Clint Eastwood
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2002
- Messages
- 168
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Importance of inner game
This post is more for the newbies and terminal AFCs.
“I don’t like games”, you say.
“I just want to be myself.”
“I don’t want to be some jerk player, or learn new skills.”
Well, in many ways you can be yourself. You don’t need to change your basic personality. In fact you probably couldn’t even if you tried. And, if you did, it would be short-lived and you’d probably appear ridiculous to some people who would know that you’re faking it.
We’ve all heard that if you don’t have confidence, “fake it, till you make it”. In many ways this is true. Once you start working on your inner game and eventually your outer game, you’ll realize that you have become much more confident. And it’s confidence that will last.
“But, Clint, I just don’t have any confidence. I’ve never been able to approach women. I just can’t do it. I’m not ****y & Funny. I’m not good looking. I’m not rich. I’m short. Blahh Blahh Blahh....”
None of that matters until you have your inner game together. But, really, truly getting your inner game together takes a long time. It’s not an overnight process. All of the outer game tools can help (e.g. ****y & Funny, smooth lines, voice tone, well-dressed, etc.) But all of those things are just tools. Without inner game, your tools are useless. Some guys have little in the way of outer game, yet they’re fairly successful with women. They’ve never been ****y or funny. They never neg-hit. They don’t use NLP. They don’t need to, because they have their inner game in such good shape that they don’t need many of the tools and techniques that are always being obsessed about on this board.
What is inner game?
Inner game has been covered on here a lot. Many of Pook’s posts cover it very nicely, as well as other posts in the DJ Bible.
To me inner game consists of Mindset and Composure (inner composure which leads to great outer composure)
* 1. You need to get the right mindset more than anything else. If you need to, take some time away from dating and interacting with women, until you get this mindset. (I know I’m going to get flamed for this next statement, but read and understand it.) See yourself from a woman’s eyes. This will be very difficult, but immensely helpful. You’ll have to be honest about your weaknesses. If you’re having trouble doing this, ask a close friend for some brutal honesty.
You need to think of how you appear to a woman. This is not so much about being good-looking, but more a matter of how you project yourself to others. Is your posture good, or do you slouch a lot and walk with your head down like you’re afraid someone will look at you? Do you move confidently and assertively, or nervously and anxiously? Do you at least try to dress nicely and be clean, or do you look like something that just crawled out of a gutter?
*2. After you see yourself the way a woman probably sees you, you may realize that you have some work to do. Your goal is now to become the man that you know most women will be attracted to. Notice you don’t have to look like Brad Pitt to be very attractive to women. (It helps, but ain’t necessary) Your assignment is to go out in public for two weeks and count all of the unattractive men that you see with beautiful women.
If you have real self-esteem issues... Get to the gym, take martial arts classes, join toastmasters, work on your intellect, learn a new hobby and get really good at it. There are countless ways to build your basic foundation of self-esteem and confidence apart from women. After you start getting this under control. Start transitioning to more outer game stuff.
*3. Write things down and set goals. You can’t get anywhere without a map and destination in mind. Write it all down. Study things like body language, voice tone, movement, etc. I got some great audiotapes called “the Sound of your voice.” Do some research, watch movies with guys that women crave. Learn what makes these guys sexy and attractive to women. It’s not looks. Explain Billy Bob Thornton’s appeal. One woman I know, is crazy about Steve Buscemi, another thinks Christopher Walken is the sexiest guy ever. These are the exceptions. Just get an idea of the type of guy you are, and learn how to emphasize your strong points by studying guys who appeal to women. At the same time, work on overcoming your weak points.
*4. If you have to, write down a few areas you need to work on, and keep track of them. For instance... Maybe your posture is poor or weak. This gives off a bad impression. Have a small index card you carry in your pocket for a couple of weeks. Try to think of your posture. For each time you catch yourself slouching or doing something else that’s bad, pull out your card and make a note of it, or a check mark. Or, maybe you need to concentrate on slower, sexy body language and movements. Every time you go around people, be aware of your movements and body language. (Of course, you don’t want to pull out your notecard at a time like this) When you get home, make a note of it. In time, you’ll notice that you’re being more aware of these things. As you become more aware of them, you’ll gradually change until you project a totally different image to others. Especially to women. Don’t underestimate the power of these simple techniques. If you do it right, you’ll have such powerful posture, appearance, and body language, that women will be very interested in you even if you’re not good looking.
*5. Learn to be cool and keep your composure inside and out, no matter what. Gradually put yourself into increasingly difficult and uncomfortable situations. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. As you are doing this, be aware of keeping your composure. The more practice you get, the easier it becomes. This is the hardest and most painful thing to work on. But, you know what’s great about it? The more you push yourself out of your comfort zone, the bigger that zone becomes. Which means, things that would have been incredibly uncomfortable to you before, are now only mildly uncomfortable. Eventually, you’ll be giving James Bond lessons on composure.
This was kind of the idea behind some of the assignments on the DJ Boot Camp that someone posted a long time ago. The assignments gradually caused you to do things that were increasingly uncomfortable. This toughened you more and more. Before you knew it, you had confidence and composure. The more you pushed yourself, the better the results. If you do it right confidence will be oozing from your every pore, and not even Helen of Troy could make you lose your composure.
At that point, you can start to work even more on your outer game. That’s where all the C&F, and other tools come into play. Some tools will work for you, and some will not. You’ll have to learn that from trial and error.
Hope this helps. If you need more details or helpful hints on how to get your inner game together... Just ask. Myself or another experienced DJ will be glad to help. Understand that getting your inner game together doesn’t stop here. It’s an ongoing process. One you should keep in mind until you’ve been where you want to be with women for awhile. Then, you’ll realize that you don’t need to think about it anymore. It’s like driving or riding a bike. You may fall a few times or even crash a couple of times. But, once you’ve done it long enough, it’s just becomes natural and you don’t even think about it.
“The greatest journey begins with a single step.”
“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.” - William James
“Man is what he believes” - Anton Chekov
“As you think, so you shall become.” - Pook
“Talk low, talk slow, and don’t talk too much.” - John Wayne
“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” - Albert Einstein
This post is more for the newbies and terminal AFCs.
“I don’t like games”, you say.
“I just want to be myself.”
“I don’t want to be some jerk player, or learn new skills.”
Well, in many ways you can be yourself. You don’t need to change your basic personality. In fact you probably couldn’t even if you tried. And, if you did, it would be short-lived and you’d probably appear ridiculous to some people who would know that you’re faking it.
We’ve all heard that if you don’t have confidence, “fake it, till you make it”. In many ways this is true. Once you start working on your inner game and eventually your outer game, you’ll realize that you have become much more confident. And it’s confidence that will last.
“But, Clint, I just don’t have any confidence. I’ve never been able to approach women. I just can’t do it. I’m not ****y & Funny. I’m not good looking. I’m not rich. I’m short. Blahh Blahh Blahh....”
None of that matters until you have your inner game together. But, really, truly getting your inner game together takes a long time. It’s not an overnight process. All of the outer game tools can help (e.g. ****y & Funny, smooth lines, voice tone, well-dressed, etc.) But all of those things are just tools. Without inner game, your tools are useless. Some guys have little in the way of outer game, yet they’re fairly successful with women. They’ve never been ****y or funny. They never neg-hit. They don’t use NLP. They don’t need to, because they have their inner game in such good shape that they don’t need many of the tools and techniques that are always being obsessed about on this board.
What is inner game?
Inner game has been covered on here a lot. Many of Pook’s posts cover it very nicely, as well as other posts in the DJ Bible.
To me inner game consists of Mindset and Composure (inner composure which leads to great outer composure)
* 1. You need to get the right mindset more than anything else. If you need to, take some time away from dating and interacting with women, until you get this mindset. (I know I’m going to get flamed for this next statement, but read and understand it.) See yourself from a woman’s eyes. This will be very difficult, but immensely helpful. You’ll have to be honest about your weaknesses. If you’re having trouble doing this, ask a close friend for some brutal honesty.
You need to think of how you appear to a woman. This is not so much about being good-looking, but more a matter of how you project yourself to others. Is your posture good, or do you slouch a lot and walk with your head down like you’re afraid someone will look at you? Do you move confidently and assertively, or nervously and anxiously? Do you at least try to dress nicely and be clean, or do you look like something that just crawled out of a gutter?
*2. After you see yourself the way a woman probably sees you, you may realize that you have some work to do. Your goal is now to become the man that you know most women will be attracted to. Notice you don’t have to look like Brad Pitt to be very attractive to women. (It helps, but ain’t necessary) Your assignment is to go out in public for two weeks and count all of the unattractive men that you see with beautiful women.
If you have real self-esteem issues... Get to the gym, take martial arts classes, join toastmasters, work on your intellect, learn a new hobby and get really good at it. There are countless ways to build your basic foundation of self-esteem and confidence apart from women. After you start getting this under control. Start transitioning to more outer game stuff.
*3. Write things down and set goals. You can’t get anywhere without a map and destination in mind. Write it all down. Study things like body language, voice tone, movement, etc. I got some great audiotapes called “the Sound of your voice.” Do some research, watch movies with guys that women crave. Learn what makes these guys sexy and attractive to women. It’s not looks. Explain Billy Bob Thornton’s appeal. One woman I know, is crazy about Steve Buscemi, another thinks Christopher Walken is the sexiest guy ever. These are the exceptions. Just get an idea of the type of guy you are, and learn how to emphasize your strong points by studying guys who appeal to women. At the same time, work on overcoming your weak points.
*4. If you have to, write down a few areas you need to work on, and keep track of them. For instance... Maybe your posture is poor or weak. This gives off a bad impression. Have a small index card you carry in your pocket for a couple of weeks. Try to think of your posture. For each time you catch yourself slouching or doing something else that’s bad, pull out your card and make a note of it, or a check mark. Or, maybe you need to concentrate on slower, sexy body language and movements. Every time you go around people, be aware of your movements and body language. (Of course, you don’t want to pull out your notecard at a time like this) When you get home, make a note of it. In time, you’ll notice that you’re being more aware of these things. As you become more aware of them, you’ll gradually change until you project a totally different image to others. Especially to women. Don’t underestimate the power of these simple techniques. If you do it right, you’ll have such powerful posture, appearance, and body language, that women will be very interested in you even if you’re not good looking.
*5. Learn to be cool and keep your composure inside and out, no matter what. Gradually put yourself into increasingly difficult and uncomfortable situations. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. As you are doing this, be aware of keeping your composure. The more practice you get, the easier it becomes. This is the hardest and most painful thing to work on. But, you know what’s great about it? The more you push yourself out of your comfort zone, the bigger that zone becomes. Which means, things that would have been incredibly uncomfortable to you before, are now only mildly uncomfortable. Eventually, you’ll be giving James Bond lessons on composure.
This was kind of the idea behind some of the assignments on the DJ Boot Camp that someone posted a long time ago. The assignments gradually caused you to do things that were increasingly uncomfortable. This toughened you more and more. Before you knew it, you had confidence and composure. The more you pushed yourself, the better the results. If you do it right confidence will be oozing from your every pore, and not even Helen of Troy could make you lose your composure.
At that point, you can start to work even more on your outer game. That’s where all the C&F, and other tools come into play. Some tools will work for you, and some will not. You’ll have to learn that from trial and error.
Hope this helps. If you need more details or helpful hints on how to get your inner game together... Just ask. Myself or another experienced DJ will be glad to help. Understand that getting your inner game together doesn’t stop here. It’s an ongoing process. One you should keep in mind until you’ve been where you want to be with women for awhile. Then, you’ll realize that you don’t need to think about it anymore. It’s like driving or riding a bike. You may fall a few times or even crash a couple of times. But, once you’ve done it long enough, it’s just becomes natural and you don’t even think about it.
“The greatest journey begins with a single step.”
“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.” - William James
“Man is what he believes” - Anton Chekov
“As you think, so you shall become.” - Pook
“Talk low, talk slow, and don’t talk too much.” - John Wayne
“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” - Albert Einstein
