In love with my bestfriend

[speakeasy]

There's only one thing you can do at this point...

The freezeout.

Cut off all communication with her. Act indifferent if she calls you. Don't reach out to her. If you do speak to her make it abrupt. She'll go nuts wondering what happened. She'll start thinking about it like crazy. Don't give any reason for your behavior. Let her miss you. Then when she can't take anymore. Lay a kiss on her. Out of nowhere. If that doesn't work, then forget it. You're "buddies" for life.

 

[Jeffst1980]

You have a lot to learn, goodfornothing.

Fortunately, however, you found this site young--there are a lot of guys 30+ that are STILL clueless about how this stuff works and start believing either that girls are evil or that they're somehow "marked" as an unsuitable mate. You won't have that problem, though.

As far as your best friend goes--nothing is going to come of that for now. Which is actually a good thing, because you wouldn't have enough experience and knowhow to keep this girl if you DID get her. . .and that's not to mention the fact that you'll destroy your friendship.

Forget about this girl for now, but take comfort in the knowledge that after 2-3 years of studying this stuff, getting with this girl will be a piece of cake. Of course, by then you'll have so many other options you won't even care.

Read the DJ BIBLE. Don't waste time on the discussion forums. Start learning how attraction is created in women and why that's the most important part of the puzzle. Then, start improving yourself till you become the best version of YOU. Work on your inner game--confidence, ambition, ability to keep a congruent belief system, etc. Then, work on your outer game, which is really just social skills and flirting, and start dating girls to get experience.

There's no "quick fix" for this stuff, as some PUAs would like to have you believe. However, the payoff for a couple of years of hard work is great--you'll be able to get the girls you want, bestfriend or not!!

 

[trd323]

1.im 19

2.yes but not in a boyfriend girlfriend kinda way :S

3.no boyfriends as far as i can see she even told me she never been inlove and shes not the girl that ****s around or anything.

4. yes we did spend alot of time together we cant do it now becuse she lives in another city but we still talks on the phone like once every second week, but this summer we spend almost everyday together.

5.yes when we first meet i feel inlove with her pretty quick , and after 3 weeks i could not keep it inside of me anymore so i told her :/ and she said lets jsut be friends but that was 1 year ago.


broke up contact with her 2 months after i got "lets just be friends" and stayed out of reach for 3 months

Ok, So she gave you the LJBF line when you asked before. You cant win them all bro. You put yourself out there, made yourself vulnerable and got rejected. GREAT JOB, take it as a learning experience. When you feel something for a girl act on it as you feel it next time. You might feel nervous, scared, happy, and sad all at the same time, but that is the difference betweem MEN and BOYS. MEN will act anyway besides all the biological warnings of DEATH(approach anxiety) because you are a man and you will always try to get what you DESIRE.

If you think you should ask her out, you should have yesterday. If you feel that you should kiss a girl, you should have tem minutes ago. If you had to think then you took too long to decide. Live in the moment and not what the next step is.

 

[goodfornothing]

You have a lot to learn, goodfornothing.

Fortunately, however, you found this site young--there are a lot of guys 30+ that are STILL clueless about how this stuff works and start believing either that girls are evil or that they're somehow "marked" as an unsuitable mate. You won't have that problem, though.

As far as your best friend goes--nothing is going to come of that for now. Which is actually a good thing, because you wouldn't have enough experience and knowhow to keep this girl if you DID get her. . .and that's not to mention the fact that you'll destroy your friendship.

Forget about this girl for now, but take comfort in the knowledge that after 2-3 years of studying this stuff, getting with this girl will be a piece of cake. Of course, by then you'll have so many other options you won't even care.

Read the DJ BIBLE. Don't waste time on the discussion forums. Start learning how attraction is created in women and why that's the most important part of the puzzle. Then, start improving yourself till you become the best version of YOU. Work on your inner game--confidence, ambition, ability to keep a congruent belief system, etc. Then, work on your outer game, which is really just social skills and flirting, and start dating girls to get experience.

There's no "quick fix" for this stuff, as some PUAs would like to have you believe. However, the payoff for a couple of years of hard work is great--you'll be able to get the girls you want, bestfriend or not!!

read dangelos double your dating and the book of pook , but whats the dj bible ?


found this guide today and it got a diffrent aproach instead of the stop contact thing that i have tryed before and with bad results.

http://keysmachine.wordpress.com/2007/09/18/get-out-of-the-friendzone/
here it is

to be honest i think no contact only work on girls that are not your real friends

 

[gösta berling]

Scroll down to the bottom of the page to find the Don Juan Bible.(on the left side)

 

[gösta berling]

found this guide today and it got a diffrent aproach instead of the stop contact thing that i have tryed before and with bad results.

What do you mean by bad results?

Like they say in those romance novels, "When love enters friendship dies".

Force her to make a decision by withdrawing your presence from her life. If she has any sexual feelings for you, she'll let you know. Just do it!

 

[DonGorgon]

im inlove with my bestfriend when ever we are together we allways have alot of fun. the funny thing is that everyone thought we where already together thats how close we are with each other,


but now to my question , is it possible to turn a friend into something more ?

and whats the diffrence between seducing ur friend and seducing someone ur in the friendzone with , as i read its to diffrent things this is real friendship that we got being in the "lets just be friends" is not. so please help me out here

THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS WETHER OR NOT SHE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU...

focus on f'ing her first then let her ask you for something more which i am guessing she will not!

 

[goodfornothing]

What do you mean by bad results?

Like they say in those romance novels, "When love enters friendship dies".

Force her to make a decision by withdrawing your presence from her life. If she has any sexual feelings for you, she'll let you know. Just do it!

i removed myself from her completly never called but she stilled called , but i never called myself meet here had gone up 15 kg in muscle mass and read loads of deangelo and pook , changed alot since we last meet each other better clothing and standing up for myself, still no diffrence

but serious guys anyone ever got the girl with the no contact method ?
and if i gona use that strategy i gona wait until the winter until she moves to my location then the statement would make a real nice impact.

 

[kingman]

so what exactly do u want me to do , if i want to have a relationship should i be more flirty and give more kino ? need some more info mate

Yes, I am going to try that myself to one of my woman drinking friends (mostly for fun) . It may become as a shock for her, but that is the reason why its going to be fun.

 

[Luveno]

i removed myself from her completly never called but she stilled called , but i never called myself meet here had gone up 15 kg in muscle mass and read loads of deangelo and pook , changed alot since we last meet each other better clothing and standing up for myself, still no diffrence

but serious guys anyone ever got the girl with the no contact method ?
and if i gona use that strategy i gona wait until the winter until she moves to my location then the statement would make a real nice impact.

You seem to be a major AFC at this point. Don't worry about it; everyone was one during their lives. At least you realize it and want to change - many men do not.

So she LJBFd you. That indicates that she is not interested at all. You've become too usual in her life and thus the mystery is lost.

Your only hope of hitting it is to:

1. cut off all contact immediately

2. learn how to cold approach, close, converse, and extrude confidence.

3. find something in your life that you are proud of, and focus on that, and be great at it

4. rack up some numbers


Now, if in the future, and I'm talking years, you two meet each other again, it will be like she is talking to a completely different person. Of course, since you've racked up numbers and don't really find women all that intimidating anymore, you could care less if you nail her. Ironically, with that attitude she probably will want to even more.

Odd how that works, don't you think?

 

[drak_ool]

yes, it is possible to turn a friend into a lover. Actually, my only relationship where I truly cared for the girl and never lost interest in her was with a friend, who I ended up dating.

However, your situation seems quite different. First of all, I only spent time with her in fun settings, like at parties, bars, mostly going out. Sometimes i didn't see her or talked to her for weeks at a time. Also, the whole time I was flirting with her and keeping up the sexual tension. And, most importantly, I was seeing other girls in the meantime and SHE KNEW ABOUT THEM! The night when we hooked up for the first time I was at a bar with another (gorgeous chick). Girls are like that, when they see you having success they want a piece of you, when they see you spending all day with them and not getting any, they just want to be your friend, and nothing more.

At this point do you have any chance of progressing with this girl? I would say 98% NO. You ve already made some critical mistakes: 1) you told her about your feelings for her (probably told her you were in love, right?) so she knows you re not a challenge
2) you ve hung out with her everyday when you had the chance to do so. She knows you're super available (again, not a challenge) and she knows you don't have a life (not interesting)
3) she probably knows everything about you at this point so there is no more mystery involved.

Especially now that you two are not even in the same city, forget about it. If you want to play your 2% chance of getting with her to the max, listen to what other pple have told you so far. Cut contact with her until she comes back to your town. Hopefully SHE ll be the one contacting you. Develop your game and self-confidence by hitting on/hooking up with other girls.

good luck!

 

[goodfornothing]

yes, it is possible to turn a friend into a lover. Actually, my only relationship where I truly cared for the girl and never lost interest in her was with a friend, who I ended up dating.

However, your situation seems quite different. First of all, I only spent time with her in fun settings, like at parties, bars, mostly going out. Sometimes i didn't see her or talked to her for weeks at a time. Also, the whole time I was flirting with her and keeping up the sexual tension. And, most importantly, I was seeing other girls in the meantime and SHE KNEW ABOUT THEM! The night when we hooked up for the first time I was at a bar with another (gorgeous chick). Girls are like that, when they see you having success they want a piece of you, when they see you spending all day with them and not getting any, they just want to be your friend, and nothing more.

At this point do you have any chance of progressing with this girl? I would say 98% NO. You ve already made some critical mistakes: 1) you told her about your feelings for her (probably told her you were in love, right?) so she knows you re not a challenge
2) you ve hung out with her everyday when you had the chance to do so. She knows you're super available (again, not a challenge) and she knows you don't have a life (not interesting)
3) she probably knows everything about you at this point so there is no more mystery involved.

Especially now that you two are not even in the same city, forget about it. If you want to play your 2% chance of getting with her to the max, listen to what other pple have told you so far. Cut contact with her until she comes back to your town. Hopefully SHE ll be the one contacting you. Develop your game and self-confidence by hitting on/hooking up with other girls.

good luck!

to my defence this summer we hungout together all the time becuse we only knew each other at the place that we where , so i could not have hung out with anyother.

 

[doopee]

so good so far

 

[gösta berling]

-Goodfornothing

Have you seen this thread?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=136749&highlight=opening

 

[goodfornothing]

-Goodfornothing

Have you seen this thread?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=136749&highlight=opening

ya read that post made me laugh some

but i cant see how no contact will work on my best friend , she fits into all the criterias in the guide i posted in a link some posts ago. and no contact is for someone who u are in the friendzone with and thats not real friendship this is .

 

[drak_ool]

goodfornothing, you keep making this distinction b/w actually being friend with a girl and just being in the friend zone. Well, from what you have posted so far I don't think you have an objective view of where you stand with her.

1) at the beggining of your interaction you made your feelings towards her known and she told you "let s just be friends" (FRIEND ZONE ALERT)

2) You developped this close friendship with this girl AFTER being put in the friend zone, as a substitute to dating her (which she didn't wanna do apparantly)!

3) you claim you have a genuine friendship relation going on with this girl, yet YOU WANNA F.UCK HER! That is not disinterested friendship, that is a friendship with a goal. That is the exact definition of a guy stuck in the friend zone.

When one of the two friends wants to f.uck the other (and it s one sided) it can never be real friendship since one of the two will always feel unfulfilled.

start digging your head out of the sand and start taking steps towards improving your game. With good game anything is possible

 

[goodfornothing]

goodfornothing, you keep making this distinction b/w actually being friend with a girl and just being in the friend zone. Well, from what you have posted so far I don't think you have an objective view of where you stand with her.

1) at the beggining of your interaction you made your feelings towards her known and she told you "let s just be friends" (FRIEND ZONE ALERT)

2) You developped this close friendship with this girl AFTER being put in the friend zone, as a substitute to dating her (which she didn't wanna do apparantly)!

3) you claim you have a genuine friendship relation going on with this girl, yet YOU WANNA F.UCK HER! That is not disinterested friendship, that is a friendship with a goal. That is the exact definition of a guy stuck in the friend zone.

When one of the two friends wants to f.uck the other (and it s one sided) it can never be real friendship since one of the two will always feel unfulfilled.

start digging your head out of the sand and start taking steps towards improving your game. With good game anything is possible

man i realy ****ed this up , anyother girl i would just have broke up contact so i could try again some months later or never , but i cant with this girl , she means so much to me. thats why i need to be realy sure before i do it , if its no other way , becuse anything is better not seeing her for such along time.

now i sound like an afc again and i am but not as bad as it looks , its just that this situation that i put myself into is driving me nuts

 

[drak_ool]

in the end you gotta man up and make a choice: do you want to remain this girl's "girlfriend" for ever? Use your imagination: what if she gets a boyfriend? what if he doesn't let her hang out with other guys and she stops seeing you? what if he s an a$$hole and treats her like s.hit, and she comes crying to you (but in the same time she still f.ucks the a$$hole because she is attracted to him)?

I think all these situations would make you feel much worst than simply not knowing what goes on in her life for a few months.

You have to understand that the present "you" doesn't have a chance with this girl. She already made that clear to you. So what you have to do is change, i.e. improve yourself, your social skills, your gaming so that a new "you" will come out that she will be attracted to. In my opinion that is the only way you will ever get this girl

 

[Igetit!]

goodfornothing, you keep making this distinction b/w actually being friend with a girl and just being in the friend zone. Well, from what you have posted so far I don't think you have an objective view of where you stand with her.

1) at the beggining of your interaction you made your feelings towards her known and she told you "let s just be friends" (FRIEND ZONE ALERT)

2) You developped this close friendship with this girl AFTER being put in the friend zone, as a substitute to dating her (which she didn't wanna do apparantly)!

3) you claim you have a genuine friendship relation going on with this girl, yet YOU WANNA F.UCK HER! That is not disinterested friendship, that is a friendship with a goal. That is the exact definition of a guy stuck in the friend zone.

When one of the two friends wants to f.uck the other (and it s one sided) it can never be real friendship since one of the two will always feel unfulfilled.

start digging your head out of the sand and start taking steps towards improving your game. With good game anything is possible

WOW!!! Now this is what I call a GOOD post! That line about "friendship with a goal" is pure gold. Drak_ool,if this this doesn't get through to Goodfornothing, then nothing will. It's like we've all heard before,"Experience is the best teacher". Goodfornothing,if after everything that everyone has said to you,you still plan on pursuing this girl,then good luck. If you have to learn the hard way what everyone here is flat out telling you,then so be it,as long as you learn. This is another case of emotions over logic and common sense. Kinda reminds me of those SunnyD posts.

 

[goodfornothing]

thanks for all the great advice. i cant break up contact with her again did that at the beginning of this year for 3 months, i guess its over just to swallow my pride and move on with my life.

actualy before i got here i knew no contact was one of the ways out but i wanted to find something else , but as it seems it dont exist so i give up, but thanks for your time and energy