I'm stuck in AFC Hell!

[uly55]

I've been reading Dj site since Jan 03.I have gone from a guy who had the lowest self esteem, with no women taking notice of him to having loads more self esteem and confidence and being noticed frequently now by women. I don't get to go out much, because of my situation with me being a full time carer of my mother.I might get to go out once or twice a month Anyway A mate of mine decided that we needed to go out and find some women. We planned it for last night! (a friday night).In the past month I had completely change my wardeobe and brought over $400 worth of new clothes. A needed and big change.I was feeling and looking good.....and armed with my Dj knowledge!

So we were out in beautiful Brisbane city for a night on the town and clubbing.Btw I hate clubbing,and had a real fear of it till now.I decided to let my mate lead as he had been to clubs before, and I thought he knew what he was doing. I was wrong.

We went to a few clubs, but no action there.So we ended up going to the casino. Much better! So the ladies are pouring in by the truck load.We go to the bar and ordered some drinks and I spot a nice blonde checking me out across the bar.She see's me notice her and starts playing with her hair with both hands. This is where I drop straight back into being a Afc. I forget everything I learned to be a dj. I'm so angry with myself. I didn't smile, wink or f**king do anything. I watch her buy her drink with her cute friend and walk out of my life.

My main goal was to use this night as practice and I did nothing.Ok so we go out from the casino about an hour later cause there's nothing else we like there. We walk to another club an there's these cute girls on the corner giving away tickets to another bar with free drinks.I'm still pi$$ed off with myself so I just take the tickets, saying thanks and keep walking with my mate to the club.We get to the club and it turns out to be all older people,way above our age group.So we turn back the way we come to go to another club, walking by the chicks giving away the free tickets! We stop at the corner lights, and the nice blonde comes over and walks right past my mate and gives me two more free tickets and says "we just saw you before right"? I'm like "yeah thats right". I ask her where the place is she's giveing tickets out to is? she tells me then I keep walking cause I'm still pi$$ed at myself.

I noticed that Blonde (with the tickets) and her friend are walking behind us, she says " we are following u 2"!! I turn around smile / laugh and keep walking.They keep giveing out tickets walking behind us.Then they cross the road and give out tickets to guys on the otherside.Giveing up on me and my mate I guess?

So when I get home, I think of 1000's of things I could have said and done,especially to the free ticket chicks.Why the Hell did I go brain dead? I'm now trying to get my mate a pc and get him onto the Dj site.He's not the leader I thought he was going to be.I'm going to "try" to take control the next time we go out looking for women. He ended up being more pi$$ed off with the night that me.I atleast learned some things and pinned where I' going wrong for the most part. I don't think i'll be rushing back to the clubs in a hurry, but only if theres a group of us heading in. I atleast conquered my fear of clubs.That's a good thing.

Ok this Afc is ready to be BBQed !!

Uly

 

[icepick]

At least you know what you did wrong!

Don't worry about going brain dead, that happens when you push the boundaries of what you thought was possible. After time, and persistance, those 'brain dead' moments will go away.

Why will they go away?

Well, your experience (putting yourself in those SAME situations time and time again) will force your mind to look at things in a different light then you are looking at them now.

For example:

I never really was much of a 'charmer'. I would usually just say some goofy off the wall sh*t to people and be damned what they think of me.

One day, I decided "Hey! I am going to be a charismatic person!"

I knew just what I needed to do, how I needed to 'feel' etc. Oh boy, but when I went to do it...chhhoke. I would get flustered, stumble on my words, my face would probably have a grimace on it if I could see it in the mirror. I would go...well, I would go 'brain dead'.

Even so, I plugged on. Now, I am at the point were I can be fairly magnanimous on a good day. Although I still have my bad days, I am better off than before. The experiences showed me that when dealing with people, I need to think (generally) these thoughts:

- There is something great in everybody, you just need to bring it out.
- Happiness is contagious.
- People want to be understood.
- Taking the lead is FAR more important than knowing where you are going.
- etc.

Whereas BEFORE, I would just be thinking: "Okay, now try to ACT like you are charming," hence the brain farts.

You did good though, you know what areas you have to work on. It can only get better from here on out!

 

[TesuqueRed]

Part of the process, dude, don't beat yourself up about it. Relax and work with it.

You've got no skill, little experience, and a bit of book learnin'.

What do you do?

Start small and slowly escalate it.

What you did was jump into the deep end first time in the pool.

Start shallow and move up.

1st: write out what you said and what you would've said to the ticket girl. This drills it into your subconscious what the fvck it should do in the future.

2nd: practice some of these in non-pressure situations. Next time you go to the store and buy something, make eye-contact with the clerk. Make a casual comment with her. Crack a slightly funny comment--or not. Whatever--just engage regardless of who she is or how old she is--just engage. Right?

Work up from there.

Engage people you know, and then people you meet randomly, like asking for directions.

Then escalate--go clubbing, etc.

By then you will be far more relaxed, far more experienced and able to handle success and failures.

 

[vdk]

wow uly55 you live in the same city I live in too! I moved from Sydney and found the clubs in Brisbane to be disapointing.

Anyway, realise a way to be a better DJ is to make mistakes. Make up some stupid rule that every opportunity you miss you and your friend will take to do 'x' pushups or pay the bar tab. Realise you are a man, so act like one - confident, charming etc.

O and dont forget the eye contact with the casual approach.

 

[El Campeon 56]

I can relate to you as after all the practice and information you build up from the site, in the heat of things it occasionally gets thrown out the window and the inner AFC tries to come back. What just happened to me this weekend at a college event was along the same lines. I have been used to seducing 7's and 8's to a near 100 percent effectiveness. But that night I decided to only go for the hottest of the hot, the girls some would call 10's and damn near close in the 9 department. I was going in for a kiss with this one girl, and in her presence i just felt humbled and couldn't close as i normally would. Definitely threw me for a curve.

 

[Jay26]

'sup guys, I'm from Brizvegas too!

What clubs you guys go to, city/valley? As to the Casino, don't know, seems like an older age bracket round there, besides it's really bright and there's usually some crappy band playing.

ul55, just go to some city clubs, Fridays/Exchange/Vic stand and try to get some EC with some chicks, then get chatting with them, that's a good start. There's usually lots of girls just waiting for you to make a move (but you have to initiate!).

I think compared to other cities in Australia the club scene in Brisbane is very friendly and it's a fantastic city to go clubbing in cos the CBD is very compact (I'm not a big valley fan, but clubs like Family are worth checking out (it was recently voted best club in Australia, though personally I don't think so)). Yeah, anyway, so I wouldn't give up on clubbing, actually, no better you give up, more HB's for me

 

[lollipop]

casino = gold diggers club?

 

[Ronin I]

I think most of your problem stems from you putting too much pressure on yourself to make things happen.

Just go out with the intent to have a good time and let things flow naturally.

Like Tesuque said, "start small and slowly escalate it". also "just engage regardless of who she is or how old she is--just engage. Right?"

Exactly. I would even go as far as saying you should do this with men and women. Any strangers that you cross paths with.

I have been doing this the past couple of months in the city I live in and it has definitely paid dividends. Here's how - first I have gotten much better at striking up and maintaining conversations with people that I do not know (this obviously comes in handy when doing cold p/u's with women). It is one thing to hold a conversation with someone you have something in common with (ie a co-worker, fellow student, old friend, family member, etc) but holding a convo with a complete stranger is a whole other animal.

Secondly, I have basically accumulated all sorts of social proof. The city where I live is small enough where I see many of the same faces when I go out to bars and clubs (it also helps that I go out 2-3 times a week). When I meet someone new (man or woman it doesn't matter) the next time I see them out I make it a point to at least say hello. It's really very simple. It has almost gotten to the point where I can go to any club/bar on any day of the week and "know" at least one person. Often times I walk around the club and smile and acknowledge one person after the other after the other....it's fun.

Now don't get me wrong - some people (man or woman) are just ass.holes and are not in any way receptive to some random guy who just starts talking to them but that's par for the course. Point is to have a good time with it. Be comfortable in your own skin.

It does take a little getting used to. For the longest time I wasn;t like this. I (like most people) would just go out with my friends to a club and unless I got drunk enough to hit on some girl, I would stick to my friends like glue. Now, I'm just the opposite. Often times now, I'll break away from my friends and wander the club on my own (I like to hunt alone.

It has been a learning process.

Anyway, don't beat yourself up so badly. Realize that it is a learning process and have fun with it.

You don't ALWAYS have to be super alpha-male, Mr. Charisma. Last night I went out and just relaxed. Kind of sat around and observed - really didn't sarge all that much - WHY? Because that's what I felt like doing - and I had a good time. That's what it's all about, right?

 

[uly55]

Thanks guys for the replies!!

Good too see that some Dj's live in Brisvegas!!!

Jay26 - Ok we went to The Adreneline Sports bar, Aurroras (bad spelling?), That club above the trainstation,Casino and a couple of others. I thought the Casino would be for oldies too, but there were heaps of 18+ chicks there.I'm looking for 23-27year olds though! yep crappy band! I felt more comfortable there.

I watched a guy pickup a nice blonde there.Wasn't close enough to hear what he was saying, but he had her laughing all the time!

Ronin I......yep I agree mate. I tried to hold a coversation with 2 seperate checkout chicks at 2 diff stores.Went well. The first chick go so nervous she dropped my stuff in the bag on the floor lol the second one, stumbled over her words and we had a bit of a joke about it! So I can do it.

lollipop "casino = gold diggers club?"

I dunno mate, maybe.Most of the the younger chicks weren't dressed well enough, or stylish enought for that?

Uly

 

[PANK]

Ya im like that too my mtes are usless i HAD to take the lead i still totally failed for five years its not just trying its also saying the right things

 

[BGMan]

Hey Uly:

Don't worry, mate, just keep at it. It's scary as sh!t the first time you do it, but the second time it's a little less scary, and the third time it's even less. Eventually, it doesn't bother you much.

If you feel tongue-tied, just walk up to a woman and say hello. It breaks the ice, and is also a great way to get a meter-read on her attitude and classiness. Careful, though... some women are so easy to talk to because they're married!

Also, as my dad said, "you'll find a woman when you're NOT looking for her." Pretend she has head lice or a butch haircut or is a transvestite. Then she shouldn't be so hard to approach! Lastly, remember to HAVE FUN!

BGMan

 

[BobbDobbs]

The first time you're up learning to fly, they don't hand you the controls for takeoff or landing. Even the best pilots, the "Top Guns" started out the same way.