I'm very confused and need some direction!!

[Playboy]

btw, how are you loosing your friends because of acting like a player?  are you hitting on your old girl friends or how is it bothering them? and as far as male friends, what is their problem with that?

Well the guys are kind of back and forth. The married guys or guys in relationships in particular seem to be agitated with me.

The single guys are back and forth. On the one hand they seem to like the fact that I am more interesting, wild, and free. On the other hand they feel like I am a bit of a pain in the ass at times.The girls are pretty much unanimous. The best way I can sum THIS up is to basically give you some before and after quotes. Here are some quotes I heard before I changed:

Girl: Your like a guy who understands women but not gay and still manly ... it's soooo hot.

Girl: Your like the perfect guy, everything that comes out of your mouth is perfect.

Girl: I think Im falling in love with you.

Girl: Your such a rare guy, it's like your 3 dimensional
Girl: Your such a great guy.

>>>>>FAST FORWARD 2 NOW>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(keep in mind I dont always get these responces and sometimes get the signals the community talks about but this is about the average)

Me: Your like a bratty little sister.
Her: Your like a creepy older brother.

Me: Some attraction line
Her: Ummm yea whatever dude, just go.

Me: I don't agree because
Her: Well then we wouldnt get along
Me: Yea your right we probably wouldnt
HER: THEN STOP ****IN TALKING TO ME. (getting enraged and pissed)

Other comments:

(lifetime friend): Why are you acting like this? What is your problem?

lifetime fan that has been trying to hook up with me forever: I dont like how you are anymore, you've changed ... I hate it ... ITS NOT YOU.

Me: Its IS me NOW.

Old friend: You walk around this place like you own the place, doing whatever you want, not giving a **** about anyone else but yourself.

Friend: You know your friends are in a lot of pain about what they feel is your sick sense of humor. Be a good guy man, be nice to people.

SO this is the sort of stuff I am dealing with. Obviously Im not use to it. On one hand I know that if I stop caring what others think, dont be reactive, and just keep moving in this direction I will become desensitized to it, and maybe eventually start getting laid more because of it ... but at what cost?

So far I have been in this for a couple years and only gotten a handful of one night stands. A lot of girls have initial attraction to me but I end up being too difficult or just not agreeable enough. It's either me not calibrating enough or them just not buying my higher value display -- which instead of being based on who I am seems to be based on these techniques that are suppose to display attraction and sex value ... like sexual frame reversals, negs, push/pull and things like that.

I know if I stop letting other people cut me down and make me feel like I am not this person I look to become and stop caring and just be it that success may be around the corner ... but there is a big part of me that agrees and doesn't like who I have become ... which makes it hard for me.

 

[DonGorgon]

^^^lol

 

[Playboy]

I hear what you are talking about. I’ve never had problems getting women and when I did first hear of this community I did try out a few of its tricks. Some of it worked but I quickly came to the realization that I didn’t want to interact with women in such a way.

Perhaps the most repulsive to me is the mindset that leads guys to say things such as,

I don’t at all like playing a game on a woman I’d much rather play a game with a woman and there is a world of difference between the two.

When I was around twenty there was this much older woman that I used to regularly have long conversations with. One day she told me that, from her point of view, that to get a woman all I had to do was talk with her and that if I talked long enough that she would see how I was and fall for me.

I’ve found that that really is the best way to get women. I am a good looking enough guy and social enough that I can get just about any woman to sit and talk with me. While, I suppose, I could have had far more women than I have, I tend to only continue on with those with whom I feel good chemistry, a strong connection. Overall I’ve been very happy with the women who I have connected with.

I never look at a woman as someone to be manipulated and conquered but rather as a playmate to play with. There have been many times when I’ve been with a woman and situations arose where it really was her and me against the world, it is a bonding experience like no other. Isn’t there a song that goes something like, “looking for a lover who won’t blow my cover, she’s so hard to find”? If you find such a woman why would you look at her or treat her as anything but as a trusted ally?

Guys who only look at women as sexual conquests, as players do, miss out on a great deal of the fun and satisfaction that can be had in having enduring relationships with women. Studies have consistently shown that men who form lasting, fulfilling relationships with women tend to live longer, healthier, happier lives than those that don’t.

Ok potato.

I would love to get your input on some of the things you agree with and dont agree with.

Here are the things I agree with that I have learned:

teasing and playing
leading
kino
moving them around the venue
projecting sexual state with your eyes and bodylanguage
Not being horny for sex in fact slowing her down
physical push/pull
role playing and future progression plotlines
teaching her things about herself and how she comes off
qualifying towards the standard you want her to live up to
keeping a slight air of mystery and challenge
Soi's
Being non-reactive
quiet confidence

Here are the things I tend to NOT like:

arrogance
****y funny unless they lead with it
projecting sexual confidence in an arrogant or verbal way
Trying to actively DHV or impress her
Doing anything to try to get her attention that is over the top
negs (although I do like weak compliments)
Playing verbal games and trying to act like you don't like her, especially as a reaction to any resistance.
lies
anything too degrading

 

[drak_ool]

the reason i ve been really trying to help you out is cuz i see your situation as very similar to what happened to me. I used to have a lot of girl friends who thought i was the greatest guy ever and that i understood women and all... yet i wasn't getting enough action and what i was getting was either based on my looks or the fact i acted super confident because i was drunk. According to my male friends i used to always put women on a pedestal and so on.

however, over the past two years i started changing my whole attitude (this was way before i even knew about PUAs and such). first i really wanted to get a steady, LTR girlfriend. I got her last fall, i had a blast with her until things fell apart this summer. my new goal was to get with as many hot girls as i could, which i ve had good success with. Yes, i ve lost a couple of really nice girls, both of them LTR material, because i refused to escalate the relationship but both of them knew from the beggining what i wanted so i didn't have to lie to them.

how did my friends react? they all talk about me admiringly, some of the guys maybe are even jealous but i haven't heard any negative criticism. the bottom line is, i m HAPPY with how my life is working out right now and my friends, seeing that, are supportive of me and my lifestyle. Yes, they are some in my group of acquaintances who criticize me, calling me a "wh0re" and what not but do you think i take that to heart? these are not my friends and i treat them as such

so if your friends are distancing themselves from you, start asking yourself how genuine their feelings of friendship are towards you. your real friends should support you, not hold you down. I can understand you are in a diff situation than me if most of your friends are married/in serious relationships and are being whipped by their gfs/wifes. Maybe you should just not go out with these guys when you re sarging, just meet them up for a beer over a ball game or something.

as for your girl friends, i still don't get the entire picture: are you hitting on them with those lines? are you being C&F with them? if you re not interested in sex with them i don't see why you would do that, but i can see why they re getting bored with your act. A lot of the quick fixes you learn in this community work well on a girl who just met you, but if you overdo it, it gets old very fast

 

[Playboy]

the reason i ve been really trying to help you out is cuz i see your situation as very similar to what happened to me. I used to have a lot of girl friends who thought i was the greatest guy ever and that i understood women and all... yet i wasn't getting enough action and what i was getting was either based on my looks or the fact i acted super confident because i was drunk. According to my male friends i used to always put women on a pedestal and so on.

Well I was just a normal high value relationship orientated guy, I did tend to relate with women a little too much though.

my new goal was to get with as many hot girls as i could, which i ve had good success with. Yes, i ve lost a couple of really nice girls, both of them LTR material, because i refused to escalate the relationship but both of them knew from the beggining what i wanted so i didn't have to lie to them.

Sounds like you stayed the way you were already instead of adopting all the tricks and just went for sex instead of trying to change yourself from top to bottom like me.

as for your girl friends, i still don't get the entire picture: are you hitting on them with those lines?

Well they are sexual reversal lines, and they are things that generate sexual attraction (or at least are suppose to) so they are feeling sexual tension from me.

are you being C&F with them?

Yes -- and it's not exactly how I use to communicate, that is not a very down to earth tactic.

if you re not interested in sex with them i don't see why you would do that, but i can see why they re getting bored with your act. A lot of the quick fixes you learn in this community work well on a girl who just met you, but if you overdo it, it gets old very fast

Well I dont just use stuff on certain people. If I am going to be a certain way i am that way all the time. You dont turn it on and off like a switch and expect to change.

The main reason i am having this hard of a time is I use to be a very rapport orientated, normal, humble, down to earth person and some of this stuff is a very hard departure and contrast to that. It could be my delivery in some way too.

I think I just need to tone it down, stick with the stuff that works for me, have fun, and calibrate. Mostly I need to approach more new people and stop worrying about my current social circle. I watch keys to the vip and they had a PUA there and he did really well, I see him as similar to me if I acted more natural. My biggest problem is I throw out some of this more hardcore stuff thats for beginners to keep them from getting blown out (like ****y funny, negs, sexual frame reversals) when I dont really need to be doing that stuff.

 

[potato]

I would love to get your input on some of the things you agree with and dont agree with.

Here are the things I agree with that I have learned:

teasing and playing – I kind of like doing this with most women, regardless of my attraction

leading – depends, I don’t think much about it.

kino – Often it is talked about as if kino is the road to attraction but to me it seems more like a consequence of attraction. For instance, at times I’ll be talking to a woman and she will just reach out and touch my arm – because she is attracted to me. Likewise I don’t touch a woman until I’ve establish a bit of comfort with her. Part of my thinking is because I often see guys who automatically touch a woman, like putting his arm around her as if to give her no option. Seeing women react negatively to this gives me pause to do it too soon.

moving them around the venue – not directly, but sometimes if the woman goes to like the bathroom I will move so that when she comes back she will have to look for me. Or say we’ve been dancing, afterwards I’ll go sit other than where we were before. I’ve never had a woman not follow.

projecting sexual state with your eyes and body language – of all things this is perhaps one of the most important. I never really hit on women, not in the conventional sense but whenever I meet a woman, or am with a woman just my eyes and body language, I’m sure there is never any doubt as to my intentions.

Not being horny for sex in fact slowing her down – Yes, and it seems that the more I slow a woman down and resist myself, the more explosive the sex is once we get to it.

physical push/pull – I don’t really think about it.

role playing and future progression plotlines – all the time. For instance, I’ve come up with story lines that are somewhat like fairy tales – spinoffs, of sorts from Celtic and Greek mythologies. Things like brave knights and wood nymphs. All the women who’ve I’ve done this with has played along, acting out their part and even contributing to the story line.

teaching her things about herself and how she comes off – yes, and I always try to be as honest as possible.

qualifying towards the standard you want her to live up to – I tend to be most attracted to women who do have high standards for themselves. I think that I do come off, to women, as having high standards, but not in a stodgy way but more of a cutting edge kind of way.

keeping a slight air of mystery and challenge – I often think of a woman as an adventure to be discovered and in the same way let her slowly discover me. I’m sure I’m not the most conventional guy around and it seems that most women I connect with are highly curious to discover my story, which I never fully tell.

Soi's – Depends. Typically I think that my interest should be obvious but I do tend to have lively, flirty interactions with many women. Sometimes I feel as if I have to state it explicitly so as to remove all doubt.

Being non-reactive – mostly.

quiet confidence – I think so. I am highly confident yet never try to demonstrate it.

Here are the things I tend to NOT like:

arrogance
****y funny unless they lead with it
projecting sexual confidence in an arrogant or verbal way
Trying to actively DHV or impress her
Doing anything to try to get her attention that is over the top
negs (although I do like weak compliments)
Playing verbal games and trying to act like you don't like her, especially as a reaction to any resistance.
lies
anything too degrading

For the most part I see these as insulting to the woman and below my dignity. I’ve read that the theory behind negs and ****y + funny and such things is to knock the woman off her pedestal and bring her down to the guy’s level. I tend to think that I’m desirable enough as a man that women who I carry on with tend to hope that they are good enough for me.