Im too quiet and it gets very frustrating

[El Don]

I think the title is self explanitory. Ever since I can remember I have been a quiet or shy person. It really hurts and its frustrating wanting to say all these things and be outgoing like all of my friends but I just cant do it. I have always thought maybe if I kept my looks up real good then it wouldnt be as hard but I still have not had much success with women. I think im an attractive guy and have had many girls in the past show interest but it leads to nothing except a friendship.

I have had many girls in the past ask me why I am always so quiet. Thats probably the worst thing I hate hearing. All my friends are witty and can just clown around and talk to other people like nothing. I have tried and tried and want to change so bad but I have no idea how to "break out of this shell". I have been going out and try to talk more with my friends and with strangers at my job but I see no progress. I refuse to believe that its just the way I am and that you can change if you want to but I seem to get no where and need any advice anyone can offer thanks.

 

[Shiftkey]

I used to be that way. People would ask me why I'm so quiet all the time. It's not a problem for me now, and I'm a completely different person from that shy, quiet guy. But it didn't happen over night. It's something I had to work at, and I changed gradually by hanging out with talkative people and doing social things. So don't expect to read anything on this website that will change you like a light switch - it's not going to happen. Just don't give up, don't label yourself as a quiet guy, and keep seeking to improve yourself, and you'll eventually get there.

 

[Bubs]

Low self-esteem is a *****, and trying to boost yourself up by improving your looks still gives you that little empty feeling.

First off, dont compare to your friends. You give yourself way too much of a standard to reach and it seems unattainable. you dont have to be a clown and outgoing anyway. All you have to be is you. But it's hard being you if you think you're not worth anything; or that people are going to go "uhm....no, i dont think so" and shoot you down in flames; or people are just going to ignore you.

Self-esteem is quite difficult to beat. I think one way to tackle it is to start valuing individuality alot more. you're an individual right? You have thoughts, ideas, opinions - and they're worth something!! You have the right to them just as much as anybody else.
Dont be after laughs or being the clown. Just work on believing you're entitled to your own thoughts and ideas. Thats what helped me out by thinking like that. I realised i have just as much right as anybody else to speak up and say what i want to say.

And no1 is focused too much on what you say anyway or how you look! They're usually focused on themselves. So don't feel that people are hanging on your every word. Take the pressure of yourself and just go with it.

Well, hope ya get past it.

 

[Sexual]

I have the same problem. I've improved my style and looks to women not caring, but as much as I hear/watch comedy, my personality is at a stalemate. Everyone always tells me to smile, but I feel like I'm not taken seriously if I do all the time, and I get asked a lot "what's wrong?" I just say I'm tired.

It's frustrating as hell breaking the ice on first dates because as confident as I am, I seem like a vault and bland. Some women like this, others (probably more so), don't.

I've been improving this for years, but I assume it's going to be a long, slow process.

 

[So Many Ways]

I'm the same way and it is possible to change but you'll have to spend every day making a concerted effort to become outgoing. Engage in any activity that will force you to talk or interact from others. You can start by talking to store clerks or anyone else paid to be nice. You might also want to check out the bootcamp.

 

[spesmilitis]

I used to be that way too. It took me quite a while to be where I am today.

My path to where I am went like this: to be open with my close friends. Then be open with my regular friends. Then friends i didn't know so well, ect.

Another thing that was holding me back was pressure. Pressure to make everything you say entertaining. If what i had to say wasn't entertaining or significant, i didn't say it. Now i just say whatever is on my mind. Listen to other people talk, most of the time what other people have to say isn't significanty entertaining, its just whats on their mind.

No one expects you to be a world class comedian or story teller. They just wanna hear some thoughts.

 

[insanity]

i have found drinking to be the greatest ice breaker for meeting new people. unless your a lousy drunk. look at university and colleges...... whats the first thing most guys and girls do there first week on getting rid of the jitters? having a couple of drinks with some strangers. same thing with co-workers...after a long days work there are always guys and girls that head to the pub.

why do you think many young people go to bars. they drink the liquid courage and let the show begin. i love it when a bookworm play by the rules kinda person gives in to the hooch. these people are awesome to get lit with...heck they even become the life of the party

 

[Credos]

You're doing it ALL WRONG!

You're not shy, you're mysterious... You're quiet because you are observing. If you think low of yourself, then others will too. About meeting new people, if you can't sarge then meet the friends of your friends, its a easy way to get to know new people.

My way of getting a good impression with friends of my friends is just playing it cool, act like they are already friends of yours, tell them the crazy stuff you do and that they should do to.. Though you should find your own thing in this, just don't get yourself down on things. Think positive, thats the first step.

 

[El Don]

Thanks for all the advice, it really helps. I guess I just need to htink positive and keep working and interacting more. The above poster was right with the mysterious thing to. I have had maybe 1 or 2 girls in the past tell me that I am mysterious, so I guess I can work with that too and just be a little more outgoing. Thanks for the help guys

 

[wrender]

Growing up I was always the quiet one too. Now I'm more talkative but I'm still not exactly the life of the party. But that's fine and I've accepted that. I too have been labeled "mysterious" and it works for me. It's part of what makes me attractive (so I've been told).

The main thing I did to overcome the quiet /shy stigma is that I became a much better listener in social situations. I used to space out alot. Mainly because I just wasn't interested or I didn't care to hear what many people had to say. Now I try to listen alot more intently to everyone around me regardeless of how interesteting they are. If you listen, you will have alot of info to play off of so you can be part of the conversation. It's just like all the articles here about talking to women. It works for everyone.

 

[Migel]

First of all, becoming talkative won't make you happy. It's just one of the tools you have to seduce women. First accept yourself and appreciate what you have. Then if you want to change go ahead.
It's a long process, I'm on your path too. I made a list of things to improve on everyday. Here are some key things that naturally talkative people do:

- they love the sound of their own voice
- they have low standards of what they are saying
- they don't seek any reaction from what they are saying
- they speak whatever is on their mind without analyzing
- they talk because they like to, not because they want something or they want to please the other person.

The big thing is APPROVAL SEEKING and just to like to talk. If you don't expect anything from the things you say and you love the sound of your voice then you'll become one of the talkative guys.
If I discover how to do this I will definately share it with you.

 

[Doggystyle]

So so many threads like this!

 

[omgwtfm8]

I used to be like this. Drink socially and you'll talk a **** load more ha.

 

[SikWitIt]

Dude i think alot of us were or are like you but trust me you can overcome it just take's a bit of work and drive.

Nobody really care's what you look like say or do they are more intrested in what they are doing then you most of the time.

The way i got over it was probably the job's ive had they always dealt with people, i had to talk or i would get fired this site helped alot too but you have to want to change sitting quiet all the time not saying a word isnt fun trust me.

I say take a deep breath and just do it talk to sumbody sitting next to you or at the mall, wherever you are or whoever it is who care's lol i even practiced talking with old ladys they love to talk.

Im still workin on it to this day but it get's better