In love with a huge red flag… In need for a slap in the face!

[TheBroccoli]

I met this girl a year ago when I was travelling and we’ve been in touch ever since. She’s from the US and I live in Europe. We’ve had two short holidays together last December. During the last trip I learned that she has a lot of issues. So here follows a summary:

• Only recently she told me she actually cheated with me on her first ex-boyfriend when we met. Several times. Very intentionally. I never knew.
• I was the second guy she cheated with. She had an affair with the first one.
• She was in a bad relationship with her first ex-boyfriend: after the sex she would silently cry in the bathroom. They broke up a month or so when he found out about her little adventure abroad with me.
• Not soon after the break-up she started dating her next future (ex-)boyfriend. It took her about 5 months to tell me she had a new boyfriend.
• She moved in august to the Middle-East to work there for a year, leaving her new (ex)boyfriend behind. A few months ago she almost came over to visit me. Of course her new boyfriend didn’t want that, so she cancelled last minute (they broke up later anyway). She strongly hinted that she would’ve have cheated with me if she had come over that time.
• She told me about her background: her father cheated on her mother during pregnancy. Divorce, fighting in court, shouting on the street was the result. Father left her when she was a little girl. Mother told her her whole life that men are pigs and only want to have sex. The mother is in an unhappy relationship for the money to support the children. In the past she (daughter) wanted to study law, her mother disagreed: “I’d rather want you to be a prostitute.” That really broke my heart when I heard that. Poor girl. I don’t think she ever got the love she needed as a child.
• Her second ex-boyfriend drunk texted her with 30 angry messages after creeping on my Instagram, calling her a liar.
• She can get very defensive with a I-don’t-need-a-man kind of attitude.
• Over the year I’ve caught her on a lot of white lies and inconsistencies.
• She seeks a lot of validation on social media (not with half naked pictures though).
• She has a lot of guy friends, couple of them are in her friendzone. She likes making men jealous and literally told me “I’m very good at manipulating men to get sex.” (as if you need manipulation to do that as a woman, but whatever).
• She has a small starfish tattoo. The metaphor here is that starfish can regrow limbs, she found that very applicable to her life.
• She’s not comfortable with showering with her intimate partners. She only showered once with her ex (we always showered together, so she trusted me I guess). What up with that?
• She’s promiscuous. I found out that she was seeing another guy when I visited her in her country (we are not in a relationship, so I guess it's okay? Still kinda ****). I didn't confront her with it.
• She told me she has a lot of (daddy) issues and a lot of walls around her.
• She told me she has trust issues.
• On a more positive note: she is a very sweet girl. I know it’s hard to believe after reading this, but she really is. She is very caring and kind, also very intelligent. It’s such a shame she has so much baggage, I actually feel sorry for her. She is also very aware that she has a lot of issues.

I’m still in love with this girl, and it’s hard to get over her. I don’t want to be an AFC anymore. The distance and push and pull drive me crazy. So what do I need to hear to get over this girl? I need a big slap in the face. Also: what kind of girl am I dealing with here?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I met this girl a year ago when I was travelling and we’ve been in touch ever since. She’s from the US and I live in Europe. We’ve had two short holidays together last December. During the last trip I learned that she has a lot of issues. So here follows a summary:

• Only recently she told me she actually cheated with me on her first ex-boyfriend when we met. Several times. Very intentionally. I never knew.
• I was the second guy she cheated with. She had an affair with the first one.
• She was in a bad relationship with her first ex-boyfriend: after the sex she would silently cry in the bathroom. They broke up a month or so when he found out about her little adventure abroad with me.
• Not soon after the break-up she started dating her next future (ex-)boyfriend. It took her about 5 months to tell me she had a new boyfriend.
• She moved in august to the Middle-East to work there for a year, leaving her new (ex)boyfriend behind. A few months ago she almost came over to visit me. Of course her new boyfriend didn’t want that, so she cancelled last minute (they broke up later anyway). She strongly hinted that she would’ve have cheated with me if she had come over that time.
• She told me about her background: her father cheated on her mother during pregnancy. Divorce, fighting in court, shouting on the street was the result. Father left her when she was a little girl. Mother told her her whole life that men are pigs and only want to have sex. The mother is in an unhappy relationship for the money to support the children. In the past she (daughter) wanted to study law, her mother disagreed: “I’d rather want you to be a prostitute.” That really broke my heart when I heard that. Poor girl. I don’t think she ever got the love she needed as a child.
• Her second ex-boyfriend drunk texted her with 30 angry messages after creeping on my Instagram, calling her a liar.
• She can get very defensive with a I-don’t-need-a-man kind of attitude.
• Over the year I’ve caught her on a lot of white lies and inconsistencies.
• She seeks a lot of validation on social media (not with half naked pictures though).
• She has a lot of guy friends, couple of them are in her friendzone. She likes making men jealous and literally told me “I’m very good at manipulating men to get sex.” (as if you need manipulation to do that as a woman, but whatever).
• She has a small starfish tattoo. The metaphor here is that starfish can regrow limbs, she found that very applicable to her life.
• She’s not comfortable with showering with her intimate partners. She only showered once with her ex (we always showered together, so she trusted me I guess). What up with that?
• She’s promiscuous. I found out that she was seeing another guy when I visited her in her country (we are not in a relationship, so I guess it's okay? Still kinda ****). I didn't confront her with it.
• She told me she has a lot of (daddy) issues and a lot of walls around her.
• She told me she has trust issues.
• On a more positive note: she is a very sweet girl. I know it’s hard to believe after reading this, but she really is. She is very caring and kind, also very intelligent. It’s such a shame she has so much baggage, I actually feel sorry for her. She is also very aware that she has a lot of issues.

I’m still in love with this girl, and it’s hard to get over her. I don’t want to be an AFC anymore. The distance and push and pull drive me crazy. So what do I need to hear to get over this girl? I need a big slap in the face. Also: what kind of girl am I dealing with here?

A liar.

 

[The_411]

I met this girl a year ago when I was travelling and we’ve been in touch ever since. She’s from the US and I live in Europe. We’ve had two short holidays together last December. During the last trip I learned that she has a lot of issues. So here follows a summary:

• Only recently she told me she actually cheated with me on her first ex-boyfriend when we met. Several times. Very intentionally. I never knew.
• I was the second guy she cheated with. She had an affair with the first one.
• She was in a bad relationship with her first ex-boyfriend: after the sex she would silently cry in the bathroom. They broke up a month or so when he found out about her little adventure abroad with me.
• Not soon after the break-up she started dating her next future (ex-)boyfriend. It took her about 5 months to tell me she had a new boyfriend.
• She moved in august to the Middle-East to work there for a year, leaving her new (ex)boyfriend behind. A few months ago she almost came over to visit me. Of course her new boyfriend didn’t want that, so she cancelled last minute (they broke up later anyway). She strongly hinted that she would’ve have cheated with me if she had come over that time.
• She told me about her background: her father cheated on her mother during pregnancy. Divorce, fighting in court, shouting on the street was the result. Father left her when she was a little girl. Mother told her her whole life that men are pigs and only want to have sex. The mother is in an unhappy relationship for the money to support the children. In the past she (daughter) wanted to study law, her mother disagreed: “I’d rather want you to be a prostitute.” That really broke my heart when I heard that. Poor girl. I don’t think she ever got the love she needed as a child.
• Her second ex-boyfriend drunk texted her with 30 angry messages after creeping on my Instagram, calling her a liar.
• She can get very defensive with a I-don’t-need-a-man kind of attitude.
• Over the year I’ve caught her on a lot of white lies and inconsistencies.
• She seeks a lot of validation on social media (not with half naked pictures though).
• She has a lot of guy friends, couple of them are in her friendzone. She likes making men jealous and literally told me “I’m very good at manipulating men to get sex.” (as if you need manipulation to do that as a woman, but whatever).
• She has a small starfish tattoo. The metaphor here is that starfish can regrow limbs, she found that very applicable to her life.
• She’s not comfortable with showering with her intimate partners. She only showered once with her ex (we always showered together, so she trusted me I guess). What up with that?
• She’s promiscuous. I found out that she was seeing another guy when I visited her in her country (we are not in a relationship, so I guess it's okay? Still kinda ****). I didn't confront her with it.
• She told me she has a lot of (daddy) issues and a lot of walls around her.
• She told me she has trust issues.
• On a more positive note: she is a very sweet girl. I know it’s hard to believe after reading this, but she really is. She is very caring and kind, also very intelligent. It’s such a shame she has so much baggage, I actually feel sorry for her. She is also very aware that she has a lot of issues.

I’m still in love with this girl, and it’s hard to get over her. I don’t want to be an AFC anymore. The distance and push and pull drive me crazy. So what do I need to hear to get over this girl? I need a big slap in the face. Also: what kind of girl am I dealing with here?

What you need to hear is that you dodged a massive bullet. Notice how cheating is a central theme. Any time you get nostalgic just tell yourself she would have cheated on you.

Her sweetness is a facade. She knows that you appreciate that quality in a woman so she exploits it.

I hate to throw the BPD reg flag but the behaviors you describe a textbook
BPD waif.

If you were to continue anything with her it would destroy you.

 

[rAFCOliver]

You’ve taken the time to list all of these red flags, can you re-read them, then move on from this girl. There’s plenty more out there, why put yourself through this? You do realise you’re only preparing yourself for failure here, you’ll get too attached, become needy and you’ll become a doormat for her. With her track record mentioned above, you do realise you’ll probably get cheated on?

End it now, mourn the relationship, focus on yourself, acquire someone better and loyal. Do it now so you won’t have to deal with this in 6 months when she gets bored.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Yo! Mr. Brocoli! Get ur head in the game bro! Get out there and get hotter plates in ur rotation!

 

[TheBroccoli]

What you need to hear is that you dodged a massive bullet. Notice how cheating is a central theme. Any time you get nostalgic just tell yourself she would have cheated on you.

Her sweetness is a facade. She knows that you appreciate that quality in a woman so she exploits it.

I hate to throw the BPD reg flag but the behaviors you describe a textbook
BPD waif.

If you were to continue anything with her it would destroy you.

Could be she has BPD, but I'm not sure ofcourse. She definitely has a dismissive avoidant attachment style, which drives me crazy. Her sweetness is real though, she is a very caring woman (in general, not only to me). Her work and hobbies prove that. But yea, cheating is a theme in her life... And that probably won't change.

 

[Ranger]

I didn’t see anything unique in any of that

 

[Ranger]

You dealing with the most dangerous type of girl except for the fact that she willingly told you all of her red flags.

Honestly she can't believe how desperate you are to look past them.

Your solution is to force yourself to date normal women, because if you had any options at all then your self-esteem, self-respect, and self-preservation instincts would have long ago overridden your white knight tendency for this one.

What a magical, mystical, pile of horse $hit. LMAO

 

[Ranger]

You dealing with the most dangerous type of girl except for the fact that she willingly told you all of her red flags.

Honestly she can't believe how desperate you are to look past them.

Your solution is to force yourself to date normal women, because if you had any options at all then your self-esteem, self-respect, and self-preservation instincts would have long ago overridden your white knight tendency for this one.

Dangerous? Really?

 

[Billtx49]

I met this girl a year ago when I was travelling and we’ve been in touch ever since. She’s from the US and I live in Europe. We’ve had two short holidays together last December. During the last trip I learned that she has a lot of issues. So here follows a summary:

• Only recently she told me she actually cheated with me on her first ex-boyfriend when we met. Several times. Very intentionally. I never knew.
• I was the second guy she cheated with. She had an affair with the first one.
• She was in a bad relationship with her first ex-boyfriend: after the sex she would silently cry in the bathroom. They broke up a month or so when he found out about her little adventure abroad with me.
• Not soon after the break-up she started dating her next future (ex-)boyfriend. It took her about 5 months to tell me she had a new boyfriend.
• She moved in august to the Middle-East to work there for a year, leaving her new (ex)boyfriend behind. A few months ago she almost came over to visit me. Of course her new boyfriend didn’t want that, so she cancelled last minute (they broke up later anyway). She strongly hinted that she would’ve have cheated with me if she had come over that time.
• She told me about her background: her father cheated on her mother during pregnancy. Divorce, fighting in court, shouting on the street was the result. Father left her when she was a little girl. Mother told her her whole life that men are pigs and only want to have sex. The mother is in an unhappy relationship for the money to support the children. In the past she (daughter) wanted to study law, her mother disagreed: “I’d rather want you to be a prostitute.” That really broke my heart when I heard that. Poor girl. I don’t think she ever got the love she needed as a child.
• Her second ex-boyfriend drunk texted her with 30 angry messages after creeping on my Instagram, calling her a liar.
• She can get very defensive with a I-don’t-need-a-man kind of attitude.
• Over the year I’ve caught her on a lot of white lies and inconsistencies.
• She seeks a lot of validation on social media (not with half naked pictures though).
• She has a lot of guy friends, couple of them are in her friendzone. She likes making men jealous and literally told me “I’m very good at manipulating men to get sex.” (as if you need manipulation to do that as a woman, but whatever).
• She has a small starfish tattoo. The metaphor here is that starfish can regrow limbs, she found that very applicable to her life.
• She’s not comfortable with showering with her intimate partners. She only showered once with her ex (we always showered together, so she trusted me I guess). What up with that?
• She’s promiscuous. I found out that she was seeing another guy when I visited her in her country (we are not in a relationship, so I guess it's okay? Still kinda ****). I didn't confront her with it.
• She told me she has a lot of (daddy) issues and a lot of walls around her.
• She told me she has trust issues.
• On a more positive note: she is a very sweet girl. I know it’s hard to believe after reading this, but she really is. She is very caring and kind, also very intelligent. It’s such a shame she has so much baggage, I actually feel sorry for her. She is also very aware that she has a lot of issues.

I’m still in love with this girl, and it’s hard to get over her. I don’t want to be an AFC anymore. The distance and push and pull drive me crazy. So what do I need to hear to get over this girl? I need a big slap in the face. Also: what kind of girl am I dealing with here?

Well at least she’s being upfront and honest with you about what kind of future behavior to expect from her. It beats you finding out for yourself later at the ending of a soul sucking affair…
Spend your time focusing on finding a high quality woman.

 

[Ranger]

Dangerous to a young man that needs to be on guard for his future. Not dangerous to an old man delegated to bar skanks and hookers in dive bars with a lifetime of being a marriage cuck in the rearview mirror.

LMAO
Dangerous to a Passive man you mean. Try to be more precise.
I don’t do bars.

 

[Ranger]

Well at least she’s being upfront and honest with you about what kind of future behavior to expect from her. It beats you finding out for yourself later at the ending of a soul sucking affair…
Spend your time focusing on finding a high quality woman.

Nothing was hidden. She was straight up. It won’t make any difference. He will soon think that his love can save her.

 

[The_411]

Could be she has BPD, but I'm not sure ofcourse. She definitely has a dismissive avoidant attachment style, which drives me crazy. Her sweetness is real though, she is a very caring woman (in general, not only to me). Her work and hobbies prove that. But yea, cheating is a theme in her life... And that probably won't change.

Ultimately it doesn’t matter. The BPD discussion is to alert guys what is happening when they cannot understand the behaviors so that they can get informed and understand the gravity of the situation.

BPD or no, getting away from a toxic relationship is paramount.

 

[Ranger]

... and he will miserably fail. Yet such experiences turn boys into men ("I don't want to be an AFC aymore")

Still better than war, famine or death in family.

A lot better than a lot of things. Some of the best men on this planet are responsible “cucked” men. The are more better men as chucks than red pilled men by far.
Having kids causes a superior drive biologically. Many have excelled far more than if they were only working for themselves.

Most single men have no purpose or path. Aimless wondering for many of them.

We say to them to work on themselves. At an immature level or hyper nerd level, this is a preposterous recommendation. For a mama’s boy, it’s really difficult for him to conceive it.

Experience can be a broken back or strong legs. I’ve seen men never get over that woman. It eats at them all their days. And I’ve seen men excell exceptionally well once they leave the hag behind.

I’ve already concluded that we need to be building better men and set the women off to the side like play toys we will eventually get back to.

I’m still a believer in the world and our environment aren’t dangerous enough to build men. Nothing is going to rip their guts out or eat them.
The biggest challenge for most is traffic on Monday.
Everything is taken care of. Everything is too predictable.
I guess they could get shocked by the game controller. Oh how dangerous.