Implying non-exclusivity

[Phrost]

Hey DJs, can you share how you let your date know you're not boyfriend/girlfriend yet? That you're dating around, and considering your options.

I can't just raise the issue out of the blue, can I? That say "Hey you know it's just a date. I have other girls and am currently considering which to go exclusive with". It'd appear that I'm trying hard to get.

The best way I see it, is to bump into your other girls while on a date. That way you can briefly mention you're dating her etc. However if you live in a big town like me, the chances of that is slim. Peace

 

[mpimpin]

If she hasn't brought it up why should you?

 

[INXS]

Generally, women love a man who is upfront about what he wants out of a relationship. They don't like it when a man is trying to be "sly." Now this does not mean tell her, "I'm a player baby and I gotta play." No. If this is what you think I meant please go slap yourself. What I meant was, BE UPFRONT. Say something like "I am just looking to have fun right now and get to know exciting people, and if something serious evolves, then it will happen."

You might want to use a rule that I use, that works wonders for me. Tell a new woman that you don't ever consider being exclusive till after knowing each other 90 days. (This way it will get you past just knowing her "persona" and you will know the real her by then, or at least have an idea of what the real her is like.) Don't worry about her and like mpimpin said, if she hasn't brought it up, why should you? Generally talking about "labels" and "titles" is a "fun killer" even in the moment. Yuck. Don't bring it up until she does.

And if you think she is serious relationship material, go out and meet 10 new women and then tell me you still feel that way. Often times guys are fickle and don't realize it till they get stuck with one woman, and feel trapped.

Re-read that last part till you get it. It is a VERY important concept.

 

[Phrost]

Espi: That is only if you want a fvck buddy, for me I'm open to a LTR when the right one comes along.

pimpin: Because if you don't, and she assumes you're exclusive but sees you with someone else, she gets all dramatic. Sure you get next her, but why even let it get to that. I'm seeking suggestions on how I can subtly let her know we're not exclusive yet, which
1 Conveys higher value, available options
2 Qualifies her and lets her know she has to do better

INXS: I get exactly what you mean, and that's why I ask. I know the reason behind it, and what to say. But my question is HOW to say it. Bringing it up out of the blue is just weird

 

[INXS]

Espi: That is only if you want a fvck buddy, for me I'm open to a LTR when the right one comes along.

pimpin: Because if you don't, and she assumes you're exclusive but sees you with someone else, she gets all dramatic. Sure you get next her, but why even let it get to that. I'm seeking suggestions on how I can subtly let her know we're not exclusive yet, which
1 Conveys higher value, available options
2 Qualifies her and lets her know she has to do better

INXS: I get exactly what you mean, and that's why I ask. I know the reason behind it, and what to say. But my question is HOW to say it. Bringing it up out of the blue is just weird

Here is what you do...
Go to Starbucks or take her for icecream..NO DINNER though.

Wait for the person behind the counter to ask "Are you 2 together?" (In regard to who is paying for the bill. These types of places usually ask that.) If all else fails, prompt it yourself and when they bring the bill, ask, "So do you think were together or something?" (Not in a rude way, just casually) then go in for it..and say this.."She loves me, but I'm playing hard to get. But I wouldn't say were together." If it is a woman behind the counter, in a OVERLY smooth way go on with, "So....what is your name?" This will provide laughs, but also inform her in a ****y and funny way that you don't consider her your girlfriend. If you feel after that she still hasn't gotten the hint, after you do this and sit down, say "I am so glad I know you, and we can just have fun together and enjoy each other's company without all the hassle of labels and all that."

 

[NewMan]

You don't need to say anything - in fact don't bring up the subject - let HER bring it up - and believe me she will.

So, you are deemed non exclusive until you both talk and agree to being exclusive. Remember that.

she will bring it up by asking something like:

"Are you seeing anyone else"

"Are we exclusive"

yadda yadda yadda.

At this time you lay down your schpeel. "Hey, I'm really having a great time with you - but I just don't want to rush into anything concrete yet - let's just give things some more time"

Feel gree to insert anything in there - but you get the drift.

The important part to this is - She may test you by implying that there is some other guy interested in her - or that she can no longer see you/put out - or that she needs to move on - ass any chick BS into thew above.... When this happens you must be prepared to stand your ground and lose her if necessary. Typically, you should say something like "I understand - hey if there's some other guy that's interested in you - and you in him, then go for it - I understand".....

 

[Phyzzle]

If she hasn't brought it up why should you?

^ That's the simplest way to put it, Phrost.