im such a loser, please help? (convo topics with women)

[commodore]

hi there

ive been able to break the ice with this girl i like, everythings cool

but im not a cool kid, what should i talk about to girls in the 19-22yr old bracket, this girl doesnt consider me cool, she told me i was a bit of a loser, but we've reached friends status and its just a joke on her behalf, but it speaks volumes for me, it's like im her nerd friend.

i notice other cooler guys talking to her and she really enjoys their company, i only talk say stuff like
"hows ur day been so far"
"what'd u do on the holidays"
etc etc, i follow the age old advice of "make her talk about herself, and its only half working

can some cool cat here give me some sample convos they had with a young lady? i have totally realised that dating this girl is way out of the question at the moment so i only want to progess slowly and be friends (but not a shoulder to cry on) lets assume im not attracted to her, what should we talk about to make myself a respected 'cool' friend of hers? im so boring it hurts.

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!

 

[PuroDeAgave]

i dont exactly know what you mean...Youre not cool as in you dont have many friends and you guys arent considered cool....or you just are boring? Is this at college? Well if its in your class or wherever the better social status you have with people will make you seem cooler. You want as many friends as you can get. The more people you have talking to you makes you look more valuable to her and in result would make her want to talk to you. You want to stand out and be in the spotlight of the conversations with other people. Make people laugh and they'll be in your pocket.

As for conversations you might want to search the forum for conversation(s). Go to the DJ bible the link is at the bottom of the page scroll down and click conversations read some of it.

 

[nvictor]

Go easy on yourself. It will come naturally. Follow DeAgave advice. Copy part of the DJ Bible that you like somewhere, and read it often.

Good luck.

 

[JPFromTally]

For one thing, you should never call yourself a loser. I hope you don't refer to yourself as that with this girl.

There are three types of conversation:

1) People talk about people (Gossip). Low level of intelligence needed.
2) People talk about events. Middle level of intelligence needed.
3) People talk about ideas (Philosohy, politics, etc.). Higher level of intelligence needed.

Luckily for you, most girls rarely talk #3 because they're usually not smart enough to do so. For example, when was the last time you saw a girl in a bookstore reading a NewsWeek or Time Magazine? Usually you see them reading People (#1) or Wedding Magazines (#2 - Events).

So gossip with a chick and she'll feel rapport with you. But the key to really getting to be best friends with a girl is to experience things with her. This way you can recall all the "fun times" you had with each other. Alcohol helps because this naturally brings out the fun times.

One of my best booty call friends is this really cool chick who I go out on the weekends with. She's always coming on trips with me to different towns and it gives us a lot to talk about and feel connected with.

Hope this helps!

 

[Jay Jay]

Jay Jay's tips on conversing with the fair sex.

Okay, I'm not going to answer the exact question you have asked which is WHAT to talk about. I'm going to go a bit deeper and give you tips on HOW to talk to chicks.

Firstly;

Know ****. Have a curious mind, read a lot, research things and check **** out.

So read the paper everday. Get a good paper, not a tabloid. Read the entire thing (except the adverts). This will mean you know whats going on. You'll be up to date on current affairs. Furthermore there is always some bizarre story somewhere in the world that is funny to talk about.

Chicks are so turned on and facinated by guys who knows ****. And if you know **** she knows that most guys are completely ignorant of she will see you as being special.

But don't act intellectually superior... more act like you just learned something cool and want to share it. (this is key)

And read about **** chicks are interested in. Read up on astrology and other new age stuff. Chicks love that ****.

Anyway, with knowledge, when talking just touch on topics, be receptive to her. When you see her eyes light up on something and get excited then work on that. With good general knolwedge and awareness of current affairs you can have great sponaneous conversations with anyone.

Secondly;

Experience. Do a lot of cool stuff. Get out there and do interesting things. Have adventure!

You complain that you are not a good conversationalist becasue you are a nerd and a loser... well guess what? You can change, you can be a cool guy (btw don't be afraid to be a nerd... I've met more nerds climbing mountains, travelling in amazing places and doing really interesting things than "cool guys" who tend to be pretty boring at the end of the day...)

Face your fears, do dangerous stuff. The look in a girls eyes when you just tell a story about how you did something really brave (but always tell it about how **** scared you were) is priceless.

When you combined experience with knowledge you become "worldly."

Thirdly;

Learn to be a smart arse. Make girls laugh, tease them, use banter and what is called in the community "****y funny". (Google David DeAngelo for more).

Fourth;

Be positve. Talk about fun things. Try to stay away from anything negaitve.
Stay away from topics such as "I have no money, I can never get chicks, the terrorists are gonna get us, female circumcision etc etc....

However;

If the girl is passionate about something such as the environment, human rights, peace then by all means talk about it if you can relate or know about it. Nothing gets an intellectual chick wetter than meeting a guy who in a few insightful sentences rips the govts green house policy to sheads... (and that's where reading the paper helps).

But then as soon as you've shown that deeper/ smarter side jump back to banter, funny, fun, sexy and emotional topics.

Five;

This is the overriding principal you must abide by in all the above points.

Be EMOTIVE. Chicks are emotional. You must engage her emotions.

For example:

There was the first recorded case of human hybernation recorded in Japan recently. It has been one of my fave conversational topics in the last week or so. But I don't say "the scientific theory of this phenonemen is blah blah blah..." Its more, "imagine that, one minute you are walking through the Japanese forest, the next you wake up a month later in a hospital." or "I wish I could go into a hybernation every weekday between 7.30am and 4.30pm. What would you hybernate through?" Take it from the human angle.

So whatever you talk about must be emotion evoking. This seems to be the area you are going most wrong.

Engage a womans emotions so she feels as if she experienced something when talking to you. Make her feel there was an exchange of energy.

Now check out this website.

http://www.charismaarts.com/


JJ

 

[MisterNigma]

Tread Lightly...

For one thing, you should never call yourself a loser. I hope you don't refer to yourself as that with this girl.

There are three types of conversation:

1) People talk about people (Gossip). Low level of intelligence needed.
2) People talk about events. Middle level of intelligence needed.
3) People talk about ideas (Philosohy, politics, etc.). Higher level of intelligence needed.

Luckily for you, most girls rarely talk #3 because they're usually not smart enough to do so. For example, when was the last time you saw a girl in a bookstore reading a NewsWeek or Time Magazine? Usually you see them reading People (#1) or Wedding Magazines (#2 - Events).

So gossip with a chick and she'll feel rapport with you. But the key to really getting to be best friends with a girl is to experience things with her. This way you can recall all the "fun times" you had with each other. Alcohol helps because this naturally brings out the fun times.

One of my best booty call friends is this really cool chick who I go out on the weekends with. She's always coming on trips with me to different towns and it gives us a lot to talk about and feel connected with.

Hope this helps!

While all three of the main topics are great to talk about, with people you know well. They are baaad to go with, when you just want to make "small talk".

Gossip has this nasty ability of coming back to bite you in the rear.
Events are fine, as long as they are universally positive events, such as lets say the completion of the petrona towers. I would stay away from any negative events, 9/11, or anything tragic.
Finnaly, philosophy, religion, politics, I'd stay away from these like the plague. Nothing like a little disagreement over the benefits of religion to drive a wedge into a relationship.

While I love all the topics listed, I just think that it's easier to stay away from some, so as not to paint yourself in a bad light...

Best thing to talk about, positive current events. "Hey did you hear about the life on mars thing and the NASA screw up?"

Anything is a good topic, generaly though find common interests.

Basically, JPFromTally has the right idea, but make sure you always make it a positive presentation.


-E.Nigma

 

[callmemister]

but im not a cool kid

try dooing some sport that you like,that could help you.

she told me i was a bit of a loser, but we've reached friends status and its just a joke on her behalf

find a new girl to hang around

i notice other cooler guys talking to her and she really enjoys their company

what topica are they talking with her? inform yourself

i only talk say stuff like
"hows ur day been so far"
"what'd u do on the holidays"

well,do not stop at this

what should we talk about to make myself a respected 'cool' friend of hers?

investigate and try to find out what her friend like,then learn about it
and talk about it.
it could be some sport,basketball for example.
maybe you would even like to try it for yourself,ask them the questions.
but ask them with utmost sincerity and interest.


sorry for my bad english

alex

 

[Themanthatcan]

Call her a loser back (jokingly).Then take all the advice from the guys above.

 

[Raikojo17]

Okay, I'm not going to answer the exact question you have asked which is WHAT to talk about. I'm going to go a bit deeper and give you tips on HOW to talk to chicks.

Firstly;

Know ****. Have a curious mind, read a lot, research things and check **** out.

So read the paper everday. Get a good paper, not a tabloid. Read the entire thing (except the adverts). This will mean you know whats going on. You'll be up to date on current affairs. Furthermore there is always some bizarre story somewhere in the world that is funny to talk about.

Chicks are so turned on and facinated by guys who knows ****. And if you know **** she knows that most guys are completely ignorant of she will see you as being special.

But don't act intellectually superior... more act like you just learned something cool and want to share it. (this is key)

And read about **** chicks are interested in. Read up on astrology and other new age stuff. Chicks love that ****.

Anyway, with knowledge, when talking just touch on topics, be receptive to her. When you see her eyes light up on something and get excited then work on that. With good general knolwedge and awareness of current affairs you can have great sponaneous conversations with anyone.

Secondly;

Experience. Do a lot of cool stuff. Get out there and do interesting things. Have adventure!

You complain that you are not a good conversationalist becasue you are a nerd and a loser... well guess what? You can change, you can be a cool guy (btw don't be afraid to be a nerd... I've met more nerds climbing mountains, travelling in amazing places and doing really interesting things than "cool guys" who tend to be pretty boring at the end of the day...)

Face your fears, do dangerous stuff. The look in a girls eyes when you just tell a story about how you did something really brave (but always tell it about how **** scared you were) is priceless.

When you combined experience with knowledge you become "worldly."

Thirdly;

Learn to be a smart arse. Make girls laugh, tease them, use banter and what is called in the community "****y funny". (Google David DeAngelo for more).

Fourth;

Be positve. Talk about fun things. Try to stay away from anything negaitve.
Stay away from topics such as "I have no money, I can never get chicks, the terrorists are gonna get us, female circumcision etc etc....

However;

If the girl is passionate about something such as the environment, human rights, peace then by all means talk about it if you can relate or know about it. Nothing gets an intellectual chick wetter than meeting a guy who in a few insightful sentences rips the govts green house policy to sheads... (and that's where reading the paper helps).

But then as soon as you've shown that deeper/ smarter side jump back to banter, funny, fun, sexy and emotional topics.

Five;

This is the overriding principal you must abide by in all the above points.

Be EMOTIVE. Chicks are emotional. You must engage her emotions.

For example:

There was the first recorded case of human hybernation recorded in Japan recently. It has been one of my fave conversational topics in the last week or so. But I don't say "the scientific theory of this phenonemen is blah blah blah..." Its more, "imagine that, one minute you are walking through the Japanese forest, the next you wake up a month later in a hospital." or "I wish I could go into a hybernation every weekday between 7.30am and 4.30pm. What would you hybernate through?" Take it from the human angle.

So whatever you talk about must be emotion evoking. This seems to be the area you are going most wrong.

Engage a womans emotions so she feels as if she experienced something when talking to you. Make her feel there was an exchange of energy.

Now check out this website.

http://www.charismaarts.com/


JJ

great post. really good advice.

as for me though. i tend to talk about anything. me and my chicks just sit back and talk. u usually start traditional, "how's ur day" stuff like that, then i branch off and the convo becomes more abstract.

wat im saying is, branch off and go on tangents. girls love non linear convos because they are fun and unpredictable. and u never run out of anything to say.

but the convo thing will get easier as u go commodore, just keep practicing.