in a f*cky situation, if she says 'you're being too pushy', am i?? or excuse?

[drift_king]

I'm in a stupid situation with the girl im seeing. we had 2 great dates last week but then i start to act afc by trying to see her too soon i.e. day after our date, she didn't make it and instead met up with me last night instead but told me in advance it was for a short time cos she needed to be back in bed by 11pm.

i was cool with that, but she was in a bad mood yesterday and it made me uncomfortable. what's weird for me is when i'm around her when she's sober she's not affectionate at all, we'll kiss briefly but if i try to touch her or hold her hand she veers away and acts and says i make her nervous and she crosss her arms.

this rejection really unsettles me and only when she's had 1 drink she settles down and she'll kiss my face and my neck etc. she was tired after 1 hour of the date and wanted to go home, i started to panic saying for her to stay another 1/2 hour cos i still had her till 11pm (it was only like 10pm!) she looked exhausted and told me she wasn't going to come out at the beginning of the date, i took it to be she felt bad for not coming out the night before so was making it up to me.

anyway when we got back to her dorms i didn't just let her go i wanted to talk seriously with her why she wouldn't even let me hold her hadn in public yet in private she'll be all kissy kissy. it's like she doesn't want people to know we're seeing each other. is this a valid point to make to her??

cos she just said 'you're being pushy again and if you want an argument like we did last time then we can have 1..' i think she's using this 'pushy' thing as an excuse to get away from stuff.. i dont think it's unreasonable that after seeing her 6 times that holding her hand in public isn't a big deal!

but whenever i go for it she moves away and rejects me. am i being too pushy? but if i do make her uncomfortable is there nothing i can do to change it?

 

[jophil28]

I'm in a stupid situation with the girl im seeing. we had 2 great dates last week but then i start to act afc by trying to see her too soon i.e. day after our date, she didn't make it and instead met up with me last night instead but told me in advance it was for a short time cos she needed to be back in bed by 11pm.

i was cool with that, but she was in a bad mood yesterday and it made me uncomfortable. what's weird for me is when i'm around her when she's sober she's not affectionate at all, we'll kiss briefly but if i try to touch her or hold her hand she veers away and acts and says i make her nervous and she crosss her arms.

this rejection really unsettles me and only when she's had 1 drink she settles down and she'll kiss my face and my neck etc. she was tired after 1 hour of the date and wanted to go home, i started to panic saying for her to stay another 1/2 hour cos i still had her till 11pm (it was only like 10pm!) she looked exhausted and told me she wasn't going to come out at the beginning of the date, i took it to be she felt bad for not coming out the night before so was making it up to me.

anyway when we got back to her dorms i didn't just let her go i wanted to talk seriously with her why she wouldn't even let me hold her hadn in public yet in private she'll be all kissy kissy. it's like she doesn't want people to know we're seeing each other. is this a valid point to make to her??

cos she just said 'you're being pushy again and if you want an argument like we did last time then we can have 1..' i think she's using this 'pushy' thing as an excuse to get away from stuff.. i dont think it's unreasonable that after seeing her 6 times that holding her hand in public isn't a big deal!

but whenever i go for it she moves away and rejects me. am i being too pushy? but if i do make her uncomfortable is there nothing i can do to change it?

You are making so many mistakes--look, what would you be thinking if a woman was acting towards you like you are acting towards this one?

 

[drift_king]

You are making so many mistakes--look, what would you be thinking if a woman was acting towards you like you are acting towards this one?

i have no idea im not thinking clearly at the moment cos i'm so emotionally invested.

do i need to confront her on this issue?

im probably going to need to bring out my trump card of 1 of the hottest girls on campus to proof me cos i dont think this 1 respects me and takes me for granted. maybe then she'll take me seriously.

 

[jophil28]

... but she was in a bad mood yesterday and it made me uncomfortable. what's weird for me is when i'm around her when she's sober she's not affectionate at all, we'll kiss briefly but if i try to touch her or hold her hand she veers away and acts and says i make her nervous and she crosss her arms.

IF a woman is acting like this after two dates then she is either unstable or has only moderate IL at best ( more like LOW IL)


"The greatest truth is in her behavior."

She can read your "emotional investment" in her , she owns the frame and she is willing to risk pissing you off. She believes that you are lucky to have her and she has placed herself on a pedestral (with your help)

Pulling some infantile PUA trick like being seen with a HB is not going to heal the damage that has been done. "Social proof" is not a remedial strategy. It's objective is to enhance a man's value who already has some value.

Get ready to walk away from this one.

Read my sig line.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Dude, jophil was way too nice to you.

You've been on two dates with this girl and you are already arguing and confronting her about things?
*Hint*: You never argue with a woman about anything. You walk away.
You make her nervous?
Her mood made you uncomfortable? Her mood should have no effect on you at all, you're supposed to be the rock in this picture.
You're "talking seriously" with her?
etc., etc...

And a woman doesn't need an "excuse" to do anything with you; she either wants to or she doesn't.

Your mindset is compromised.

You are hopelessly attached to the outcome, that's why you make her nervous.

In short, you sound like a mega-AFC right now. Check yourself.

 

[slaog]

I'm in a stupid situation with the girl im seeing. we had 2 great dates last week but then i start to act afc by trying to see her too soon i.e. day after our date, she didn't make it and instead met up with me last night instead but told me in advance it was for a short time cos she needed to be back in bed by 11pm.

By chasing after women it means you're putting them on pedestals. They see that as AFC behaviour because it means the AFC don't have much else going on in his life. Be busy and don't over-do it contacting her.

i was cool with that, but she was in a bad mood yesterday and it made me uncomfortable.

Why? Its not your problem if shes in a bad mood. No need to join her in her misery.

what's weird for me is when i'm around her when she's sober she's not affectionate at all, we'll kiss briefly but if i try to touch her or hold her hand she veers away and acts and says i make her nervous and she crosss her arms.

It could be low interest or she might just not be used to that. Whats happening is you're chasing and shes running. Do you understand what I mean? Never chase!

this rejection really unsettles me and only when she's had 1 drink she settles down and she'll kiss my face and my neck etc. she was tired after 1 hour of the date and wanted to go home, i started to panic saying for her to stay another 1/2 hour cos i still had her till 11pm (it was only like 10pm!) she looked exhausted and told me she wasn't going to come out at the beginning of the date, i took it to be she felt bad for not coming out the night before so was making it up to me.

Never beg for her to be with you. If shes tired tell her she should go to bed. Don't be asking (needing) for her to be with you.

anyway when we got back to her dorms i didn't just let her go i wanted to talk seriously with her why she wouldn't even let me hold her hadn in public yet in private she'll be all kissy kissy. it's like she doesn't want people to know we're seeing each other. is this a valid point to make to her??

To make somebody attracted to you you must bring out good emotions in them. Now talking seriously will not do this. Having fun and treating her like a little girl will bring out these emotions. It also demonstrates high value etc etc. I used to be Mr Serious until I realised it and now have gotten rid of that bad habit.

cos she just said 'you're being pushy again and if you want an argument like we did last time then we can have 1..' i think she's using this 'pushy' thing as an excuse to get away from stuff.. i dont think it's unreasonable that after seeing her 6 times that holding her hand in public isn't a big deal!

You are being pushy. Thats what shes feeling. And another thing... why the fcuk do you want to hold hand? Does it matter if you don't?

but whenever i go for it she moves away and rejects me. am i being too pushy? but if i do make her uncomfortable is there nothing i can do to change it?

The good news is you can do alot of things to change, some which I have listed above. It could be too late with this girl but keep it in mind for future reference.

 

[jophil28]

To the OP, listen to Unbridled and Slaog....they are giving you gold for free.

Now, I guess that you are open to some new strategies.

Let me tell you a story. Way back in the day I wanted to be an army marksman. So I applied for sniper training.
Well, because I had some history and experience with firearms, ( raised in a rural environment) I felt that shooting straight was going to be easy.
The fisrt time I shot a card on a military open range I took a 186 from a possible 200 ( prone rifle)
I was pretty proud of myself until a crusty old Sgt. said,"Son you could drop a rabbit maybe but in the Iraqi desert you would be dead by sundown."
That both pissed me off, BUT it spurred me on as well.
I read all I could about marksmanship, and did a lot of what we call "dry firing".. this is an execrcise without ammo to practise the small position shifts and breathing control which direct your shot.
The first major shift in thinking that I learned was to stop "muscling" the weapon. The only muscle needed is the tiny one in your trigger finger.
I was also taught by the team hotshots to "go outside, have a smoke and consider your sins" after a bad result.
I learned that development of a skill is incremental, and needs to be a conscious decision which follows a conscious understanding of what went wrong.

The point I am making is this - do you understand what went wrong here with this girl ? Because until you "get it" you are likely to repeat it and fire a lot of wide shots.

 

[drift_king]

By chasing after women it means you're putting them on pedestals. They see that as AFC behaviour because it means the AFC don't have much else going on in his life. Be busy and don't over-do it contacting her.





Why? Its not your problem if shes in a bad mood. No need to join her in her misery.





It could be low interest or she might just not be used to that. Whats happening is you're chasing and shes running. Do you understand what I mean? Never chase!





Never beg for her to be with you. If shes tired tell her she should go to bed. Don't be asking (needing) for her to be with you.





To make somebody attracted to you you must bring out good emotions in them. Now talking seriously will not do this. Having fun and treating her like a little girl will bring out these emotions. It also demonstrates high value etc etc. I used to be Mr Serious until I realised it and now have gotten rid of that bad habit.





You are being pushy. Thats what shes feeling. And another thing... why the fcuk do you want to hold hand? Does it matter if you don't?





The good news is you can do alot of things to change, some which I have listed above. It could be too late with this girl but keep it in mind for future reference.

what i mean about holding hands is that it's been 6 times from start to finish we've seen each other.. we saw each other 2 times at the beginning, i lost her by messing up.. i came back now we been on 4 dates since then but i just find it weird how once she's had a drink she's all kissy kissy with me but as soon as we're outside in public she won't even hold my hand.. its like she doesnt want people know we're together or seeing each other.. is this reasonable??

everything you say makes sense though i have to agree. however what can i do about it with her? if shes on a pedestal i need to kick her off it.. how though?

she meets up with me she never cancels. she cancels on EVERYBODY. but not me.

how should i be next time?

i may have royally screwed things up by sending her text last night telling her i appreciated her coming out to see me and for her apologising for not making it the night before. shes busy with exams now and stuff so it's selfish of me taking up her time.,

she text me back 'hmmm.. you're really thinking too much. it was nice seeing you today. good night.'

then i told her i felt bad for being pushy at the end of the date when she just wanted to sleep.

if a girl becomes sleepy during a date and wants to go home have i necessarily done badly?

she was exhausted when she arrived but still wanted to come see me. i didn't build much rapport and focus on having fun. i get myself into sucha state prior that i freeze up and cant enjoy myself cos im too focused on the outcome.

how do i win back some value? i need to go see other girls now cos this oneitis is killing me. i thought i was making progress with her but it just doesn't make me feel good that she needs 1 drink before she'll be affectionate with me.. she won't let me kiss close her cos she's scared im going to be 1 of these psycho guys like her ex-bf who i assume was pushy too. it's like she likes me but is afraid to go further cos she doesn't want me tormenting her if we break up.

im too insecure and anxious that things are over that i just cant chill and just let things be.

 

[drift_king]

Dude, jophil was way too nice to you.

You've been on two dates with this girl and you are already arguing and confronting her about things?
*Hint*: You never argue with a woman about anything. You walk away.
You make her nervous?
Her mood made you uncomfortable? Her mood should have no effect on you at all, you're supposed to be the rock in this picture.
You're "talking seriously" with her?
etc., etc...

And a woman doesn't need an "excuse" to do anything with you; she either wants to or she doesn't.

Your mindset is compromised.

You are hopelessly attached to the outcome, that's why you make her nervous.

In short, you sound like a mega-AFC right now. Check yourself.

we've been out 6 times in total, 2 initially then i messed up, then 2 months later we restarted so now its been 4 since then.. isn't my issue that its been 6 times since we been out hence my supposed confronation?

 

[drift_king]

by the way, thanks for the advice guys. it;s just the kick up the a$$ that i needed to hear cos im not thinking straight at all right now.

 

[slaog]

what i mean about holding hands is that it's been 6 times from start to finish we've seen each other.. we saw each other 2 times at the beginning, i lost her by messing up.. i came back now we been on 4 dates since then but i just find it weird how once she's had a drink she's all kissy kissy with me but as soon as we're outside in public she won't even hold my hand.. its like she doesnt want people know we're together or seeing each other.. is this reasonable??

everything you say makes sense though i have to agree. however what can i do about it with her? if shes on a pedestal i need to kick her off it.. how though?

she meets up with me she never cancels. she cancels on EVERYBODY. but not me.

how should i be next time?

i may have royally screwed things up by sending her text last night telling her i appreciated her coming out to see me and for her apologising for not making it the night before. shes busy with exams now and stuff so it's selfish of me taking up her time.,

she text me back 'hmmm.. you're really thinking too much. it was nice seeing you today. good night.'

then i told her i felt bad for being pushy at the end of the date when she just wanted to sleep.

if a girl becomes sleepy during a date and wants to go home have i necessarily done badly?

she was exhausted when she arrived but still wanted to come see me. i didn't build much rapport and focus on having fun. i get myself into sucha state prior that i freeze up and cant enjoy myself cos im too focused on the outcome.

how do i win back some value? i need to go see other girls now cos this oneitis is killing me. i thought i was making progress with her but it just doesn't make me feel good that she needs 1 drink before she'll be affectionate with me.. she won't let me kiss close her cos she's scared im going to be 1 of these psycho guys like her ex-bf who i assume was pushy too. it's like she likes me but is afraid to go further cos she doesn't want me tormenting her if we break up.

im too insecure and anxious that things are over that i just cant chill and just let things be.

You don't know where you're going wrong and to be a success with women YOU need to understand it. No point in keeping asking the same questions. Read what Jophil has said below. I was as clueless as you are but I have a much greater understanding now because I examined everything I (and others) was doing wrong and asked myself alot of questions.


For your own mental sanity give this girl some space and go check out other girls and spend time doing some hobbies or other interests.

I learned that development of a skill is incremental, and needs to be a conscious decision which follows a conscious understanding of what went wrong.

The point I am making is this - do you understand what went wrong here with this girl ? Because until you "get it" you are likely to repeat it and fire a lot of wide shots.