I'm too quiet

[jcb1772]

I'm starting to notice a barrier to me getting in a relationship...at school I'm pretty well-known among the guys, and I can be fun and talkative to my good friends. But a huge problem is I get real quiet when I'm around most of the girls. It's not that I don't want to say anything, in my mind I'm trying to think of anything to say that doesn't sound stupid...and usually everything does, so I just end up being silent. Most girls in my classes seem to see me as the dreaded quiet, sweet, nice guy (and a weak, skinny one at that). Agh. I've had my occassional funny moments with girls and I do talk a little bit on a daily basis, but really, I'm BORING. Don't even speak up much in class. I've read a lot of the bible posts on conversation, but my problem isn't really HOW to converse...it's finding WHAT to converse about. In a way I envy those loud "life of the party" guys who always have funny/interesting stuff to talk about...and then there's me...just there. Any possible help on how to fix this?

In one class, I now sit directly across from this girl who I tried to hook up with/asked out about 2 months ago...it was a pretty big deal, but in the end she said we didn't know each other very well...so I basically just gave up and haven't directly spoken to her since. Now that I sit near her, it's probably about time for me to start speaking to her again, because since that incident we've BOTH been quiet/awkward. And so this goes back to my problem of being too quiet, I want to be able to make good conversation with her...just as friends or even classmates at the very least.

Any tips or help would be great.

 

[tactic]

to overcome shyness, or being too quiet, being around people you know is a good idea. get to know others as well too. talk with them, have fun, you know? hang out with the guys and then the girls as you get more confidence.

 

[trippychip]

I gotta say im practically the same way. Sorta. Well im really quiet around girls i like but the rest i can say just bout anything. See i used to try to think all the time to say things that didnt sound stupid, but really all i was doing was postponing the inevitable. your gonna say stupid ****. I really dont know how to help you that much but really you jus gotta get up the nerve to say whatever. Its alot easier to tell ppl to do that then actually do it yourself cuz i have a problem with it too. Also go out to parties, try to do interestng things so you have something to talk about. But the best is way is probably to make them talk about themselves. you know like if they went on vacation ask em what their favourite part was. Its all about making em answer questions that they have to think bout for a moment. The more you make em think the better. You dont wana ask things like how was your day cuz all you will get will be: good,fine,bad,great... make em talk.

 

[BlaKTooth]

Originally posted by jcb1772
in my mind I'm trying to think of anything to say that doesn't sound stupid...

That's your problem right there. Thinking of what to say always screws you.

Go by your instinct. <-- the one and only DJ rule

 

[wavejams007]

Just talk, and don't worry about what to say or if it sounds stupid. I speak both english/spanish fluently, but I tend to sometimes mess up with english. Girls think it pretty funny and like to hang out with me. I am not quiet. I am more like two-bit, out of the book "the Outsiders" if you have read it.

 

[penkitten]

learn to speak up a little.

dont worry about what others think so much, most of them arent that bright anyhow.

 

[jcb1772]

Yeah, I shouldn't have to think about what to say...usually when that happens I end up not saying anything. My main short-term goal with this is to get talking with that girl I asked out a while back again...it'd be one thing if I didn't see her much, but I sit across from her everyday. And I haven't said one direct word to her yet (past 2 weeks). It's worse with her because I still feel awkward/uncomfortable after trying to get to her (and basically getting turned down).

Alternatively, I could look at my constant silence to her as displaying a loss of interest, showing I don't care anymore...which could be good. But when I lose a chance to talk I feel like more of a rude loser, so I dunno there.

Regardless of her, still planning on working on it...and thanks for the replies.

 

[eggnawgkid]

I'm exactly like you dude. I'm funny as hell when I'm with my best friends but I get really quite when girls join the conversation. Luckily I've been getting better though and I must admit this post helped A LOT:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=70401

Definitely take a look at that post. I've been keeping what it talks about in mind for the past couple weeks and I've become MUCH funnier when I'm around my friends. Now I just need to apply it around girls more. Good luck dude.