooping in her phone again after this last argument over her being in contact with this dude. First off, I know that's not cool of me and it's possible she picked up on me being all jealous and was maybe on guard...? Anyhow, when I went to look at their texts to see if I might find something out to confirm or deny my worries, I saw that she had deleted all of their texts together, the entire string of messages was gone while she had kept long conversations with many other people. Nothing has happened since then to make me suspicious, but for some reason I'm finding myself thinking about this a lot lately. Just feels weird knowing she deleted their conversation history.

 

[Billtx49]

Cheaters always delete texts after they occur. If she’s a well seasoned cheater, you will never know by looking at her phone texts…
Your only clue is if his actual # and/or name is still somewhere in her contact list, but if she sends manually to a memorized #, you will never know. I personally would not want my womans ex still on her contact list…
Surprised your still existing issue with her is so old now, without any action taken by you…
She’s obviously still setting off your alarm bell or you wouldn’t be back here again.

 

[Roober]

Holy crap. This was 6 months ago. How have things been the last 6 months?

 

[devilkingx2]

Hey everyone. Just a small update. Thanks for all the feedback already. It's been a while but something about this is still bothering me, and I wanted to get another opinion.

I ended up snooping in her phone again after this last argument over her being in contact with this dude. First off, I know that's not cool of me and it's possible she picked up on me being all jealous and was maybe on guard...? Anyhow, when I went to look at their texts to see if I might find something out to confirm or deny my worries, I saw that she had deleted all of their texts together, the entire string of messages was gone while she had kept long conversations with many other people. Nothing has happened since then to make me suspicious, but for some reason I'm finding myself thinking about this a lot lately. Just feels weird knowing she deleted their conversation history.

ask yourself what she would hide from you then realize that almost all of them are grounds for immediate dumping anyway

 

[Von]

You gave her a free-pass to cheat on you.

Why you doing this to yourself?