im the other man

[sandcastlebuilder]

hi for a few month now i have been the other man. she has a child with her now ex. she has left him but still isnt over him she keeps saying she is torn between me and him.when we are together she is all loved up with me but she is very hot and cold when im not around. she finally left is there ever a chance for me and her? she says she has feelings for me but doesnt want me to be a rebound

 

[Spinach]

Run Forest run! You really don't want to deal with the drama of someone's left overs. Good luck.

 

[EmotionalGeek]

I Heard few times that good thing were result for the other man in such situation but my personal experience is very different.

If she has feelings for her ex she might get back to him literaly in split second. If you are in love you know how harsh it will be. Additionally in such situation she may never fully commit to you. You will feel that something is little off between you two. She may also regularly see her ex because of child. Such thing would left my nerves shattered. In the end she may just treat you as emotional tampoon and after a while she will find something better.

 

[Billtx49]

Most self aware women will spend some time being single to get over the last man before getting involved with a new man. If they don't let some time pass by between men, big problems lay ahead for them and their new guy. If they switch men too soon they tend to confuse their feelings for the old guy with feelings for the new guy. It usually does not last in that type of scenario, aka Rebound.
Probably why you are getting mixed emotional signals from her right now.
She at least sounds like she's self aware and knows of the potential danger involved for both of you.
A lot of it depends on the strength of the emotional imprint the last man left on her…

 

[Prime_Beef]

Stupid.
You were the other man, you are expecting or hoping for a woman you had an affair with to leave the husband, father of her child to be with you? You hope to have a stable relationship with a woman who lied to her man, committed adultery, and hurt the bond between the child and his father, turning the child's life upside down and somehow, you hope to be with this woman who is nothing but a hoe, and hope what you two just did isn't repeated by her in the future on you (and maybe your kid) is that what you want? There's no logic in this. Learn from it, grow up and move on; don't develop oneitis it a hoe you were cheating with. Besides, what makes you think you were the only man she was cheating with? It's stupid, and as you continue participating so too shall you be.

 

[Billtx49]

Stupid.
You were the other man, you are expecting or hoping for a woman you had an affair with to leave the husband, father of her child to be with you? You hope to have a stable relationship with a woman who lied to her man, committed adultery, and hurt the bond between the child and his father, turning the child's life upside down and somehow, you hope to be with this woman who is nothing but a hoe, and hope what you two just did isn't repeated by her in the future on you (and maybe your kid) is that what you want? There's no logic in this. Learn from it, grow up and move on; don't develop oneitis it a hoe you were cheating with. Besides, what makes you think you were the only man she was cheating with? It's stupid, and as you continue participating so too shall you be.

Yes, a female triangulation is a always a real b**ch of a situation for all involved in one.
My favorite quote - A woman can not Have feelings for two men at once because she will usually lose twice.

 

[sodbuster]

Sorry to say, but the tides coming in someday soon. The sandcastle builder will be left looking at the wreckage....

 

[Serenity]

She messed up and sadly you're a part of it. The affection of the moments you're together seem good, but she's unstable. Not only is she indecisive, she has proven she's unfaithful as well.

You ask if there's a chance for you two, but I wonder why you would even want that? A few displays of affection cannot outweigh severe deception and messing with your emotions.

For your own well being, choose for her by not letting yourself be a choice in her destructive game.

 

[sandcastlebuilder]

thanks for all the help people some good comments here

 

[Milano]

Dont worry, it wont last with the ex either, and you dont want another mans seed to pay for

 

[bmp2cpm]

I'll probably take a lot of flack for this post, but here I go.....

1) being the other man for only one month is not enough time to get her to commit to you.

2) it doesn't matter the circumstances, if a woman dumps you, go no contact and date other girls immediately. Don't look back. If she comes back, let her know you are dating and make her figure out how to get you back

3) Gentleman, shaming is a female'a strategy. To employ it here is kind of validating feminism.

4) I think the only way to get a married woman long term is if both parties are married and are looking for exit affairs. This happens more than you think. But it has to be very specific circumstances. But most of the times it ends in disaster for the other man.

5) All that being said, I did it and we're getting married. But it was unique circumstances. Husband had a very bad mental illness that had been worsening for years and refused any treatment. His wife met me, the chemistry was off the chart and we exited as soon as we could. She did break up with me at one point and I dated immediately. Six months later she begged me to get back with her. A lot of drama and fallout, but I'm getting a girl with a very low partner count, was faithful for 17 years in her previous relationship and because of her ex husband'a mental illness, I actually became her high score guy as he hated touching her. I'm the first guy she ever spooned. True story. She comes from a strong religious background and has good morals. For me, it's worth it. No regrets. Life is short, we need to admit when a relationship is dead and move on. Also, for the situation to work, I was good friends with her sister for years, so I was vetted and knew all about her before I even met her.

6) in conclusion, while the other man can get the girl, the odds are really against him. And there will be fallout. But honestly, my fiancé is a million times better than those online girls who never married and don't want to marry, and want a beach house. I hate the beach!

 

[dude99]

hi for a few month now i have been the other man. she has a child with her now ex. she has left him but still isnt over him she keeps saying she is torn between me and him.when we are together she is all loved up with me but she is very hot and cold when im not around. she finally left is there ever a chance for me and her? she says she has feelings for me but doesnt want me to be a rebound

What she is saying is "i like you for now until a better guy comes around."

I like you but i dont want you to be the rebound guy? Gee thats a whopper of a lie.

Dude girls branch swing from guy to guy all the time. Every guy they date is the rebound guy because no girl will ever leave a relationship until they have started the next one.

I hope you didn't buy her bs when she served it up to you.

 

[SkrooU]

Anything is possible. However, these situations are just not worth it to me. Your confidence and ability to maneuver through this without losing frame is going to be greatly tested. Good luck lol

 

[exhausted]

Stupid.
You were the other man, you are expecting or hoping for a woman you had an affair with to leave the husband, father of her child to be with you? You hope to have a stable relationship with a woman who lied to her man, committed adultery, and hurt the bond between the child and his father, turning the child's life upside down and somehow, you hope to be with this woman who is nothing but a hoe, and hope what you two just did isn't repeated by her in the future on you (and maybe your kid) is that what you want? There's no logic in this. Learn from it, grow up and move on; don't develop oneitis it a hoe you were cheating with. Besides, what makes you think you were the only man she was cheating with? It's stupid, and as you continue participating so too shall you be.

Bingo well said.

Who would want to be with such a deceitful and horrible woman?
Oh ya maybe the home wrecking guy who was sneaking around with her.

None of us are perfect but we as a society need to strive to remove this behavior through consequences and nontolerance.
Or when else does it get better?